Chapter 5

If you want to know what happened earlier?

Well, he just fell on me, that’s why he kissed me.

I’m really assuming, I thought that was it, hayssst when will he remember me again? Or will he even remember me?

You know that feeling when you really want to hug him and be with him, but you can’t because he doesn’t remember you. It hurts, right? You’re the one he loved before, then he forgot and immediately fell in love with someone else.

It would be okay if he didn’t remember me, but the fact that he likes his crush from before hurts. I don’t know where I went wrong, why this happened to me, it hurts, I promise. Whenever I see them holding hands, I think that he used to do that to me, that he used to laugh like that because of me.

He said mind can forget but heart wouldn’t, but why can he forget both?

It’s good that Zayden is there to be my crying shoulder. If only I could love him, I would be happy even for a while. Hayssttt life really sucks.

Zayden was there for me when he left me. If I could just transfer my feelings to him, I would have done that. I don’t want to hope for things that I can’t hold on to. I want to be happy somehow.

You can feel free to like the person, but you can’t demand them to like you back.

I’m also amazed by Zayden’s strength, even after all these years, it’s still me. He endured someone like me. He didn’t even think about himself, that maybe I wouldn’t reciprocate everything.

I don’t want to be the reason for someone else’s heartbreak because I know how it feels. And Zayden doesn’t deserve that kind of love. He deserves the best.

Because I’m annoyed right now, I’m going to cut classes. I’m really annoyed with Kristine, who looks like a horse. She’s been showing off again, she thinks I’m jealous, FYI, I have a lot of suitors, including my old crush, Zayden. She’s one of the reasons why Cyrus and I fought. She’s already plastic, and she’s also ugly.

I don’t know what he sees in her, all she knows is how to act like a snob. Annoying!

Flashback

“Omaygaddd bebe Cyrus. Heyyyy stupida go away why are you shocked pa ha? That kiss has no meaning it’s just a freaking mistake, omaygaddd Cy you need to use alcohol baka mahawa ka sa germs nyan,” the bitchy girl said. Even though I’m pretty, I don’t have germs, maybe she does. This thick-headed girl, should I punch her again? And for her info, we did something worse than that kiss before.

“When did I become your mirror?” I’m going to fight back, I won’t lose to this pashnea nyaaa, my lungs are getting angry at her.

“Don’t talk to my girl like that Ash,” he said calmly, wtf? It’s not okay for her, but it’s okay for me? Am I numb? I don’t have feelings? I don’t get hurt? I’ll blow up her house so she can remember.

“Did you hear what my Cy said bitch? And can you please stay away from us you disgusting girl.” Of all the bitches, she’s the dumbest. Of course, I heard that, I’m talking to her boyfriend.

“Your girl huh? You know Cyrus I don’t make a scene. Kung ayaw mong masampulan ko ‘yang bunganga ng babaeng ‘yan paiwasin mo ‘yan sa akin!” Why should I adjust to them? How dare she!

“What your gonna do to me ha?” Kristine retorted.

“You know what please don’t talk to me. And for you Cyrus I hope you can remember me I’m gonno show you how bitch I am than this girl.” I said with a smile. Cyrus’s forehead was furrowed, obviously confused by what I said.

“Why should I remember you? Are you perhaps my friend I can’t remember?” He asked me, confused. It seems like he wasn’t told about what we had before, huh.

That’s sad.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not important.” I said, glancing at them both. Cyrus was still holding Kristine’s waist. Tsk. Do I look jealous?

“Pwede ba go away na. Cyrus don’t need you.” Kristine glared at me.

“Don’t worry, I’m going away, but I’ll get something from you first. But anyways, I changed my mind. You know Kristine, don’t be threatened, I might do it for real.” I said and winked at her. I saw the anger on her face, like she wanted to hurt me. Cyrus just kept looking at me. I walked away from them, feeling a little disappointed.

Hoping that he would stop me from leaving. Maybe he would choose me. Maybe he would remember me again.

Back to reality

Ohh dba? How bitchy is that caterpillar? She insulted me in front of Ryle, she didn’t even feel ashamed, and this Ryle, just because I still love him, he always does this to me. In the past years, my love for him is the only hope left for me. I think that as long as I feel something, I’ll keep hoping that one day I’ll be me again.

That he’ll be with me again.

I thought I was really seeing him. It was just one of the memories he left me. The past events keep coming back. Even though I keep remembering it.

I’m just human, I get hurt, but I’m not vocal about what I’m feeling. I know I look like a fool for doing this, but what can I do, it’s him.

Do I really need to let him go?

Maybe I really need to move on. I think what I’m feeling is not love anymore, this is begging. I didn’t imagine myself being this crazy in love before, I need to stop this. Maybe I’ll just transfer all of this to someone else.

I know I can do this. I also feel that no matter what I do, everything will never go back to the way it was.

It’s hard to compete in a game where you know you won’t win from the start.

Where you’re not even included from the start.

Like how love played my heart without anyone involved.

~Ylluscion