I couldn’t sleep.
It was already 02:43 am and I was still wide awake. Even my eyes were not feeling tired. I was working on my laptop up until half an hour ago because I had not felt ready to sleep but then I thought that I should probably try to just close my eyes and force myself to sleep.
That had not worked either.
In fact, I had done so much work prior to lying down that I would have been fine not going to work that day. I couldn’t possibly stay at home though. I had nothing to do here.
I sighed and sat up in bed, throwing off the blanket that I had been using only to cover my stomach.
The lack of sleep was annoying.
There really was no reason for me to not be able to sleep either. It had been a fairly decent day. Work had progressed smoothly, Hikaru-nii and Hiro-san had both come home for dinner and Hiro-san had left only past 10:00 pm. It had been a better day than most others.
I got off the bed and made my way to the ki
It’s over. It’s finally over. I loosened my tie and massaged my forehead. I had a very bad headache and my body felt incredibly heavy. The lack of sleep had done me in good. I felt terrible. I texted Yamada-san informing him that I was done with my client meeting. He just needed to follow up with a few more people and this project was as good as in its final stages. Since I had been kicked off mine, and I wasn’t ready to take on a new one yet, I was helping Yamada-san with his. ‘Thank you. I’ll buy you drinks for this. You go take care of yourself now.’ Yamada-san replied. Thank you. I got up from the couch that I was sitting on in the lobby of the hotel that I had met my client at. I was feeling under the weather in the morning even as I was getting ready for work. I had taken care of my immediate work and had asked for the rest of the day off after the client meeting. I could finally go home. I texted Hiro-san
The first thing I noticed on waking up was the smell of food. I was feeling a lot better already and the clear nose confirmed it. Seemed like the fever had been because of the fatigue and all I had needed was sleep. How long had I slept though? I checked my watch. It was already 07:20 pm. 07:20?! I thought I had asked Hiro-san to wake me up- Wait. I really could smell food. I got off bed slowly and went out into the living room. “You woke up, Kake-chan? How are you feeling?” Hiro-san asked from the kitchen doorway. “I’m fine.” I replied and turned to the other man who was seated on the couch. It seemed as though they were having a conversation before I walked in. “You’re… early today, aren’t you, Hikaru-nii?” “I finished work early.” My brother replied but said nothing more. He was still in his work clothes so I concluded that he had come here straight from office. I looked at Hiro-san questioningly. There was only one
“I’ll be out in ten minutes.” Hiro-san announced and got up from the dining chair when I approached after finishing my bath. Hikaru-nii had finished before me. “You both can talk all you want in the meantime.” “Ah. Thank you.” I handed him the towel when he passed me, then took the chair that he had just vacated, opposite my brother. I breathed. This was it. … Why was this more nerve-wracking than the time I confessed to Hiro-san? “Hikaru-nii-” “Wait.” He stopped me. “First, I want you to listen to what I have to say.” I held his gaze, surprised that he had had anything to say at all. “Okay.” Go on. He took a moment to start speaking, nevertheless. “I actually got scared today.” Scared? “Why?” “I was in office when Hiro called me and… he said you weren’t feeling well. I haven’t been paying you much attention either nowadays and… You live with me. We live in the same house. If anyone, I should have notice
Hiro-san was sitting on the bed, one hand on the towel, slowly drying his hair. When I entered his room, he stopped to look at me, then looked out the door and called out to my brother. “Hikaru, is it really okay? I have a futon.”“No. It’s okay. The couch is enough.” Hikaru-nii responded.Hiro-san’s eyes shifted to me. “Shouldn’t we get him the futon?”“It’s okay. He’s not the type to give in to such things that easily anyway. You shouldn’t have mentioned that it needed dusting. He doesn’t want to give you additional work.” I said, looked back at my brother who had already settled himself in and then slowly shut the door. It was probably weird for him that Hiro-san and I were so comfortable with sharing a bed like this. It was already standing out to him how Hiro-san and I had gotten so close.I… really wasn’t trying to hide anything though.Hiro
I was in office three days later when I received the call from Kaori-nee’s mother. She was very well aware of my office timings and I had spoken to Aki-chan just the day before and so the timing of this call had worried me. I stepped out onto the smoking balcony immediately to answer the call. “Yes?” “Kakeru-kun, sorry for calling at this time.” She said as soon as I answered. She did not sound upset or flustered, which was a relief. “No. I have a little time so it’s okay. What is it?” “That… Hikaru-kun had called a little while ago.” Hikaru-nii had called?! “And… what did he say?” I felt myself stiffen a bit. “He apologised. Said that we’d meet soon. He didn’t talk to Akiko but he asked about her.” Could that have been a result of our conversation at Hiro-san’s place? If so, it was good news, right? “That’s… good, isn’t it?” I smiled to myself. “He called, so… maybe- no- he’ll definitely meet you soon.”
