Chapter 2

Sitting there, I was already imagining myself in the passenger seat of his Mini, riding away to the beach, where he will be holding me tightly in his strong arms. Watching the sunset and him looking deep into my big eyes. There he will take me to a candlelit dinner, and he will make sweet love to me all night. Yes, I was imagining all that while still trying to figure out how to go over to him and say something. Anything. I wondered if he knew this. That some girls just block everything else in their minds and let him wander in it.

If he did know, did that make him feel like he owns the world or something? Is that why he walks around the campus with broad shoulders and a creased forehead? Is his frown a real frown or is it just-I’m-proud-of-myself- frown? Surely, he knew. Why else would he walk like he is the captain of a football club as big as Kaizer Chiefs? Maybe I really am hallucinating. But Billy walked like no other. I even began to sing him his own special theme song in my head every time I saw him walk through the gates past the guards. He mesmerized me that boy. He really made me tickle in places I never thought I could.

‘A girl has got to do what a girl has to do’, I convinced myself. I gathered up all the courage inside of me and I stood up. I convinced myself that it can’t be too hard. ‘After all, it is just a human being talking to another human being. It can’t be that bad... It won’t be that bad’, I thought. I had stood face to face with bad situations before, real situations. What about that time I had to defeat stage fright and say my speech in front of the entire group of parents at the parent's meeting? I was nervous but I aced it. What about that time I was chased by Uncle Pessack’s bulldog? I outran it while shouting voetsak voetsak. Anything could have happened, but I survived. Who the hell is Billy anyway? I’m going over there and I’m going to greet him. Better yet, I’m going to tell him I think he is cute, and I like him.

Well, he knows he is cute, so I’m going to have to come up with something else. I don’t know what, but things like this come naturally to me. Ok, that was just a little bit of consolation to myself. Anyway, I slowly walked towards him. That slow, nervous walk, like I was holding a fart. Embarrassing I know, but that is the honest truth. I think I knew exactly what to say when I get to him. Yeah, I had it all figured out. I finally got to him...Uhm... you know how some self-proclaimed experts say human minds start working from the moment a child is born and only stop when they have to take an exam? Well, I believe they are wrong, at least that’s what I think. My mind stopped working the minute I said ‘Billy, hey’. It literally stopped. Like, I froze. Now that was a really good time to hold in a fart.

Everything went blank, not Billy of course. He was still as hot as ever, hotter up close. But everything else stopped. It was like my mouth got stuck by super glue. And handsome Billy, sexy Billy lifted his head away from his computer. He looked at me with a frown. Not that I’m-proud-of-myself kind of a frown. This frown said something different. Something like: And now? What the hell? His eyes.... his eyes were bright and shiny. They had... I don’t know how to describe them. They had... Can I say Pizzazz? Yes, I can say Pizzazz. I’m the one telling the story ( hahahahaha).

I really don’t know how many times I died and resurrected just looking at Billy’s god face. All the while, Billy was astonished. He looked at me with so much exasperation, probably wondering what on earth is going on. He spoke. Oh yes, he spoke to me.

‘Can I help you’? That was the best line he could come up with. He asked me if he could be of any assistance.

 Not ‘Hey Petunia. Not: hey beautiful. Not even a simple ‘hey girl’. Just an arrogant ‘can I help you?’

‘Who the hell do you think you are? What’s with all this arrogance? What is so special about you?’ I temporarily imagined myself barking at him.

Of course, I couldn’t say that to his face. He didn’t invite me for a chit chat. I went to him voluntarily. He was minding his own business and I decided to glorify him with my presence. I suppose he wasn’t at all glorified. Honestly, he looked bored and rather annoyed. Why was a nobody like me, with an old Blackberry, sneakers, and jeans with a golf shirt, to top it all, braces in the mouth tell THE Billy boy where to get off? I decided to speed away from this popular guy without having to embarrass myself more. He shook his head and continued with whatever it was that he was doing.

I walked away, more like flew away. The shame made my ears buzz and my face burned. I was more sad than embarrassed. I went back to wherever I came from in the first place but this time I didn’t dream. I buried my face in my knees and just felt stupid.

‘Phobia... Phobia’                                                                                                                                                        

That was Sharon’s voice. Sharon was just one of those popular girls. The girls that I mentioned earlier with the latest gadgets and expensive shoes. But Sharon had everything. The boys liked her, girls either hated her or wished to be her. She was one of Billy’s followers. I’m saying followers because apparently Billy never admitted dating her or banging her. Don’t shoot me, I was also told by somebody who heard somebody who heard somebody who probably made it up.

Sharon was beautiful, flawless actually. Her skin was glossy as if she lives inside an oyster. She didn’t like her real hair because she had a weave on, but she was still amazingly gorgeous. Her body was that of a goddess. Again, I never saw a real goddess, but I supposed Sharon was a fitting image. She was the leader of her own clique and her friends seemed to worship her. She was so beautiful I wondered if she needed the same oxygen as the rest of us, or hers came in special packages. She dressed like she was going to a fashion show on a daily basis.

