Chapter 6

Chapter 06

Dean was having a panic attack.

That was clear by now.

Apart from the mental breakdowns I used to witness after Dean would have a nightmare about Charlie, I honestly had never seen him like this. He looked completely disoriented and frantic.

Luckily, I was familiar with panic attacks. Tommy used to suffer from them when he was younger and I watched my parents handle him enough times to know exactly what to do.

Dean and I had found ourselves on the floor of the bathroom, his back against the wall. I pulled away from the hug so that I could face him squarely.

Holding both his arms in each of my hands, I looked to him and said, "Breathe, in and out."

He tried to do as I told.

"Dean, look at me." I whispered as calmly as I could manage. "Look at me."

His ocean blue eyes met mine.

"Breathe." I instructed slowly. "In and out."

He was able to do it this time.

"In and out." I said again, my eyes searching his. "Come on."

He repeated the action but his body was still trembling.

I placed my palm on his chest, feeling the rapid pace of his heartbeat. I proceeded to rub up and down his chest in an attempt to calm him down.

"Deep breaths, come on." I reminded him because he seemed to have stopped.

Dean continued to breathe in and out as I rubbed up and down his chest.

"You're gonna be fine." I said soothingly. "Just keep breathing."

He did just as I told him to. And after what felt like hours, his body seemed to relax and the beat of his heart became normal. I could feel his chest heave up and down like he was trying to adjust to the calm pace everything was going now.

When I was sure his body had stopped trembling, I pulled my hand away from his chest and proceeded to sit beside him so that my back was resting on the wall too.

Dean had his arms on his knees and his face down in them. He just kept letting out breaths and nothing more. I simply sat there silent beside him, not really knowing what else to do.

My mind travelled to a thousand different places. I couldn't even comprehend what had happened or even think of any possible reason why it had. He seemed perfectly fine when I saw him earlier, he definitely didn't look like he'd be having a major panic attack in the men's bathroom less than an hour later.

The only thing I could think of that could make Dean act this way was his past trauma about Charlie and possibly fire. But then again, nearly three years had passed and I couldn't say I knew anything about Dean anymore.

A lot had changed.

This wasn't something I could simply guess.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that." Dean's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

His voice was hoarse, but it was calm.

I shook my head, "Uh, it's okay."

Silence fell between us again.

But I broke it, "How are you feeling now?"

He finally lifted his head from his knees, fixing his gaze on mine, "Better. Thank you."

I nodded.

"Good thing you were here."

"What-" I hesitated at first but then I cleared my throat. "Uh, what happened?"

Dean looked away from me. The expression on his face looked distant, a light crease forming between his eyebrows like he was thinking of everything that happened before he said, "I don't want to talk about it."

A part of me expected him to say that but it kind of stung when he did.

I guess it served as a subtle reminder that I was in no place to ask him anything personal about his life because we weren't in each other's lives anymore. He didn't feel like he could share anything with me because I practically didn't know who he was anymore.

And that was no one else's fault but mine.

"Okay, no problem." I nodded, heaving a sigh. "Would you at least talk to someone about it?"

He looked at me again.

"What I just saw looked pretty serious and you should let someone help you." I told him honestly.

He nodded, "Sure, I will."

"Good."

Silence filled the air for a while but I wasn't the one to break it this time.

"Was kind of surprised that you actually stopped to help me." Dean blurted out. "Like, you actually seemed... worried."

I was kind of offended that he would say that.

Putting our history aside, he was a human being and I could tell that he needed help. I would've done that for anyone.

I furrowed my brows, "I would've stopped to help if it were anyone else."

"I know, I know." He shook his head, trying to put his thoughts into better wording. "I don't know, i-it just seemed like you cared. Like, really cared. For me."

I placed a hand on his knee, looking straight at him, "I will always care about you, Dean."

Dean looked like he was about to say something before the door to the bathroom was pushed open, revealing Amber Freeman whose expression held anger immediately she saw both of us.

I wasted no time in pulling my hand away from Dean's knee.

We both quickly stood to our feet, our gazes fixed on Dean's girlfriend who looked like she was about to throw something at us.

"What in the world is going on here?" She glared at Dean and I.

Dean was the first to speak, "Amber, this is not what it looks like. Nothing is going on."

"You have been acting weird all night and then suddenly needed to use the bathroom." Her calm voice was more evidence of how furious she was. "And then you disappear for half an hour that I have to come find you myself only to see you so up close and chummy with her?"

"Amber, baby-"

"What are you even doing here?" She grimaced at me. "Why are you in the men's bathroom? Did you just happen to be here?"

"It's not what it looks like, I swear." I tried to explain. "I thought this was the ladies restroom, honestly. And then I saw that Dean was having a pa-"

"Look, I just needed a minute, babe." Dean cut me off abruptly. "We were only speaking for a few minutes before you walked in."

Why didn't he want her to know what had happened?

I found it odd that he didn't want me getting Amber earlier but I really didn't have the time to question it but now he was making it pretty obvious that he didn’t, in fact, want her to know about the panic attack.

Or even had any plans of telling her for that matter.

