Between the devil and the deep blue sea

       ""Why is he here? How did he find you? How did he know you were living here with me?"" He bombarded him with questions.

        ""I am as confused as you are. I honestly do not know how she found out."" He held his chest.

          ""I do not know why, but he seems odd. I do not like him."" Alexander frowned.

         ""He is gay."" Kelvin sighed.

        Alexander pushed his head backwards and raised his brows.

          ""That is the reason he wants you back!''" Alexander hit his palm.

          ""He says he will take me back and give me a job again."" Kelvin thinned his lips.

         ""You are not probably not thinking about it, are you? He is gay Kelvin, gay!"" He almost yelled.

        ""I know that, but he is willing to give me a job again."" His eyes brightened.

        ""You are not serious Kelvin."" Alexander shook his head slowly and folded his arms.

          ""But Alexander, I really need this job, this might result in good pay."" Kelvin tried reasoning with him.

        ""Are you being for real? He is going to use you."" Alexander's eyes widened.

          Kelvin looked at him confused, ""Use me?"" He frowned.

           ""Do you not get it? He is gay and is only attracted to guys he is definitely attracted to you."" He drove home his point.

          ""That means he wants you to be close to him and satisfy his desires and not him offering you a job as he claims."" Alexander added.

        ""Oh, so what should I do? Refuse him?"" 

        ""Well, yes."" Alexander nodded.

           ""You want me to refuse him?"" Kelvin stepped backwards a little.

           ""I know you're desperate for a job right now, but it does not mean you should stoop yourself this low."" Alexander said with all seriousness.

             Kelvin was quiet for a while, ""Alexander, I am so confused right now."" He rested against the kitchen counter.

        ""There is nothing to be confused about. You just refuse him because he is definitely not offering you that job for your own good."" Alexander shook his head.

          Kelvin heaved, ""Oh my goodness."" He held his head.

            ""It is okay Kelvin. You should go out there and refuse him. This will not benefit you anyway."" He held Kelvin's shoulder.

            Kelvin closed his eyes for a while, ""I have to refuse him despite my pressing needs ?"" He bent his head.

          ""Do not tell me you want to accept his offer?"" Alexander creased his brows.

          ""I do not know."" He sighed deeply.

        ""Oh come on now Kelvin, you are not using your head right now. You have to think properly before going into things like this."" He said calmly.

          ""Alexander, should I really refuse this guy?"" He looked at him with sad eyes.

       Alexander patted his hand gently, ""I am sorry Kelvin, you just have to."" He said softly.

          Kelvin sighed deeply and nodded, ""Okay then, if this is, what is the best option."" He went back to the parlor.

          Ralph stood up when he saw him.

        ""So have you talked about it?"" He asked eagerly.

              ""We have."" He said, avoiding his eyes.

          ""And?""

          ""I can not accept the job offer."" He said quietly.

          ""What? Why?"" Ralph asked him, feeling disheartened.

            ""I am sorry, but I just can not accept it."" He clenched his fists.

                ""But you want a job, and I am ready to give it to you."" He said sadly.

                Kelvin was sad, he really needed the job, but he could not risk being used also.

        ""Please, I think you should leave now."" He said calmly.

      ""Please Kelvin, just hear me out."" He pleaded.

          ""I am sorry, but you just have to leave."" He looked away.

          Ralph was silent. He went to the door and opened it slowly. He turned to look at Kelvin.

          ""I hope you realize what I feel for you one day."" He left.

        Kelvin palmed his face and sat down on the couch. He was so tired and confused.

         Alexander came out and sat beside him, ""You did the right thing."" He patted his back.

       Kelvin shook his head slowly, ""That was my last hope."" His voice was choked.

        ""No it was not and it is not. More opportunities are coming your way. Trust me."" Alexander held his hand.

            ""I am tired and sick of this. I have lost all hope. I think this is how my life is destined to be, full of hopelessness."" A tear slid down his left cheek.

          Alexander shook his head in disagreement, ""You have to stop thinking negatively. Everything will be fine."" He assured him.

          ""When will everything be fine? Have I not waited enough? I am tired Alexander, I am tired."" He did not bother to wipe the tears that were now flowing in a litany down his cheeks.

          ""Come on Kelvin, keep hope alive.""

         ""I can not keep any hope alive, I have already lost hope."" He bent his head.

           ""You will be fine."" Alexander patted his hand and stood up.

        ""Let me go serve dinner."" He said and went to the kitchen.

        Kelvin rested his head against the couch, he closed his eyes and allowed his head to drown in thought.

       The next morning, when Alexander and Jacky were yet to wake, Kelvin left the house.

      It was still early in the morning and the street was not yet filled with people. The restaurant opposite their house was already open, and some customers had begun to flood in.

       He had no idea of where he was going to, but he just decided to walk. He needed to clear his head lest he went crazy.

        He walked down the quiet street till he got to a river.

           He sat down by the river bank and closed his eyes, allowing the early morning frost to take him in.

         ""My life is no more than a shadow of itself. It has completely lost its meaning."" He bit his lips a little too hard.

         ""When did it get to this? Everything was going on smoothly."" He held his head.

        ""I do not know if I should end it all or just keep pushing."" 

        ""I am tired."" He whispered.

       He sat there watching the river flow. He wished he could be like it, flowing to a place he did not know and escaping all his troubles.

          ""I do not know how to keep pushing."" He sighed.

         He drew his knees up to his chin and hugged himself. He sat there till the area began to swarm with people.

         He sighed and stood up, reluctant to get up and face the day.

        He walked back to his house slowly and steadily. He was not in a rush today, neither was he in a hurry for anything. He wanted to take things slowly today.

         He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he did not notice a car which almost hit him.

      The sound of the screeching tires jolted him out of his reverie.

        A young lady came out of the car and yelled at him.

        ""Are you nuts? Can you not see where you are."" She stopped yelling.

        She took off her sunglasses, ""I have found you!""