Chapter 7: Meeting Mr. Cracker

Juicy squinted at the sunlight streaming into the window. The first thing she noted was that she was comfortable. She was in a bed with pillows and blankets. Silently she realized that it was a hospital. Lastly, she saw the man sitting in a plastic chair next to her bed. She looked at him in confusion. Who was he? Not a doctor...Mr. Cracker?

Mr. Cracker smiled in a twitchy nervous way. "You're not brain damaged are you?"

"Huh?" She asked with a crinkled brow.

"Damn...that's too bad." His eyes looked distant as they focused on a spot behind her.

"What are you talking about?" Juicy's lips were dry and cracked and her throat felt like she'd swallowed gravel. "Is there something to drink?"

Mr. Cracker stood and reached for a plastic pitcher and plastic cup from the table next to her bed. Juicy could barely recognize him. He had cleaned up and was now completely transformed. His hair was blonde and shiny from a fresh washing. He had evidently shaved because he now only had a bit of mustache and goatee and he had lost the dirty baseball cap. And now that it was gone, she could see his dark grey eyes. The bruise under his eye had faded to a dull yellow and his split lip was only slightly discolored. Even his clothes were clean.

Mr. Cracker was younger then she was! He handed her the cup of water and she struggled to sit up. He found a remote and raised the bed for her. Then he pulled his chair closer and watched as she drank the cool water.

God, it was delicious! She drained it in two seconds. Mr. Cracker poured her another cup.

"So, are you saying that you are not in a vegetative state?" He asked moving his lips slowly and precisely as if he was talking to a deaf person.

Wow, he was crazy, Juicy thought. "I'm not in a vegetative state." She said plainly. "I'm talking right at you."

He sighed. Then his happy expression returned. "I'm glad."

Juicy blinked. When he smiled he didn't look like a crazed lunatic, he was actually very handsome.

"Did...did you carry me all the way here?"

Mr. Cracker shrugged. "Mostly, but a cab picked us up the last few blocks."

"Oh." Juicy looked down at her hand. It was in a cast. She wiggled her fingers and it felt sore.

"You-uhm-have a broken hand and a bad concussion. Your brain began to swell and was pressing against your skull." Mr. Cracker cleared his throat. "It was a pretty big deal. Surgeons thought they were going to need to cut away part of your skull to make room. All they ended up doing was drilling a hole in your head to release the pressure."

What? Drilled her head?! Juicy's face twisted as she used her good hand to tentatively touch the side of her heavily bandaged head. A nurse walked in then holding a tray of food. She smiled when she saw them talking.

"Good morning Mrs. Cracker. Nice to see you finally awake. You've been asleep for some time."

"Huh?" Juicy asked with her mouth still hanging open. What had that lady just called her?

The nurse had a stricken look on her face. "Oh goodness." The nurse turned to Mr. Cracker. "We'll have the doctor come in to discuss your options for treatment of the brain damage."

"She doesn't have brain damage." Mr. Cracker replied. "That's just the way she talks."

"Oh..." The nurse said and watched Juicy like she was under a microscope. Juicy ignored their interaction.

"What do you mean I've been asleep for days?"

Mr. Cracker nodded. "Three days you've been in a coma."

"That's messed up." Juicy said slowly. A coma¡­a real life coma.

The nurse placed the tray of food on a table and pushed it in front of Juicy.

"I'll have the Doctor come right in and discuss your condition." She checked the IV and then left.

Juicy was still wearing a grimace as she digested the idea of being in a coma. Mr. Cracker lifted the lid off the tray.

"Are you hungry?"

"No." Juicy responded absently. After a quiet moment she noticed Mr. Cracker eyeing the tray of food with interest.

"You can have it." There was soup, a flat sandwich and a small plastic container of JELLO.

He didn't wait for her to repeat the offer. He picked up the sandwich and munched on it happily.

"Why did that nurse call me Mrs. Cracker?"

"Oh yeah, that. You're my wife. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to sit here and keep an eye on you." He paused in his chewing to give her a long look. "And since you named me Mr. Cracker, it's your name, too."

Juicy felt her face turn warm, but she'd be damned if she would apologize. When she had referred to him as a cracker he sure was acting like one!

"Then how are they billing me for this if they don't have my real name?"

He shrugged. He'd finished the sandwich in one last bite and removed the plastic lid from the bowl of soup. He drank it in three gulps.

Juicy sighed. None of this was neat and tidy. She didn't like a lot of stray ends. Would Medicaid even cover all of this?

Mr. Cracker was removing the foil wrap from the JELLO. "Why are you so worried about it? You're invisible, like me...Mrs. Cracker. What are they going to do, mail your hospital bill to my boarded up room in the alley? I'm not going to tell anybody your real name...even if I knew it."

He picked up the plastic wrapped package of utensils and removed the spoon. Mr. Cracker moved his chair closer to her and spooned up a small portion of JELLO which he held close to her mouth.

Juicy shook her head but Mr. Cracker wasn't taking no for an answer and gently prodded her lip with the offering. She accepted it reluctantly.

Mmmmm. Good. She hadn't had JELLO since elementary school. Mr. Cracker continued feeding her.

"Well what's going to happen when it's time to check out and I haven't paid? Are they going to call the police on me?"

Mr. Cracker's lip twitched once. "Are you sure you don't have brain damage? I just told you. Besides, I don't recall you asking for medical treatment. How can someone be forced to pay for something that they didn't even ask for? You really don't know much about how the system works." He sighed. "I'm MISTER Cracker; let me handle this, okay?"

Dear Lord, he was so crazy! Juicy thought warily.

The Doctor came in soon after she'd eaten the JELLO. She wished there was more, it had been delicious. The Doctor checked the dressing on her head, didn't mention her sore ribs or back and just like Mr. Cracker promised he fielded all questions about insurance. Once the Doctor determined that there was going to be no payment forthcoming he gave Juicy a clean bill of health and announced that she could leave that same day. Then he left without another word.

Juicy and Mr. Cracker stared at each other silently.

"I-I just woke up out of a coma...he said I can go home? I can just get up and leave? What about--they drilled a hole in my head!"

Mr. Cracker shrugged.

"Mister, this ain't right. This ain't right at all." Mr. Cracker was nodding his head in agreement.

"It's not right. But it's how the world works for us. But you're not a part of my world, are you? You need to get on that phone and call your people to come take care of you." His look was suddenly fierce...but no longer what Juicy would describe as crazy.

"Have my people come and get me? My Mother died years ago. I don't have a Daddy or brothers and sisters. I got cousins but I wouldn't call on them to do a thing for me. I had outpatient surgery one time and asked one of my girlfriends to come pick me up from the hospital...the bitch didn't show up for five hours¡ªAND she was drunk! Mister I don't call on anybody for NOTHING! You hear me? NO-THING!"