Becoming a mother is the biggest blessing in life. Nothing beats the feeling of holding your baby, taking care of it, knowing that you are the entire world for them. The way they look at you, the way their eyes find you, the way they smile when they see you—it is all way too special. But sometimes, this blessing comes at the most difficult times. Times where it is difficult to think of it as a blessing.
This baby will definitely be a gift, a part of Xavier that still remains with me, but the fear overshadowed every other emotion I was supposed to feel.
Because what if I lost this baby too?
The thought clawed at my chest, sharp and unrelenting. I already had Aurora, my little girl, the one thing keeping me from shattering completely. But was I even enough for her anymore? She was barely a year old
I wish change was easy. It definitely wasn’t easy on me. I was about four months pregnant now, and I still hadn’t gotten used to it. It felt like a constant battle inside my body, but I was beginning to understand that change, especially the kind that came with being a mother, wasn’t meant to be easy. It was a journey, and I had no choice but to walk through it—no matter how hard it was.The months without Xavier had been endless. I missed him. I missed my husband, my friend, my lover—the man who had shared so many dreams with me, and now those dreams seemed so far out of reach. Every corner of our house held his presence, his scent, his laughter. It was like living in a memory. Hence, I moved to the packhouse. I longed for the moments we shared, for the way he would look at me with such love and devotion. I could still hear his voice in the quiet of the night, whispering that
The scent of blood hit me before the warning bells rang. It was sharp, metallic, and unmistakable. It sent a shiver down my spine as I stood in the war room, frozen for a split second before Lucas's voice snapped me out of it.“Ari, stay here,” he ordered, his voice sharp with urgency as he grabbed his weapons and rushed toward the door. “We’re under attack. Vampires at the northern border.”My heart pounded as I grabbed his arm. “Vampires?” The word felt foreign on my tongue, bringing with it a fresh wave of terror. It had been months since Xavier was taken, and while we had encountered eerie silence from the vampires, a part of me always knew it was temporary. They were watching. Waiting. And now, they are here.“We don’t know their numbers
If time had a speedometer, I would love to measure the speed it goes by. Ever since the surprise attack on the pack two months ago, everything again looked eerily calm. There was no sight of those bloody monsters or even a whisper of their presence. And then there was no news of my husband.“Mama, Paa.” My one year ran into me with a very frustrated and tired Saya behind her on her heels. I smiled at her and let Saya know that I could take care of her while she attended her other chores. I opened my phone and checked into my gallery. Pulling a picture of Xavier on the screen, I put on the screen record as well as the child lock and handed it over to her. She babbled something to him, sharing her experiences and mischief with him. When I made a conscious choice, about three months ago, to be more active, involved and get my life together, one of the actions was to remind Aurora of her father. Lucas was a father-like figure in her life, but she still needed to know Xavier. Forgetting him
The next day arrived faster than I had expected.As I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the flowing gown Saya had picked for me, a strange mix of emotions swirled within me. I was dressed in a deep blue dress, one that flowed down my body gracefully, hiding the prominent swell of my belly yet making it obvious that I was carrying life within me. My long hair had been braided loosely, soft curls cascading down my shoulders.I barely recognized myself.“You look beautiful, Luna,” Saya said with a wide grin as she placed delicate silver earrings on my ears.Luna.I still wasn’t used to that title. Even though I had slowly stepped into my role, even though the people had started seeing me as their Luna, it still felt foreign at times. But today wasn’t about my struggles with my identity. Today was for my baby.I turned away from the mirror and gently patted my belly. “I hope you like attention, little one, because today is all about you.”A small kick in response made me smile.Saya
Ariana seemed distant. Lost again.What was I even thinking when I agreed to host a baby shower for her when the pack members demanded? I should have at least thought twice even though she agreed on it. She was a fantastic Luna. She might have convinced herself to agree to do this for the sake of the pack. After all, they were excited for this baby even though it was not mine.It? He.Now that we knew it was going to be a baby boy, calling the baby it was senseless.Or did something happen at the party yesterday? As far as I knew, she was having a great time, enjoying and eating with the pack members.I walked to her room and knocked on it. It was way past her office hours, and she hadn’t come down yet. She was usually on time, in spite of her pregnancy. But today, neither Ariana nor Aurora had stepped out of the room.I waited for her to respond, but there was no response. Maybe they were sleeping from all the party fun and excitement.I turned around to leave, when I heard the door
