Chapter Four

        Adam suddenly realized it's already 3 P.M. He lost track of time, and he felt he entirely missed the rest of his psychology class. But then, he thought he could still catch up to a few more minutes of discussion left. It shouldn't have been that way; he only wanted to have a decent smoking break for just about ten minutes. If only that girl didn't show up.

        He hurriedly walked up the steps toward the entrance of the Social Sciences Building. As he was about to go through the door, the bell rang. Adam stopped and breathed a sigh. He missed the rest of the class today. As a stream of other college students flowed from the inside of the building, Adam saw a familiar face carrying his bag.  She smiled at her friends waving goodbye at her. Within a second, they caught a glimpse of Adam and their smiles slightly faded. Sasha, with her blue eyes and perfectly cared lashes, followed their eyes and caught a glimpse of him too.

        Sasha walked towards him and smiled. She kissed him on the cheek. "Where have you been?" She asked. "You missed the rest of the period. I know you don't take your smoking breaks that long." She looked at him and watched his reaction. She knew about the commotion that happened earlier today. People have been sending photos about the chase in the grounds earlier today on social media. And aside from that, she saw Kim running and crying, with her hand on her cheek throbbing with pain across the hallway when she went to the bathroom an hour before their class ended.

        Adam took his bag from her hand and wore it over his shoulder. Sasha took his arm and wrapped hers around it and they walked together towards the open grounds. "I just took time roaming around for a bit in the grounds to check out the booths. Got nothing else to do." He casually answered. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He never wanted to talk anything about him ever since.

        Sasha rolled her eyes a little and stopped walking, which caused Adam to stop walking too. "What?" He asked.

        "Adam," She started. "When will you ever be honest with me?"

        "Honest with what?"

        "Like with this one!"

        "Which one?"

        "Oh, dammit!"

        "Why do I have to explain things to you?" Adam's brows met in the middle.

        Sasha was not yet ready for that question. She evaded it by saying, "People have been talking about you and Kim, and even Axel. Did you know that Axel has been ranting with his football team about you screwing his girlfriend? Every one of them wants to get their hands on you!" She had always been updated with things happening in their department and even in the entire campus since she was part of the 'inner circle' of female students: bright, beautiful, and goal-oriented--often tasked with leadership responsibilities by the administration and faculty. Adam was typically her kryptonite, which had been the reason why her friends don't smile when he was around her because they knew he could prevent her from becoming the best that she could be.

        Adam ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Sasha observed his gestures. She also felt so frustrated about how he was like a concrete wall when she talked to him about things. But as she saw him run his fingers through his hair, it made her forget why she hated him at the moment. She was fighting the urge to nuzzle and kiss him because she knew the situation was unfair on her part. Then she noticed something on his hair and so she stepped closer. Adam looked at her with eyes expressing annoyance towards the conversation, and partly at her for insisting to talk about it. Sasha plucked a white speck from his hair. "What's this?"

        Adam looked at her fingers holding something. It's a paper shred.

        "What have you been doing?" Sasha asked. She doesn't know how to get to the issue with him anymore. She knew at the very start of being involved with him with its specific conditions there would be complications. This was one of them.

        "Can you just stop doing this? Can you just shut up?"

        Sasha was stunned. She doesn't easily cry. But she doesn't know what was happening between the two of them anymore.

        A minute of silence passed between the two of them, both still standing on where they have been talking. Adam placed his hands on his sides, thinking the situation was so ridiculous.

        "Haven't we talked about this already?" He started, breaking the short silence.

        Sasha was looking at the pavement in an attempt to prevent her tears from falling. She nodded quietly. She doesn't want to say the words, but she knows it would hurt even more if the words came from him. She looked at him and with a deep breath she said, "No commitments."

        "See? You do know. No commitments." Adam repeated. "So why would you bother if I have been 'screwing' Kim last Friday?" He blatantly admitted it, finally. He did it because he just wanted to hurt her to silence her from bothering him about how he chooses to do things. Sasha, despite being hurt even further with that he said, remembered the time when they first talked about it. She had to admit to herself countless times that she was the one who first approached Adam because she had always been attracted to him when she first saw him when they were both freshmen. The first time she saw him, she was one of the numerous pairs of eyes who followed his movements when he first stepped inside their classroom during their first week of classes. At that very moment, she knew what her mission was: to be noticed by him.

        Looking at him during those moments: her presence not yet felt by him as if she doesn't belong in this world--well, his world more particularly--she would trace an a portrait of her own muse from the shape of his finely sculpted jawline to the strength of his neck and shoulders. She loved the way she could draw his details in her imagination like a painting. This observation and wonderment in an isolated manner lasted for a semester until the time came when they had to choose majors.

