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Thalia

Disappointment. 

From the moment I was born, I was already a disappointment. 

Coming from a family of guards, we are never expected to break the tradition. My grandfather, the past consigliere, and my father, the current head of the caporegime, are influential people in the mafia world. Our family, the Ricci’s, swore to devote the entire bloodline to one family—the Romanos. 

The Romano family is infamous in the mafia scene. The leaders of the pack. The most lethal clan there is. And we, the Ricci’s, worked alongside them for years and years, protecting them from the countless threats they face every single day. 

Produce the best protectors—that’s what my family always wanted. That’s why they had always preferred sons over daughters, and they had damn good luck in that department too. My grandmother gave birth to five sons, and all of them became part of the caporegime, with my father being the highest-ranked. Much to their delight, those sons gave birth to only sons too. My three brothers represented what the caporegime needed—strength, wisdom, and sin. 

Everything was perfect. 

Until I came. 

Like a curse that came to ruin everything, I was born—the only daughter in the entire Ricci clan. The only disappointment in the family. 

I really wasn’t supposed to be born at all. If my mother didn’t oppose my father’s request to get rid of me, then I wouldn’t even exist in this world. I don’t know what’s better, really. There are definitely some days when I feel like it would have been better if I had just ceased to exist. 

From a young age, I have always been confused. My father loathed my existence from the moment I was born. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. I was a normal girl who loved flowers, dolls, bright colors, and the like. I thought that was a normal thing to do. However, it wasn’t normal inside the Ricci household. My father wanted me to be strong, emotionless, and brave, so he took everything I loved away ever since I was young. 

Again, I didn’t understand. It was never like that for my brothers, anyway. While they were allowed to go to school and experience the daily life of a teenager, I was stuck at home being homeschooled. I was practically surrounded by only four cold, colorless walls as I grew up. 

Comparisons basically ruled my life. “Women are inferior to men,” I would always hear. And although it infuriated me, I couldn’t do anything about it. As time passed by, I guess I just got used to it. 

But I guess it wasn’t that bad. I had my mother with me, and she was the only person that kept me sane—that made me feel loved. Whenever my father went to work, we’d sneak out to the flower garden and play with the butterflies. I could still remember her smile—the smile that melted the coldness that I felt in my heart. 

However, all good things are really bound to come to an end. 

That dreaded day came—when I lost her smile.

One rainy night, my mother and I were left all alone in the house because my father wanted to train my brothers in the harsh weather. I didn’t really mind one bit at that time. I was actually happy that I could once again show my real self in the presence of my mother. We were having a movie marathon at that time when somebody suddenly knocked on our door. 

We thought that it was my father and brothers who had already come back, so I scrambled to get rid of all the evidence that suggested we had a movie marathon while my mother went to get the door. 

I still regret ever doing that.

I should have been the one to answer the door. 

***

5 years ago

“Mom,” I called out, dusting my pants to get rid of the popcorn bits that had accumulated when I was snacking on them. I felt proud of myself since I was able to get rid of all the evidence before my father came into the living room. 

“Mom,” I repeated once more, frowning when she didn’t respond. 

“Mom,” I said in a much louder voice, swiftly walking to the door. However, my footsteps halted when I heard my mother’s voice, along with multiple other voices. It was strange, though, since I couldn’t recognize them. That could only mean one thing—the voices do not belong to my father and brothers.

I stayed behind a large wall to peek at the current situation. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw the scene before me. Multiple men dressed in black surrounded my mother. I froze in my spot when I saw one of them pulling a gun out from its holster. 

It seemed as if time had slowed down, and yet I still couldn’t do anything. The man smirked, although his face couldn’t fully be seen because of the hat that he was wearing. And with that, he placed the gun right over my mother’s head and fired without any hesitation.

*Bang*

***

“Thalia, get the fuck up,” I heard the familiar sound of my brother’s voice along with the jerking motion of the bed due to his kick. 

I groggily got up from bed and saw his disdainful eyes looking down at me. 

“What time is it?” I grumbled as I covered my eyes with my arm. I felt the wet tears that were lingering in my eyes. I haven’t dreamt of my mother for so long and reliving that traumatic experience is definitely something I don't want to happen again.

He clicked his tongue. “Do you think you have the luxury to know what time it is? Father told you to wake up early today since it’s your departure, but look at you. It’s already your last day at the house, and you’re still acting like a disappointment.”

