Stop calling yourself a slut

SAIGE POV

Finn led the way into the living room where he sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to him. I didn't sit down right away, too afraid of what he might have to say. Instead, I stood there until he spoke.

"What I'm about to show you is probably going to make Collin pissed the hell off at me, but you need to see it. You need to see why he's keeping you at an arm's length."

I sat down, still wondering what the hell he was talking about. My interest was officially piqued.

Finn pulled his phone out and started vigorously scrolling through whatever he was looking at before he showed me a couple of photos.

"That's Penelope. Collin's college sweetheart. He was going to ask her to marry him." He pulled his phone back and shoved it back in his pocket.

Seeing those photos made me feel jealous, but what did she have to do with me? The woman was beautiful and I couldn't help but think she was better than me. Hell, I thought every woman was better than me.

"Collin was crazy about her and his parents adored her."

Again, he wasn't making this any easier to hear. I got it; she was amazing. Could I roll my eyes now?

"Collin has always been that type of guy who is extremely loyal and passionate to the woman he's with, but none of them ever return those intentions and he gets crushed every time." Finn sighed, leaning back into the couch. "One day, Collin couldn't get a hold of Penelope- it was the day he was going to propose. He had the ring in his pocket and everything. So, he headed over to her apartment building, seeing that her car was still in the lot. But, once he got up there and let himself in, he found her in bed with her Literature Professor."

I heard myself inhale a breath, my hand covering my mouth. I honestly wasn't expecting to hear this. How could anyone cheat on a guy like Collin? I've barely had the chance to get to know him but even I can see that he's amazing.

"What happened next?" I whispered out, too afraid to speak any louder in case he could really hear the emotion in my voice.

He shook his head. "Exactly what you'd think would happen next. He flipped out. He put the professor in the hospital and ended things with Penelope on the spot. She chased him through campus, trying to talk, but Collin made a scene. It was then that everyone heard that she had been having an affair with her professor. There was a huge scandal and the professor was fired and Penelope kicked out of school. As far as I know, Collin hasn't seen or spoken to her since."

My heart was pounding in my chest, picturing everything Finn was telling me. Poor Collin, I thought to myself.

"And the reason I'm telling you this story, Saige, is because I know you're hurting. What you heard today wasn't at all what you thought it meant. Collin doesn't look down on you at all. If anything, he puts you on this huge pedestal and that scares the hell out of him. You've made a reputation for yourself and being that he's the new assistant football coach, this all feels really familiar to him. He's afraid of getting hurt like that again, but this time he'd be the professor in this story." Finn shook his head, reaching over to grab my hand in his. "Collin said those things because he doesn't want the same reputation as the professor. It has nothing to do with your reputation or what people think of you. He doesn't care about their thoughts. I know from watching him the last couple of days that he's really into you. But..."

I held my hand up, stopping him. "I get it, Finn. I'm known for spreading my legs around town and I really came on strong to him. Of course, he doesn't want to start something with me knowing who I am." I stared down into my lap, really questioning myself. How could I let things get so far out of hand? How could I let myself stoop so low for attention? I looked up into Finn's eyes then, tears blurring him. "I don't want to be this person anymore, Finn."

"Oh, honey," he whispered out, pulling me into his arms, holding me tightly. I sobbed into his shoulder, holding him tightly back. "You can be whoever you want to be, girl. It's never too late to do what you want."

I laughed through my sobs, shaking my head. "But that's just it, Finn- I don't know who I want to be- I just know I don't want to be that girl anymore."

He nodded, holding me back to look into his eyes. "You're not that girl anymore. I can see it from here. When's the last time you had sex?"

I cocked a brow at him. "Why?"

"Just humor me. When?"

Rolling my eyes, I thought about it before replying, "I don't know- a week ago?" Gabe was my last partner and memories of that made me shudder. It was the perfect example of who I didn't want to be anymore.

"That's great! A week is a long time! We'll forget about you offering me sex in my car," I burst out laughing, interrupting him. "See- even you find it funny! Why don't you think about this the next time you feel that urge to fall back into old habits. Is the guy you're offering yourself to looking at the real you or the girl you were?"

I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. "Thanks, Finn. You've been a really good friend to me."

Smiling, he pulled me in for one more hug. "It's been my pleasure, beautiful. I'm glad we've become friends. Let's never lose this, okay?"

I nodded into his neck, holding him tightly. For some reason, I didn't want him to let go of me. It had been a long time since someone I wasn't sexually attracted to held me so tenderly.

"What the hell is this?"

Collin's voice tore us apart as we watched him walk into the living room, nodding at us.

Finn laughed. "We were having girl talk."

I giggled with him. "Did you get in trouble for sneaking off with the school's slut?"

Finn smacked my arm before pointing a finger at me. "What did I just say?

Changing who you want to be starts with how you see yourself. If you keep calling yourself a slut, that's who you'll believe you are."

Sighing, I nodded. "Sorry, Finn."

When we looked back at Collin, he was eyeing us with confusion on his features. He was obviously completely lost and that only made me giggle again.

Finn stood up from the couch. "I'm going to bed now." The way he said it was so obvious that he was 'going to bed' so Collin and I could be alone. Way to play it cool, Finn!