When her mother had first married Lucas father and they had gone to live inhis ancestral home, she had been overwhelmed at first by the darkness of thehuge house. It had been Roth who had guessed her fears and apprehensions afterhe had found her sleepwalking that night. Roth who had been staying at the houseinstead of his cottage one weekend, ‘babysitting’ her in the absence of hermother, and who had taken her, not back to bed, but to his own room where hehad made her a hot drink and talked to her, showing her the telescope he used towatch the night sky.The binoculars beside it he had used for another, more mundane purpose. Asthe estate manager one of his jobs had been to keep a sharp look-out forpoachers. The night had no fears for Roth, and through him she too had learned toappreciate its special beauties. It had been Roth who had taken her to watch thebadger cubs at play, earning her mother’s anger. Elena quickly stopped that lineof thought. Since she couldn’t sleep
She had been young and naive but not so young nor so naive as not to be ableto guess where the tiny pretty lacy briefs Roth had given her might have comefrom, and the knowledge that they must have belonged to another woman hadcast a shadow not just over the whole day, but over everything.She had once heard lucas joking with Roth about his taste for older women.‘I’m not in the market for commitment or marriage,’ Roth had returned. ‘ButI’m not about to turn myself into a monk either,’ he had admitted frankly.Neither of them had known that she was listening as she hesitated outside Luca's library door on her way past.‘So a woman who knows what life’s all about, who’s been married anddecided that it isn’t for her, suits me fine.’She hadn’t been able to hide her massive crush on Ran before she’d left foruniversity, in fact had openly offered her love to him, but he had determinedlypushed it away—just as he had also determinedly pushed her away.She had noticed it again at L
monthly allowance. She had felt uncomfortable about doing so, but after a small pause,when she had stammeringly explained that she had loaned some money to afriend, he had said quietly that she could leave the matter with him.Naively she had assumed that that meant that he would send her a cheque, andsuddenly she’d had more important things to worry about than money. David,her friend, was dead. He had collapsed at a rave party and been rushed intohospital, but it had been too late to save him.His family had taken him home to bury him and they had also made it plainthat they did not want any of his university friends to attend his funeral.‘They blame us for what happened to him,’ one of his other friends told Elenaangrily. ‘They’re the ones who are at fault. He never wanted to come here...’Elena was too upset to make any comment when Wayne asked for anotherloan, and he was moody and sharp-tempered with her, mocking her upbringingand taunting her with her naiveté and i
Elena blanched. Lucas had obviously told him about that; she wished that hehadn’t.‘I... He’ll pay me back.’ She defended both Wayne’s request and her ownacceptance of it.‘Things have certainly changed since my time at university,’ Roth told hercynically. ‘Then it was the man who did the chasing, the pursuing, not thewoman who had to secure the man’s attentions by offering him money.’Elena stared at him, unable to keep either her shock or the pain his words hadcaused her from showing in her eyes.‘It isn’t like that... I haven’t been pursuing Wayne. I don’t...’She stopped abruptly and looked away from him. How could she tell Roth ofall men...people...that she didn’t run after his sex, when he had good reason tobelieve otherwise after the ways she had so blatantly revealed her feelings forhim? Now he was looking at her in that horribly cynical way, his mouth twistingin mocking contempt.‘lucas asked me to come,’ he told her as she remained silent. ‘He’s had to goawa
And then, without waiting for his response, she turned her back on him andwalked very slowly and very deliberately to her bedroom door.Once there she turned round and looked at him gravely.He was still standing where she had left him, his face unfamiliarly pale, hiseyes blazing with...Quickly she looked away and then, before her courage could desert her, shetugged open the buttons of her borrowed shirt and shrugged it off.Standing still and naked in full view of Roth whilst he watched her in silencewas probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do, she acknowledged, but,somehow, doing it made her feel strong and brave and very, very womanly.There was an odd glittering brilliance in Roth's eyes, and her stomach musclestensed as she saw the way his jaw tightened as he looked away from her.‘Roth....’ she commanded softly.‘Elena for God’s sake...’Ignoring the tough grimness in his voice, she turned her back and walked fullyinto her small bedroom. Seconds later h
What is it? What’s wrong?’ she demanded, not understanding. ‘Last night—’‘Last night was a mistake,’ Roth interrupted her curtly. ‘It should never have happened and I wish to God... Why didn’t you tell me you were still a virgin?’‘I... I...’ Elena could feel her eyes starting to fill with tears.This wasn’t how it should be—Roth aloof, cold and distant, almost accusing.‘Roth, I love you,’ she told him shakily. ‘I want us to be together...married...’‘Married? You’re a child still, Elena... Your mother...’‘I’m not a child, I’m nearly twenty,’ she protested frantically.‘You’re a child,’ Roth insisted, ‘and if I’d known... Why didn’t you tell me?Why did you let me think that you and Wayne were lovers?’‘I did tell you but you wouldn’t listen. I thought you’d be pleased...that you’dwant to be the first...the only one...’ she told him pathetically.‘Pleased? Oh, my God.’ Roth started to laugh, a harshly bitter laugh. ‘The onlything that could make this appalling situation
It was later that morning that she actually bumped into Wayne, completely bychance. In the two hours since Roth had left she had had more than enough timeto dwell on what had happened and what she had said, and by the time she sawWayne she had convinced herself that it was totally impossible for her ever tosee Roth again...ever to see anyone again who was even remotely connected withhim.‘Hi there, doll,’ Wayne greeted her with a grin. ‘Looks like it’s time to saygoodbye. I’m meeting up with the eco-warriors this afternoon.’Swiftly Elena made up her mind, seizing on the opportunity to make herescape, not just from Roth but from everything that was associated with him—herlove, her shame, and her fear that he would somehow guess that she had lied tohim.‘I’m coming with you,’ she told Wayne determinedly, adding before he couldargue, ‘My stepbrother has sent me some money so I can afford to supportmyself.’‘How much has he sent you?’ Wayne questioned her interestedly.
