In the mornings, I made sure I was up to make coffee for Travis before he left for work. I did his tie and helped him put on his suit.
He smiled at me. “You’ll do a good job at being Mrs. Cross,” he teased. “I’m beginning to get used to this.”
I laughed. “And who said you were difficult to live with?”
Travis rarely came home at eleven in the evenings anymore. Most of the time, it was earlier than that, and we had dinner together.
One night, he came home late and I had fallen asleep on the living room couch waiting for him. When I woke up again, I was already back in the bed with Travis snoring quietly on the couch.
I had a chat on the phone with Karl one Friday night. He warned me that Travis was in a foul mood. He’d had a meeting with his father, and it didn’t go well.
“Like how bad?”
“Really bad. Travis was pushing his father to the wall, making him realiz
The next Friday night, I was having coffee with Eric. He was on a business trip in Manhattan. He figured he’d see me first before he went back to Connecticut.We were interrupted when my phone rang. My heart pounded when I saw Chris’s number on the screen.“Chris. What’s he calling me for?”“Realizing what a big fool he’s been?” Eric suggested.I answered the call. “What?”I heard Chris’s intake of breath on the other line. “Brianne…” His voice was sober. “I’ve been waiting for you in your apartment.”“What? Who told you to go there? I should have changed the locks! I cannot believe you had the nerve to actually use your keys!”He didn’t say anything for a while. He took another deep breath. “Are you coming home anytime soon? It’s been nearly two weeks now. And I see no signs of you. I dropped by the dan
I went to Travis’s office on Monday. Since Karl wouldn’t be in, I volunteered to help him out in case he needed assistance. But when I got there, I was the one surprised. There was an easel at one corner of his office, and the coffee table had a box of Godiva chocolates and a bouquet of roses on top of it.“Is it always like this?” I asked him, looking at the lovely roses.He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I have a special visitor today. I thought she’d like to indulge in a box of sweets.”I laughed and turned around so I could face him. “And the easel is for?”He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist again. “So you can paint or draw and leave me alone to my work.”“I can paint at home—why did you agree that I come here if you weren’t going to need me anyway?”He shrugged. “I just want you to be here.” He hugged
I had my bachelorette party back home. Friends from college and from the dance club and a couple of my relatives were there. We had it at a little resort. Somebody actually rented a stripper.I was extremely embarrassed when the stripper danced for me. I was pushing Sarah to take my seat at the center of the room.“Come on, Brianne! You’re not getting any from your fiancé—why not just have no-strings-attached fun with that cutie?” Sarah asked.“Because I don’t want my other cousins to think that I’m not faithful to Travis!” I argued. But honestly, had I only slept with two men in my life. One was my boyfriend of two years. And I was marrying the other one in a couple of days.“For someone who’s not really in a relationship with your fiancé, you’re pretty damn loyal!”“If you do this, I’ll do anything you want!” I begged her.“Okay, f
For once, my parents decided to behave in front of each other as they walked me down the aisle.I was nervous as hell, my palms were sweating, and my heart was pounding wildly inside my chest. Did every bride feel like this? I felt scared…terrified. I felt self-conscious that every eye was on me.But when I raised my face toward the altar, I saw Travis standing there, looking magnificent in a tux. He was looking at me intensely…as if he couldn’t take his eyes off me…as if I were the only woman in the room. He was looking at me the way I wanted my real groom to look at me. Tears welled up in my eyes.He looked down to me as he took my hand from my father. He gave me a crooked smile that made my heart stop beating altogether.“Hello, beautiful,” he whispered.“Hey,” I managed to say.He raised my hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. Then he guided me toward the altar.Travis held my han
When I woke up the next day, my head was resting comfortably on Travis’s shoulder. We had our arms around each other, as if it was a natural thing for us to sleep in the same bed.“Good morning,” I greeted him.He smiled lazily. “Good morning.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead gently.I stretched in bed lazily, and then I stood up and disappeared into the bathroom.We had our breakfast in one of the restaurants of the hotel. We chose a spot overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful view, and I was almost sorry I hadn’t brought a sketchbook with me.After breakfast, Travis and I decided to swim on the beach. We went kayaking, and then we sunbathed on the shore. There were some couples there, but it wasn’t crowded and was easy enough to mind our own business.We walked on the shoreline just before sunset, our fingers intertwined.“It’s beautiful here,” I said.&ldqu
