Her eyes spark in a myriad of blue, gray, and green. Bright fucking green that I thought wouldn’t make an appearance again after King’s accident.I hate the way she looks at me. I fucking loathe it.Because it’s not just a gaze, it’s not mere eye contact. It’s words and phrases I don’t want to decipher.I let her go and she staggers a little, as if she’s been floating on air and her feet are finally touching the ground. It’s where she’s supposed to always be—on the ground—not in the clouds she sometimes ascends to.But even though I’m not touching her anymore, she’s still touching a part of me. My jacket is held snugly to her chest as if it’s some sort of armor—one she won’t let go of.And I need to stop thinking about what that jacket is touching, because that’s just fucked up.“It’s not that I want to marry you.”A swallow, a clink of nails, a slight jump in her shoulders. I’ve always hated how expressive she is but that she can still hide more than she shows.“Then why did you say
Nathaniel“Do you have any fucking idea what you’re doing?”I sigh for the thousandth time today and face my nephew—the source of the unnecessary question.“He does,” Aspen tells him with her usual assertiveness.The three of us are standing near City Hall, ignoring the people buzzing around us, and focusing on the time. Or I’m probably the only one who’s having an unhealthy obsession with my watch.Gwyneth is twenty minutes late.Surely there’s a reason behind her tardiness. She’s never been the type who’s late to appointments. Or irresponsible.Though it’s true that getting married only five days after her father’s accident isn’t a normal situation, it’s not like we have time. The sooner she gives me power of attorney, the easier I can stop Susan’s moves. Because she’s plotting them as we speak. I made calls, talked to judges, and I know about the subpoenas her lawyer is trying to file. I can only ward her off for so long before I run out of options.Time isn’t on our side, which is
GwynethI haven’t slept all night.And that’s sort of a problem because I become jittery and a bit neurotic when I don’t sleep.Insomnia and I aren’t strangers, especially since I didn’t manage to completely desensitize myself to that word. It might be written in a red Sharpie because it’s one of the words I struggle with the most.Along withdeath.I think I also need to addmoving onto the red list because I can’t do that. I’m supposed to, Ihaveto, but my mind is stuck in a different type of loop that I can’t escape.So I spent the night in the closet. I wanted to stay with Dad, but Nate said in that stern voice of his to “go home and get some sleep” because tomorrow—today—is a big day. He didn’t voice the last part, but I figured it out on my own.However, I couldn’t just get some sleep. Not even after I blasted Twenty One Pilots on my headphones and exhausted myself by dancing. Not even when I swallowed like three sleeping pills. Or maybe it was five. I lost count somewhere.My mind
“About what?” I totally wasn’t listening, because he’s still touching me. He still has his warm hand on my elbow. Nate doesn’t do that, you know. He doesn’t touch me. Ever. I’m the one who tries it and fails miserably every time.But he’s doing it right now.And it’s hard to focus when I’m floating in the clouds.“About how you’re not a burden.”My heart jolts and I can’t control the tremor that shoots through my limbs. It’s a knee-jerk reaction that gives away my emotions and I hate it. Especially in front of him. The man who’s the reason behind it every damn time.“I am.” I lower my head, staring at my white sneakers, and that automatically makes me look at his prim leather shoes. And the difference between his and mine is so striking that it helps to anchor me in the moment, even if temporarily. “I know you’re marrying me because you want to protect Dad’s assets and that’s okay, but it still makes me a burden. Because I’m not old enough to take care of things myself and I didn’t ev
GwynethThe getting married part didn’t make me want to throw my guts up.I mean, it should’ve been simple, but it really wasn’t.Probably because I was half-dazed and half-fuming at Aspen’s presence. Yes, I knew she was going to be there. She’s close to Nate’s age and works with him, after all.Gag.But yeah, seeing her there might’ve brought out the temper I usually try to bury inside. It’s toxic, you know. Like, super toxic, and I don’t want to be that person in front of Nate on our wedding day.Aspen didn’t do anything either. Her mere existence is enough to push me to my limit.Anyway, it’s over. We’re married. We put on rings in front of the judge, but we removed them as soon as the ceremony ended because Nate made it clear that this whole marriage is a secret and no one but the four of us, and Susan, will know about it. He has those rings now, in his pocket, and he’ll probably throw them away the minute he’s out of view.We’ll have our certificate soon and then everything will f
Right, Dad?“Where are we going?” I ask Nate once I’m a bit out of my daze. Only a bit, though, because I think those pills I crunched on like candy are starting to take effect.“I’ll drive you home.”“Why?”“Because you’re a few minutes away from collapsing.”So he did know about my exhaustion. Yikes. Am I that obvious to everyone else?“I can take a cab. You said you were going back to the firm.”“Since you were late, I rescheduled my morning meetings, so I don’t have anything until the afternoon.” He unlocks his car and steps to the driver’s side.I roll my eyes. “Sorry for messing up your morning meetings, husband.”He pauses with his hand on his door’s handle. “What did you just call me?”“Husband. You know, when people get married, they become husband and wife.”“Lose it.”“Lose what?”“That word. Lose it.”“No.” I cross my arms over my chest. “What I call you is up to me. Besides, we need to keep things authentic if we want Susan to believe it. She’s cunning, you know. It’s not
