8. BITTERSWEET MEMORIES

We all have demons, I just chose to feed mine...

“Eva… Eva!!” I'm jolted out of yet another nightmare by Dr Sanchez. Gasping for air, I sat up straight and hugged him. Ignoring my sweat covered clothes, he wrapped his strong arms around my shaking body and pulled me closer. Clinging to him, I could still feel the sofa I was sleeping on spinning beneath us like I was still falling in my dream.

“There there… I'm here, you're safe just breathe and everything will be alright” Dr Sanchez whispered into my ear, all the while comfortingly rubbing slow circles on my back. Listening to him, I took deep breaths of his musk. The woody scent that I had grown to like serving as a herb to calm my nerves down. I chanted in my head, the only words I'd known for the past five years… It was all a dream, a reminder of how cruel the world can be when you're poor before gently pulling back from his warm embrace.

“Are you okay??” He asked, still worried. I nodded, sniffled and wiped the tears from my cheeks with my hand.

“Did I wake you up” I asked, looking outside the window at the beautiful twilight. The sun had just started to rise, painting the sky a pinkish orange colour. An attempt to steer the attention away from my nightmares, already sensing a conversation brewing in his head about them.

He shook his head and said “No, i was already awake and getting ready for work” he had managed to get his job back as a resident at the private hospital he used to work in five years ago. I sighed but all too soon because he added “..my dear, have you thought about seeing a professional about your nightmares??” and the answer to his question was always the same, it had become automated over the years. I shook my head no, tossing the covers from my legs and lowered them onto the ground.

“Maybe you should, they're worsening and have become more often now… “ he started worriedly but I stopped him

“No dad” getting up from the sofa and stretched my aching limbs. I walked to the body-length mirror by the corner and removed the white sheet covering it “... this aren't nightmares, they're memories… MY memories and I need them to succeed in my quest for revenge” I added, staring at my reflection past the pictures of all that i had killed till now and for a second there I saw the real me… Angela, all bruised up and crying. I was never going to seek help for anything until each and everyone of the Magliolo's family was dead and I no longer see her whenever I looked myself in the mirror.

I heard him let out a deep sigh before walking up to me and stopped a few feet behind me “I know you think you deserve everything that's happening to you right now but you're already seeking revenge for your family, you don't have to punish yourself also… what happened back then wasn't your fault so think about” he said and kissed my head, before leaving the room. I wanted with everything in me to believe his words but I couldn't. None of this would've happened had I listened to my mother's warnings and saw the signs because they were always there but I ignored them.

Wiping the traitorous tear that had rolled down my cheek, I covered the mirror before also leaving the room and pushed the bookshelf back in place. Rubbing the back of my neck with my hand, I headed straight to the kitchen in search of food with my stomach rumbling embarrassingly. Opening our fridge, I took out all the necessary ingredients and made myself a quick simple breakfast… an egg sandwich with soft buttered rolls, cheese, an egg and a gush of hot sauce.

Done… I smiled, admiring my delicious work of art and held it between my hands to take a bite. I let out a moan of approval at the taste and turned around in search of a glass, rinsing it in the sink before walking back to the freezer and grabbed a jug of orange juice. I poured its contents in the glass, jumped up to sit on the counter and started eating. All the while looking outside at the beautiful streets of Sicily as people went by on their merry way.

My eyes stopped on a couple standing outside in the street across from our house. They talked a little, seemingly saying their goodbyes to each other before the man hugged the woman. He kissed her lips then got inside his car and drove away, leaving the woman standing there smiling lovesick like a fool she was. I scoffed, taking a sip of my juice. One of the world's biggest idiots said everything was fair in love and war but I know better, love was nothing but a game with only one winner and the women always lose.

Finishing up my breakfast, I jumped off the counter and placed the dirty dishes in the sink before going back to my bedroom. I groaned, looking at the boxes still full of my belongings and decided to unpack everything before my meeting at 11. I put some music on my phone and got to work immediately. I had procrastinated enough as it was first because we were living in a penthouse and I didn't want to go through the process of packing once our house was finished then my head injury.

After a couple of hours of running around, I let out a sigh of relief as I placed my last pair of shoes in my closet and pushed the box all of my shoes came in, out into my room to throw away later. I slumped down on the carpeted floor, feeling both tired and dirty. All I needed at the moment was a warm herbal bath and someone to bathe me. But at least now my room looked more presentable and less like a storeroom. I groaned when my phone vibrated in my room with a reminder and begrudgingly got up from the carpeted floor to get it from my bedside table.

Turning the screen on, I clicked on the notification and a reminder of my 11 am appointment came up. I checked the time, I had only two hours left to get read and get my ass to the publication office. Putting the phone back down, I tiredly made my way into my joint bathroom and stripped out of my sticky clothes. I stepped inside the shower and let the hot water run down my body in hopes that it got rid of the tiredness along with the filth clinging to my body like a second skin.

15 minutes later, I stepped out onto the bathroom mat and grabbed my bathrobe from behind the door. Slipping it on before grabbing a towel from the towel rack and using it to dry my hair. I walked out of the bathroom and back into my walk-in closet in search of clothes, something comfortable and warm since it was winter season. I left the bathrobe on the floor, pooling around my feet and put on a pair of black denim jeans and a black halter top, matched it up with a pair of knee high boots also black and tied my now clam hair up in a high ponytail.

Sitting in front of my vanity mirror, I took out my makeup kit and did my makeup just how I preferred it… nude. Done, I smacked my lips together before getting up. I walked around my king-sized bed to get my phone and car keys from the nightstand before heading out. I got in the backseat of my car and Ivan drove me to the publication.