The next several days were bliss. It was like there was nothing else in the world but Travis and me. We still kissed, but we both knew where our limits were. We tried not to come close to the edge. We knew we both might not have the strength to stop a second time around.We watched the sunset together every day. Sometimes on the deck, sometimes in the pool.One time, we were lying on a hammock by the beach. I was in his arms, comfortably resting my head on his shoulders with one of his arms wrapped around my waist.“It’s almost over,” I whispered as I watched the sun go down behind the horizon. But I didn’t mean the sunset. The next day we would set back for New York. And somehow, I felt my heart breaking.Travis heaved a deep breath. “I know,” he whispered. “Tomorrow, I put my mask back on. And you’re free to push me back when I come any closer to you.”I stared up at him. “
We got back to our apartment. As soon as we entered, Travis turned to me and said, “It has been a lovely week, Mrs. Cross.”I smiled at him. “It has been.”“Now, we are at a crossroads again,” he said. “I told you I can’t do without my mask. The guy you’ve been with…is far too vulnerable to be able to protect you…keep you safe.”I shook my head. “I don’t believe you!” I said to him. “That guy is more capable of protecting my feelings than anybody else.”He narrowed his eyes. “You have to remember, Brianne. I not only want to protect you,” he said. “There’s a big part of me that also craves you.”I stepped closer to him. “I know what you’re capable of, Travis. I know that guy can protect me, too. You don’t have to put your mask back on. When you told me…you chose to marry me over pursuing the
I woke up cuddled in Travis’s arms. I opened my eyes lazily.“Good morning,” I said to him.He leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “Come to the office with me today?” he asked.I smiled. “Why? I can’t sit around while you’re working. It will distract you.”He chuckled. “It will distract me all right. But I don’t really mind,” he said. “You can paint while I read some contracts. I’ll work only until noon. Then maybe we can go to a hotel. It’s almost the weekend anyway.”My face brightened. “Really?”He nodded. “Really. I want to celebrate my birthday with you alone, Mrs. Cross.”I beamed at him. “Wait for me. I’ll go dress and pack some clothes.”I had a big smile on my face as I packed our stuff for the weekend. I realized that somehow, I hadn’t thought much about Christ
My hands were shaking. I didn’t really realize how nervous I’d been until now. My heart was pounding inside my chest. And the pain I felt was nothing like I’d felt before. I can do this. I can’t do this. No! I can do this! Pain slowly built up in my abdomen again, and I knew that from there, it could only get worse. I closed my eyes and tried not to scream. “Let’s check again,” I heard a female’s voice say, and I didn’t even know who she was speaking with. Then I felt something down there. A finger, a hand, I don’t know. And then an unexplainable pain. “Son of a gun!” I shouted, and I crushed the fingers I was holding. I could only imagine the pain I was inflicting on that person right now, and I was beyond caring. I would do anything to share even half of my agony. Instead of cursing or writhing in pain, I felt the person beside me lean forward to give me a kiss on the forehead. “I love you, cherie,” I heard Travis’s
I was looking at the fantastic view of New York from Cross Magnates’ glass wall. My pulse was hammering, and I felt that familiar heavy lump in my chest. A surge of emotions was raging inside me. I recognized the strongest of them all. Pain. I smiled to myself. I welcomed it. It was my very old friend.But I had to let it go. Along with its best friend—Anger. For years, these two had kept me company all throughout my miserable nights. But I didn’t need them now. My entire life had changed. My days were no longer cold and my nights were no longer lonely. Now, I had sunshine and warmth. Pain and anger need not be my company.I had joy and love.I had Brianne.My heart swelled at the mere thought of her name. I remembered many years ago when I was just ten years old and my best friend introduced me to the cutest girl I’d ever seen. She was wearing a white sleeveless top and a pair of lime green shorts. Her long hair
It was against Travis’s will, but I insisted on a hot bath. He joined me in the tub, and it was a glorious feeling. Until then, I still couldn’t believe that Travis and I were back together…back in each other’s arms. I didn’t need to lose him again. That finally, we’d laid down all our cards on the table, and taken off all our masks. We were starting afresh, and nothing could come between us again.I dressed in one of his pajama bottoms and shirts, which were too big for me. I had to tie the shirt in the waist area as it was big enough to be a dress.Travis’s room was huge. It had a royal bed in the center, the headboard and edges of which had elegant gold carvings. The couch set had matching carvings, and the fabric on them was lush and luxurious.“Would you like to have dinner here, or downstairs? Or perhaps you’d like to go out?”“I’d like to see the house, if that’s okay wi
