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Regretting
Last Updated:
2022-06-09 00:06:49Related chapters
His Soul & His Shame Joanna & I
I drove my car at a speed I have never driven, my eyes are blurred due to the tears. I can't see the road properly but I felt choked standing there in the parking lot after seeing Ezra and Mitchell making out. How can he do this to me? Why? He just discarded me after taking my virginity. He didn't deserve any of my love, my body, and my soul. Ezra Irwin successfully broke me completely today. I will never forgive him for what he did just after sleeping with me. I was a fool always forgiving him and submitting to him but now it's time to show him that he can't control me anymore. He ruined our friendship, I know he is not entirely to blame but he nerve told me off when I always showed him that I love him more than a friend, he never accepted my feelings nor rejected them. I wiped my tears hastily not wanting to cry for the asshole who didn't deserve my tears. I can see I am approaching my home but I don't want to be seen by my parents being a mess and I know where I can go. I took
Last Updated : 2022-06-09His Soul & His Shame Mitchell
It's time for me to go home and I don't want to do that but I don't have another choice other than to go home. I have to answer the questions my parents will ask because I have never behaved like this before and most importantly I have never avoided Ezra as I did yesterday. I need to come up with a good excuse and a lie." If you need me just give me a call and I will be there." Joanna hugged me tightly letting me know that she is serious. I know that she is serious about it and I am grateful. " I know Joanna and I will give you a call if I need you." I hugged her one last time and stepped inside their garage to get to my car. My phone is still in my car and I don't even know how many times my parents have called or texted but Joanna has talked to them so I am relieved but I am afraid of turning on the phone because of Ezra and I am sure he will leave voicemails and texts. I hopped in my car and reversed it and left the garage waving at Joanna and started driving towards my house. M
Last Updated : 2022-06-16His Soul & His Shame His Shame
I can't deal with them right now! Why is this happening to me? I am responsible for everything, I should have avoided everything by staying within my limits and not crossing any lines with him. I am looking like a fool who was played by her best friend." Not right now, Ezra! I can't deal with you right now. I need a break." I said to him looking into his narrowed eyes. " You need a break? From what?" He has the nerve to ask me that! Is he empty in his head?" I need a break from YOU and from this drama!" I sneered at him, I am so annoyed and pissed off by his attitude and totally by him. How can he just ask me this and how can he show up here when I clearly said to him that I need time from him. He doesn't give a fuck about me and my wishes. This proves how much of a jerk he is. I was so blind running after him that I haven't seen what he is doing to me and with me. Now I can see through him easily. " Did you hit your head somewhere? If so then you need to get checked up by a doct
Last Updated : 2022-07-14His Soul & His Shame His Addiction
Ezra's Pov: I am driving like a mad man not caring about the red lights or even about getting into an accident. How can she reject me like that? How can she push me away from her? And how can she try to ghost me? I can't believe she is the same Fay I have known all the years. My Fay was so sweet and shy and she will never raise her voice on me and most importantly she will never push me away. Something has changed in her and I am planning to find out what changed or who changed her. My eyes narrowed at the thought of someone changing my Fay, Maybe her friend! What was her name? Ah! Joanna, maybe she brainwashed my Fay to behave like this with me but I know Joanna doesn't have that much cunningness to change someone's mind and especially Fay's. I know I may sound like a jerk because of what I did to Fay, leaving her alone in the bed after I took her Virginity. That was a jerk move but I had to do that to save her from me. I regretted it the second my eyes opened, I don't regret
Last Updated : 2022-07-29His Soul & His Shame Moving Away
I am currently sitting in front of my parents who are looking at me expectantly. I have gathered them here by texting them when they are at work and when I need to talk. Both reached home at the same time looking so concerned for me that I cried hugging them. They got more concerned seeing me crying without any reason as I have never cried in front of them other than the times when I was a kid and I am not saying that I have been a responsible mature adult but still I am not a kid anymore so the crying part surprised them. After a lot of convincing from my side that I was just on my period and nothing more, they let it go. Mum made us coffee and the three of us sat in the living room. Why am I so nervous? It's not like I am telling them that I am pregnant. " Umm, Mum? Dad?" I called out to them to gain their attention. They looked calm from the outside but I know they are feeling everything but calm. " Yes, Fay?" Mum asked, sitting beside me and holding my hand. Why is this feel
Last Updated : 2022-09-04His Soul & His Shame Victoria's Secret
