FOUR

04: the voices that infiltrates an idle mind. 

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-and how did these voices start? How do they stop? 

How do you end it? 

Perhaps the only way is ending you...

Where they the voices of those you grieved? The voices you created in your head to suppress those emotions you don't want to feel.

Was there a spiritual meaning to all of this? And was it all real?

Questions you ask yourself, and only questions you can answer.

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disclaimer: strong language, suicidal intentions. 

From a young age, Zachary was troubled, according to his several primary teachers-

-because they saw in him, the traits they didn't see in another. Regina knew. Denver, his father knew also. 

He had once had a gun, under his father's name and threatened to use it on himself when he was much younger. He struggled with a lot of things. Depression. Anxiety. 

And they knew. 

The Dempsey's were this picture perfect family on the outside, the kind, you see in real estate advertising-

-but behind the scenes, were what the neighbors did not see. They weren't terrible. But they struggled. 

Almost more than every other family. 

When the neighbors looked at Regina  Denver, they didn't see the love that they shared, they saw like the hundred others, a mixed family. 

Colors. Labels. 

Stereotypes. 

There was Tyler, who had gotten the most of his father and Zachary, more of his mother. 

It was so easy for them to have a favorite and obvious when they did. 

And to Zach, it was Tyler. He was the star of the family. Was.

THREE YEARS AGO 

OURAY, COLORADO. 

His eyes narrowed at the picture of the Eiffel tower that stuck magnetically to the fridge door, Zach loved these stickers and he collected most of them. 

He loved the buildings on post cards. He loved puzzles too. And he loved his parents. God, he loved Tyler too. 

"Boys-" His mother called as he handled his backpack, walking out with their wrapped lunches in her hands and a smile across her cheeks. 

His eyes drifted to Denver and Tyler as they both yelled at the football highlights they had missed the previous night on tv and he then looked to his mother, with her hands akimbo on her hips, who sighed. 

"Tyler. You need to get ready for school" She switched it off by the remote, to both their unsatisfied groans. 

"I am ready" She rolled his eyes as Denver fell back into the chair, exhausted from the rising tension from the football match. 

They both had soccer. Sports. 

These were the things Zach couldn't relate to. Zach did write well, he wrote these fanfics on wattpad. 

But Denver- It just wasn't the same. 

So he just watched as Tyler adjusted his tie and bade his smiling father a goodbye. "Be good" He nodded. 

The school bus still honked at the sight of these two boys, that always delayed. 

"Love you!" Regina had held Zachary back as he pulled unto her clothes. 

They climbed into the bus as Tyler immediately recognized his friends by the corner, to the cheers of them and the eyes of the girls while Zach sat away. 

His peers did not keep to themselves how they all fantasied about his brother, Tyler. And as much he'd love to say it didn't bother him. 

Deep down, he knew it did. 

In school, they seldomly crossed paths. 

He'd nod if they did in the cafeteria, or by the halls. Or on the pitch but it was not as they were, at home. 

"This is good bro. Solid writing" He said, when he read one of his books on wattpad. But Zach sighed. 

"Is it too much?" He asked and Tyler shrugged his shoulders. "You don't understand it, do you?" Zachary asked and Tyler bent forward. 

"Hey. I don't need to understand it to know it's awesome. Cos it's you. You wrote it bro" Tyler always knew the right words as he punched Zach lightly. 

"And it's published" Zach hit the button. These times always made him nervous. He did write before. 

They were almost two different people. Except for one thing, 

-they loved gaming--They could game for a whole day. 

"Oh shit. I'm going to crush you" Zach would yell, as he held on fiercely to the game pad, both their eyes fixated on the large screen with so much concentration. 

"Joker. Fucki-" 

"Yess. Fucking yess-" Zach yelled, almost stoning the pad to the ground in excessive euphoria as he smiled, because he knew, 

-he only seldomly beats Tyler. 

"I'll go get the leftover sushi-" He stood. "Please cou-" 

"For me. It's a winner's treat" They both scoffed at each other. 

