7. ARIANA

I was feeling nervous. Very nervous. Something in my heart told me that I might be doing the right thing but something was also very wrong about it. I felt Xavier’s arm wrapping around my shoulder and hugging me to himself and I sank into him. I could feel Lucas’s eyes on me but I could care less.

“Are you feeling uncomfortable?” Xavier’s soft voice calmed my nerves.

“No. Just………feeling something.” He rubbed my arm in a soothing manner and I closed my eyes and tried to focus my attention on something else. Like my man and our baby.

Yesterday, we had the chance to see our baby and we were more than overwhelmed. Xavier couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t stop staring at the screen. She was perfect. Yes, she. I was 21 weeks along now and we found out that we were having a girl. How exciting was that? Xavier was so smug and happy about this that he couldn’t stop staring at the picture the technician printed us. He wanted a baby girl and we were going to have one soon.

My hands went to my stomach feeling the little bump there. Xavier’s hands found mine and he interlocked our fingers together on my stomach. I could feel Lucas’s eyes on us but both of us could care less. I closed my eyes trying my best to fight away the feeling I was experiencing. I knew Xavier would find me if I ever lost myself. He had done it more than once and he would do it again.

The flight landed and Xavier woke me up for the landing. Strapping out of our seatbelts, Xavier and I got down with Lucas in the front. He opened the door for me but I walked to the other side where Xavier was standing. Xavier got in after me while Lucas sat in the passenger seat, shutting his door rather harshly. He needs to know his place. A few gentlemanly gestures is not going to get him my forgiveness. 

“Where are we staying?” I asked. 

“First, we are going to meet Shane at the pack house and then we shall head to the house where you will be staying.” I nodded and went back to my phone, where Xavier and I were obsessing over our baby.

We reached the pack house in twenty minutes. Stepping out, the air hit me making me feel a jolt of memories that I didn’t wish to relive. I took a step back and stumbled into Xavier who held me in his embrace. I turned in his arms and let my tears free.

“Do you want to go back?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me. I shook my head in a no. I was not weak. I can do this. I am stronger.

I remembered the words my therapist had told me. I remembered how he had taught me to cross this phase. I took a deep breath and tried to empty my mind. Taking in another one, I focused my attention on my breath. I felt better. I was scared to come back here, but I had to. I looked up from his chest and his thumbs found their way to my eyes. Wiping my tears, he kissed my forehead and I cherished his touch. 

“One word from you and we shall be out of here.” He spoke and I smiled at him.

“It’s difficult, but I want to do this.” He nodded but he did not look convinced.

“What happened?” I heard his voice and I sighed. I was sure that until now I hated him, but now I was certain that I will never like him.

“Nothing. Give us a moment please?” I knew that Xavier was trying hard not to snap at Lucas who was overstepping every boundary.

“Yeah sure.” His voice was down and sad, but I did not let it affect me. If he was even considerate about his feelings in the first place this would have never happened. But again, I was thankful for this because I could see his real face and find a man like Xavier who cherished me with everything.

“What happened baby?” Xavier’s soothing voice filled my mind and I let myself bask in it. I sank into his arms and he held me wordlessly.

“Am I a coward for being scared?” I asked, looking up at him. He chuckled softly, tucking the flying hair strands behind my ear.

“No. In fact you are more brave. You don’t run away from your feelings or from situations just because they are hard. It takes immense courage to come back and relive the life you have suffered. I am proud of you. No one shall force you to do this. If you want, we can go back. All you have to do is tell me.” I nodded and hugged him tightly. A cough brought my attention back to the surroundings and I pulled away from Xavier. Looking at the source of sound, I glared at Lucas. He did not even look a bit guilty. 

“Let’s go.” Lucas nodded and walked ahead while Xavier interlocked our fingers and kissed mine, making me blush and smile.

We headed to the main pack house and I could feel my nerves unsettling. “You are trying to crush my palm babe.” I snapped to look at Xavier who was looking at me in worry.

“Sorry.” I mumbled.

“No. You are not allowed to be sorry. Ari, the people here need you, not the other way. So if anything, you are the one with the power. Don’t let them get to you.” He cupped my cheeks and spoke. 

I nodded my head, tears stinging in my eyes. But his words hit the mark. They need me. I don’t need them. 

With that thought in mind, I stepped into the house.