        She remembered him standing a couple of meters away from her, looking at brochures regarding different courses. He looked undecided, confused even. She told herself that it was the best chance to let him know that he had been missing something out in his world: her.

She took one step closer. Breathe in. She told herself. "Have you decided on your major yet?" Adam looked up with his intense, light brown eyes, which made Sasha feel something skip inside her chest. "Not yet." Adam left an expression of curiosity as to why a random person had been talking to him all of a sudden.

        Sasha took another step closer. "You don't know me, don't you?"

        Adam stared at her for a few more seconds. She was convincing herself that breathing is an instinct. Those eyes. She said to herself.

        "Uh, no? Should I?" He answered her after trying to recall where he first met her. His memory failed him.

        Sasha replied with an amused smile. "I'm your block mate. Two rows behind yours." She extended her right hand and added, "My name is Sasha. Sasha Romero."

        Adam looked at her hand for a second. After some hesitation, he also extended his right hand and replied, "Adam. Ocampo." Their hands touched, and Sasha felt sparks and warmth travelled seamlessly inside her body. She liked--no, loved--the way his strong hand covered her slender, soft palm. To prevent herself from getting too distracted with his beauty, she continued with their conversation. "So, what are the majors you've been looking at?"

        Adam looked at his brochures again with a sigh. "Well, there's psychology, art history, poetry, fine arts, literature." At the mention of art history, her face secretly lit up. It's the major that she had always chosen even before she graduated from high school, because not only was she interested in studying art, but her father had always expected her to take over their art business after he retires. If Adam chose the same major as hers, they could take the same classes together every day. It's a living dream for her. But still, she started with, "Okay, so, what are the things that you enjoy doing every day?"

        Adam looked at her again thinking, beer, cigarettes, hot girls. But of course, he was aware it's not a good answer to her question and she wouldn't understand. So he said, "I do random doodles, I read?" That's all he could say. But he wondered how was the question even connected to his concern.

        Sasha thought his answer was more complicated than she had expected. Could a person be that unsure about himself? She wondered this because all her life, on the contrary, she had got everything mapped out. Her plans, the way she wanted to live her life in the future, how she wanted to be on top of her goals--she never missed a mark. She had been a consistent honor student, and that made her father approve of her. Take note of the word approve, not proud. Her father, where she got her perfectionism from, had even higher standards, and he thought her achievements were just on the normal curve. "If I constantly praise you for doing things, you will just stay on your normal efforts," he said to her one time over dinner when she told him she won another award for being the best in the inter-school painting competition back when she was in high school. "I want you to be better than that. You have to stand out." How can I stand out even further if I am already the top of the class? She wondered. And this caused her so many sleepless nights, thinking of how long would it take for her to wait until her father will just say to her that he is proud of what she had become, of the things that she had achieved, and most importantly, for just being proud that she was her daughter. But, she understood she couldn't blame him for being like that because she knew his father wouldn't be the best art dealer in the field if he did not raise his standards above everybody else. Even royal families across Europe have always trusted his artistic instincts, hence he has had many connections among them.

Maybe that was the reason why Sasha had always been so attracted to Adam. He had shaken up her minutely organized life--which made her so fascinated with how things could become so unknown when it comes to him. She wanted something new, and she wanted something new with him on her side.

        After that conversation in the hallway, Sasha and Adam had lunch together and talked more about the things that he could consider when it comes to choosing a major. There have been moments when they were just silent, eating their meals. But then, there were times Adam asked questions about particular courses in each of the majors, which Sasha had been much obliged to explain. While chewing on a burger a few minutes later, Adam finally said, "I think I'll take art history."

        Sasha's heart skipped a beat again. Is this a dream? "What made you decide to pursue that?" She calmly twisted her spaghetti with her fork. She had to be subtle, or else he might think she was doing this on purpose.

        "It seems interesting, it might not probably bore me, and maybe I can use a bit of my doodling while studying it." He coolly replied.

        Sasha took a bite of her pasta. She chewed for a bit then said, "Why don't you take painting as a major then if you want to use your 'doodling' while studying?"

        Adam shrugged. "That's too much doodling. And I don't want to carry canvasses everyday like the ones that I see across campus." Then as he was about to say something, he stopped and reached out at Sasha's left corner of her lip. He gently brushed his finger on that spot. Sasha froze, not in fear, but because of intense emotions jolting her all over her body.

        "You have spaghetti sauce on that spot." He coolly mentioned, then reached for a tissue to wipe his hands. He did it anyway, because heck, he always knew whenever girls were interested. Might as well play along.

        Sasha held the same spot of her face where it has been touched by Adam's hand. "Is it gone? Do I look okay now?"