I tried to breathe steadily. I opened my eyes slowly, almost afraid of what I would see before me. My dream about Tom had seemed so real, I thought I had died and he’d come to get me. I wouldn’t have minded that. I missed him. Now, more than ever, I missed the brother who had always brought the sunshine with him. God knows I needed a ray of sunshine in my life right now.But he wasn’t real. He was a dream. And in my dream, he promised I would live a long and happy life. So I couldn’t be dead. I was still breathing.When reality finally dawned on me, I realized that I was in a huge, dark room. There was light coming from the fireplace. A storm was still raging outside. A bolt of lightning would sometimes illuminate the room, followed by a bellow of thunder. I shivered even though I felt warm. I almost felt scared. And then I remembered that I wasn’t alone.I gently pulled away from the person holding me. The room that I was in was ve
My mother was ecstatic about the turnout of my exhibition. My pieces were sold out.“You were sold for fifty grand!” she told me excitedly.“What?”“Your portrait. The crying lady, as I like to call it, sold for fifty thousand bucks,” she said. “There were three bidders. But the woman who bought it meant business. Upped the price to fifty grand to eliminate competition. The rest of your pieces sold for at least ten grand. You’re going to be famous one day!”I smiled. “That’s great. But I’ll get the details of the sale later, Mom. I’m gonna be late for my flight.”I decided to go to Manhattan again. Eric had agreed to come with me. I could tell he was worried about me, too.My mother stared at me wearily. But she said, “Good luck.”I met Eric at the airport. “Are you worried about me, or are you here just to make sure I’m not goi
One night, I got a call from Eric.“Get your cute butt out of your apartment and let’s go have fun!” he said.I laughed. “Pick me up in thirty.”I smiled and then dialed Sarah’s number. “Be here in twenty! We’re going out.”A few minutes later, as I watched Eric’s car stop in front of my apartment and Sarah walk up the steps to meet me, my heart warmed up. If I could translate this into my painting, I realized, Eric and Sarah would be my first strokes of yellow.As we approached Eric’s car, he frowned when he saw Sarah.“What?” I asked him.“I didn’t know you were bringing your hump-every-stiff-pole friend.”Sarah stopped in her tracks and looked from me to him twice. And then she laughed innocently. “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you referring to yourself?” she asked Eric evenly.Eric rolled his eyes. “
Black.I started swirling black paint on my canvas. Allowing it to drip its own pattern down, taking shape, like it had a mind of its own.This color described my days and what I was now. An empty vessel with a black hole in the center.For weeks, I felt like I was floating into nothingness. I had nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. I was taking one day at a time, taking each breath with the sole purpose of making it to the next. Nothing more. I was alive. But I wasn’t really living.That day I had woken up in the hospital, everything crumbled before me. It was the moment that I felt I’d lost my past, my present, even my future.The man that I loved walked out of my life with no hopes of ever coming back. The life I wanted to nurture inside me was gone, even before I could fully acknowledge its presence. And then the doctors said I had a small percentage of conceiving life inside me again.For a while, I bla
I was in shock. I almost didn’t speak to Sarah for the entire duration of our trip back to Connecticut. We went straight to my old apartment.It had been months since I last visited it. It was exactly the way it was when I’d left it. Sarah was kind enough to ask a maid to clean it up at least twice a month.I saw Christian’s spare key on the table. He must have left it there when he found out I was getting married. He left a note for me.Have a good life, Brianne. I hope he’s what you were looking for.Tears rolled down my cheeks. I had a good life, all right. And Travis was everything I wanted and more. But I just didn’t know what to feel right now.“The good thing about it is that it’s Travis,” Sarah said quietly.“That’s not the point, is it?” I asked in a small voice. “Do you realize that I was drunk? I was not myself. I couldn’t even remember that nig
I lay on Sarah’s couch. I needed time to figure things out. I would have been jumping for joy now if the doctor had said I was one week pregnant. But no—I was seven weeks pregnant, which meant I was already pregnant when Travis and I had consummated our marriage a week ago. If the time she gave me was right, I had already been pregnant before I even married Travis, and I was pretty sure nothing had happened between us on our honeymoon.“Christian?” Sarah asked.“How? I mean, I broke up with him months before I got married.”“What were you doing around October twenty-fifth?”“I was busy preparing for a wedding!” I replied.Sarah took out her organizer and scanned through the dates. “Okay, October twenty-second, we all checked in to the hotel in preparation for your wedding. Are you sure you didn’t see Chris round about that time?”I shook my head. &ldq