Chapter 3

I remember it all so clearly. Harrison asked me my name.

Hailey, I mumbled softly, not sure why he was talking to me. I knew who he was.

Harrison, but I'm sure you already knew that since you are at my house, he said with a charming smile. All of the girls in my grade dreamt of that smile. He was a Junior like I was, but he was friends with many seniors because of football. He played on the varsity team, every game.

I didn't know what to say back to him, I hardly ever talked to guys. The only time I was around popular ones like him was when Daphne wanted to go to Knocks.

I felt his eyes watching me. You want something to drink? He asked, and nervously I said sure.

I close my car door behind me, leaving my school bag on the passenger seat before heading to the double doors of Knocks. Since school just ended, not many people are here yet, and that gives me room to breathe.

I push past the doors and a woman greats me as she wipes down a booth table. I smile back and scan the room for Jana. Thankfully, I spot her in the corner booth, on her phone. Once I am close enough for her to notice me, she drops her phone and smiles. "Thanks for showing up."

"You thought I wouldn't?" I ask and sit down across from her.

"I don't know. You seemed a little uneasy about it at school, but I'm glad you're here because we have so much to talk about. Start with Florida, what was it like?"

I'm happy that she's eager to start things up again. "Florida was..."

Florida was amazing. It was sunny, humid, busy, and exciting. The people at my school always hung around at beaches, like in movies. I became friends with this girl who loved to surf—and urged me to learn—her name was Lila. Lila and I were stuck together like glue. The guys loved her, and I loved the guys. They all seemed to love their lives, which looked to be an act, but I couldn't care less. Everyone seemed so alive, and Jana reminds me of them.

There is one part that I keep from Jana, though. Mr. Russ. Mr. Russ was my English teacher and my favorite teacher at that. When I first moved to Florida I obviously knew no one, but he was nice to me. Soon, we became friends. He was young, it was his first year teaching and he had just moved to Florida from Seattle. We were both new, in a way. We became close, a little too close. Close enough to the point where I would visit him after school ended, with the classroom door closed. We never had sex. After what I went through in Coldgrove, I didn't want to, but if I didn't have these issues, I'm sure it would have happened. I'm ashamed of myself for it.

It started off with harmless flirting, extra attention in class, asking me to stay after. I thought he was handsome, I thought what we were doing was wrong, so I lost myself in it. It was wrong. That's why I was so I love with the idea of it.

I was damaged.

We kissed a few times, hardly. Whenever things became too heavy I would freak out and have a panic attack.

"Wow, Florida sounds wonderful," Jana smiles and takes a sip of her pink milkshake. "Beaches every day, warm weather, hot guys, sounds like paradise. Darn, and I was stuck here."

I laugh lightly. "I'm sure you've been busy here."

"You know, same old Coldgrove. The most exciting thing here is the high school football games, and that says something."

I shrug. "Well, are there any guys in your life?"

Jana blushes, giving herself away. "Well, possibly. There's this guy in my English who is super sweet, and he's a total catch. We've been talking for a bit, I gave him my number last week. He asked me to the movies and he paid for everything."

"What a gentleman," I comment, "what's his name?"

"Tyler Bradshaw."

Just then the door opens and I glance in that direction. A few students have wandered in, none of them noticing me, but I have a habit of looking every time just in case.

This time, it was worth it.

I hold my breath as Harrison Keller himself casually walks in along with a few others. I feel a pain in my lungs, as I am forgetting to breathe. I shoot back to Jana and she notices my discomfort. The space under the table seems very inviting right about now.

"Do you want to go?" She asks and I shake my head, no. I can't risk ruining my newly mended friendship. Maybe he won't notice me because of my dark hair, maybe—

"Hailey Fonte, right?"

I freeze in my spot. My eyes plead with Jana for help, but she seems struck also. She is staring up at him.

Tears well in my eyes.

The walls close in on me and I find it hard to focus, to breathe even. I know this feeling, a panic attack.

Jana suddenly stands up and grabs her bag before grabbing my arms and yanking me from the booth. With my head down, together we push past Harrison and head straight for the door. Jana drops cash on the counter before escaping.

"No hello?" Harrison calls, but we're already gone.

Outside Knocks, I cling to my car and Jana gets in before I do the same. Knowing Jana, she doesn't have a car, she most likely walked here from school.

"Let's go to your house," Jana suggests and I nod. "Do you want me to drive?" I nod again.

I knew I would see him. Harrison tormented me sparsely throughout the first semester, but when he did, I couldn't take it. He too would pretend that I made it all up.

So you're going to be a Junior? He asked a year ago, in his kitchen. His friends had moved on with the party while Harrison stayed with me, and I didn't know why. What was so interesting about me?

Yeah, I mumbled back.

Did you come with anyone?

I thought of Jana and Daphne then, and how they had left me. I did, I said, but they're off somewhere.

He flirted, I have you all to myself then.

I blushed. I didn't know how to answer. I had never flirted with a guy before, only Daphne did. Don't you want to go with your friends? I asked.

He shrugged, they aren't as interesting as you are, Hailey. I'm surprised I'd never noticed you before.

I felt special. No guy had ever given me so much attention. Harrison chatted me up, asked me about school, about my friends, about myself. He asked, do you have a boyfriend?

I shook my head and took a small sip of whatever he gave me, I wasn't sure what it was. I thought it might be beer, it felt like beer.

Really? I thought you would have. You're so beautiful, I thought for sure some other guy would have swept you up by now, he smiled charmingly, again.

I blushed, again.