I stayed where I was on the kitchen floor with the half-done food still sitting atop the flameless stove for the next 40 minutes or so, till I heard the doorbell ring. I just couldn’t find the strength or the will to stand up and finish making what I had started or to go check on my brother after what had happened. The only thing that got me onto my feet was the thought that Hiro-san was the one standing outside the door. “I’m home.” Hiro-san beamed as soon as I opened the door, emanating the very happiness that I had wished for. I couldn’t even offer a smile in return though. Instead, I opened the door fully, stepped outside and dived into his arms. “Woah! Kakeru?” He looked down at me in surprise. “Are you okay?” Of course, I wasn’t okay! “Oi, Kakeru. Look here.” He stroked my hair, lowering his voice a little. I raised my eyes to his and brought my hands up to his face. Then, I kissed him- a long surface kiss. I need
Once I was done packing, I left my room with my backpack. The dining table had been cleared and Hikaru-nii’s door had been shut. Hiro-san was sitting on the couch in the living room and reading something on the phone. I just stood there, eyes affixed on my brother’s door. To think that he wouldn’t even come to see me off… “Let’s go.” I said as I walked past Hiro-san and towards the front door. “Aren’t you going to tell Hikaru?” Hiro-san asked, not getting up. I halted in the entryway. He was right. If I had walked away just then, I would have regretted it later. I walked back in and knocked on Hikaru-nii’s door. “Brother, I’m… going.” I could see that the light was on inside from under the door but he gave me no reply. He… should have heard, right? He should have. I couldn’t bring myself to stand there any longer to confirm. “Please take care of yourself. Call me if you need anything.” I made for the front door again. T
Hikaru-nii religiously skipped having dinner at home after that. Whenever one of us called or texted him, he would either not respond or he would say that he was busy. Even Kaori-nee’s mother had not heard from him after that. After Aki-chan heard that her father had called, she had wanted to talk to him too. When she couldn’t, she had asked- ‘Does Otou-san not want to talk to Aki?'It was difficult to tell her that it wasn’t like that. Honestly, it was just difficult to talk to her after that.Four days passed by and it was the weekend even before we realised it. However, Hiro-san had some work to attend to on Saturday afternoon and so he left immediately after lunch. I stayed back at his place for a while but then got too anxious and decided to head home. On informing Hiro-san after that, he had said that he would come to our place and then we could go back to his together.Hikaru-nii had not answered when I had called him so I was taki
“Kuronomiya-kun, you’re leaving already?” Yamato-kun asked when I got up from my desk after packing up. “Yes. I have somewhere to go.” I replied and said goodbye to Shirokawa-san as well who was sitting next to my desk. “Thank you for your good work.” “Likewise.” They called back. I dropped by Hamada-san’s cabin and informed him of my progress on the new project that I had been assigned to. He was rather pleased with my progress too. Conscience clear, I headed out into the 06:00 pm streets of Tokyo. I checked my phone out of habit. There were no calls or texts from my brother. There was, however, a text message from my boyfriend. ‘Come fast.’ ‘Half an hour.’ I replied and po
“Where’s Hiro?” Hikaru-nii’s voice came from behind me as I was attending to the egg that I was frying. I turned to the doorway to find my brother leaning against the doorframe, his hands folded over his chest. He had been sleeping when I had gone to check on him earlier. So, I had started preparations for breakfast while trying to think of the various possible scenarios I would have to make my through once he woke up. “Not here… now.” I responded rather cautiously. “He hadn’t stayed?” He frowned. “I thought I had told him that he could.” “You… remember all that?” I had hoped that we could ease into this conversation but this being brought up right off the bat made me a little anxious. “I was a lot more sober by the time you had gotten home. I don’t remember sending
“You’re still not done?” I asked as I sat on the floor next to Hiro-san at the coffee table after my bath. “Maybe… one hour more?” “That’s okay.” I leaned against his arm. “I’ll wait.” “If you’re sleepy, please go to sleep.” “I can’t sleep properly without you, Hiro-san.” A lie… Maybe. “What is with that?” He laughed and patted my head. “Then, you can wait.” I nodded. I was planning on waiting anyway. I had left my phone on the coffee table next to his laptop. When I began looking around, I saw that the notification light was blinking. I reached out to take it. “Had someone called?” “No. I think you had a message though.” Hiro-san replied. “I did not check.” It definitel was a message and it had surprised me enough to make me sit straight up on reading it. “It’s from Hikaru-nii.” “Hikaru?” Hiro-san stopped what he was doing and looked at my phone as I opened the message. There were just two words on the