"On the bathroom floor?!" Amber fired back. "Do you honestly think I'm stupid?"

Dean hesitantly made his way to her and placed his hands on hers, "Amber, you're upset and I understand that. So, why don't we just call it a night, head back home and we'll talk about this better in private?"

She wriggled her hands out of Dean's grasp and faced me squarely, "I don't trust you, Grace."

I completely understood her reaction but I wasn't about to stand there looking intimidated by her, because I wasn't.

"You're always everywhere and that's pretty fucking convenient for you." She continued, her voice laced with venom. "I don't care what your intentions are but do not provoke me. Respect your boundaries and I'll respect mine, okay?"

After that, she stormed out of the bathroom.

Dean gave me one last remorseful look before he followed closely behind her.

* * * *

I found myself back in the dinner hall.

After Dean and Amber had walked out of the restroom, I simply just stood there, needing a minute. It was quite a lot to happen all at once and I simply took my time to process it and gather myself together.

I would've stayed there a bit longer if a young man hadn't walked into the bathroom, looking shocked to see me standing there. I had made a quick stop to the ladies bathroom, which was directly opposite the men's, brushed my hair which had gotten scattered and retouched my lipstick.

Just as I was about to head over to where Chris and I had previously sat, I felt a gentle touch on my arm.

I looked to my right to see Harry staring back at me.

"Hey, are you okay?" He furrowed his brows. "You kind of disappeared earlier."

I smiled at how genuinely concerned he looked, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just went to use the bathroom and kind of got lost."

He let out a soft laugh, "Sorry about that. There was no one around you could ask?"

"Not exactly, no." I laughed as well, simply wanting to brush it off.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked again.

"Yes." I dragged on the word, giving him a suspicious look. "Why?"

"I don't know, you just seem-"

"I'm just tired, I guess." I cut him off, shrugging a shoulder.

"You want to head home?" He asked.

"Kind of, yeah." I said honestly.

"Why don't I drive you?" He asked, reaching for his keys in his pocket.

"Um," my eyebrows shot up. "No, thank you."

"Why not?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"Cause this is literally your event, Harry." I reminded him.

"Which my brother seems to be handling pretty well on his own." He said to me, motioning his head to Benny. "Also, the event's almost over anyways."

"I drove here with Chris, it wouldn't be right if I left without him." I tried to explain.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you have to leave because you're tired and I'll assure him you're in safe hands." When I gave another unsure look, he added, "And he seems to be having a lot of fun talking to those guys over there, he doesn't look like he'd like to leave anytime soon."

I looked to Chris to see him laughing heartily with a few men, one of which I recognised to be Freddy Boland. I knew if I told him what had happened earlier and that I wanted to leave, he'd drop whatever he was that he was doing even if deep down he didn't want to.

I wouldn't have wanted him to do that.

He seemed like he was genuinely enjoying himself.

"Trust me, Grace, I am not a serial killer." Harry said again, holding both his hands up. "Scouts honour."

I laughed, making a thinking face, "You do have the serial killer vibe."

"Oh, do I?" He laughed as well. "What is the serial killer vibe?"

"I don't know, there's just this particular aura and... look." I tried to explain it. "Kind of like Joe Goldberg in You."

"In me?" He wore a confused look.

"Oh, no, no, no." I laughed at his confusion. "I mean, You, the N*****x show."

He still looked confused.

"You really haven't seen-"

Then he laughed, "I'm just playing with you. Of course, I've seen You."

I gave him a look and then laughed as well, "Alright, let me go say bye to Chris real quick and I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Chris was quite excited when I told him that Harry Ronald was offering me a ride home. He was having a good time with his new friends and said he'd like to stay longer. He didn't forget to add that I should "use protection" with a wink to go with it.

I mean, typical Chris.

Harry and I had gotten downstairs to the garage where we walked towards his car. The night was bright and it was cold, but in a good way.

"Are you cold?" Harry asked beside me, like he could read my mind.

"No, not really."

He proceeded to take his suit jacket off and place it gently over my back.

"Thank you." I gave him a smile.

He nodded in response before he said, "So, about our conversation earlier..."

"Which one?"

"Would you go on a date with me?"

"Harry," I started, stopping in my tracks, "I already told you-"

"-you're not interested in being with anyone right now, I know." He said to me. "But will one date really be so bad? Will it hurt to give it a try?"

"Look, I already tried the whole 'just one date, give it a try' thing and it didn't end so well." I informed him. "I don't want to promise anything I won't do. I cannot give you anything romantic, Harry."

His face fell for a moment before he spoke again, "How about friendship then? Can you give me that? Can we be just friends at least?"

"If you promise that'll be your only interest in me." I said firmly. "If you can say that you're not coming into this with any other intention then fine, we can be friends."

"I'll take that." He said before lifting his right hand. "Scouts honour."

I chuckled.

"Kind of stings though." He spoke again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What?" I asked, the edge of my lip going up a bit. "Let me guess, you've never had a woman turn you down like that before."

"Oh, you didn't see me in high school then." He shook his head and I laughed as we continued to walk to his car.

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