When will it change from protection to confinement?

 A chilling shiver trickled down her spine, rendering her momentarily unable to speak. All she could do was endure the grip on her shoulders, her wide eyes fixed on him and her weak mouth parted in disbelief. Several times she tried to speak, and finally she got it under control, her voice hoarse “Throw it away? God, it's nauseating! Have you ever said something like that?” (This sentence may not be correct, but I don't know how to translate it)

He is running. She could feel it in his hands now, see it in the palpable tremor of his large body. His pain had had a calming effect on her when she suddenly realized that even he had fallen more than her in demanding reassurance again, although she had no idea why. Instinct was regained and overpowered her actions as she placed her hands on his chest.

"I wouldn't do anything to harm my baby," she said softly. "Never."

He shivered even harder. His blue eyes were cold with some wild emotion she couldn't read, but he took a deep breath and his jaw tightened as he struggled to regain control. She looked at the fight, at what he had to lose to win it, but for a moment, his hands were steady and his face was still pale, empty as stone. With extreme caution, he released her shoulders and dropped his hands to her sides.

"You don't have to leave," he said, as if that was what they were discussing. "It's a good apartment. I can continue the contract…”

Layla turned over to him to hide the sudden surge of pain, all the more hurtful because, for a moment, she thought he meant to say nothing had changed. But he does not suggest maintaining the status quo, he still intends to separate the relationship. “No,” she said, avoiding the words with a hand reaching out to him. “Just… no.”

"No way?" he challenged. “Not trying to make it comfortable for you?

She inhaled sporadically and lowered her head, in turn, trying to control restraint, but all she could do was find fatigue and a need for truth. If this is the end, why not tell him? Pride? It was a pitiful excuse for hiding something changed in her life. She took another deep breath. "Don't ask me to stay here without you", she said. "You are the reason for me to stay here. Without you, I have no reason to stay." She turned and faced him, her head up, so she could see him as she said in a clear, deliberate voice, “I love you. If I didn't love you, I would never have come here."

The shock ran across his face, turning even whiter. His lips moved but made no sound.

“I plan to leave because I think that's what you're going to want,” she continued steadily. forced anyway, so I don't expect anything else. Even if you want to continue our arrangement, I don't think it's possible. I can't be your mother and I can't continue to be your lover. The children being cared for is their priority. So, under the current circumstances, I have to leave. That doesn't mean I'll stop loving you." Forever, she added in thought.

He shook his head, neither doubting nor denying, and moved to sit down on the bed, where he stared blindly at the open suitcases.

Anxiety welled up inside her as she looked at him. She waited for him to react with fury or coldly withdraw, but he seemed genuinely shocked, as if something terrible had happened. She walked over to sit beside him, her gaze locked on his face in an attempt to capture every fleeting nuance of expression. Kelvin was unpredictable as he relaxed; now his face looks like marble.

Layla clasped her fingers together. “I didn't expect you to act like this”, she whispered. “I think… sure, I thought you wouldn't care.”

His head jerked, and he stared at her, a look that was like a sharp blade, and it was as if it were cutting into pieces. "You think I'll just walk away and never have another thought about you or the baby?" His voice was hoarse with accusations

She didn't falter. “Yes, that's exactly what I thought. What else can I think? I never gave you any indication that you were anything more than a convenient means of sexual gratification.”

His heart twisted painfully and he had to look away. She thought of her as an advantage while he weighed his life by the time he spent with her. That he didn't let her know, she was right when she thought about it. He went out of his way to keep her aware. Now why did he lose her to that? He felt like he was being cut to pieces, but he had too much pain to be able to say, it would hurt even worse, the realization that he had lost her, that he had become a father. a child, a child that will also be lost.

“Do you have a place to go?” he asked dumbly.

She said in an inaudible sigh, releasing the thin grip of hope. “No, not really, but it will be fine. I'll search around a bit, but I don't want to promise anything until I tell you. I'm going to a hotel. It won't be long for me to look for another apartment if you're sure I won't be financially tied down. Thanks for that. And thank you for the baby.” She commanded a weak smile, but he didn't look at her and didn't see it.

