QUINN"Is it raining?" I looked up from my book when Nate spoke, his voice laden with drowsiness. "Yes. It has been all day. Perfect weather for curling up with a good book ...or napping. So between us, we've got this covered.""Hmm." He turned his head, blinking at the gray light filtering into the bedroom. "It's so cold. Feels like it should be snow."I reached over to tuck the heavy comforter more securely around Nate's legs. "The temperature's not quite low enough here for snow, but I bet they're getting some of the white stuff up at home.""Yeah. Maybe." He glanced over my shoulder. "Where's Mom?" I bit my lip, swallowing back a surge of unease. "She and your dad drove up to see Leo's game today. The Rebels are playing in Philly." We talked about this last night. Don't you remember? I didn't say the words, because they would accomplish nothing. A nurse and a social worker from hospice had come to talk with us last week, and one of the signs of progression they'd mentioned
QUINN The stadium in Philadelphia appeared on the screen, and as I'd guessed, snow flurries filled the air, frosting the players just coming out onto the field as well as everyone in the seats. I found my phone and texted my mom, asking her if they were keeping warm. When the phone buzzed, I assumed she was answering me. Instead, though, I saw Zelda's name on the screen. Zelda: Hey, doll. You watching the game?I sighed, wondering if she was at the stadium, too. As glad as I was that Leo had so much support, I couldn't help feeling a little like Cinderella, forced to stay at home while everyone else went to the ball. Quinn: Just turned it on. I'd no sooner hit reply than another text from her flew across my display.Zelda: Want some company?I frowned, but before I could wonder too long, there was a soft knock at the front door. Grinning, I jumped up from the sofa and sprinted to answer it."About time, woman! We're freezing our very fine asses off out here." Zelda pushed
QUINN"I think this Rebels team has given Philadelphia more of a run for their money than they expected, Joe. What do you think?"The other commentator grinned into the camera. "I'd say you're right on, Carl. Here we are in the middle of the fourth quarter, and Philadelphia's fighting for every yard, with Richmond only one touchdown from a tie." He paused, and his voice dropped a little. "Philadelphia lines up on their own forty-two-yard line. It's third and seven ...Calvert's back, and he's looking, he's looking for an open receiver, but the Rebels are all over this, and ...sacked! Calvert's sacked for the second time today, and that's going to bring on the punting team.""It's so weird to be cheering against Philadelphia." Zelda tipped back her third beer. "I spent my whole life rooting for this team. But I never knew anyone on it who'd fucked one of my best friends.""Zelda." I shook my head. "Sheesh. Couldn't you just say that you have a friend on the Rebels? Leave it at that?"
LEO"I'm pretty sure I just ate my weight in fried chicken." I pushed back a little from the dining room table and exhaled. "It was so delicious, Ellie. Everything was. Thanks so much."Ellie Iverson beamed at me from the other side of the table. "Good. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now maybe you'll come over more often."Next to his wife, Corey laughed and brought her hand up to his lips, turning it to press a kiss to the palm. "Nothing fires up my woman more than the thought of a single man living alone and going hungry. If she had her way, she'd feed all the bachelors on the team every night.""Hey." She swatted at him playfully. "That's not true. I just like to cook, and I love to see people enjoy what I've made.""Nothing wrong with that." I crumpled up my napkin. "I'm more than happy to enjoy it. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get over here. Moving down here and getting settled has taken me some time.""Well, now you know your way here. Don't be a stranger." She stood up and
LEO"Taylor, man." Corey finished the last bite of his third slice of pie. "That right there is some seriously fucked-up shit. It's like something you'd see in one of those Lifetime movies." He darted a glance to his wife and then back to me. "Not that I've ever seen any of them. But I hear things.""Yeah, well, I'd trade it in for some plain old boring any time, as long as that came along with Quinn." I forked up a bite of my first slice of pie. Talking had kept me from eating as fast as Corey had. "But it's out of my hands." "For now it is." Ellie reached over to lay her hand on my arm. "But ...have you thought about what comes next?" "Sometimes that's all I can think about." I licked a crumb of crust from my lip. "As long as we were deep in the season, I could push it to the background. But I've got too much time right now, and I'm going out of my mind." Laying down my fork, I sat back. "Which makes me feel like shit, because I'm basically waiting out my friend's death. When I
QUINNWinter used to be my favorite time at the shore. Ocean City was nearly a ghost town during December, compared to how it was in the middle of summer; the locals were there, but thanks to the biting cold and damp air, most of us stayed indoors unless it was absolutely necessary. I loved having the beach to myself, or just about, when my parents and I would come down before Christmas. The ocean seemed wilder, loud and forbidding, the sand was blown into peaks and valleys, and I often found shells I didn't at other times of the year. But this year, the creeping gray of each new dawn felt threatening instead of comforting. It seemed that death drew nearer every hour, no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I'd fought against the sense of impending doom by going absolutely crazy with my Christmas decorating; we had a huge tree in the great room, and then I'd also bought a smaller artificial one for Nate's room. He didn't venture beyond his bed anymore, but he'd smiled faintly when
QUINNAfter that, we began to measure time in days and hours rather than weeks. This season of the year particularly, there were landmarks: when we made it through first Christmas Eve and then Christmas, those were two milestones. Sheri was pathetically grateful to have one more holiday with her son, even if he was asleep most of it, and I didn't begrudge her that sentiment in the least. My mother came down to the shore on Christmas Eve and stayed until the day after Christmas. She asked me if I needed her to hang around longer, but I shook my head. This was not her journey, not the way it was mine. Leo called two days after Christmas. He was at home in Eatonboro, and he wanted to know if he should come down. I hesitated. "You can if you want, Leo," I replied carefully. "But Nate ...he might not wake up while you're here. I hate for you to drive down and not get to talk to him.""It wouldn't be for Nate." His voice was rough with emotion. "I already said good-bye to him.""You
LEONate had planned his own funeral. Quinn told me that he'd actually had parts of it figured out since high school. That didn't surprise me. Nate had said once that he'd always known his life expectancy wasn't very long, and death had hovered near him time and again as we all grew up. We gathered in the church his family had attended for years on a cold afternoon in mid-January. I sat in a pew with my parents, my brothers Simon and Danny, and Simon's girlfriend Justine, two rows behind the front pew where Quinn and Carrie had joined Mark and Sheri. The church wasn't even near full, and I couldn't help comparing the turnout here with that at Matt's service last year. That day, the church had been so full, they'd had to stream the service outside to the people who couldn't get in, and his grandparents' house had been crowded afterward for the repast. It made me unreasonably angry; Nate had fought with everything he had to hold onto life, and Matt had thrown his away with both hands.