I didn’t say anything and merely pursed my lips together. I know that saying something in this situation would just worsen it. 

“You better get down in fifteen minutes, or else. Father’s going to be the one to come up here.”

With that, he finally left my small room. 

I sighed as I got out of bed, brushing the stray pieces of hair away from my face. Waking up from that nightmare really frazzled my mind, and I honestly don't want to do anything other than lie down in bed. However, knowing that my father and brothers were waiting for me downstairs, I couldn’t do anything but get up from bed to finally get ready. 

I went to the bathroom sink and splashed some cold water on my face, so I could wake up quickly. I then stared at my reflection in the mirror, the water dripping down my chin and some down to my neck. I let out a sigh as my eyes travel down my features—dark hair, blue eyes, a small nose, and plump lips. I look so similar to my mother. No wonder my father hates my existence—every time he looks at me, he’s probably reminded of her. 

I look into my eyes and see the same frightened eyes that my mom had once she was shot in the head. At thirteen years old, I witnessed my mother’s death right in front of my eyes. My father and brothers soon came home afterward, but they didn’t comfort me like I thought they would. 

Instead of blaming the murderers that killed her, they blamed me. And I can’t blame them. It really is my fault. If only I was strong enough…If only I had listened to my father and became braver, then maybe she would still be with us up to this day. 

So, from that point on, I decided to forget about everything I loved. I let go of my desire of wanting to go to school, of wanting to experience the normal life of a teenager and decided to dedicate my entire life to training. I needed to be strong enough to protect what I have now. I have already lost my mother, and I can’t lose anything else. 

I shook my head to get rid of such thoughts. My father and brothers were waiting for me downstairs, and I knew that I should go down as soon as possible, so I did. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting, really, but I really shouldn’t have expected it at all. Today was the day when I was finally going to enter the guarding system, and I thought that there would be something prepared for me when I got down. However, it was the same old scene—my father and brothers silently eating tasteless oatmeal at the table. Every time one of my brothers had to enter the system, I remember them throwing a big farewell party to celebrate the new chapter in their lives. My father would even call some of our relatives to celebrate, but right now, it just feels like any other ordinary day.

“Good morning,” I greeted and sat down on one of the chairs.

As expected, none of them greeted her back, so I scooped up some of the tasteless oatmeal pn my bowl and ate it quickly. I glanced at my older brother, Onyx, and looked away quickly when our eyes met for a millisecond. I had always been scared of him ever since we were young. He was the silent but deadly type. He definitely upholds the title of the oldest Ricci grandson since he was the fastest one to get promoted in the caporegime. He never really blamed me for my mother’s death, but he also never acknowledged my presence since then. 

My eyes then strayed to my second brother, Abel. If Onyx was the silent but deadly type, then Abel is the complete opposite. He was a vocal man who always expected to get what he wanted. He has a big body build, and he’s not afraid to use it.  He’s also the one who openly bullied me since we were kids, and it only worsened when my mother died. 

My third brother, Reese, rarely came home since he just joined the guarding system not too long ago. He’s two years older than me, and he’s honestly my favorite brother. We aren’t that close, but I can tell that he doesn’t despise me. It’s just a shame that we don’t get to see each other often since he became the head of the training system and rarely goes home. 

After finishing the tasteless bowl of oatmeal, I silently stood up from my seat and placed my plate on the sink. I was about to head up to my room when my father’s deep voice stopped me. 

“Thalia,” he said in a tone that made me freeze in my spot. 

I slowly turned around, a little bit expectant of what he was going to say. “Yes, father?” I said in a hopeful tone.

“You’re leaving today,” he said, his eyes never leaving the book that he was reading. 

I bowed my head and nodded. “Yes, father.”

“Good luck. You’re going to need it,” Abel said in a teasing tone, obviously enjoying my upcoming departure.

I ignored him and focused my entire attention on my father. I stood in front of him, not knowing what to do. There was a nagging feeling in my heart that told me to reach out to him. I was hoping, deep inside my heart, that he was going to tell me that he's gonna to miss me since I was going to be away from home for quite a long time. 

But then again, why was I expecting once again?

He finally let go of the book that he was reading and looked me deep in the eyes. I held my breath as I waited for him to utter his words. 

Not even a good luck, not even a goodbye. Heck, not even a nod or pat of acknowledgment. 

“Thalia,” he said my name once more, his voice still sending fear down my spine. 

“Yes, father?”

“Don’t be a disappointment.”