" Yo! What was so important that you called me and asked me to meet you?" Joanna grumbled out, still annoyed that I disturbed her introverted time with herself." Woah! You don't have to be so mean to me, you know!" I muttered slowly trying to make her feel guilty and it worked. Her face softened which was gloomy. A big grin spread across my face."Okay, so where are we going?" she asked with a small smile. I know I am going to change her mood again by telling her about the news that I am going away for the internship. There is a lot of time in our university but still, I can't stay here where I will be getting hurt. I just can't face him, especially after he brutally broke my heart. " You need to stop the car somewhere before I can tell you anything," I said, not meeting her eyes. I heard her gasp." Don't tell me you are pregnant!" it's my turn to gasp at her words. My mouth is still wide open with my eyes wide like saucers. " How can you think that? Joanna!" I yelled out, strikin
Last Updated : 2022-10-29His Soul & His Shame Leaving Him Behind
It's been a week since my shopping spree and spotting Ezra and Mitchell making out in Victoria's Secret. I had moved that memory back to my mind not to dwell on it as I don't care what they do anymore, especially him. This is my last night here and I don't know if I am relieved that I am going away from the restraints I put on myself and the ones Ezra had on me or sad that I am leaving everything behind, my parents, my life, and my best friend. Everything is packed and kept aside, other than the clothes and my necessities I am not taking anything with me as I am going to start a new life there and I need everything new. I am leaving everything behind which will remind me of my old life, the life I am going to leave behind and in that life, I was a shadow to Ezra Miller, his best friend, and the girl who loved her best friend so much that she forgot about her life and her dreams. " Can I come in?" I heard a knock followed by mom's voice. " Yes, Mom!" I answered and waited for her to
Last Updated : 2022-11-09His Soul & His Shame After Two Years
Two Years Later I exited the subway with my shoulders slumped and my body aching from all the running I have done in the kitchen today but I love my work and I can handle all the other consequences which come after it. I love cooking and helping other chefs even though I have my job to do but it helps my head from wandering and the ache in my heart stops when I am in my zone baking and cooking.It's been two years since I left home and not even visited once in these two years for which I am grateful. Mom and dad visited me a handful of times as they are so busy with their work and we always facetime and call each other. I remember the first day in this big city alone without my parents and Joanna and especially him. He may have control of my life but he supported my dream and encouraged me to pursue what I love. I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts of him.Other than my parents, Joanna visits me too, as often as she can and I feel guilty every time she visits this far but she
Last Updated : 2022-11-18
Latest chapter
His Soul & His Shame His Soul & His Shame
What is it that you have wanted all your life and when you finally get it, How do you feel? I felt like I was going to pop out with happiness and my cheeks hurt so much from grinning ear to ear and I couldn't stop my heart from galloping whenever I thought about the second Ezra would introduce me as his Fiance in front of everyone.I will ask again,What is it that you have wanted all your life and You stood there watching it ruin your happiness, future and your whole damn life! No one prepared me for this and I should have listened to my gut when it told something was going to happen.AN HOUR BEFORE: “ Wow! Look, Our princess is finally here!” Daniel teased me when I entered the hotel which Ezra had booked for the party. Daniel is not alone, Alex and my Dad are standing with him with stars in their eyes but eyes searched for him frantically wanting to see him, feel him, touch him and taste him. I don't know why I am feeling restless to see him but I desperately want to have Ezra
His Soul & His Shame Fright of the day
" You were being so naughty, coming in here and surprising me in this,making me so damn hard for you." Ezra pulled me up by my arms and made me sit on the table, clearing it off and tearing the stockings and moving my panties aside before dipping his two fingers inside my wet and dripping core." My, My, look at the juices you are dripping for me and the sounds you and your pussy is making for me." He is fingering me so expertly, making my head dizzy with pleasure and I don't know if I can hold my orgasm any longer.I came on his fingers with a silent scream, clenching his fingers and riding away the orgasm. “ I can't wait anymore, Babygirl. I'm dying to be inside you.” He slammed into me in one go making me dizzy and my already sensitive pussy made me clench him tightly and a second orgasam barrelled through me. “ Oh my god!” I squealed, feeling the bliss of the release and the way Ezra was thrusting inside me like his life depended on it.“ Say Oh My Ezra, Babygirl! I am the one m
His Soul & His Shame Dirty!
It's been a blissfully happy month since Ezra and I got engaged and I swear I never felt this happy and content in my life. Ezra was dying to hold a engagement party to celebrate our love and union but i held him back saying we first need to spend some time in the sheets as well as doing the things normal couple does like going on dates, shopping and other stuff and so far we have done pretty much everything and tomorrow is our engagement party." What are you fussing about now! Fay?" Joanna asked, sitting beside me on the bed while i'm folding my clothes." Nothing! I just feel everything is too good to be true!" I heaved a sigh, knowing my negative mind is going to ruin everything by over-thinking things." Ugh! Why do you overthink too much! Nothing is too good to be true! Stop, Fay!" Joanna rolled her eyes at me and I know she is right and I just have to push that stupid voice out of my head but still I feel like something is not right and my happiness will be snatched away any se
His Soul & His Shame She Said YES!