        He looked at her, took note of her coyness which she did not know she had been blatantly showing all along despite her efforts. "You're still gorgeous, don't worry." He smiled a little, slyly. He had noticed her shiny blonde hair falling freely on her loose braid placed sideways on her shoulder when she approached him earlier that day. It complimented her blue eyes. He also found her attractive, but only to that level.

        Sasha blushed. She didn't know what to do anymore.

        After that moment, they spent more time together not only just in choosing their majors, but in activities outside their classes. Sasha's friends have been hinting this could go from bad to worse when she did not stop this soon. Despite the danger, she still ignored her friend's efforts to convince her to stop. It's far from over now, most especially things had gotten more intimate between them.

        One morning, after one of the numerous nights that he spent with her, she knew she had to clarify things between them. Ever since they had been spending more time together, she had since then realized Adam was not a man of many words. But, when it came to things between the two of them, she knew she had to hear from him where their relationship was headed towards.

        Over breakfast at home, Sasha broke the silence as the two of them sat on the dining table right across each other, with her wearing his shirt which was quite large for her. "Adam, I have to ask you something." It was very timely that her father had gone to Norway to discuss matters with the king about curating important art pieces in the royal family treasury, and he might stay there for a couple more months because of the huge project. She had more time that day to let Adam stay for breakfast and talk.

        Adam took a sip from his coffee before he replied. "Shoot."

        Sasha lightly fumbled with her hands underneath the table. She did not want to show to Adam she was nervous about what she was about to ask. She calmly said, "Uhm, I do think we have to talk about important things, things involving the two of us..."

        Adam cut her short. He already knew where it was all going, and he did not want any long prologues. "Can you get to the point?" He said it in a tone that was calm but you could feel a coldness in the way he said the words. Sasha was taken aback. She also knew what his responses meant.

       "I-I was just wondering...what are we? Do you consider me as your girlfriend?"

       Adam stared at her from across the table with no expression. Silence lingered for a minute or two. Sasha started to feel restless, her mind racing. Her question would destroy everything. Everything had already been perfect, why couldn't she just be content and let things stay as they are?

       He started to speak. "Are you happy with the way things are?"

       Sasha was unsure about what to reply. But she had to say something, so she said, "Y-yes."

       Adam considered for a moment his next question. Then he said, "Do you think I am the kind of person who stays the way you want me to stay?"

       Sasha was taken aback with what she heard. She knew it. She knew it.

       "Answer me." He insisted, with authority. She did not know she had been silent for that long.

       "No."

       "Then you understand. You agreed to this. You know where you're heading into, and I am just letting you decide. I am not the kind of man who chooses things for the long term, Sasha. That's one important thing you should know about me." He took a bite of his croissant. He chewed as if there's no tension between them. She was one of those many girls who asked the same questions to him, and they just never got it. He's just used to how to handle each one of them when they started wondering.

       Adam noticed Sasha had been silent longer than the usual after he said it. He looked at her again and said, "I can leave right after I finish this and never come back."

      "No!" Sasha quickly replied. She could not bear it. What he said tore her, but him leaving her would break her. "Don't."

      "Then you have to remind yourself about what's between us: no commitments, okay?" Adam clearly said.

      Sasha nodded. She had to concede, or else she would lose everything. She would lose him. "No commitments." She repeated.

      Adam sighed and gestured for her to come to him. He reached for her hand and pulled her gently, leaning toward him for a lingering kiss, tender and sweet. He whispered to her after, "Things are okay as they are. Just let it be."

      Since that day, Sasha knew what she was gambling, yet she still pushed through. At the outset, she had always lost the game. But as the days passed by, which counted to a year after that morning, her heart knew she wanted more of him, not just within their conditions. It's gotten too heavy for her. And now, seeing that Adam had been with other girls after that time, she couldn't bear the thought that she was sharing him with other girls. She couldn't set boundaries for both of them.

      Adam now looked at her with an intensity she had never seen before. He had been starting to notice that things are getting out of hand between them ever since that morning. He had to do something.

      "You know what, our conditions are going to change." He said.

      Sasha's face lit up with a slight hint of hope as she looked at him. Did he notice how much she values him? How much she doesn't want to let him go? Could he understand now?

      "Things need to step up between the two of us, and we need to protect each other." He added. He looked at her straight in the eye.

      Sasha's eyes hinted smiles she wanted to wear on her lips. Is this it?

      Adam's face did not change. "I have to back off for now. You'll have to just wait for me to approach you when I need anything from you."

      She let out a breath of shock, reflecting the same feeling on her face. No, this can't be!

      "Please, give this another chance. Give us a chance..."

       Adam smirked. "There's no us. How many times do you have to remember that?"

       He did not let anything else be spoken between the two of them, hence he walked away and left Sasha alone--alone with her broken dreams. Because he had brought everything else along with him, leaving her empty.