He hurried out of the room but Jace caught up with him. "Hey, Troy I'm headed for the lounge. Want to play a round of checkers or chess?""Um…no. I don't have patience to sit in one spot. I need to make a phone call.""Ok." Jace tried to hide his disappointment. He went in search of Magnus who had ducked out and gone in a different direction. "Troy!" Harold called him and he hid a groan and headed towards the big man. "Great session. Look, Dr. Barren and I were talking about you and we'd like to get you in to see a neurologist. How about tomorrow morning?"His eyes brightened. "Really?" "Clearly, you aren't exhibiting symptoms of being bipolar.""Clearly?""Well we talked to your Mom and Dad; who haven't really been around you in years. But…" he consulted his clipboard, flipping through several sheets. "…we spoke to a Miss Juicy Robinson. And she corroborates what you've said; no highs and no lows. Bipolar disorder mimics so many others." He couldn't focus on
Jace was staring blankly at nothing in particular, as if the man sitting across from him hadn't just stopped talking in order to have a black out. "I tried to commit suicide because the only friend that I ever cared half a damn about dumped me."Troy waited.Jace glanced at him, maybe waiting for him to say something that would cause him to clam up again. But Troy just watched him with interest. "We're both in an online role-play group; you know what that is, right?""Yeah. I was in Wow."Jace nodded. "Well, we play in an online group where our avatars mimic real life. We have friends, we own a club. Our avatars¡" he looked down at his hands. "We got married online." His eyes suddenly flashed back up to meet Troy's defiantly. "Yeah it's stupid, but I looked forward to being with him! I can be myself with him and he doesn't care that I have this¡male body! I'm a woman when I'm online. I'm beautiful and I can have the dream. And I know it's not real, okay?! I get that."
The next morning Troy was again awakened by Jace nudging his bed. "Dude, you sleep too heavy!" Troy sat up in bed weakly. Damn he was still tired. "I can't eat breakfast¡I'm too tired.""You slept through breakfast. But I brought you some eggs and bacon and stuff that I saw you eating yesterday." His eyes opened wide and he jumped out of bed. "Shit! I have a Doctor's appointment!" He looked around, but not sure for what. He had slept in his clothes and so was already dressed. He quickly ran his hands through his hair."Relax. Someone will come down for you when they're ready for you." Jace moved towards the folder and picked up the thick file. "Damn, you finished this all?"Troy took it from him, almost protectively. He'd spent most of the night working on it. "Yeah." He hugged it. "What time did you go to bed?" Troy shrugged and sat down at the desk where a tray of cold breakfast sat. "You're the only one with the time." He forked eggs into his mouth without ta
Things happened rapidly after that. Troy left Good Saints the next day. His Mom, Dad, Lori, and Bob were there in the lobby waiting for him. He was so surprised to see them that he had to stop a few moments just to absorb how wonderful it was not to have to walk alone in life. He was so accustomed to being alone that he still hadn't absorbed the fact that his family was at his side now—now that he had allowed them to be.Deep down he felt regret at all of the time that he'd lost, regret that he was here and Juicy was somewhere else, but he didn't want sad thoughts, so he immediately pushed those away to the back of his mind. They went to The Cracker Barrel for dinner and the topic of conversation was his misdiagnosis of mental illness. Though his parents had already shared this information, at one point Bob excused himself from the table. When he returned his eyes were red from crying. Troy looked at his older brother and for once—for the very first time, he understood just
"Troy, I want to come with you." Bob said seriously."You want to run away from home?" Troy joked. He knew that everyone was afraid for him, concerned about him going away from them and wondering how fragile his emotions were. After all he was on a new course of medication and that alone was enough to cause some concern. He blacked out more frequently, his tremors were more pronounced and he had bouts of stomach problems.But he had faced things tougher than that and survived. Maybe one day he would share those things with his family; but only if they asked. "You might need…someone to talk to." His lip twisted grimly. He thought that Juicy would dump his ass or an argument might send him flying off the handle."You're just a phone call away, right?"Bob nodded. "But if you need your big brother I'll be there in a flash, right by your side Troy."He looked down. "I know." They hugged briefly and Troy boarded the bus back to Cincinnati; back to his life and his future.
