*Heidi*Being practically dragged out of Cal’s bed and his apartment is not the way I imagined ending our date. I hadn’t originally planned to sleep at his place either, but after the best sex of my life, I didn’t have the strength to leave his arms, get dressed, and call for a cab.I didn’t think Cal would have let me do that even if I’d wanted to, but now that he’s basically told me to leave, I’m starting to doubt my instincts. He reassured me that he didn’t want to go either, and I could tell by his expression that he was being honest with me. But as he drives me back to my apartment, I wonder what got him out of bed so early.I don’t think our relationship is close enough for me to ask him–even though we’ve seen one another completely naked and vulnerable–so I stay quiet the entire time, watching the empty, snow-covered streets out the window. Even with my coat on, and the heat from the car, I’m shivering. I also think it has something to do with Cal’s eyes on me. I feel his gaz
*Cal*Taking Heidi to her apartment this morning and being forced to leave her after the incredible night we spent together was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and that’s saying a lot.I cursed Tony the entire way to my bar, but I have to admit it ended up being the right choice after all. I don’t know how he did it, considering none of my men succeeded when they investigated it, but Tony managed to confirm that Mateo’s cartel was involved in the attack on Christmas’ Eve.He didn’t confirm who took that picture of Heidi leaving my bar, but that wasn’t necessary. I have all the confirmation I need already.When I asked him why he couldn’t tell me this news over the phone, he showed me a picture of two cars, one of them which I immediately recognized as being the one who attacked me that same night. Tony gave me some confidential information on how to track down Mateo’s men and told me he’s trying to find out who is leading them now and why they are targeting me and not
*Cal*“I didn’t think you meant your bar when you said ‘somewhere safer,’” Heidi points out with a note of amusement in her voice as I guide us inside through the back door.I managed to shake whoever was following us, but I don’t think I lost them completely. They might be somewhere near, watching my next moves. They know I own this place, but I can’t show Heidi any sign of worry or fear right now.I can only hope they don’t have ulterior motives tonight other than keeping an eye on us. An attack would be a fucking mess with Heidi here with me.“It wasn’t my first thought, but considering you really liked my office the last time you were here, I figured, why not?” Heidi seems surprised by my answer, but her expression softens as soon as I open the door to my office, and she finds everything exactly as she remembers it.“Make yourself comfortable,” I tell her, pecking her on the lips, one hand gripping her waist. “I’ll just send my men away and get us both something to drink,” I lie.
*Heidi*The steamy session at Cal’s car only got me worked up enough to be desperate for him to take me. So much that I didn’t even bother that he took me to his office out of all places. When he said he wanted to take me somewhere safer, I thought he was talking about his apartment, but to my surprise, I was even more aroused when he took me to his bar.I never had sex in an office before, but I’ve read enough books to keep my imagination vivid and wanting to give it a try.Standing in his office in nothing but my underwear turns me on more than I expected. The simple fact that someone could barge in at any minute and catch us excites me more than I’d like to admit.God, I was never like this before. I wonder how Cal manages to turn me into this hungry woman who can only think about having sex.Sure, I do want more from him, but right now, having sex with him leaves me fully satisfied, and if that’s all I can get, well, I might as well take it while he is offering me.The intense loo
*Cal*Heidi and I get dressed as I consider what to do. I check my phone, expecting to see a message from Sam telling me that the path is clear for me to take Heidi home, but he hasn’t texted me yet.I need to keep Heidi here for a little longer, until I know for sure we can head out without the risk of being attacked.“I’ll get something for us to eat before I take you home,” I offer, fixing my hair and adjusting the collar of my shirt.Heidi arches an eyebrow at me, considering my suggestion. I’m sure she must want to go home, and I can’t deny I also want to be alone so I can find out who the fuck was following us earlier, but unfortunately, she’ll have to wait.Reluctantly, she scoots back on the couch. “Fine, I’m starving.”“Want me to order some pizza?” I ask, grabbing my phone and opening the delivery app.“Yeah, I could eat some pizza,” she agrees. Her cheeks are still flushed from our previous activities. Seeing her skin glowing like that makes me want to do it all over again
*Cal*I frown at Clara, my brain still a bit foggy. I don’t need to ask who she is referring to. At this point, everyone who works for me knows I’m seeing Heidi.“I’ll be right there,” I tell her, getting to my feet and checking my appearance in the mirror.I don’t feel tired, but the dark circles under my eyes say otherwise. I’m sure Heidi will notice it as soon as she sees me, but I don’t want her to worry. I’ll probably have to lie to her if she asks. It wouldn’tl be the first time I’ve kept something from her.The idea of keeping the truth about my life from her is starting to bother me to the point I’m considering risking everything, telling her what I do for a living. But I know the moment I confess and she realizes how dangerous it is, she’ll be out of my life in a blink of an eye.And I’m not ready for that.I wonder if that’s how Tony felt when he got married to Chloe to protect her from the cartel. He told me one time that he was afraid to involve her in all of this mess, an
*Heidi*My face heats up with his offer, and I can’t find it in me to reject it. I was trying to be bold and surprise him by coming here, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any plans on returning to my own apartment tonight.But I was also telling the truth when I said I liked to spend time with him, no sex involved. Cal makes my days much better, especially now that I’m living by myself and barely see my grandparents. New York is a big city, but it can feel so small when you’re alone.Whenever I’m with Cal, it’s like time freezes, and I can simply enjoy being around him. He makes me feel wanted, heard, cared for. Nothing about what we have feels fake or forced.I don’t know what we are–and I would never dare to say we’re together–but I can’t lie to myself anymore. I believe I’m falling for him. Or better yet, I think I have already fallen. Deep. Beyond redemption.“So, what do you say?” His hoarse, sexy voice whispers in my ear, and I remember I didn’t give him an answer.