What the hell do you think I’m going to do to her?’ Roth had exploded. ‘Takeher to bed and...?’‘Is it really so impossible that you might be tempted to?’ lucas had asked himquietly. ‘I’m not criticising or condemning, Roth; physically she’s mature and sheloves you—or believes she does—’‘She’s got a crush on me that she’ll soon grow out of,’ Roth had interruptedhim grimly. ‘That’s what you want me to say, isn’t it? And I should keep myhands off her until she does grow out of it...out of me... But what if I feeldifferently, Lucas? What if I want...?’ He had shaken his head, angry with himselfas well as with lucas. More angry with himself than he was with lucas who heknew was only doing what he saw as his duty by his stepsister.‘You’re right, she’s a child still, and the sooner she grows up and forgets allabout me the better,’ Roth had told him hardily. ‘And as for taking her to bed,’ hehad thrown at lucas as he turned to leave, ‘well, there’s always a cure for that.’A
What the hell do you think I’m going to do to her?’ Roth had exploded. ‘Takeher to bed and...?’‘Is it really so impossible that you might be tempted to?’ lucas had asked himquietly. ‘I’m not criticising or condemning, Roth; physically she’s mature and sheloves you—or believes she does—’‘She’s got a crush on me that she’ll soon grow out of,’ Roth had interruptedhim grimly. ‘That’s what you want me to say, isn’t it? And I should keep myhands off her until she does grow out of it...out of me... But what if I feeldifferently, Lucas? What if I want...?’ He had shaken his head, angry with himselfas well as with lucas. More angry with himself than he was with lucas who heknew was only doing what he saw as his duty by his stepsister.‘You’re right, she’s a child still, and the sooner she grows up and forgets allabout me the better,’ Roth had told him hardily. ‘And as for taking her to bed,’ hehad thrown at lucas as he turned to leave, ‘well, there’s always a cure for that.’A
It was later that morning that she actually bumped into Wayne, completely bychance. In the two hours since Roth had left she had had more than enough timeto dwell on what had happened and what she had said, and by the time she sawWayne she had convinced herself that it was totally impossible for her ever tosee Roth again...ever to see anyone again who was even remotely connected withhim.‘Hi there, doll,’ Wayne greeted her with a grin. ‘Looks like it’s time to saygoodbye. I’m meeting up with the eco-warriors this afternoon.’Swiftly Elena made up her mind, seizing on the opportunity to make herescape, not just from Roth but from everything that was associated with him—herlove, her shame, and her fear that he would somehow guess that she had lied tohim.‘I’m coming with you,’ she told Wayne determinedly, adding before he couldargue, ‘My stepbrother has sent me some money so I can afford to supportmyself.’‘How much has he sent you?’ Wayne questioned her interestedly.
