His Soul & His Shame

I groaned loudly hearing the sounds of banging from my door. I know who is trying to take down that door so I choose to not answer and let myself take time to sleep. Ugh! Why is life so hard, am I the only one who is suffering in this world? 

He even won't let me sleep in peace.

" Fay! open the door or else I will break it down."

"What the hell! Ezra. Go to your house and break every damn door in your house."

" you know iam being serious Fay if you don't open your Damn fucking door right now, iam gonna break it down and get you."

"Do whatever you want to Ezra, if my mom finds out who broke down her precious door then your dumb ass will be dead," I yelled knowing this will waver him but Nah, Ezra is Ezra and he never listens and he never backs down from anything. 

" Do you think using your mom's name will waver me, baby girl? Hmm? " I can hear his smirk and smug smile from his deep ass voice. Who can resist Ezra's charms?

He can easily make me a poodle with this deep sexy voice and totally with himself. I hope God will give me resistance this time.

I forgot to introduce myself, Hi iam Fay Moore 20 years old Normal girl whose best friend is the big bad boy Ezra Irwin. Who currently is banging on my door in the early morning at 4 am. 

It means I need to save him from someone or something. Why? Just why iam the only one who has this best friend.

I sighed before getting up from the bed adjusting my long t-shirt and yeah it is his t-shirt which I stole from his wardrobe. The t-shirt drowned me in it and iam wearing panties under it. 

" stop trying to break my door Ezra, iam coming have some patience," I yelled before going to the door to open it.

"That's what she said, baby girl." He laughed to himself. It took a second to understand what he meant.

" ughhhh, shut up Ezra. If you don't then I'll bang your head on the same door." I threatened knowing he will shut up because he knows I will do whatever if iam angry.

" Okay, okay iam sorry now open the door." 

" com..." I gulped my words before spitting them out because he is going to tease me again for that word. 

I opened the door and stood folding my hands and glaring at my tall, olive-skinned, tattoos covering his half of the body with green and gold eyes stumbled through my door and landed on me. 

"Hmph, move you, dork. You are so heavy." I grumbled before pushing him off of me.

" you are looking cute."

"What?"

"You are looking cute in my t-shirt like a small chubby baby." He eyed me sitting on my bed, staring at me from my head to toe. It Is making me squirm and uncomfortable in a good way and tingles ran through my body. Is it okay to feel like this for your best friend? 

I am not going to say that first I wanted him as my friend and as days and years went by I wanted him as more than a friend. No, I always wanted him as more than a friend. He was my first crush and first love. We met when I was 5 years old and he was 7 years old. 

I always saw my parents so in love and always wanted what they had and have. I said my first I love you to a boy when I first laid my eyes on him and that boy was Ezra but my parents and he took it as a joke and I always tried to give a hint to him that I feel more than a friend but he always brushed it aside. 

" Whatever, what are you doing here in the 4 am banging on my door and drunk your head off," I asked throwing daggers at him with my eyes. 

" Nothing, I just wanted to see you. You know I missed you, Fay." He said balancing his body with his two muscular hands and looking at me with vulnerability. And I know that he wants to run away from this reality and his house. 

" Did they fight?" I asked knowing the answer.

" yes, they fucking always do. It's not new." He muttered with a low growl.

I didn't say anything anymore because I know he didn't want to be questioned about it. 

I know what I have to do right now. I am doing this for the past 15 years. I sat beside him and side hugged him and he rolled his head on my shoulder. I am surrounded by his chocolate smell. I love it so much that I brought the cologne he uses. 

I slowly removed myself from him and laid on the bed turned my back on him and I know he will follow me and he did. He laid too on my bed, pulling me towards him spooning me, and burying his face in my neck. 

This is so difficult for me because he may not feel anything but I felt every single thing. We were glued to each other and I can feel every single part of his. 

I know I can't blame him because it is not his fault that he can't see me more than as a friend. 

I don't want this to end, I want this forever but some wishes never come true. His mobile vibrated in his jean pocket. He took it out muttering low profanities and answered his ringing mobile.

" Hmm?"

"Yeah!"

" Okay, iam coming babe." 

My already shattered heart broke some more because I know where he is going and what he is gonna do. I don't have a right to stop him because iam nothing more than just his friend and a girl who loves him more than her self but he never understands it and iam tired of being the second choice and I choose not to be a second choice this time. 

He peeled himself off of me and Iam already missing his warmth. I hugged my teddy so hard that Iam afraid it is gonna tear. 

" sorry Fay, I have to go." He said sounding genuinely sorry but I don't want him to apologize anymore.

" I don't want you to come to my room at these hours Ezra. I hope you understand." I croaked out not wanting him to see me all broken for a man who chooses someone above me. 

" we will talk tomorrow baby girl." He said not believing that iam serious.

" No, just no. I am tired." I said, I want to yell at him for leaving me for her and going to her but I am done with him and everything. 

" Good night baby girl, sleep well. We will talk tomorrow I promise." He said while kissing my forehead and leaving me again broken but this time I don't feel hurt anymore because I have already given up on him. 

Tomorrow he will see a different Fay, whose world doesn't revolve around Ezra. 

With those thoughts, I slipped into a dreamless sleep.