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chapter 47
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I didn't move , not because I don't want to but because I can't .
The intensity with which we were pushing onward had my mind spinning while I silently vowed in my heart to pray extra hard at church tomorrow .
I wanted to refute him but nothing came out of my mouth because it was clear there was no point in putting up a fight against him.. since the battle of the devil and angel already concluded my defeat .
" Jacob-" I wished my voice sounded stern hell I would have liked it if it was even normal but it isn't , its breathy and needy - Jacob started leaving a trail of kisses down my neck and my eyes fluttered close .
Damn him - how does he knows all my weak spots .
His hand reached to my back and he yanked my bra free .
Eyes filled with overwhelming lust , he grabbed my br**st and gro
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I won'tTwo words and my entire life was on the verge of collapse . This was something that I didn't plan but what was I supposed to do ?Fight him ? the chances of winning against him were slim but facing the prospect of losing my virginity when our relationship was anything but clear , I believed it was necessary for me to put up an equal footing before I lose myself in this crazy fiasco that Jacob was pulling me in " you are not tapping out on me now , are you Hamilton ?"The fact that he was using my last name could only mean one thing and that was - he was putting me at a distance.Fuck him , he doesn't get to pull away from me when both of us were on bed and naked ." I don't like when you call me that " I said wriggling out of his hold" Call you what ?" he asked , his brows shooting up" Hamilton . This
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Relieved , I was feeling relieved ? A chill of terror rose in my heart crawling all the way up to my spine and freezing my head .This wasn't me , what in the world was I even doing here ?This person who was kissing Jacob as if he was more important than her dying breath wasn't me .It couldn't be me .How can I be something - someone so defective ? My actions were nothing but immoral .Stop . I need to stop before I could no longer .I raised my hand and clutched Jacob's bicep and tugged on it , in a fruitless attempt to make him stop .He doesn't .When I tried to push him away pressing my hand on his chest he doesn't budge . Instead when he sensed my rejection he pressed his body against mine even more ,his slick torso flattened my bre**ts pressing them down and his grip on my hair tightened as he tugged me even c
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Taylor's fingers pressed down on the ivory keys as " You get down, real low down , you listen to Coltrane, derail your own train" fill up the church . The melodic tune of If it makes you Happy by Sheryl Crow was her favourite and as a matter of fact it was one of my all time favourite as well .Despite the controversy that surrounded it .To others it was simply a glaring reminder of their faults , their addiction and whatnot but to me it was simply a small reminder that we pay for our own choices , choices that might hurt you despite how good they make you feel .Just like mine were hurting me , I sighed and closed my eyes when Taylor moved on to the profound lyrics 'If it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?' and let the music flow through me like current .Ignoring the philosophical question the one that had me break down and relive my mistakes , I sang along my cousin who
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Sharing a ride with your supposed to be ( still in denial ) boyfriend could really prove a bit taxing . From the moment I planted my a*s on the passenger's seat , I swear I asked Jacob a total of what I counted as fifty times about where he was taking me but being the annoying little tease he was , he kept ignoring my questions ."Don't tell me you are taking me to the outskirts where you will murder me and bury my body somewhere six feet down ?" I asked after my fiftieth failure" aww princess , you figured it out so soon " giving me a puppy dog pout , Jacob took a sharp left " you ruined my surprise , I was going to send you to your maker the easy way "" You are the one who just ruined my entire plan " joking along I rolled my eyes " I wanted to die in all dramatic way just like in Shakespeare drama , your little surprise just ruined my life' s greatest moment , pe
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He shook his head and looked straight ahead " you don't know the real truth "" then tell me " I said looking down at his leaned head .Jacob pushed off my shoulder then looked me right in the eye " I hated her " he confessed his voice harsh and cold " I hated her the moment Dante brought her back , I knew what happened to our family wasn't her fault but I still turned all my anger and hatred upon her when she was just a baby . I ignored her for a better part of her life and never actually made an effort to see what was happening to her "" It wasn't your fault -"" you are not understanding what I'm trying to tell you "" then make me understand " cupping his face , I give him a hard look " you can trust me Jacob , I will never hurt you . You just told me that you want our relationship to work that you want to reconcile with me , then let me
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Jacob"I know you will be really pissed off about this but honestly I don't care because I have been pissed at you all my life and couldn't do a thing to you so yeah - that account is settled . Now we are going to talk about the new one -Bella , she is really a good person , she is loving , compassionate and caring - something I can't say about myself " I stopped breathing hard as emotions clogged my throat , I cleared it before continuing on with my speech that I have prepared after thoughtful consideration " and she is mine , you hear me mine not yours and you have no right to take her because -" my vision went hazy and something warm and wet trickled down my cheeks . I inhaled sharply staring down at the wooden flooring away from the altar " because she is my everything . I know people shit around the word ' love ' a lot now a days but this different . I have already promised her a future together and I can't fulfil that one promise if she is not by my side . " my voic
