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Nineteen: Josh
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2021-02-19 05:57:01After Owen called and told me that Taleen didn’t mind me talking to her, I didn’t waste any minute. I got dressed to meet her; I want to appear decent in front of her. I also want her to know how sorry I am, I want her to know that I can get a grip on my anger issues. I want her to be sure that even if we fought again, I wouldn’t lash out at her like that; I learned from my mistake.
Since Owen told me that she had a shift, I decide to use the time I have to buy her a gift; I’m not trying to buy her forgiveness because she doesn’t seem to be materialistic, but I just want to show her in every possible way that I truly appreciate her.
I really don’t know what I should buy her. I want the gift to be meaningful, but I now realise that I don’t know her well enough to know what means a lot to her besides art. After roa
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After a lot of time spent searching for a suitable car, I ended up buying a burgundy2017 Chevrolet Tax LS. I practically did none of the talking, Josh handled it all. He held a good price negotiation with the owner, and I ended up saving around two thousand dollars from the money I had saved for the car; the car was also cheaper than my budget. I have been saving since I was fifteen and now, I’m finally driving a decent car.My mind iscrammedwith billions of thoughts and they’re giving me a strong headache.
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After two hours, I’m finally parking in my home’s driveway. I can’t see either of my parents’ cars in the driveway which means that they’re still at work. The road trip wasreally funas we jammed to the music happily.Onthe road, I learned that Josh was fluent in Spanish.This wasa surprisetome. The guy could literally sing most of the Spanish songs in my playlist.We all jump out of t
Last Updated : 2021-02-20Inevitably Captivated Twenty-two: Taleen
“Do you need help with anything?” Layan asks me as I make sure I’mnotleaving anything behind. We’re going backtoPortland in an hour or less. I wanted to stay for a little while longer with my family, but Ihave togo back.I’m more than grateful for the short distance between college and my hometown; if stress got the best of me at any time, I could easily come back home.
Last Updated : 2021-02-21Inevitably Captivated Twenty-three: Josh
Taleen’s relationship with her sister is amazing. I thought that I’m the most protective sibling over Avery, but the way Taleendeals with her sister blows my mind.She pays attention to anything Layan says, she showers her with compliments, and not once have I heard her say a comment that could be hurtful in the least way even if it’s by a joke. Yes, they do bicker, but they don’t throw any hurtful comments. I wish I had a relationship like that with my brother, but this is only wishful thinking and almost an impossible task.She talked with Layan’s new boyfriend for more than
Last Updated : 2021-02-22Inevitably Captivated Twenty-four: Taleen
“Taleen, we’ve arrived.” I feel somebody shaking me gently. Have I slept the whole way? The drive isn’t long, but I wasn’t tired. Maybe what happened drained me emotionally. I nod as I stretch my arms. My neck is stiff; my whole body is screaming with pain.“Is everything okay?” Lisa asks me with concern.“My muscles,” I mumble as I slowly get out of the car.
Last Updated : 2021-02-24Inevitably Captivated Twenty-five: Josh
Everything is over.Taleenis officially out of my life. I’m such an idiot anyway. Of course, she wouldn’t want to be with someone like me. Why would she end up with an addict? Why would somebody like herend up with an addict? Why would she choose her very first partner to be an addict? She deserves better and I can’t be a better version of myself. I wish I could be better for her; I truly do. It was hard to hear her saying that she doesn’t like me. It was painful to have her call me delusional. It was hard to see the castle of hope I built in my mind crumbling over my head.
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Ever since thenightJosh showed up at my door, I haven’t been the same. A part of me is always blaming me for all that happened, telling me that I’ve led Josh on, that I’ve made him think that I like him. The problem is that I do likehim,and I hate that I like him. I hate the fact that I’m falling for an addict. When it comes to relationships, I know I’d be the unstable one; I’d be the one who is always reluctant, the one who needs to be assured that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m not messing the relationship up. Josh won’t be able to provide me with that because he isn’t stable either. He’s torn between his addiction and his secret famil
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I can’t believe I’m getting ready to go to Josh’s Halloween party. Lisa has talked to Owen about my attending the party and apparently, he talked to Josh, who said that there’d be no problem if I attended. To be honest, I haven’t expected that response. I expected him to say that he doesn’t want to see my face ever again and I’m not allowed to set a foot in his place. I check my costume in the mirror and smile to myself. I decided to go as a La Casa de Papel character. I have a red jumpsuit on and a black top underneath it. Lisa is wearing a Harley Quinn costume and Owen is going as the Joker. I’m still hesitant about going. I don’t want to spend the night alone while my friends are out there partying, but I also feel like it’s a stupid move to go there, to see him, and to look at him in the eye. I hav
Last Updated : 2021-02-26
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Inevitably Captivated Bonus Chapter!
It’s funny how one small thing can change your whole life and turn it upside down. As for me, what changed my life was nowhere near small. Dating Josh changed me a lot. It changed the way I now see life and how I deal with people. It’s been ten years since I last saw Josh— well, face to face. I have seen him on TV and the news. I can’t be any prouder of him. Yes, we haven’t been in touch, but I know that he has come so far. He is now in charge of Dahlberg’s enterprise, and he has achieved nothing but success. He has also founded a charity foundation for helping addicts. He has been open about his addiction and how it has affected his life. I love how he is not ashamed of his past and how open he is about his journey with drugs. He has been clean for nine years and every time I hear him talking about it on a tv show or in an interview, my heart swells with pride and love. Yes, I still love Josh. Romantically. I dated only one person after him and w
Inevitably Captivated Epilogue
In our lives, we make decisions that may, later on, be thought of as nothing but mistakes. They may be considered our biggest regrets, what we wish to erase from our memories. They may be our main source of disappointment, the thing that pains us once it crosses our minds. Some may think allowing Josh into my life is one of the decisions I certainly regret, but this isn't the truth. I would never regret a single moment I spent with Josh because even if he brought me pain at some point, I can never deny the joy he brought me. I can never deny the happy moments we spent together. I can never forget all that he taught me.
Inevitably Captivated Eighty: Josh
I’ve done a lot of unforgivable things in my life, but I have decided to commit the most sinful act today. I chose to die in front of her because I wanted her face to be the last thing my eyes could ever witness before I’m taken to hell. There’s no way somebody like me would go to heaven. My sins outweigh my good deeds, so hell is my eternal destiny, but before going there I made up my mind that I want to steal a little bit of heaven.In that terrible state, I have driven and I am not sure how I have made it here, but here I am, in front of her apartment building. I can barely see. I have takendrugs,I have alcohol in my system and I have even swallowed some pills. I’m tired of living. I&rsquo
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-nine: Taleen
Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another.Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-eight: Josh
Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet.I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-seven: Taleen
“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge.“My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured,if there’s even a difference.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-six: Taleen
Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give.Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always beensceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-five: Josh
Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an
Inevitably Captivated Seventy-four: Taleen
We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the placemore classythan it already is.I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I