Juicy walked up the apartment stairs, stopping once to rest. She was so tired. It wasn't the fact that she carried a bag filled with oranges, apples, bananas some more of that grotesque raw spinach, romaine lettuce, roma tomatoes and ranch dressing. She was just tired all of the time now. She wanted to get into the house, step out of her clothes, make a quick salad and then climb into bed and lay down. That should make Dr. Luenenberger happy. He was always harping on her blood pressure and staying off her feet. But how did he expect her to get to his office every three days if she was really off her feet? He wasn't offering to make a house call!She slipped the key into the lock and opened the door kicking it closed behind her. She stepped out of her shoes and was half way to the kitchen before she heard his quiet voice."Juice?" She jumped. Troy was standing in the doorway of the bedroom. She blinked and looked around, coming out of a fog. The apartment had been cleaned
Troy's mouth was a thin line in his very pale face. She knew it was a migraine; knew the signs but didn't say anything more. Pain like nothing he'd ever before felt encased his heart, not his head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three bottles of pills. He placed them on the dresser. When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper."I'm going to take these everyday for the rest of my life, so that my child won't ever say what you just said to me." Troy left the room and Juicy lay there trying to catch her breath and waiting for her heart to stop drumming in her chest. She felt the sweat beading on her forehead and pushed back her angry tears.She heard noise in the kitchen, cabinets opening, the oven door and a few moments later Troy returned to the bedroom carrying a tray containing a plate piled high with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, the fresh green beans that she'd bought earlier in the week but had been too lazy to cook, as well as cornbread made with white corn
Troy woke up before Juicy. He looked around for the alarm clock but didn't see it. Then he showered and shaved, took his medicine and made breakfast of hard boiled eggs, bran muffins and tea. He wrote a quick note to her letting her know that he had gone to the library and would be back by noon. He set her food on the tray beside her bed and kissed her goodbye. Then he leaned down and placed his lips on her belly.There were libraries all over Cincinnati but he went to the main branch downtown. He stopped in a drugstore first and bought a pay by the minute cell phone. There was no way that he wanted Juicy to need to get in touch with him and not be able to. At the library he logged into one of the computers. He did research on pre-eclampsia. Juicy was overweight, she had a bad diet and she hadn't received any prenatal care until late in her pregnancy. He winced as he read the implications. Troy was almost a robot as he headed for the nearest pawnshop. He couldn't stop th
Troy got behind the wheel and started the car. He had been seizure free for almost three years. And before that he'd had only one in the entire year. Of course he had to take his medication regularly, and if he noted that he was having any of the signals, like repetitive tapping of his fingers or feet then he anticipated one and could put himself in a safe position. There had been no need for that for several years.Jazzy had lost interest in her book in less than a minute and they were doing a sing-a-long. Soon Troy was singing by himself. He looked in the rear view mirror and his daughter was staring off into space. Her pretty rosebud mouth was slightly ajar and her body had gone slack. A few moments later her eyes blinked and she got quiet as she turned to the window to stare at the passing scenery. His lips were a grim line as he took all of it in.Janet had said that it was normal for kids to have absence seizures and that she might grow out of hers without the need for
Juicy put her hands on her hips and stretched her back. She felt it crack and sighed in relief. Oh that was good…"Mama I want pink bows.""Okay, Miss bossy." Jazzy was bouncing up and down on her butt in the salon chair. She was a bundle of energy. That girl could run from sunup to sundown. Troy was always there, running right beside her."She will tire out on her own as long as we let her run it out of her system," is what he would say when she would get tired just watching the tot run in circles. It was a good thing that the house they'd moved into had a huge back yard and all kinds of play equipment. Troy and Dad had even built her a little playhouse where no one complained if she wrote on the walls or left her toys on the floor.Juicy brushed her little girl's dark hair around her finger until they formed ringlets that touched her shoulders. Then she tied two big pink bows around each of the pigtails."Look at me Aunt Eboni!" Jazzy stood up in the chair.Ebonique re
"I'm mad at Felix, too." She nodded emphatically. "I'm mad because he was my only true friend and he…took himself away from me. He was the one person that I could turn to that understood me completely." She inhaled. It felt good to unload some of this. "That's so wrong to be mad at him. He didn't try to hurt me. It was me that let him down. He tried to talk to me and I didn't hear what he was saying. He told me what he needed and I just didn't hear.""You mean that you didn't save him."Juicy nodded after a long moment. "I'm mad at myself, too.""Why?"She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Because I hurt people and I know that I'm doing it. It makes me feel better when I'm hurting. And I let people down…I let you down.""You didn't let me down, babe.""When you were in the hospital you needed me and I was too busy having my own pity party that I stopped caring about anybody else.""Juicy, the first step is to recognize destructive behavior, okay? And you're