He leaned forward and wrapped his elbows on his knees, massaging his forehead with one hand. Tired lines were etched on his face. "You don't have to go to the hotel," he whispered. "You can find another place here. No problem to move twice. And we have a lot of legal stuff to sort out.”

"No, we don't need to," she said. He tilted his head to the side to give her sharp glances. "We don't need to," she insisted. I have secured financial security for you. You are more able to take care of the child. If you think I'm preparing to drain you, you might think again."

He straightened up. “What if you want to raise it? It is also your child. Or do you intend not to let me see him?”

She was genuinely confused. "You think you want to?". She never expected that. What she expected was a cold and decisive end to their relationship.

Again, a look of shock crossed his face, as if he'd just realized what he'd said. He felt a lump in his throat and walked, strode nonstop around the room. He'd had so many looks of a trapped animal, she felt pity for him and said softly, "Don't worry."

Instead of reassuring him, her words seemed to worry him even more. He buried his hands in his hair, then turned abruptly toward the door. “I can't… I think it's all over. Stay here as long as you need to.”

He left before she could call him back, before she realized he had really left. The door was slammed shut even before she got out of bed. She stared at the empty space where he had stood. She realized that he was more confused than she had ever thought, but didn't know why. Kelvin keeps his past completely private, she doesn't know absolutely about his childhood, doesn't even know who his parents are. If he had a certain family, she didn't know about them. But in this case, it wasn't necessary for her to pursue, after all, he still had his own apartment, and his correspondence was still there. And she didn't think it was appropriate, he would give his lover a phone number so his family could contact him if he didn't answer their phone.

She looked around the apartment she had called home for the past two years. She knew she couldn't afford to stay here while looking for another place to stay, despite his generous offer. She told him nothing but the fact that she didn't want to stay here without him. The apartment was filled with his presence, the physical reminders less so than the deep memories that take a long time to fade. Her baby was conceived right on the bed she sat on. She thought about that for a moment, then her lips curved in a soft, forced smile. Perhaps not, Kelvin never felt the need to limit their lovemaking to bed, although they often sought it out for comfort purposes. It's suitable to happen in the shower, on the sofa, or even in the kitchen,

Now those days of magical passion are over. Even if Kelvin didn't react as she expected, the end result would still be the same.

Kelvin walking. He was walking unconsciously, with no goal or attention. He was still stunned by the tight punch Layla had delivered, his inability to organize his thoughts or control his emotions. He had controlled every aspect of his life for a long time, closing the door of his soul to the events of many years ago, and he thought the monster had been tamed, the terrible nightmare had come to pass. robbed. Yet all of that happened to destroy his fragile peace with the knowledge that Layla was pregnant. And she left him. God, she's already left him.

He felt like lifting his fingers to the sky and cursing whatever fate had done to him, but the pain was too deep. He crouched on the sidewalk and howled like a wild animal like that would relieve even part of the pain that swelled in his chest and mind, but he knew it wouldn't. The only stop I'll look for where I'll always find is Layla

He couldn't even begin to think about the future. You have no future, no reliable source. The image of endless days unfolding before he refused to form it, he simply could not face even more than a day, to be alone with a perpetual march. A day without Layla? Why is it so annoying?

He had never been able to tell her what she wanted to know about him. He can barely forgive even accept it to himself. Love, in his experience, is nothing but betrayal and rejection. If he allows himself to love, then he has wounded himself with a ruin of mind and soul. No one loved him, even ever. It was a lesson he learned early on from the reach of memory, and he learned it well. His existence depended on the facade of indifference he created, so he formed behind the shell of his armor.

When will it change from protection to confinement?

Has the turtle ever wished for freedom with its boxy shell? Because it can run without a hitch? Probably not, because it's out of luck. Layla said she loved him, and even if it wasn't true, while saying that, she gave him a chance to stay even just a little bit longer if he dared take it. He didn't, because that would have meant he had dropped at least a few layers of his armor, and the prospect was filled with the terrors found in childhood and grew stronger as he grew older. through long years of abuse.