Chapter 3

“What?” I asked again. What did he say? God, why couldn’t I think? Or concentrate?

That’s when I felt him place his hand on my thigh. Oh, that’s what he meant. My leg was shaking under the table. Since he was on my left side, he would have felt it.

My breath caught when he lightly stroked my skin with his thumb. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

I needed to get out of here. At least to compose myself. “West, can you order for me? I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t even wait for his reply. I got up and walked straight for the woman’s restroom. My heart was thundering in my chest, I was shaking, had chills…oh, God. It was happening. Again. I pushed my way into the woman’s bathroom and leaned against the wall. I needed to try to breathe. Breathe, Catherine. Come on…

“Cath?”

My eyes were squeezed shut. What was that noise?

“Cath, can you hear me?”

Somehow I managed to open my eyes. Wren was standing in front of me. He must have followed me. He kept saying something, but I had a hard time making it out. He seemed to realize that and placed his hands on either side of my face.

“Look at me, Cath. Look in my eyes. Good.” His voice was soft and calm. “There you go. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.”

I did as he said over and over again. Once I calmed down, I asked quietly, “Wren, what are you doing here? This is the women’s room.”

He dropped his hands and I wanted to cry at the absence of his touch. “I locked the door behind me.” He met my stare. I could tell from the frustration in his gaze what he was going to ask next. “How bad have they gotten, Cath?”

I looked away and walked over to the sink. I turned the water on and rinsed my face with the cold water. I didn’t want to answer his question. I didn’t want to make this night even more uncomfortable then it already was.

“How bad, Cath?” he repeated.

Looking into the mirror, my eyes met his. I shrugged a shoulder. “Not that bad.”

“You’re lying to me.” I ignored him as I turned the water off and dried my hands. When I felt his hand on my shoulder, I slowly turned towards him. “Cath, I’ve never seen you have one like that.” He glanced away and stood beside me; leaning against the counter. “Does West know?”

“No,” I breathed. I never told West about my panic attacks. I never explained to him that sometimes my anxiety gets out of control. I’ve been lucky that he hasn’t seen it happen. It was also one reason I didn’t want to live with him. “Please don’t tell him, Wren.”

“How often?” he asked.

Before he left for college, Wren was usually there whenever I had an attack. He seemed to be the only one who could calm me down. Sure, there were a few times when I was alone or with my parents, but not that many. Especially since Wren and I were inseparable. Well, at least then we were. “How often, Cath?” he asked again.

“Um, sometimes it’s just once a month or so. The worst has been a few times a week.” I knew where this line of questioning was going to go; and it wasn’t the place or the time. “Look, we can’t talk about this right now.”

Wren cleared his throat. “Okay. But I’m also guessing that you don’t want to go back out there.”

My hands gripped the counter top. He was right. The thought about walking through all those people again…”I have to,” I whispered. I promised West that I would try my best tonight. It meant a lot to him for me to come to this dinner.

Wren stepped in front of me and held out his hand. “Come with me, Cath. Let me take you somewhere. Anywhere that you can relax and catch your breath. Somewhere we can talk.”

I looked from his eyes, to his hand, to his eyes again before I finally placed my hand in his. “Okay.”

“So, this is your place?”

I slipped my heels off and placed my keys on the breakfast bar. “Yes, this is my apartment. I moved in last year.” I know asking Wren to bring me home wasn’t the best idea, but it’s where I wanted to be.

I wanted to get out of this dress and into comfy clothes. I wanted to be around my things. I started walking towards my bedroom and turned to face him. “Make yourself at home. I’m going to change.”

I disappeared in my bedroom and realized a little too late that there was no way I could unzip my dress by myself. Shit. I ran my hands over my face before I called, “Wren?”

He appeared behind me moments later with concern on his face. “What’s wrong? Are you having another attack?”

I shook my head. “No. Um, my dress. I can’t unzip it.” He didn’t say anything. He just…stared. Just like that day we graduated high school. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to—”

“It’s okay,” he interrupted and cleared his throat. “Turn around.”

I turned away from him and pulled my hair over my shoulder. I refused to look in the mirror. He unzipped the dress painfully slow. I also didn’t miss the way his fingers trailed down my back and followed the zipper.

After he had the zipper all the way down, he immediately walked out of my room. He didn’t say anything, and I was glad. Being around him was hard enough.

I quickly put on my pajama shorts and tank top before leaving the privacy of my bedroom. I found him in the kitchen cooking something on the stove.

“What are you making?” I asked curiously as I took a seat on the barstool.