Holy shit!Is this real!Is Ezra really on his knees and asking me to marry him? I can't believe it! Hurt and sadness washes over his features when iam still stuck and didnt utter a single fucking thing. My heart and head said " Yes" the second the words tumble out of his mouth but my body is still in shock and not moving." It's Okay Baby girl! You don't need to say anything." A small smile apparead on his handsome face and he started to got up pulling me with him but I pulled him down and took his lips with mine showing him that I will marry him every single time if he asks me.Our lips moved slowly savoring the taste of each other and I want to savor this moment as much as I can." I will happily make you my husband, Ezra! So, it's a yes!" I said, our foreheads touching and our breaths mixing with each other." Thank you so much, Baby girl! Thank you for making me the happiest man by saying Yes and accepting me after all the things I did to hurt you. You don't know how much your y
His Soul & His Shame Proposal!
Ezra's Pov:I can't believe Fay is sitting beside me and i'm taking her on a date. Date! I never in my dreams thought I would be a date kind of guy but with Fay i would do anything even if I have to change into a fucking clown then I will happily do it.Being with Fay makes me a different person and keep my demons at bay. She hasn't seen the real me and i am not planning on showing it to her because when i'm with her i forgot that side of me who is cold, calculated and ruthless. " Where are we going, Ezra!" Fay bounced on her seat making her dress to slightly ride up her thigh making her milky skin available for my eyes.I was 0n the brink of losing my control when we were kissing in Fay's apartment but I need to do everything according to her and I want to give her a fairy tale she always dreamed about and ate my ears off when we were kids." Baby girl! Slow down! It won't be a surprise if I tell you." She pouted her pink lips making me chuckle.I never believed in relationships and
His Soul & His Shame My Addiction
" Come on, get up!" I put the bag on the couch and turned towards Joanna. She has her head still in the television and did not heard me at all making me sigh in annoyance. " Joanna! I am talking to you!" I gritted out the words. Sometimes she behaves like this and sometimes I wanted to kill her for being a psychopath and ignoring me." Don't you think you are rushing!" Came out of her mouth making me roll my eyes. She is such a lazy bum." No, if we don't go now then we won't get an appointment for my hair and nails. So move your ass." I turned around to go back to my room and get ready for the salon so I can style my hair and get nails done for the evening." I'm not talking about salon, Fay! I was talking about you and Ezra and your whole thing of giving him another chance and starting a new chapter." She looked me in the eye with a blank face and waited for my answer which I don't have because I don't know. I just love him so much that I think too much." I am not rushing anythin
His Soul & His Shame Naughty& Surprise
" Wake up! You sleepyhead. '' Joanna banged on my bedroom's door making me groan in annoyance. I was up till late at night talking to Ezra on the phone and dreaming about him and the way his hands and mouth felt on my body. I was shamelessly having erotic dreams about Ezra and I am darn horny right now and also super annoyed at the fact that I can't do anything about it. Why don't I send Ezra a sexy picture and provoke him to come and have his way with me? It's a great idea and it will work. I mostly sleep naked all the time and right now I am not wearing anything so it will be helpful to tease Ezra. I retrieved my phone from the nightstand and pulled down the duvet slowly showing my b**bs slightly, he can see half of them. With a big grin on my face and biting my lip, I clicked a picture and sent it to him and waited for him eagerly to text me back but my phone rang startling me. Ezra is face-timing, I answered the call not showing him my face but a duvet-covered body of mi
His Soul & His Shame A New Beginning
" Is that really Ezra in our apartment?" Joanna still has a shocked face since she opened the door and saw Ezra and Alex with me." Yes, Joanna! He is really our Ezra." I went back to making coffee after answering her." Our Ezra? When did he become our Ezra! You were lecturing me and saying something about toxic cycle and all!" I know, i did say all those things but when it comes to Ezra i forget everything but it doesn't mean i'm going to let him control me again, this time it will be me who leads everything." I want to give him another chance and this time it will be on my terms." I poured coffee in the mugs and turned around to go back to the living room before they punched each other's faces." I hope you don't get hurt again, Fay!" I know her concern is probably that I am going to get hurt again but I just don't want to give up on Ezra this early because we were each others Worlds since we were kids and I don't want to give up on all those memories, smile and tears." Here you
His Soul & His Shame Irresistible
" Is he still outside?" I asked Joanna who is entering our new apartment. She came with me when I left the next morning after the gala. My heart couldn't bare to be in the same place as Ezra and not be with him. " Yeah! As usual. Why don't you go and talk to him, Fay!" I know, I should talk to him and tell him to go back home and stop waiting for me as it's impossible to ignore him and see him waiting for me outside our apartment every single day since four months back.I know he is trying and repenting, he never chased me but still waits outside my apartment and walks with me to the subway and back to the apartment.My heart aches seeing him trying to get me back but the hurt we both gave to myself stops me from approaching him and forgiving him." It's not the best idea when I'm not sure if I can forgive him. If I go and talk to him then I will repeat the same toxic cycle." Joanna nodded her head in understanding and went to her room to freshen up.Izzy and I broke ties with each o