*Heidi*Cal looks up at me, his eyes slightly widened in surprise as if asking me what’s gotten into me.“That was the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me,” I explain, my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.“It’s the truth,” he tells me honestly, caressing my cheek with tenderness.I’m sure my heart is about to jump out of my chest. Why do I feel so emotional? Everything he says and does to me seems so genuine, like he truly wants to make me happy.I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way toward another man before. It’s an unknown feeling to me, but if I could dare say it, I’d guess it’s love.Or at least something similar to it.He might not feel the same way about me, but right now, I don’t mind. I just want to be with him and enjoy whatever time I have with him all to myself. Being with Cal makes me happier than anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life–even getting lost in a good book.Tired of the distance between us, I lean forward, and our mouths crash together. Cal’
*Heidi*Cal drives us through the city, but I don’t recognize the path he’s taking until he stops in front of the exact same store in Greenwich Village that I had my eyes on for weeks when I was searching for a place to rebuild Sullivan’s Bookstore. At first, I frown, wondering what we’re doing here. It’s a tease, honestly. My heart beats fast when I look at the front window and realize it is no longer for sale. I don’t want to assume anything, so I turn to look at Cal, who has the biggest grin on his face. “What is this?” I ask, just to make sure I’m not crazy.After Cal was shot, I kind of set the idea of having a new bookstore aside. I focused on helping him recover, then having my things moved to his apartment, and after all of that was settled, I turned my attention to learning his businesses instead of going back to my own profession. I was frustrated and disappointed at everything failing in that department, so I simply ignored it.Until now.Seeing this store brings back all t
*Heidi*Two months later…Cal’s recovery wasn’t fast, but he did heal faster than the doctor thought he would. A couple of days after he was shot, he was allowed to be moved back to his apartment, which made it easier for me to take care of him. His place is close to everything, and I could come and go to grab groceries and also visit my grandparents every once in a while.Eventually, I had to tell them about Cal and that we were not only in love, but getting married, and they made me promise I’d take Cal to visit them. But Cal offered something else instead, and we all ended up going on a small trip so they could get to know each other.Needless to say, Grandma and Grandpa love him. They couldn’t stop smiling and were elated that I finally had someone to share my life with. I guess this is what they wanted the most for me.Adjusting to Cal’s apartment was also a struggle at first. I had few things to take with me since I didn’t buy a lot after the fire, but he basically forced me to
*Cal*Hearing those words from Heidi makes me wonder if I have truly died. Maybe all of this is a figment of my imagination. Maybe God is allowing me to live one last happy moment before I get to suffer for eternity in Hell.But there’s no way this perfect woman in front of me is an illusion. She looks so real. Her eyes–her beautiful eyes that I love so much–are staring at me so intently and expectantly that I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to.And she loves me.She’s willing to turn her back on everything she believes in to be with me. This is much more than I deserve. So much more.I realize I don’t want a day to go by that I don’t get to hear those words come out of her mouth.I want to spend every day telling her how much I love her, too. I don’t deserve her, but it will become my life’s mission to make sure she doesn’t regret her choice, that I shower her with love and attention, and that she knows how much she means to me. I am far from perfect, but I’ll try my best to be f
*Cal*My ears pick up murmurs around me, but I can’t force myself to open my eyes. My entire body is sore, and the pain in my abdomen feels like someone is pressing and squeezing all of my organs together. It’s hard to breathe, but I force my lungs to receive as much air as I can inhale. My back hurts, so I try to adjust myself on what feels like a bed, or maybe a couch, but the smallest movement makes me grunt with pain.“Easy there, boss. You have a hole in your stomach,” someone warns, their voice distant but somewhat playful. I groan again, frustrated at not being able to move. My eyelids seem to weigh a ton, but I need to see what’s happening around me. I need to know where I am and why. Images of the confrontation in my bar come back to me in snippets. I don’t remember the details about what happened, especially how I got shot, but I do remember seeing Milo. I have no idea how much time has passed, and I also don’t know the outcome of the fight, so I need to make sure my men a