Sharon had everything a girl could envy. She had everything except brains. That’s why she called me Phobia. Sometimes she called me Gloria. As long as whatever name she called had an ia at the end, she was fine with it. Like I said, her brains were either runny or they just didn’t have the necessary filings. What can I say? Sharon was just plain stupid. Yes she was very beautiful but she was also arrogant, rude and she was a bully. I mean, how do you go from Petunia to Phobia? Are you being ignored or are you just being a certified moron?

‘Phobia’

‘My name is Petunia thank you very much’. I interrupted her shyly.

‘Petunia, Gloria, Phobia whatever your name is.... wait a minute, isn’t Petunia an old name? Did your mother name you Petunia? Why did she give you such an old name? Didn’t your mother love you?’ Sharon said all that, mocking me.

Her friends roared in laughter, attracting attention from the other students. I began to have hot flushes. As if Billy embarrassing me earlier wasn’t enough, Sharon and her groupies just had to make it worse.

‘What do you want Sharon?’ I asked her with a little bit of whatever confidence was left in me.

‘I don’t want anything. I’m just surprised a young girl like you have a name like that. The last time I heard about a name like that was when my grandmother told me stories from the Apartheid era. It's shocking they still exist. Apartheid died a long time ago along with names like yours’. Sharon said at the amusement of her friends and all the other uninvited students.

Sharon was the kind of girl who loved the attention. She wouldn’t just mock someone without an audience around. So, I became her victim and the latest statistic. I just had to go with it, I guess. She had her field day and all the while I was quiet, pretending like she is not even there, or her audience.

‘Sharon, you know that’s cool’. That sounded like Billy’s voice. I knew how it sounded. I always listened to him speak to his friends and it was just music to my ears. I could listen to him speak all day.

‘Sharon, that’s not cool.’ He repeated.

'Oh! Hey Billy boy. What’s not cool?’ Sharon asked Billy, focusing her attention off me.

‘You know what. Can’t you just find pleasure in other things than attention at the expense of other people?’ Billy replied. He didn’t know that his voice was pulsating to my heart.

‘Ok, what’s this?’ Sharon asked coldly. ‘Are you the new spokesperson for brace face here? Her bodyguard maybe?’

‘I guess I just became one now. You should really stop doing that; it is not cool at all’. Billy told her sternly and he walked away. Some of the onlookers agreed with him because some of them were too stupid to make up their minds on their own. I was happy. Very happy. Not only did Billy open his mouth next to me, but he also defended me. That was amazing. How could a god-like him defend a mortal like me? I was very astonished. I had to go after him, to thank him. He won’t be rude again. He made me feel better after all. I followed him shortly after Sharon’s fans dispersed.

‘.... Uhm...err...Billy’. I called at him like there was a hot potato stuck on my throat. Believe me, talking to Billy, especially by someone like me seemed like a mission. It really needed guts. 

‘Yeah, what’s up?’ Billy replied. Nicely this time and I was kind of not expecting him to be.

‘I just want to say thank you for what you did’ I said shyly.

‘What did I do?’ He asked, not really looking at me.

‘Uhm... the way you told Sharon to get off my back was unexpected. But thank you hey. I really appreciate it’. I said with a little bit of confidence.

‘No big deal’. He said and he continued to walk away.

I was mesmerized. Not a man with many words. Interesting. I was intrigued by his behavior. The ability to make me drool just by the things that he does, or rather the things that he does not really do. His way of speaking. It was as if he really got tired of talking. Maybe that’s why he didn’t have anything else to say. It was really something I admired.

Although I would have liked for me and him to have a conversation, it seemed like it wouldn’t happen. He didn’t say much. At least from the few seconds, he spoke with me, or rather, at me, he didn’t say much. ‘How am I ever going to talk to this guy?’ I wondered. It is going to be a mission. A mission I am willing to accomplish. I convinced myself. If I want something, I must go grab it. Even if I have to be put down by a girl like Sharon and her groupies. And right now, what I want is Billy Anderson. I want him to notice me. And he will notice me. I reassured myself. I had to reassure myself. Maybe it was the only way for me to have hoped that Billy will look twice at me.

‘Talking to yourself again Petunia?’ That was my friend Anna

‘Hahahahaha, where have you been hiding this whole time? You missed out’ I said to her jokingly.

‘Ok fill me in, what went down?’

‘You going to have to guess’

‘.... ohkaaaay, give me a clue’

‘Ok, just one name. Billy Anderson’

‘Woooooow,  girl did he talk to you? Touch you perhaps? What happened?’

Anna and I were both crazy about handsome Billy Anderson. We talked about him every single day in the bachelor flat we shared. We even vowed to win him. Whoever won him will keep him and the other one will have to be happy. It was crazy but it was more fun. Especially because Billy Anderson was wanted by many ladies, single or not.