These days, these times had seemed like Zach was getting it all together. He was. 

Maybe because of Tyler or- They was no or. It was because of Tyler. 

Soon, Regina was promoted to a head nurse. Or at least, something like that. Often leaving, both Tyler and Denver at home. 

Denver was something of an IT guy but he was comfortable working from home at times. 

Basically, everyone was comfortable now. Until Zach began to feel left out. 

Tyler and Denver found this practice ground and they would go out for soccer training, that they'd leave Zach all alone, while Regina ran long shifts. 

Zach was only abandoned with maybe a box of pizza and these drinks, a box that transitioned to two boxes as they stayed later and he'd stay alone by himself. 

"Zakky. Here. You can order three" Denver slipped him the cash, unbeknownst to him, fueling what would only become a dangerous addiction in time, coupled with the lonely nights he spent at home. 

And it wasn't long, unsurprisingly, that Zach started to battle his previous demons. Because with the loneliness, comes the anxiety, and the fear and the overwhelming thoughts. 

The voices that infiltrated an idle mind, Zach battled. 

From a young age, i did say he was troubled, according to his several primary teachers-

-because they saw in him, the traits they didn't see in another. Regina knew. Denver, his father knew also. 

He had once had a gun, under his father's name and threatened to use it on himself when he was younger. He struggled with a lot of things. Depression. Anxiety. 

Not that he hadn't tried to overcome them, it was the fact he knew he couldn't. They'd always come back. 

And they did. Zach didn't have any friends. Never-

-except you count Jane and Jack, his imaginary Kindergarten closties. He wasn't much of a relationship guy but amidst that, he found it all in Tyler. 

A gaming partner. A friend. A support system. And family. 

That's why, when he found out, in some weeks, Tyler would've been going off to college and these last days, it was almost as if they didn't know each other. 

Regina was ultimately married to her work, which he knew would some day, break this family, and Denver was either too busy on his laptop-

-or out with Tyler. 

So the only one he had, was his voice. Himself. The same voice that led him back to find his father's gun. 

The voices that convinced him, told him to end it all. 

"Zachary. Dinner" Tyler had barged into the door, almost startling Zach that the gun almost slipped from his hands. 

"Hey. Tyler" He had called him back. 

"

Will you ever hate me?" He asked and Ty chuckled. 

"What kind of question is that?" He added before he walked off, closing the door and Zach sighed, 

-looking down to the gun, he hid buried into his pants. 

×

"Fucking pass the ball!" Tyler yelled, on his feet and facing the tv while Denver raised his fingers to grip the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

"Shit. They're playing shit today!" He exclaimed while Zach watched them from the kitchen, biting off the last piece of pizza and releasing a final exhale. 

"Chelsea's shit these days" Zach stood as they both turned to him. "I mean, the players are all so fu-" 

"Zach-" Tyler interrupted him. 

"Its like they don't even have any good players these days" He went on and on, desperate to fit in. "Zach-" 

"Zach. It's the other team. We're supporting Chelsea" Denver turned away from him as he went back.

"Of course" He muttered to himself as he turned back to Ty. "You want to play some game. I have the latest-"

"No Zach. Maybe after this next game" He didn't bother to turn back around as Zach looked to the door and back at the gun he clenched by his sides.

"I'd just. I'd just go for some air" He muttered as he staggered through the door, bursting through the cool Colorado evening air with an exhale.

The tears that welled up in his eyes had started to fall as he looked around the few people that stood around the well lighted streets. 

"Okay..." He whispered.

He pulled out the gun and held it close to his chest, breathing out the air he had tried to hold in with his tears. 

"Okay" He continued, lower in his tone this time.

'do it, zach. do it'

'no one loves you. no one has your time'

'pull the fucking trigger and do the whole world a favor' 

'do your family a favor'

The voices in his head grew louder as his quivering finger squeezed against the trigger as he lifted it closer to his head-

'you can't fight this-'

To be continued...