I was the first one to wake up the next morning. However, I could not even bring myself to move from the position that I was in. For one, Hiro-san was still holding on to me closely. Secondly, my back hurt a bit. Moreover, I did not exactly want to move. The clock on the bedside table revealed that it was a little past 10:00 am. I had managed to somehow apply for leave on my phone last night before falling asleep. Considering that I had been wide awake before it, it was incredible how much that sex had taken out of me- actually, taken out of Hiro-san and I. Once was far from enough for the both of us and by the time we settled into each other’s arms after that, we barely had enough energy left to move. I looked up at his sleeping face. It was no wonder that he was so popular. Anyone would want to see a face like that as soon as they woke up. Ah… Now I wanted to kiss him. It was past 10:00 am anyway. He had slept enough. I moved his arm
He held my gaze and slowly smiled. “You seem sure enough about this.” Sliding one hand down my right arm, he grasped my hand. “Let’s go back to bed though.” Saying that much and indulging in a soft kiss, he led me back to the bedroom. He came to a stop next to the bed, turned to face me and took both my hands in his. I gave him a questioning look. “You don’t have to treat me like one of your women.” “What? This?” He raised our hands to ask. “It’s not that I am trying to be really gentle or anything. It’s… Despite all my experience and how eager I am now,” he placed my hands on his chest and smiled sheepishly. “I feel like such a boy.” His heart was pounding against my palms. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his neck. “When was the last time that you dated someone for real?” “Towards the beginning of college. Why are you asking me that now?” I shrugged. “Because I wanted to know.” Then I kissed him. “Because this is… amu
I opened my eyes fast because it was still too dark for me to see anything. I was breathing heavily and my eyes felt moist. There was a throbbing heaviness in my chest and my entire body felt numb. I had had a dream and it was painful enough to jolt me awake, almost crying, but I couldn’t even remember what it was about. It was rare for me to dream in the first place and, hence, a dream that was capable of leaving me in a wreck like that was even rarer. It made me close my eyes and try to recollect it again but all I could remember were the emotions and that I was not alone. Maybe… it was a good thing that I couldn’t remember it. I turned on my side and picked my phone up from the bedside table. The time was 01:57 am. I had barely just fallen asleep at 12:30 am too… I turned back and looked at Hiro-san. I was still lying on his arm but he had turned onto his back, his other arm lying over his stomach. He hadn't been awoken by my movement
On unlocking the door, Hiro-san let me in first. He followed me in after locking the door and proceeded straight to the kitchen. "I'll get you something warm to drink. Go change or freshen up if you want to.” I could at least change into something warmer. “Mm. I’ll… be out on the balcony after that.” “Kakeru, it’s cold out on the balcony too.” He said apprehensively. “I’ll take a blanket with me.” I said and went into the bedroom. He had offered no further protest, so I changed into warmer home-wear, wrapped a blanket around me and headed out onto the balcony. It was a little cold but I felt a lot better after changing and wrapping myself up like that. With my back to the wall, I sat on the floor and brought my knees up to my chest, covering myself up with the blanket and looking out at the night. My eyelids felt heavy. It was probably because of all that crying from earlier. “Why are you sitting on the floor?” Hiro-san asked on findin
What seemed like an entire lifetime to me was probably just an hour or so on the clock. That was all the time it took for Hiro-san to get there. I had already seen that shocked look on his face two times before. It was easier for me to offer up a smile the third time. Nevertheless, he was by my side in an instant- his eyebrows scrunched up in a way that told me that I was the only one finding this pattern of meeting strangely amusing. “Kakeru, what are you doing out here?” He crouched before me and took my face in his palms. The worry I saw on his face just then- I wished that I was seeing it on my brother’s. “Meeting out in the hallway like this is really becoming our thing, isn’t it?” I chuckled. “It shouldn’t be though. What happened?” He looked me up and down. “Where are your shoes?” He found them soon after asking, then looked at me seriously. “Hikaru?” I looked towards the door. “I don’t think he’ll want to see you now.” “Huh?” “
Did I have to actually say it out anymore? It seemed to me as though he had already figured it out. I could not bring myself to admit it. Confronted like that, I could not bring myself to deny it either.I had thought that it would be easier to tell my brother about us. I had not told him till then because he was still mourning Kaori-nee and I was trying to be considerate. I had thought that he would understand.“Kakeru, answer me.”What for? And, then what?“Kakeru!”“We’re dating.” I finally said it.“What?” He lowered his voice, his eyes pinning me to every word that I spoke.“I-I said that we’re dating.” I spoke deliberately and clearly. “Hiro-san is my lover.”He stared at me, then nodded. “Lover.”I swallowed nervously. “Yes.”“Since when?”“Almost two months now.”