NathanielWhen my father said that I have a train brain, it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I actually love trains.My train brain doesn’t reverse. Ever. Once it’s moving forward, it just keeps going. There are no regrets. No going back and definitely no retracting what I fucking said or did.So now, I have a train life, one that’s only focused on getting shit done and moving on to the next thing, then the one after that, and so on. That’s how my train brain works.Forward.Outward.Nothing is kept inward. Otherwise, it’ll rot and cause my downfall.Now is no different. The present and the past are only a step for the future. A stop, a station. They’re not what I should be focused on and I certainly shouldn’t be thinking about her fucking words. The words that she shouldn’t have said in that sultry voice that I want to hear say fucked-up things.I don’t want safe and boring.That’s what started it all. That’s what brought us to this moment where she’s staring at me as if I’
GwynethTwo weeks later, I’m forced back to reality.I’m forced to let go of the hope I held on to so tightly when Dad had his accident. Because the truth is, he’s not waking up and probably won’t. The doctor said that the more time he spends in a coma, the slimmer his chances are of coming out of it.And even though I’ve been visiting him every day, I can feel the gloomy cloud that hovers over his hospital bed. I can tell that my dad is probably not there anymore, no matter how much I talk to him and read to him and everything in between.And that’s just been too painful to think about, so I distracted myself with school before the summer break. And cleaning. I do that a lot when I’m anxious or stressed. I scrub floors and counters and dishes and the bathroom.In my head, I’m scrubbing my mind clean. Does it work? For a while, maybe, but not in the long term. Because the problems far outweigh the solutions. I thought myself strong enough to take it all—let it soak in and then vanish—
“Oh my God, Chris! Why didn’t you tell me?”“I just did.” He grins in that charming, lighthearted way and I’m so happy for that. I’m happy that I didn’t hurt him to the point of taking away his beautiful smile.“I’m so glad we get to spend time together.”“I thought you’d be all over getting rid of me.”.“Of course not! We can be friends, right?”He clinks his iced coffee against my drink. “Sure thing.”We fall into an easy conversation, which isn’t anything new. Chris and I have always gotten along, which is why he asked me out, saying he wanted to take it to the next level. That obviously didn’t work, so I’m thankful that we can still have a friendly relationship.We talk about college and exams and where our colleagues are doing their internships. He tells me about the interviewing process at W&S and how hard it was, but he passed because he impressed them and he’s a genius.It’s great to know that I won’t be a lonely face in the midst of all the hostile interns. With Chris around,
Gwyneth“Are you listening, Gwen?”I slide my attention from my assaulted vanilla milkshake that I’ve been jamming the straw in and out of to Chris, who’s staring at me with a furrowed brow.He came to pick me up earlier and we’ve been sitting in a coffee shop and talking. Well, he’s ended up doing all the talking while I’ve been thinking about other things.Like what was Nate doing with Aspen the entire afternoon?For hours.Alone.She didn’t even leave in her car.Logically, I shouldn’t be this affected, because I have no hold on him, right? Except maybe I do. After all, there’s a marriage certificate that says he’s married to me, and it should go without saying that he doesn’t leave with a woman who isn’t me.It’s only on paper. The marriage isn’t real.“Are you still upset about your dad?” Chris tries again.He’s such a gentleman. Like the best ever, and he’s hot, too, with his leather jacket, medium-length hair, and his pouty lips that are good at kissing.But I don’t think kissi
“I don’t need you to stand up for me.”“Sorry, but I can’t stay quiet when things like that happen.”“If you keep it up, you’ll end up getting hurt one day.”“One day isn’t today.” I stand and twist my neck, then move my legs to get the blood circulating to my toes. “Let’s go get lunch.”She opens a drawer and retrieves one of those sandwiches you get from the convenience store. “I have my lunch right here.”“That’s not called lunch. Let’s get a real one.” I reach for it and she catches my hand so fast, I flinch.“Don’t touch my computer.”“I was going for the sandwich.”Her hold slowly eases from around my wrist. I massage the skin as it quickly turns red.“Wow, you guys are super possessive of your computers, huh?”She pushes her glasses back with the heel of her palm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”“It’s fine.” I grin, even though it does really hurt. It’s as if she’s a trained ninja. “Lunch?”She pushes the button on her screen, making it go black, and begrudgingly stands
