3 - Wild Horses

~Lukas’ Point of View~

I really had little interest in being a father, but seeing Tasha about to bring new life into the world was pretty cool. I’d asked her if I needed to call someone for her, but she insisted she had it under control. She even said I could leave her car at the studio tomorrow and she’d have someone get it. I’d have to get it cleaned for her, she had the same OCD I did and I knew it the minute she made a comment about getting her seat wet. I’d thought about it too but wasn’t about to point it out.

It was like … I was super needed for twenty minutes and now, she didn’t need me. I shouldn’t care. I really shouldn’t. But it kinda sucked. It wasn’t even really that I wanted to see the baby, I just wanted to help her. It was clear there wasn’t a man here, and I really did wanna know why. 

Maybe she chose to keep a one night stand, maybe it was a bad break up. Either way, it sucked. She seemed ready though, like she had her life together. I wasn’t totally sure what to do with myself so I drove her car to Slade’s.

I strolled in to see him at the stove, cooking away. The heavy smell of garlic in the air. I hadn’t been hungry but now I was, his cooking always had that effect. He didn’t cook often anymore but when he did, damn it was good. He always had a personal chef around so there was no need.

“How much is your little stunt tonight gonna cost me,” I heard, he didn’t even turn around.

His house had cameras out the ass, so he’d likely seen me get out of the car. He also had a killer sound system all over the house and the Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” played softly.

I went right to the fridge and grabbed two beers then hopped on the counter and opened them both, sitting one in front of him. He took it without skipping a beat and took a long pull.

“They’re fucking elementary morons. No way in hell am I letting us put our names on that trash,” I said, matter of fact.

“I listened to it too. Why anyone thought it was good I’ll never know,” he said, laughing and putting his beer down.

He got out two plates, already knowing fully well I’d wanna eat too. This was why I loved Slade to death, he just got me. He got all of us. He always anticipated all our needs and fulfilled them. Why did I need a girlfriend in my life when I had him?

“Wanna hit a strip club,” I asked, hopeful.

He shot me a look as he began to plate some chicken and pasta. Slade hadn’t been going out with me at all lately, and it sucked. He was the last single guy in our crew for me to hang with but maybe he was just getting too old for all the usual shenanigans. But I wasn’t ready to settle down. If he didn’t want to head out I’d just dial up some girl and drop by her place for a bit.

“So Tasha’s baby popped as we were leaving the bar, I took her to the hospital,” I said, grabbing the full plates and heading toward the table. 

“And you left her? You didn’t stay,” he nearly shouted, grabbing our beers.

“She didn’t seem to want me to. She got right on her phone and called somebody, said to just drop her car tomorrow,” I said, sitting down.

“We’ll send her a nice care package. I’ll have Bailey do it. Maybe get her some gift cards to restaurants that deliver,” he said, picking up his phone.

I dug into my plate, nodding. Slade always knows what to do. He’s the man like that. 

“Yeah I’ll kick in for it. Oh and uhm … some pap was there, got a picture of us. Probably gonna be a story about how I’m a daddy or some shit,” I said, reaching for my beer.

Slade groaned and dropped his phone, throwing up his hands.

“Can you just…” he said, shaking his head and not even finishing. I grinned.

We were always in trouble. One of us or all of us. He wouldn’t even know what to do with himself if we weren’t.

After we ate he took me into his home studio, our sanctuary. He played a few things for me, some group that Jude had found online, wanted us to check out. They weren’t signed anywhere yet. 

“Yeah bro, I’m liking the double bass, he’s good,” I said, of course, first listening to the drummer.

When I hear a song for the first time that’s just how my brain is wired, then I play it back a few more times for everyone else.

“They’re in Montana,” he said, laughing. I rolled my eyes at that. 

“Heavy metal cowboys. Could be a thing just look at Pantera,” I said, taking a joint from him and lighting up.

Even though Slade didn’t party anymore, he loved to smoke. And so did I, but I tried not to do it in my place too often.

“So you think you’re ready to take over for Tasha,” he finally asked, once we turned off the music.