As I promised her, I left the following evening, just before the sun began to set. There was an old library, older than all of us, where secrets, mysteries, and stories lived. I remember my grandparents telling me tales of this place, how their grandparents and their parents had contributed and made efforts to preserve the supernatural community. This was a treasure for anyone who wanted to learn. Vampires, werewolves, spinks, anyone. As we slowly started to spread, so did the attention from this place. This place was slowly forgotten as communities isolated themselves to avoid conflicts. For the past few years, fewer packs survived as we were hunted for studies and immortality. And very few lived well. One of such packs was mine. Thanks to my father who made peace with the neighbouring communities, governments and families to ensure our safety and strength. This place was a bit far away from the pack house, much deeper into the forests where they warned us from wandering. I shifted
Aurora and I recently started going on walks. The security that was assigned to our house, near the outskirts of the city, was now assigned to us. The warriors walked at a considerable distance from us, allowing us to have some privacy. Since they were always on high alert, I am pretty sure they could listen to us with their werewolf hearing. Aurora loved spending time outside in nature. Just like him. He was an extrovert and adventure-ist while I was pretty content in the confinements of my home. She liked to stop and play with the grass while I spread the picnic basket I would make for us. Fruits, juice, water and some spicy snacks that I craved. Saya would help me pack this and we would spend a day or two every week outside. This was Saya’s idea.She wanted me to get a change of place, weather and mood so that the tensed and hyped up pack couldn’t get to me. Also, walking was good for the baby. Aurora still didn’t know about the baby. About her brother. I decided to tell her now, a
They came just before dawn.I was asleep when the alarms went off. At first, it felt like a dream. A strange buzz, loud but distant, like a warning that never truly reached the ears. But then I woke up with a strange pressure in my chest—a mother’s instinct or maybe Luna's bond with her people. Either way, something wasn’t right.By the time I got Aurora dressed and made my way down the stairs, Saya had already rushed in, eyes wide. “There was a breach,” she told me breathlessly. “A group of vampires tried to get through the north perimeter.”My blood ran cold.We had increased security after the last attack. Warriors rotated in shifts. No one got in or out without passing three checkpoints. So how did this group manage to get so
I sat at the dining table, my appetite long lost. Aurora was playing on the floor, with the other pups. Some kids had found a special liking towards her and decided to make her their friend. I smiled, looking at them, sharing toys and food, enjoying this phase without a care in the world.My stomach stirred, uneasily and I rubbed my belly. My son kicked me hard, as if he was complaining about forgetting about him. “Don’t worry baby, Mamma didn’t forget you.” I whispered to my stomach.In spite of the cheery mood set up in the pack house, there is a nagging feeling of dread. Something is wrong. Something isn’t right.I sighed, the smell of pancakes making me forget everything momentarily. I gulped down the food as Saya prepared it for me, smiling as she saw me eat well. I had difficulty eating food, and if I ate, I had difficulty stomaching it down. But today seems to be different. I could eat as well as keep it down. Maybe my son was similar to his mom, who loved pancakes more than ce
The nights here weren’t silent. They were haunted. Not with ghosts, no. I would have preferred ghosts. These walls were drenched in screams, soaked in betrayal, and painted with the stench of blood. No matter how hard I tried to shut it out, the whispers found me. But when I closed my eyes, she was there.Ari.Not the one they talked about here. Not the ‘whore’ I’d accused her of being to keep up my pretense. No. The real one. My Ariana. My girl who looked like spring and smelled like home. The one who held my hand and promised to stay even when the world broke me. The one who brought Aurora into this world and made me a father.I missed them. My soul physically ached from the emptiness they left behind. Sometimes I wondered if they missed me too, or if I’d become a passing thought in their new life. Was Aurora calling someone else “dada”? Was Ari smiling again? Was she eating properly, sleeping enough, laughing like she used to?My chest tightened.I remembered the first time I watch
I felt her eyes on me. They always have been. And I knew that her intentions weren’t pure.Sitting in the court, listening to the plans of taking down the werewolves, starting with the Blood Bound pack. The pack ruled by Lucas. Pack where Ariana was born into. There was a sacrifice. A sacrifice that made the vampires invincible. Invincible from their arch enemies the werewolves and get unlimited access to their elixir–human blood. I sat on the chair assigned to me, at the coven, where Esteben sat. The king of vampires.He looked ugly. The pale face that was almost white, from drinking so much blood and remaining hidden in the dark. He was a great king but a poor ruler. He knew the art of influencing people well, but rarely took a step, dipping his hands in dirt. He stood at the end, placing his people in front of him as a s