GwynethBehave or you’ll pay.Behave. Or. You. Will. Pay.He can’t say things like that and then walk away—or more like kick me out—because I have questions. Lots of them. How am I going to pay? Why? Where? When?So many questions.Like everything when it comes to Nate, I guess. And I don’t know why I want to pay, or maybe I do know. Because I’m a masochist, in a way, and masochists like pain, especially when it’s a result of something we’ve done.I think that’s why I kissed him back then, because my masochistic tendencies took hold of me and I couldn’t escape them. And God forbid I tell Dad about them, because what would I say? Dad, I think I have masochistic tendencies toward your friend and I’m unable to stop them. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye again.Anyway, because of what Nate said, I’m unable to focus on the file. I read a few lines and then I go back to thinking about all the words he said to me.Baby girl.Behave.Pay.Oh, and truly fucked. That one is the m
Whoever said that is a fucking moron.Besides, either she’s with me or with someone else. And there’s no way in fuck I was going to let her be with Knox, Daniel, or even Sebastian.I’ve been hit by the same haze that took over me when Aspen told me that my “wife” brought cupcakes and was talking with the three fuckers. Logical thoughts were the last thing on my mind when I barged in there. I knew she didn’t like it when I refused the internship, but I didn’t think she’d show up and negotiate her way into one.Behind my back.I’m well aware of her half-jogging behind me as I march to my office, but I don’t look at her. I’m charged up enough as it is without being distracted by the sight of her.If I had enough decency, I would slow down and let her catch up, but that term doesn’t fucking exist in my dictionary.As soon as we’re inside, I shut the door, lean against it, and face her.Gwyneth stands in the middle of the office, catching her breath. But then she glares at me with her arms
NathanielMy workplace is sacred.After all, it’s where my ambition thrives. Where my plans are made and my strategies are conducted.This is where I come to focus and forget about the girl I leave behind and go back late so that I don’t see her. Only, she’s not a girl, is she?I want to call her that to stop my dick from having ideas, but she was never that—a girl. At least, not for some time.She’s a woman now. A grown-up fucking woman with legs that go for miles and a tiny waist that can almost fit in only one of my palms.And she’s currently in the place where I’m supposed to be focused, not sidetracked.Gwyneth is right here, at W&S, and while it’s not her first time, she doesn’t usually dress like she’s at a business meeting.And definitely not with these three fuckers—my nephew included. Kingsley made it his mission to keep her away from them and their whoring ways. So I’m just taking care of it on his behalf. Like I promised him.It’s definitely not because of how I want to ja
I keep a low profile as I head to where the three of them are sitting. They usually have these coffee breaks around this time, and Nate has his administrative meetings in the morning, which is why I came in now.Everything is calculated to give my plan further chance to succeed. I’m taking things into my own hands and it’s all going to be fine.“Hi!” I say too cheerfully, making three pairs of eyes slide to me. Sebastian smiles and so does Daniel. He has a charming presence that’s similar to Sebastian’s when he was in college—Nate’s nephew is a bit more serious now.Daniel is pretty in a model type of way with his piercing turquoise eyes, light hair, and fit physique. It’s one of the reasons why magazines love putting him on their covers. That and his shrewd ways in the law circuit. “Gwen! Did you bring us some of your cupcakes?”“Yeah.” I grin, waving my bribes box. “I stayed up all night making them.”“You’re a doll.” Daniel takes the box, opens it, but pauses before eating. “Sorry
GwynethTwo weeks later, I’m forced back to reality.I’m forced to let go of the hope I held on to so tightly when Dad had his accident. Because the truth is, he’s not waking up and probably won’t. The doctor said that the more time he spends in a coma, the slimmer his chances are of coming out of it.And even though I’ve been visiting him every day, I can feel the gloomy cloud that hovers over his hospital bed. I can tell that my dad is probably not there anymore, no matter how much I talk to him and read to him and everything in between.And that’s just been too painful to think about, so I distracted myself with school before the summer break. And cleaning. I do that a lot when I’m anxious or stressed. I scrub floors and counters and dishes and the bathroom.In my head, I’m scrubbing my mind clean. Does it work? For a while, maybe, but not in the long term. Because the problems far outweigh the solutions. I thought myself strong enough to take it all—let it soak in and then vanish—
NathanielWhen my father said that I have a train brain, it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I actually love trains.My train brain doesn’t reverse. Ever. Once it’s moving forward, it just keeps going. There are no regrets. No going back and definitely no retracting what I fucking said or did.So now, I have a train life, one that’s only focused on getting shit done and moving on to the next thing, then the one after that, and so on. That’s how my train brain works.Forward.Outward.Nothing is kept inward. Otherwise, it’ll rot and cause my downfall.Now is no different. The present and the past are only a step for the future. A stop, a station. They’re not what I should be focused on and I certainly shouldn’t be thinking about her fucking words. The words that she shouldn’t have said in that sultry voice that I want to hear say fucked-up things.I don’t want safe and boring.That’s what started it all. That’s what brought us to this moment where she’s staring at me as if I’