I blew out a raspberry and leaned far back in the chair.

“Fuck if I know. But I’ll tell you what I liked telling that skinny little emo fuck to shove his dick up his ass earlier,” I said, smiling.

Slade made a face. 

“I can’t believe how horribly written and generally shitty the Ajax contracts were. We’re cleaning house. I got the lawyers writing up all new stuff for everyone. And a lot are getting the boot. I’d rather pay them off than have dead weight,” he said, blowing some smoke rings. 

“I couldn’t agree more,” I said, standing to hit the bathroom. 

Why did the simple act of going to the damn bathroom now make me think of Natasha? Maybe I should have stayed. I don’t know what to do in situations like that cause I’m rarely in them. By the time I came back toward the studio Slade had migrated to a couch in the outer room. An angry voice was yelling through the speaker phone and I already knew I was in the shit.

“Who … is she,” the voice practically shrieked. I laughed at my sister Delia, always so dramatic.

Slade held the phone out to me.

“She’s our employee at the recording studio, it’s NOT my kid,” I said, falling onto the couch. 

She blew out a hard breath but continued with the third degree, Slade just laughed but texted away on his phone, likely to our publicist Angie.

I wasn’t worried about some untrue gossip, I had more than enough crap in my life that was true I’d had to wiggle my way out of over the years.

“Okay so you wanna come visit,” Delia finally asked.

“Yeah I’d be up for a visit soon but now that I gotta do a day job thing it ain’t gonna happen right now. You could come,” I said, raking a hand through my hair. 

I’d perfected the “messy locks” look that I usually wore. Trying to make it look like I put no effort into something I did actually spend a lot of time doing. The chicks loved it. If I was out on the prowl though, or at a club a hat with matching sneakers was always a requirement. All the guys had kind of a signature look, I was no exception. There were also photographers, groupies and fans snapping shots. 

Finally I got Delia off the phone, and all I wanted to do was go home. I wasn’t tired, but I felt like I had some energy to work off. 

“I’m gonna head out, thanks for dinner sweet cheeks,” I said, tapping his leg as I passed.

“It's been awhile but I’ll never be that desperate,” he said, getting up to walk me out.

I got home to my quiet solace, the place where I could just have peace. Growing up in foster care, all you ever wanted was your own space. Your own room and your own everything. But you never had it, never got it. You always had to share literally everything all the time.

Once I met my sisters, I didn’t mind so much. I’d steal extra food for them, clothes where I could get them. I loved making sure they had what they needed. In a lot of ways I felt I partially raised them and maybe that was why I had little desire to have a kid myself.

I ran a few miles on the treadmill until I was beat and took a hot ass shower. I desperately had the urge to fuck but I really didn’t want the hassle of dealing with a female. I know it sounds awful but damn it I hate the small talk. The after stuff. I’m not a cuddler, never have been. Sometimes it's just not worth it all. 

I reached down and stroked myself, I was already hard. I cleared my mind and usually a face pops into my head. Maybe a stripper that caught my attention, maybe a good lay from the past. But now, for whatever fucking reason, Natasha’s face was all I saw. Her caramel hair with lighter blonde highlights, the way she was laughing and snickering all night while I argued with that shithead. She liked it. 

Yeah, it wasn’t lost on me that she let me hold her arm once we left. It wasn’t because she was pregnant and I felt the need to protect her in some way. I wanted to touch her, and just as I realized that I found myself stroking even harder.

I thought about her mouth when she ate the donut, I only just now realized my eyes had been glued to it. To her lips. 

My breathing grew heavy and I couldn’t stop. I stroked until I was coming all over the tiled wall, and it hit me hard. 

No, no no I can’t have a thing for the chick at the studio. I wasn’t even gonna see her anymore now that she’d be off on leave. I’d have to sit in her office all day though and see her things, smell her light almost baby powder like scent. 

I leaned against the wall as the water continued to hit me and cursed. I never got attached to a female, and certainly not one that just had someone else’s kid. Maybe I did need to fuck someone tonight.