They came just before dawn.I was asleep when the alarms went off. At first, it felt like a dream. A strange buzz, loud but distant, like a warning that never truly reached the ears. But then I woke up with a strange pressure in my chest—a mother’s instinct or maybe Luna's bond with her people. Either way, something wasn’t right.By the time I got Aurora dressed and made my way down the stairs, Saya had already rushed in, eyes wide. “There was a breach,” she told me breathlessly. “A group of vampires tried to get through the north perimeter.”My blood ran cold.We had increased security after the last attack. Warriors rotated in shifts. No one got in or out without passing three checkpoints. So how did this group manage to get so
Aurora and I recently started going on walks. The security that was assigned to our house, near the outskirts of the city, was now assigned to us. The warriors walked at a considerable distance from us, allowing us to have some privacy. Since they were always on high alert, I am pretty sure they could listen to us with their werewolf hearing. Aurora loved spending time outside in nature. Just like him. He was an extrovert and adventure-ist while I was pretty content in the confinements of my home. She liked to stop and play with the grass while I spread the picnic basket I would make for us. Fruits, juice, water and some spicy snacks that I craved. Saya would help me pack this and we would spend a day or two every week outside. This was Saya’s idea.She wanted me to get a change of place, weather and mood so that the tensed and hyped up pack couldn’t get to me. Also, walking was good for the baby. Aurora still didn’t know about the baby. About her brother. I decided to tell her now, a
As I promised her, I left the following evening, just before the sun began to set. There was an old library, older than all of us, where secrets, mysteries, and stories lived. I remember my grandparents telling me tales of this place, how their grandparents and their parents had contributed and made efforts to preserve the supernatural community. This was a treasure for anyone who wanted to learn. Vampires, werewolves, spinks, anyone. As we slowly started to spread, so did the attention from this place. This place was slowly forgotten as communities isolated themselves to avoid conflicts. For the past few years, fewer packs survived as we were hunted for studies and immortality. And very few lived well. One of such packs was mine. Thanks to my father who made peace with the neighbouring communities, governments and families to ensure our safety and strength. This place was a bit far away from the pack house, much deeper into the forests where they warned us from wandering. I shifted
Ariana seemed distant. Lost again.What was I even thinking when I agreed to host a baby shower for her when the pack members demanded? I should have at least thought twice even though she agreed on it. She was a fantastic Luna. She might have convinced herself to agree to do this for the sake of the pack. After all, they were excited for this baby even though it was not mine.It? He.Now that we knew it was going to be a baby boy, calling the baby it was senseless.Or did something happen at the party yesterday? As far as I knew, she was having a great time, enjoying and eating with the pack members.I walked to her room and knocked on it. It was way past her office hours, and she hadn’t come down yet. She was usually on time, in spite of her pregnancy. But today, neither Ariana nor Aurora had stepped out of the room.I waited for her to respond, but there was no response. Maybe they were sleeping from all the party fun and excitement.I turned around to leave, when I heard the door
The next day arrived faster than I had expected.As I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the flowing gown Saya had picked for me, a strange mix of emotions swirled within me. I was dressed in a deep blue dress, one that flowed down my body gracefully, hiding the prominent swell of my belly yet making it obvious that I was carrying life within me. My long hair had been braided loosely, soft curls cascading down my shoulders.I barely recognized myself.“You look beautiful, Luna,” Saya said with a wide grin as she placed delicate silver earrings on my ears.Luna.I still wasn’t used to that title. Even though I had slowly stepped into my role, even though the people had started seeing me as their Luna, it still felt foreign at times. But today wasn’t about my struggles with my identity. Today was for my baby.I turned away from the mirror and gently patted my belly. “I hope you like attention, little one, because today is all about you.”A small kick in response made me smile.Saya
If time had a speedometer, I would love to measure the speed it goes by. Ever since the surprise attack on the pack two months ago, everything again looked eerily calm. There was no sight of those bloody monsters or even a whisper of their presence. And then there was no news of my husband.“Mama, Paa.” My one year ran into me with a very frustrated and tired Saya behind her on her heels. I smiled at her and let Saya know that I could take care of her while she attended her other chores. I opened my phone and checked into my gallery. Pulling a picture of Xavier on the screen, I put on the screen record as well as the child lock and handed it over to her. She babbled something to him, sharing her experiences and mischief with him. When I made a conscious choice, about three months ago, to be more active, involved and get my life together, one of the actions was to remind Aurora of her father. Lucas was a father-like figure in her life, but she still needed to know Xavier. Forgetting him