Faidh

Faidh (Fee-Ya) closed her eyes; squeezing out the fear; overcoming the pain; baring down against the panic threatening to claim her. Her mind raced; raging against the questions; fighting against the fear. She HAD to find her logic. She HAD to remain calm.

“Close your eyes,” she silently commanded herself. “Don’t look at the faces! Don’t follow the voices! Don’t Die!… Close your eyes,” she silently repeated. “Don’t look. Don’t follow the voices. Don’t Die! … Close your eyes! Don’t look at the faces! Don’t follow the voices...Don’t Die!” Slowly, she found her rhythm. She could breathe again. She drew in a long deep breath. “Close your eyes,” she allowed her lungs to release. “Don’t look at their faces,” she drew in a deep breath. “Don’t follow the voices” She relaxed her lungs. Focus encouraged calmness. Calmness would allow her to think. “Close your eyes,” she continued.

Clang! Crash! Clang! The intrusive sound of metal crashing against cement broke her concentration as it echoed in her ears; startling her. The tension in her body instantly exploded, forcing her suddenly forward. She tripped, stumbling over her own feet. In the thick blackness engulfing her she had lost sense of her own body in connection to the room around her. She flew forward. Slam! Her head bounced fiercely against the wall. A thin stream of crimson blood ran from her hairline down her ear, chin and neck. Oblivion mercifully claimed her. The world was suddenly silent.

Faidh opened her eyes. Darkness. Was she still sleeping? Was this a dream? Her mind was awash with confusion. Something had happened to her. What? Why couldn’t she remember? Her head throbbed. She couldn't think. Confusion gripped her. The world felt slowed. She could feel herself fading in and out of consciousness. "Wake up," she demanded of herself, "WAKE UP!" She vigorously shook her head fighting through the pandemonium claiming her conscious being.

 Instinctively she reached out to rub her left temple. A small gauze bandage rested against her scalp. How had that happened? Had she injured herself? Who had cleaned her up? Her muscles tingled strangely. Her body was hyper-aware. She could sense the very air moving softly around her. Goosebumps obediently formed on her skin though she wasn’t cold. Her hands felt numb. Her mind swam in an unfamiliar cognitive soup of dysfunction. She struggled to reach her own thoughts. Her mind felt distant; fragmented. She couldn’t remember. She needed to remember!

Faidh absently ran a trembling hand down her side. Slowly, it dawned on her, she was no longer dressed in her own clothing! She gulped back the panic as her mind began to understand the horror of her situation. It hadn’t been a dream! Something HAD happened to her. What? What had happened? Where was she? A soft gasp escaped her constricted throat. A thin fabric gown covered the length of her body, exposing her knees and lower legs. She was not covered by a blanket or sheet. Her nose ached with the acrid smell of the battered mattress she was lying on. It smelled old, damp, rotted. Why was she on it? Question after question racked her aching mind. Slowly, she stretched her feet forward. Her toes found a scratchy woolen blanket draped over the end of the mattress. She didn’t dare attempt to use it to cover herself. Trembling, she forced herself to lie perfectly still; not wanting to alert her captor she was awake.

Faidh’s ankle ached. Something felt cold against the bone. It felt metallic; heavy. Her skin felt chaffed and sore under it’s constant pressure. A thick metal ring had been secured against her leg. An engine chain ran from Faidh’s left ankle, down the side of the homemade steel bed-frame she was attached to. “If it's only attached to this bed,” Faidh dug within herself for hope, “maybe I can lift it? Maybe I can get loose?”... Shh,” she reminded herself to move ever so quietly as she lifted herself off of the mattress. Maybe; maybe she could move the frame to release herself.. Shy hope filled her as a new sense of purpose drove her forward. Cautiously, daring to draw no attention to her slightest movements, Faidh began to slowly move the massive chain under her hands. Painstakingly focused, she ran her hands down it’s length; searching for its anchor. Hoping for a way to escape..

Faidh followed the chain down to it's end. Her heart sank instantly. It had been fastened to a large hook protruding from the center of the cement floor. She was trapped. Uncontrolled tears ran down her face as she was overcome with despair. Angrily, she brushed them away. She tried to find walls. She needed to know how big the space around her was. Her movement was limited. She had enough “leash” to allow her a few steps in any direction. Yet, she couldn’t reach a wall beyond the one the bed was against. She couldn’t find herself within this space. She focused on her breathing; calming herself; attempting to “feel” the room around her. Frustration brought more tears. She couldn’t figure this out. Panic swept through her; transient but powerful. She forced her way through. She bent her head to the concrete floor under her and promptly vomited. Her breathing became ragged. She began to hyperventilate. What was happening to her? Who was doing this? Why? Tears continued to run freely down her frightened face. She forced them back, one last time. She would NOT shed another tear! She was NOT weak! She would NOT give in! She WOULD figure this out!