QUINNI'd just rounded the corner of the canned vegetables aisle when Leo caught up with me. "Quinn. Wait a minute. Hold on."I paused without turning around. "What do you want, Leo?" I was so stiff that I felt like I might crumble."Hey." He gripped my shoulder, urging me to face him. I might have been gratified by his touch, but it occurred to me that this was the same hand that had been on Sarah's skin moments before. I shrugged him off and took a few steps backward, away from him.He scowled, withdrawing his hand and rubbing it over his jaw. "You look like hell, Mia."All the mad that I'd been harboring, the anger I'd just been pondering on my way to the store, bubbled to the surface. I no longer cared who had caused it-Sheri, Nate, Leo or even myself. No, I just let it go."Yeah? Hmm, I wonder why that could be? Maybe because I'm not sleeping. Maybe because I'm camped in someone's living room, trying to figure out what I'm doing and how the fuck I ended up there. Maybe becau
NATE"Did I ever tell you the story of our first Christmas together, after your mom and I were married?" I frowned as my dad sat down at the other end of the sofa. We'd finished our makeshift Fourth of July picnic about half an hour before, and he'd been in the kitchen, helping my mom, Quinn and Carrie clean up. The red checkered picnic cloth was still spread over the coffee table; the idea of making my way outside to the backyard exhausted me, and no way in hell was I going to give in to my dad's suggestion that he carry me there. I might have been dying by degrees, but I could still do my best not to look like a cripple in my wife's eyes. Yeah, I knew it was stupid and pigheaded of me. But since I was dying at the age of twenty-two, I figured I was owed a little latitude. My father's opening line was random, but he was shrewd and more often than not, came around to his topic by the backdoor, as my mom liked to say. So I decided to see where he was going with this."I don't th
NATE"Wake up, lazy bones." My eyes were heavy, but I forced them open, my lips curving into a smile at the same time. There was no way I could be grumpy when the sweetest girl in the world was rousing me. "What time is it?" Old habits die hard. Schedules didn't mean anything to me anymore, not when there was nowhere I had to be, but still, I felt that letting go of the idea of time was relinquishing one more hold on life. "Nine-thirty. Why, do you have a hot date?" Quinn's voice was teasing, making me glad, and I reached out to catch hold of her hand where it rested next to my leg as she perched on the side of the bed."The hottest around." I lifted her fingers to my lips and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. "Did you sleep well?""I did, thanks. And it seems like you did, too." She scanned my face carefully, and I knew she was watching for any tell-tale signs that I was in pain. "Yeah. Since Dr. Randall adjusted that medicine, I've been getting better sleep. Only problem i
NATEI sighed now, remembering. These weeks since we'd moved down here had been incredible, and I was grateful that my dad had suggested it. For the first time since I'd proposed to Quinn, the guilt I'd been harboring over doing it had eased a little. Her happiness was all I needed, I realized, and now that I could have her with me and make her smile, that was everything. "Breakfast is served." She came around the corner of the kitchen doorway, carrying the tray. "All your favorites. Cinnamon toast, one egg over easy and crispy bacon.""Wow. It's like the best day ever." I reached for a piece of toast. "Under other circumstances, I'd ask you if I'm dying or something, but we both know the answer to that.""Nice, Nate." She exhaled as though in annoyance, but I could tell it was more bluff than anything else. "Just enjoy your food, and then maybe-"She was interrupted by a loud knock at the front door, and she jumped up, smiling big. "That might be your surprise. Be right back."
LEO"Taylor! Hustle your ass, boy. This ain't your college practice, where they carried you onto the field and fed you fucking cream puffs. This is real life, boy. Move it!"Gritting my teeth, I picked up the pace, ignoring the sweat pouring down my face and into my eyes. I'd been in this place before. It was the same schtick, different venue. The first day of high school, our coach had warned us that we weren't in junior high anymore, playing midget football. The first day of practice at Carolina, our offensive line coach had jeered about whipping us 'high school Friday night lights starlets' into shape for the real game. And now, struggling to get through the first official month of practice and training camp at the University of Virginia with the Richmond Rebels, it was the same tired song. Clearly none of these coaches had an adequate respect for their counterparts at the level below them. I wondered, in my heat-fucked brain, if they all had a meeting every month where they cam
LEOIt was a typical August day at the Jersey shore, meaning the sun was hot and the air was humid. In the interest of expediency, I'd hopped a direct flight from Charlottesville to Atlantic City, rented a car and driven down to Ocean City, texting Nate that I was heading his way. I knew this route well, since my great-aunt had lived in Ventnor when I was growing up, and my family had frequently visited her before we drove down to spend time with the Russells at their shore rental, the same house Carrie now owned, and the same house where apparently Nate and Quinn were currently living. Nerves were jumping around my stomach at the thought that I might see Quinn today. The last few times we'd talked had not gone well; I'd let my anger get the best of me the day after she married Nate, and at the grocery store on the Fourth of July, I'd skirted out-and-out meanness when I'd let her think Sarah and I were together, as in dating. I'd seen the bleak hurt in her weary eyes, and instantl
LEO "Jesus Christ!" I jumped to my feet and stalked around the small living room. "No. What do you think of me, man? I'm not considering that. It hasn't even crossed my mind. If you want me to be completely honest, I don't have any clear idea of what the future holds for Quinn and me. Once I thought I did. Now . . ." I shrugged. "I can't say. She made a decision that's pretty much a deal-breaker for me. She made a choice. I'm not going to sit around and wait until the repercussions of that choice are-" I searched for a word that wouldn't sound cruel. "No longer an issue.""So you're saying that you don't have feelings for Quinn anymore? You don't love her?"Dropping down into the chair again, I ran one hand over my face. "Of course I love her. I'm going to love Quinn until I die. She's always going to be the one for me, I know that. But it's starting to feel like we're never going to be on the same page. Our timing's always off.""Maybe." He nodded. "Still, you came in here just n
LEOA nerve jumped in my cheek. "You think I haven't done that? God, Nate. How many times have I told Quinn that she comes first? How many times have I said I'd give up football in a minute if it meant making her happy? Remember the summer before college, right after Bill died? I told Quinn that I'd give up Carolina so I could stay with her. I offered to go to Birch. And then this spring, at Matt's funeral ...I told her I'd give it all up for her. She knows it's all for her, everything I do.""Does she?" Nate spoke without moving his head. His gaze stayed fastened on my face. "You've made the offers. You'd said the words. But what have you actually done? When did you ever act on the offer?"I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Quinn never wanted me to. She refused.""Because she's not stupid, and like it or not, Leo, she knows you better than you know yourself. She knows what football means to you, and she'd never be the one to take it away from you. Quinn realizes tha