I lean against the back of my leather chair and just watch my little brother.
"Santo, no drugs. No prostitutes in our house. No strangers outside our own Family. Have security tripled." He nods immediately. "They know that, Elio." I start laughing and dig my index finger into the dark wood of my desk. "Stronzi did the exact opposite last time. I. DO NOT. WANT. TO. SEE. ANY. DRUGS. AND. NO. PROSTITUTE. HERE," I insisted, pressing my finger down each time. My house must remain clean. It must stay immaculate, so I will not be ashamed when my Light returns for holidays. Santo gets up and trots to the door. He turns his head toward me and looks at me mockingly. "Go get your dick sucked in one of the clubs. You need to relax a little." I toss my glass of brandy in his direction. And all I can hear is the sound of the crystal exploding against the door and Santo's laughter in the hallways. Cazzo. My birthdI finally get back to my desk and feel like a ball of nerves. I grab a bottle of whiskey and start downing it straight from the neck. The truth is, I really don't care if my cousins are out partying, and they know it. I also don't care if they fuck their whores or get high in my backyard. I take another swig of whiskey and set my alarm clock. Yes. That's it. That's all I need right now. I'll sleep for an hour to calm down, and then I'll go out and find them. Cazzo, when did I finish the bottle? I pull back the leather chair and put my feet on the desk. Then I place an arm over my eyes. Cazzo. This is the moment when the alcohol, combined with the cumulative fatigue, hits me hard. I sleep without sleeping. I can never fully relax, and my mind is always on edge. I hear a knock on the door, and I grit my teeth as I hear the door open. Cazzo, if it's fucking Tina or Gina, it doesn't matter. I am going to burn the house down. "Don Elio?" a voice calls timidly. I abruptly op
What more can I say, except that I was nothing before I heard these words from the mouth of my light. I have the sensation of floating, of being there without being there. It is a fucking miracle or a nameless catastrophe. That I love. And that I am loved in return by the person I love. I pull Lucia by the waist and have to lean over her so I can place a multitude of small kisses on her face. She is mine. Mine and only mine. Lucia starts to laugh and turns her head whenever I want to take her lips. Why do you want to do that? She raises an eyebrow in my direction and gently pushes me back. But I do not let her. I want her to stay against me forever. I place a hand behind her back and block the wrist with which she tries to push me away. "Don Elio," she whispers, scolding me. "Elio, Amore mio. Call me, Elio," I beg her. "E No" (it's no), she says firmly. However
The party continued, but I spent the rest of the day drinking and smoking without saying a word to anyone. My eyes never left my Light, and I remained perfectly deaf to what my cousins or brothers told me. I don't even know how I ended up in my bed at night. When I went downstairs for breakfast, the headache that was tearing my head apart was gone as soon as I found Lucia, alone, in the kitchen. Neither she nor I had said a word. I approached her while she had her back to me to start to make coffee. I had taken her in my arms, tightening my fingers between them against her belly. I had left my forehead on her shoulder and had been content to take deep breaths. Lucia had frozen at my touch, then relaxed and continued to move gently to prepare breakfast. From the outside, I must have looked perfectly ridiculous and pathetic, clinging to a girl ten years younger than me. Dio mio! It has to stop, but I don't wa
I hear the sound of helicopter blades in the distance on the property. I am like a kid at Christmas and nervously run my hands through my hair. Am I clean-shaven? Isn't my cologne too strong? Probably I should change my tie. Or my shoes. Or my jacket. Cazzo. The old butler knocks on my office door to tell me the kids are here. I have to use all my self-control not to sprint down the stairs. I abruptly open the front doors and can't even hide the disappointment on my face. "Oh wow! It's great to see you too, fratello mio. I've missed you too," Matteo says ironically, giving me a sulky pout. I place a hand on top of his head and shake his thick mane. "Where is Lucia?" I ask him without further ado. Matteo blinks quickly as he looks at me. I finally realize that he is carrying two travel bags on each shoulder. Then he gestures with his head back, and I swear I clench my fists so hard you ca
"He can sleep with whoever he wants," she cuts me off serenely. "Cazzo, what?" asks Santo. "He can fuck whoever he wants. I am not eighteen yet. Besides, we are not married. Don Elio hasn't promised me anything, and I haven't promised him anything either," she says. I want to howl with laughter at the expressions of my little brothers. "Lulu," Santo articulates, incomprehension visible on his face. Then he points at me before continuing, "Do you even know what you just said?" "Yes," she answers at once before turning her head towards me. I catch her neck, and I come to put her forehead against mine. Thus, we do not smile at each other. We carry on a silent conversation that only we can understand. "Get out of here." Matteo grabs Santo by the arm and pulls him out of the office, grumbling, "It is none of our business." But Santo still points his finger at me: "You lied to us, Elio. Matteo shakes his head and pulls him away with more conviction. "I never lied, Santo. You drew
Lucia and I have agreed that we will not announce our engagement until she has completed her studies. I am committed to respecting her vow of chastity until marriage, but it is a daily struggle for me. I have to admit it to myself, but I love how much extra control it takes over me. I am a crazy bastard. I want her to be by my side all the time. She and Matteo never set foot again in the boarding school where I sent them. Then, as much as I hate the idea of strangers being in my house, I hired a series of home tutors for them. Matteo lasted a month before complaining that he needed a social life and could not stand being locked up anymore. Lucia and I decided that she would not move into my room. I say -she and I-, but that is bullshit. She told me no when I suggested she start moving her stuff. So, after hours of tense negotiations with my Light, she agreed to join me at nap time, but only in one of the vi
_ Lucia's eighteenth birthday party_. I am outside, sitting with my cousins on large couches, as the laughter of Lucia's guests rises in the garden. The daughters and sons of the families around the ages of my Light are there. They are playing all around the pool, and some are in the water. Lucia wears a simple white dress with thin straps, but a stronzo has just sprayed her with a water gun. Everyone can see through the underwear she is wearing underneath. Matteo has just thrown the stronzo, who dared to wet her, into the pool without any mercy while he quickly throws a towel to my Light. In one hand, I have a glass of cognac; on the other, I hold a cigar that I have not lit yet. I am furious, and my jaws are clenched so tightly that I am sure my veins must be visible to everyone. Stronzi can see what is mine through the wet cloth that sticks to her skin. My cousins laugh at the scene
(Lucia, a few minutes earlier) "What's this?" I ask my friends as they place a package on my chest. "Your birthday present, Luciano!" Maria cheerfully replies, giving me a satisfied smile. "Open it, Luciano," Valentina urges me. "It's from Didi, Maria, and me. Guaranteed success!" I tear open the package, wondering what they might have chosen together. I am really surprised because even though we all get along, we have very opposite characters and radically different tastes from each other. I freeze as I pull the two pieces of fabric from the package and give them a questioning look. "What is this?" I repeat again. Valentina shakes her head mockingly as Maria removes her dress in front of me before declaring: "We all have the same ones, but in different colors." Valentina, in turn, takes off her dress and snaps her green bikini top strap over her collarbone. " Finally, when we say all, you know well that Didi did not take one for her. On the other hand, she is the one who fou