What is it? What’s wrong?’ she demanded, not understanding. ‘Last night—’‘Last night was a mistake,’ Roth interrupted her curtly. ‘It should never have happened and I wish to God... Why didn’t you tell me you were still a virgin?’‘I... I...’ Elena could feel her eyes starting to fill with tears.This wasn’t how it should be—Roth aloof, cold and distant, almost accusing.‘Roth, I love you,’ she told him shakily. ‘I want us to be together...married...’‘Married? You’re a child still, Elena... Your mother...’‘I’m not a child, I’m nearly twenty,’ she protested frantically.‘You’re a child,’ Roth insisted, ‘and if I’d known... Why didn’t you tell me?Why did you let me think that you and Wayne were lovers?’‘I did tell you but you wouldn’t listen. I thought you’d be pleased...that you’dwant to be the first...the only one...’ she told him pathetically.‘Pleased? Oh, my God.’ Roth started to laugh, a harshly bitter laugh. ‘The onlything that could make this appalling situation
And then, without waiting for his response, she turned her back on him andwalked very slowly and very deliberately to her bedroom door.Once there she turned round and looked at him gravely.He was still standing where she had left him, his face unfamiliarly pale, hiseyes blazing with...Quickly she looked away and then, before her courage could desert her, shetugged open the buttons of her borrowed shirt and shrugged it off.Standing still and naked in full view of Roth whilst he watched her in silencewas probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do, she acknowledged, but,somehow, doing it made her feel strong and brave and very, very womanly.There was an odd glittering brilliance in Roth's eyes, and her stomach musclestensed as she saw the way his jaw tightened as he looked away from her.‘Roth....’ she commanded softly.‘Elena for God’s sake...’Ignoring the tough grimness in his voice, she turned her back and walked fullyinto her small bedroom. Seconds later h
Elena blanched. Lucas had obviously told him about that; she wished that hehadn’t.‘I... He’ll pay me back.’ She defended both Wayne’s request and her ownacceptance of it.‘Things have certainly changed since my time at university,’ Roth told hercynically. ‘Then it was the man who did the chasing, the pursuing, not thewoman who had to secure the man’s attentions by offering him money.’Elena stared at him, unable to keep either her shock or the pain his words hadcaused her from showing in her eyes.‘It isn’t like that... I haven’t been pursuing Wayne. I don’t...’She stopped abruptly and looked away from him. How could she tell Roth ofall men...people...that she didn’t run after his sex, when he had good reason tobelieve otherwise after the ways she had so blatantly revealed her feelings forhim? Now he was looking at her in that horribly cynical way, his mouth twistingin mocking contempt.‘lucas asked me to come,’ he told her as she remained silent. ‘He’s had to goawa
monthly allowance. She had felt uncomfortable about doing so, but after a small pause,when she had stammeringly explained that she had loaned some money to afriend, he had said quietly that she could leave the matter with him.Naively she had assumed that that meant that he would send her a cheque, andsuddenly she’d had more important things to worry about than money. David,her friend, was dead. He had collapsed at a rave party and been rushed intohospital, but it had been too late to save him.His family had taken him home to bury him and they had also made it plainthat they did not want any of his university friends to attend his funeral.‘They blame us for what happened to him,’ one of his other friends told Elenaangrily. ‘They’re the ones who are at fault. He never wanted to come here...’Elena was too upset to make any comment when Wayne asked for anotherloan, and he was moody and sharp-tempered with her, mocking her upbringingand taunting her with her naiveté and i
She had been young and naive but not so young nor so naive as not to be ableto guess where the tiny pretty lacy briefs Roth had given her might have comefrom, and the knowledge that they must have belonged to another woman hadcast a shadow not just over the whole day, but over everything.She had once heard lucas joking with Roth about his taste for older women.‘I’m not in the market for commitment or marriage,’ Roth had returned. ‘ButI’m not about to turn myself into a monk either,’ he had admitted frankly.Neither of them had known that she was listening as she hesitated outside Luca's library door on her way past.‘So a woman who knows what life’s all about, who’s been married anddecided that it isn’t for her, suits me fine.’She hadn’t been able to hide her massive crush on Ran before she’d left foruniversity, in fact had openly offered her love to him, but he had determinedlypushed it away—just as he had also determinedly pushed her away.She had noticed it again at L
When her mother had first married Lucas father and they had gone to live inhis ancestral home, she had been overwhelmed at first by the darkness of thehuge house. It had been Roth who had guessed her fears and apprehensions afterhe had found her sleepwalking that night. Roth who had been staying at the houseinstead of his cottage one weekend, ‘babysitting’ her in the absence of hermother, and who had taken her, not back to bed, but to his own room where hehad made her a hot drink and talked to her, showing her the telescope he used towatch the night sky.The binoculars beside it he had used for another, more mundane purpose. Asthe estate manager one of his jobs had been to keep a sharp look-out forpoachers. The night had no fears for Roth, and through him she too had learned toappreciate its special beauties. It had been Roth who had taken her to watch thebadger cubs at play, earning her mother’s anger. Elena quickly stopped that lineof thought. Since she couldn’t sleep
Let go of you...? Do you realise what you’re saying, what you’re accusingme of doing? You’re not a teenager any more, Elena, and if this is some kind ofpetty attempt to—’‘No, I’m not.’ Elena interrupted him furiously. ‘I’m the Trust’s representativehere at Haverton and as such it’s my job to protect the Trust’s interests and itsinvestments... If I think that someone, anyone, is trying to cheat the Trust ormisuse its funds, then it’s my job to—’‘Your job...?’ Roth laughed savagely. ‘You sound very high-minded forsomeone who’s slept her way into her “job” via her boss’s bed.’There was a second’s pause and then a white heat, a zigzag of pure fury andfrustrated womanly pride, hit Elena like a bolt of lightning. Immediately shereacted in the only way her outraged female instincts knew, lifting her hand andslapping Roth's face in furious rejection of his insult.Elena didn’t know which of them was the more shocked—she who haddelivered the blow or Roth who had received it.