*Heidi*I step out of the shower and put on a set of comfortable sweats. The weather in New York City has been merciless lately, and even inside the apartment, I can still feel the cold wind blowing against the windows outside, seeping through cracks in the apartment I can’t see.I blow dry my hair in an attempt to warm myself, and that’s why I don’t hear my phone ringing the first two times. It’s only when I decide to order something to eat since I don’t feel like cooking anything that I notice I missed two calls.Before I grab the phone to check who it is that called me, I can’t stop myself from hoping it was Cal. But when I spot the unknown number, I roll my eyes. Of course he wouldn’t call me. I ended that. He made it pretty clear that he doesn’t intend to change his lifestyle, and since I’m not willing to give up on my principles either, I won’t hear from him again. I should make peace with that instead of keeping my hopes up.I’m about to put my phone down again, not really int
*Cal*Leaving the basement and making sure at least one of my men stays behind to watch the cartel assholes we have tied inside, I rush upstairs with Tony, Sam, and Hunter with the rest of my men on my tail.Even though the noises upstairs are muffed by closed doors and thick walls, I don’t like what I hear as I approach the bar. Frantic screams and intermittent gunfire can never be a good thing.“Fuck,” I hiss to myself. “They seem to be heavily armed,” I inform my men over my shoulder. “Are you guys loaded?”“I have a couple of guns with me. Armando is outside with my men,” Tony informs me. I don’t want to think about the possible scenarios we’re about to encounter. The rest of my men are also upstairs, but if they were caught off guard–even though I had them keeping a close eye out for any strange movement–things might be ugly.“I’ll grab a shotgun from the safe,” Hunter tells me. “Do you need me to get you anything, Boss?”“No, I have my pistol on me,” I reply through gritted tee
*Heidi*Going after Cal was a mistake. I knew it would be, but I still did it anyway.What was I thinking? What was I even expecting to happen? That if I came and asked him to drop his entire life and career for me and he’d do it?Ha! What a joke.Even if I mean as much to him as he says I do, giving up something you’ve been building your whole life is hard. I should know better than that. I wouldn’t give up on my life and dreams either if he asked me to. So, why am I feeling so heartbroken? Why do I feel so sad, so left out?I storm out of his office with tears blurring my vision. His scent is all over me, and my lips are still tingling from our kisses. No matter how much I want to turn back and run into his arms, I know I can’t do it. This is it. This was the last straw, the confirmation I needed that we’re indeed over.For good.“Miss Heidi, is everything okay?” someone asked from behind me as I walked out of the bar. It was rude on my part to ignore whoever it was, but I couldn’
*Cal*Tony takes a little longer than I’d like with the cartel bastards the Saints captured. By the time his men haul in two guys who are, I’d say, unrecognizable, I’m basically digging a hole in the floor with all my anticipation and agitation, having spent the last hour pacing.The guy I cuffed in the basement looks up from his spot in the corner, and his eyes widen when he sees two more of his people have also been taken by us. He doesn’t have any strength in him to say anything, but he’s been pretty quiet anyway compared to some of the smart-mouthed assholes I’ve beaten the shit out before.“Hey,” Tony greets me, walking behind his guys who are now restraining the newly kidnapped men to chairs, away from the first one. “Brought you a little present.”I grunt. “After the day I just had, you have no idea how glad I am to see them,” I tell him, darting a deathly glance to the newcomers and cracking my knuckles.“I owe you already. I’m glad I could return the favor for once,” Tony say
*Cal*I consider going after Heidi. Following her upstairs, grabbing her by the arm, turning her to me and crashing my lips into hers, hoping she can feel how much I love her and how much I’m willing to fight for us.But that’d be a lie.And also unfair to her.Because if I truly was willing to do anything for her, I’d accept turning my back on the mafia and the Irish Kings without a question. I wouldn’t hesitate. I wouldn’t consider anything other than having her by my side.But I can’t.I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t promise her something I’m not ready to do. Therefore, I’d rather she hates me now, while she still has any feelings for me, then watch her fall out of love with me while we are together. That’d hurt me more than anything.Realization begins to sink in. We’re truly over now. There’s no turning back, no saving this relationship that’s barely even started. I try to convince myself that this is for the best. Heidi will finally be safe away from me. She can return