Several weeks later, Juicy was burping the baby after her last bottle and Troy was lying in bed half asleep. It was just after three a.m. and it had been his turn to get up and feed her, but he hadn't been able to get that last belch to erupt from her little belly and so Juicy had finally gotten up and taken over."Where's my surprise?""What?" He yawned and looked at her with sleepy confused eyes."That day." It was now referred to as 'that day', "…you said that you were going to bring me back a surprise. Where's the surprise?"He chuckled, eyes still hooded. "I wish I could give you a surprise; a special one that's in my shorts, it's big, too.""You are so nasty.""I am so horny.""Well I have to wait six weeks, sweetie.""That's a long time, Juice.""Oh come on, you told me before that you'd waited years."He sat up, propping the pillow under his arms as he turned to watch her patting his daughters back so that she could be put down to sleep."I don't know what I was
Later, Juicy held her daughter up in the neonatal ward, and so many visitors began to stream in that she was asked to take Jasmine down into her own room. The doctor had already given the baby an examination and the youngest member of the Hyden family was pronounced able to be released the next day. They weren't so sure about Juicy. But she threatened to runaway if they even thought about leaving her in this hospital without her baby. The doctor smiled and said that as long as she stayed in bed for the next few days and took her blood pressure twice a day that he would allow her to leave with the baby.Robert and Gladys sat with them, barely leaving the little baby's side. And when the girl's from the salon drifted in they looked at the odd family that Juicy was a part of. And Miss Barbara Jean did not say one bad thing about white people and Ebonique even promised to give Gladys a free cut and dye job before they flew back to Connecticut.Troy wasn't anxious once, but relaxe
There was a repetitive sound that was just downright annoying. Was Troy playing a videogame? She had never known him to care much for things like videogames. She opened her eyes and looked around slowly. What the-?" She was not in her familiar bedroom.Her head whipped around and she reached up and ripped a tube out of her mouth. It went all the way down her throat and she gagged and coughed, almost suffocating on it. Troy's body jerked where he was sleeping in a reclining chair next to her hospital bed. He jumped up and hurried to her while she coughed and choked. "What the-?" But she had no voice. She tried again and a whispery sound issued from her lips. "What-?"Troy placed his hands on her cheeks and then he kissed her. He pulled back and then moved right back in to hug her. She hugged him back, confused eyes still roaming around the room."Thank God," he was saying. "You're awake."He released her and snatched at the call controls. He was pressing it and sta
Troy was sitting in the hospital room next to Juicy's bed. He still held the small bundle of his son, even though it had been hours since his birth. He wondered if that was the appropriate word to use when a baby was born, having already died. Birth was supposed to mark the beginning of one's life, but for him it had marked the end.They had been able to stop Juicy's labor, for now, and she had been moved to a private room, still in a coma, and heavily monitored. Janet had been kind enough to phone his family who were taking a flight in to Cincinnati.Janet came into the room and pulled up a chair next to Troy's. He didn't look at her. She looked down at the baby in his arms. "Troy. You haven't eaten and you haven't taken your medicine. You need to take a few moments to do these things.""I'm not hungry." He mumbled."I'll hold the baby for you." He looked at her slowly."You won't let th-them t-take h-him?""Are you planning to hold him forever?""No. Just until I'
Troy opened his eyes and then squinted. The difference between waking up after a horrible migraine and waking up after a horrible migraine while on painkillers was a totally different experience. Usually, he was alert and invigorated. But now he was drowsy and unclear. He looked around the darkened room, pulling himself up into a sitting position. He came to his feet and reached for the window blinds. "What the-?" He was on the fifth floor. This he could easily judge by the distance from the window to the parking lot below. Yet Tri Health Alliance only had two floors…Now that the light shining through the window illuminated the room he could clearly see that he was in a hospital room. "Shit!" He hurried to the door. He wasn't wearing a shirt and he touched his chest and suddenly looked around. His shirt was folded neatly on a small table and he quickly pulled it on and patted his pocket for his cell phone, keys and wallet. He had them. He hurried out of the room, dart
Juicy loved placing her hand on her belly and feeling the baby kicking back against it. She tried to imagine her baby but couldn't picture a mixture between her and Troy. He was tall and lanky with blonde hair and grey eyes, and she had black skin and black eyes. Their baby could be caramel, dark chocolate, even vanilla. She chuckled and thought about how freaked her mother would have been by the fact that she was in love with a white man. She quickly shook her head and thought about something other than Momma.She got out of bed and walked to the spare room. She was so anxious to decorate it. It would be a wonderful baby's room. She imagined yellow paint on the walls and pretty willowy white curtains. She had once seen a room that had pretty butterflies hanging from the ceiling with nylon wings and papier-m?ché bodies. She wanted white furniture and a princess bed. Her face slowly fell. That is what she had always wanted for herself. Instead, her bedroom had been a sag