12 - What Just Happened?

It was finally Wednesday afternoon and my stomach was in knots. I was dying, positively dying to see Chris again. 

I was desperate for his smell, his touch, and I hoped for a sleepover. 

My morning class was cancelled so I could definitely make the time ... for some quality time. 

We were having dinner with the same client I met the first time, and I was hopeful that the little miss full of herself would be absent. 

I visited the salon, and got a cute little red dress with black red bottomed stilettos I was sure to fall in. Chris loved my hair down, so I had it styled in big waves. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast since I was so nervous. 

I wanted to ask Chris about his path to becoming partner and how it was going, but I hadn’t so far spoken much to him about his work at all. It might sound too weird I decided. I just wanted to know him, I didn't want it to just be sex. I desperately wanted to know if he felt the same.

Etienne had said sometimes the best thing you can say ... is nothing at all. I really needed to try and remember that. I had a tendency to ramble, and to poke my nose into things I shouldn’t.

I left my Uber outside the restaurant and spotted Chris getting out of his BMW up the street. He was on the phone and seemed to be distracted. I scooted as fast as I could in the ridiculous shoes I had on, hoping to have a minute alone with him. 

He looked up and saw me, gave me a small smile and took my hand but kept on with his conversation. I had to remember also that he was paying for tonight, whether I wanted to admit that or not, so I needed to keep a smile and play the part. 

Whatever I was feeling toward Chris, I wouldn’t bring that out here. 

If I lost this little dating hustle I’d have to get student loans and I was desperate not to go down that road. 

Chris led me to the table, and I immediately recognized the client, but Seth and his precious angel were missing. 

“Go ahead and get our drinks,” Chris whispered before running off to take a call. I made small talk for some time since Chris was gone awhile. 

“Sorry about that, you know how Mindy can be,” Chris said, sliding in the booth next to me. 

We were crammed in a corner booth but the place was packed and you had to borderline yell to hear each other from across the table. 

“Aw damn do I ever, there’s no satisfying her these days," the client said, laughing.

I thought Chris would hold my hand or rub my thigh, but there was nothing. He was deep in conversation but I didn’t understand much of it. They had a couple slogans and commercial ideas they were talking through and to be honest, both seemed kind of stupid. 

“So Eve, how are things with you,” his client asked. 

It had only been a week since I last saw him but it seemed like an eternity. 

“Good, same stuff different day basically, but I did attend a fascinating art show the other night,” I said. 

I proceeded to tell them about Etienne’s photographs, leaving out that he was my date. Chris stiffened, putting two and two together that I was likely there for a date. It wasn’t exactly my personality to go to something like that on my own, and he knew me that well by now. 

I felt his hand on my thigh and immediately brightened, feeling like he might be trying to claim me. Was I deliberately trying to make him jealous or did I just want something to add to the conversation? 

Oh no, I wanted his attention and I got it.

Don’t play this game, you’re going to get burned. 

Hush you! Let me have this!

It seemed like dinner flew by, maybe because I was desperate to find out what came after. Chris’ client and his date had already left, and we were waiting on the bill. 

Chris came to my ear, “I forgot to tell you how amazing you look tonight, absolutely gorgeous.” 

I smiled at him and wasted no time. I took his face and kissed him slowly on the lips, but he didn’t return the kiss. I immediately got angry. I literally felt my face burning with fury. 

Where was my perfect, dream man from Saturday who couldn't keep his hands off me!? 

The check came at that exact moment and we broke our stare. I was now proper annoyed and now unsure if I had completely misread the whole weekend. 

Chris was on his phone doing something and my stomach was doing flips like crazy and I started sweating, dying to know what Chris was thinking. 

Would he offer to take me home and then maybe come in? 

Would he just take me home with him? 

I was losing my shit, I had to know! 

Chris finally looked up from his phone.

"Hey I have another client to meet for drinks, I ordered you an Uber it should be outside in a few, but I have a minute to wait with you.” 

My face fell. 

What...the...fuck?? You have a MINUTE to wait with me?!

Why not take me to the second meeting? Why not say you'll see me after? Was this IT?

He’s not once called me baby, beautiful, none of the little pet names he had for me all weekend. He’s not even taking me home? 

I felt the tears starting to come up as he took my hand and led me toward the door. How could I let myself fall so hard so fast for this man and he doesn’t even care? He just used me!  

I was devastated and my breathing was getting shallow. I felt faint and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. Once outside I was grateful for the cold air. 

Chris interlaced our fingers and brought my hand to his lips, giving it a peck. I felt numb, I felt hollow. I felt like I wanted to bawl my eyes out.

What the hell?! This was just insulting now! 

I mentally smacked myself and tried to calm down. My little pity party was over just like that and now I was angry. He wouldn’t even look at me, I was just a date to him. I looked out across the street and I felt like I could breathe fire. 

The tears were still close, threatening to fall any second. Part of me just wanted to run off, but my shoe choice wouldn’t allow for that. 

The car pulled up, it was a black town car which was the most expensive Uber in D.C. 

“Thank you for tonight,” he said, kissing my cheek and opening the door. 

“No problem,” I said, with a fake smile and plopped myself down in the seat. 

I kept my eyes straight ahead and didn’t look at him at all. Once the car moved the tears came in full force, soaking my chest in just a minute. 

I had never felt so used, abandoned and alone. 

I got home and took a long bath, crying my eyes out some more. 

My roommate was again gone, off to her boyfriend’s place. I don’t know why she bothered paying rent here when she was never around. I guess I couldn’t complain, I don’t know how I could explain all the expensive clothes and bags I was suddenly having in my room.

I guessed this was what a broken heart felt like. How could I let this happen in the span of a week? I met a guy, fell for the guy, had probably well over twenty orgasms courtesy of the guy and let myself believe it was more than it was, and now I wanted to kill him. 

I opened the dating app and looked at my date for tomorrow. It was Martin, and I was glad for it. At least I knew what was I was getting, and knew I would have a good time. 

I flipped through the week and my stomach bottomed out when I noticed Chris’ date for Friday was gone. 

Cancelled for unavailable! 

What the fuck! I went to click on his profile and it was gone, “user not available.” 

Did he block me? 

ASSHOLE! 

I went right to my availability and opened everyday.

The tears came again and I went through the bargaining stage, constantly questioning what I did wrong. 

Was it his parents? Did they get in his head? 

Was it really just work being crazy? 

Did I fart in my sleep?? 

I mean shit, there has to be a reason, how can he just full on ghost me like this?!? 

I felt like I was suffocating and ran to the kitchen, frantic for relief, something to numb me. I came across some peach schnapps, must have been Violet’s. I poured half a cup of it with half a cup of ice tea. 

I downed in about three minutes and started feeling warm. 

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.