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Twenty-six: Taleen
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2021-02-24 15:37:42Ever since the night Josh showed up at my door, I haven’t been the same. A part of me is always blaming me for all that happened, telling me that I’ve led Josh on, that I’ve made him think that I like him. The problem is that I do like him, and I hate that I like him. I hate the fact that I’m falling for an addict. When it comes to relationships, I know I’d be the unstable one; I’d be the one who is always reluctant, the one who needs to be assured that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m not messing the relationship up. Josh won’t be able to provide me with that because he isn’t stable either. He’s torn between his addiction and his secret famil
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Inevitably Captivated Twenty-seven: Taleen
I can’t believe I’m getting ready to go to Josh’s Halloween party. Lisa has talked to Owen about my attending the party and apparently, he talked to Josh, who said that there’d be no problem if I attended. To be honest, I haven’t expected that response. I expected him to say that he doesn’t want to see my face ever again and I’m not allowed to set a foot in his place. I check my costume in the mirror and smile to myself. I decided to go as a La Casa de Papel character. I have a red jumpsuit on and a black top underneath it. Lisa is wearing a Harley Quinn costume and Owen is going as the Joker. I’m still hesitant about going. I don’t want to spend the night alone while my friends are out there partying, but I also feel like it’s a stupid move to go there, to see him, and to look at him in the eye. I hav
Last Updated : 2021-02-26Inevitably Captivated Twenty-eight: Josh
“Ella! Ella!” I shout her name over the loud music as I take a glimpse of her among the crowd. She turns around and looks at me. “Where is Taleen? She was with you, I saw you two together. Where is she?” I frantically ask. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know how stupid I was to throw all those hurtful comments at her. I need to apologize to her. I shouldn’t have done that. “You think she’d stay?” Ella chuckles sarcastically at me. “You saw her leaving?” I ignore her sarcastic remark. I won’t even mind if she slaps me because I deserve it. “Yes, I did,” she informs me, and I throw my head back in frustration. How the hell am I supposed to fix this? I keep adding more salt to the cuts.&nbs
Last Updated : 2021-02-26Inevitably Captivated Twenty-nine: Josh
We’ve been sitting in the waiting area for around forty minutes and we haven’t been updated about her state. I still can’t erase her yelps and groans in her dorm room; she was in so much pain and we couldn’t do anything to help her. I wasn’t with them in the same car when we drove her to the hospital, but I can only imagine how the bumps in the road must have hurt her. “Should I call her family?” Lisa mumbles as she rests her head on Owen’s shoulder. “Just wait until we know what’s wrong with her,” Owen tells her. “Has the pain been this bad lately?” I ask Lisa. She would know better than anyone since she’s living with her. “The pain has definitely be
Last Updated : 2021-02-26Inevitably Captivated Thirty: Taleen
I have been back home for four days. My family isn’t giving me the chance to do anything. They’re giving me the complete luxury to relax and rest my exhausted body that screams in pain from the slightest effort I may exert. I’m either lying down on the bed or on the couch. I try to move my body from time to time by taking a thirty-minute walk around the block daily. I can’t just sit without doing anything; the doctor has also advised me to do that, so luckily, they don’t complain much when I say I’m going on a walk. However, somebody must accompany me in case my body decides to give up on me. George came yesterday to see me. I still can’t believe he flew from Seattle just to see me. I’ve missed him. I haven’t seen him in so long. The day he came, I wanted to jump out of my place and run to hug him, but my body was in pain to do any quick movements. I’m
Last Updated : 2021-02-27Inevitably Captivated Thirty-one: Taleen
I’m finally back to Portland. I returned two days ago and today I had an appointment with my doctor. She told me that it’s going to be a tough journey and I need to lay off stress as much as possible; this isn’t new, I have heard this before. What really irritates me is the fact that everybody keeps telling me that it’s going to be hard without even saying anything motivational. I’m being treated like I’m a fragile glass and I can notice their pity quite well. I hate this. I don’t need them to keep telling me it’s going to be hard or to treat me like I’m a delicate piece of art. I need them to motivate me, to tell me that I can do this. I need support and encouragement, not pity. I don’t need them to tell me how hard it will be. I need them to tell me that they know I can get through this. Weakness and sickness aren’t for me. I’m not the one to give u
Last Updated : 2021-02-27Inevitably Captivated Thirty-two: Josh
I did it, I convinced her to come along with us. I can’t believe I managed to showup again atherroom. I thought she’d kick me out once I set a foot inside, but she didn’t, just like she didn’t kick me out when I showed up with Owen and Lisa at her house.I need to be very careful withTaleen. I almost lost her twice and I want someone like her to be in my life.The three of us walk inside my house where Owen already is; he has been waiting for us for over an hour. He
Last Updated : 2021-02-27Inevitably Captivated Thirty-three: Taleen
I officially hate everyone in Josh’s family except for Avery. How could they all be this heartless? Can’t they see the pain Josh is in? Can’t they see that he is struggling to survive through the day? I think Avery tells them, but I don’t think any of them cares. Even his mum, I can’t stand her without even meeting her. She should have fought for her son. She should have stood up for him. She should have made the others forgive him and give him another chance.I stayed the night with Josh last night. No, we didn’t sleep in the same bed. I slept in a separate room. I couldn’t sleep immediately though because I spent three hours thinking about Josh and what he has told me. His own brother betrayed him because he was s
Last Updated : 2021-02-28Inevitably Captivated Thirty-four: Taleen
“I’m going to miss you.” I wrap my arms around him as I stand on my tiptoes; Josh is much taller than me. I’m leaving today for my family’s place since tomorrow isThanksgiving. I barely left Josh this week. We spent most of it together. He even drove me to work once and picked me up. Not once was I fed up with spending my time with him. On the contrary, I loved doing that; I truly enjoy his company. I’m falling deeper and deeper for him, but I’m trying to have any sort of control over my feelings. He’s
Last Updated : 2021-02-28
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Inevitably Captivated Bonus Chapter!
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
Inevitably Captivated Epilogue
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
Inevitably Captivated Eighty: Josh
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-nine: Taleen
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-eight: Josh
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-seven: Taleen
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-six: Taleen
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-five: Josh
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-four: Taleen
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I
