5: Panic Attack

CHRISTIAN

I can’t remember a time when I slept so peacefully. The beddings were soft and comfy, pure heaven, which explains why I am still buried deep in the duvet, rolled like a burrito.  

For as long as I can remember, I have always had to work harder, and never had I received handouts. It's hard to believe a perfect stranger just happened to pass our way. 

As strange as it sounds, I am wary of our situation, but it's so much better than living with my bigoted father who would have probably killed me for he couldn't accept who I am. 

Fortunately, Ma said that the Alexander guy didn't seem to care who I love and for that, I am willing to give him the benefit of doubt and can't wait to thank him for his kindness. 

I am eager to attach a face to the deeds. 

When I woke up in the hospital, Ma filled me in, and I couldn't contain my excitement because of a possible hire. I can finally save enough cash to finish my degree. I have never had an office job before, and I am quite excited about the experience. 

I have checked a few tips online to avoid making amateur mistakes, but sadly, I don't know the name of his company, so I am going in blind. 

Ma seems happy and content with the new job, and it makes me hope I will be as well. She has been gushing about the mansion and all the appliances available to ease her work and how kind everyone is. 

I decided to drag myself off the soft mattress and went searching for Ma to see if she needed help in any way. When I found her, she was busy, with Maria acquainting her with our boss's favorite dishes and the recipes.  

Since I love cooking, I hung around and learned a few things as Maria insisted on the practical bit. 

By the end of the afternoon, we had made many dishes which were served to the staff while Ma prepared Mr. Alexander's dinner for the first time. I could tell she was nervous, aiming to please, and she did exceptionally well because we tasted. Maria complimented her quick learning and enthusiasm. 

I met other household staff including, Miles the gardener who sang praises of Mr. Alexander. By the time I went to bed, I had no doubts left that I would be happy at last. 

Ma woke me up earlier than planned as she insisted I should make a good impression on our boss. I hit the shower fast, had breakfast with Yusuf and when it was almost time, we went to wait for Mr. Alexander outside. 

I was standing next to Yusuf leaning on the car when I saw the most gorgeous man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, Standing just a few feet from us. He was tall and breathtakingly fine, I found myself eyeing his muscular frame, envying how his suit clung perfectly. His inquisitive gaze locked with mine, and I felt conscious under his watch. 

He broke the silence by introducing himself, and I couldn’t get a word out when his hand touched mine. There was an intense rush of adrenaline, probably from all the power he emitted. He pulled his hand back suddenly catching me off guard! He hurriedly opened the back door for me, and soon his chauffeur was speeding away.

‘I must have made a fool of myself.’ I thought sadly. He had this scowl on his face and he and Yusuf exchanged some weird looks, and I felt like it had something to do with me. 

Once Yusuf focused on the road, I took the opportunity to thank 

Mr. Alexander, but he just brushed it off, assuring me that we were not indebted to him. Could this species get any more attractive? I wondered as his gaze zeroed on my face, staring intently as if he were trying to study me. I heard Yusuf speak to someone, and I averted my eyes from Alexander and looked through the window.  We were in a magnificently built building and when the gate opened and Yusuf drove in I assumed Alexander had an office there. I was surprised to learn he owns the whole building, especially since there were many cars in the basement, which made me wonder how many employees he had. 

When the car came to a stop, he got out, and I followed closely to the elevators. He punched in, the twentieth floor, and it started ascending, silence falling over us. I fiddled with my fingers and my nerves started to spike up. I can't explain what happened, but one minute I was okay and the next fear of failing at the opportunity I had been given crept in. My old man's utterances played on my mind.  

' You are useless.' my breath became labored, and I squeezed my eyes shut. What a perfect moment for my insecurities to get the better of me! I tried to calm myself down, but the more I tried, the more trapped I felt. 

'Good for nothing, faggot.' 

‘Pathetic’

‘Loser’

One minute I was standing next to a handsome man and the next I was sobbing on my knees with him rocking me like a poor scared kid. I have never been this humiliated in my entire life. 

It felt like I was failing before trying, and it sucked. I was wheezing every time I tried a deep breath, and tears seemed to worsen the situation. 

 “Shhh…  I got you.”  Mr. Alexander's voice whispered warmly, as he pivoted my shaking frame with his as he pulled me up. He proceeded to wrap me in his arms tightly, mumbling soothing words. I held on to him as his words overrode my father's insults. 

I didn’t hear the elevator ping, but when the door opened, Alexander just dragged me by the hand and I held on to his. He opened his office door and once I stepped in he pushed me further and locked the door. He leaned on it for a second or two and then gestured for me to sit by the couch. He proceeded to the minibar and grabbed a bottle of water. 

“ Here,” he passed the opened bottle which I took quickly and gulped trying to dissipate attention from me but achieved the opposite.

“ Are you okay?” He asked,

I nervously eyed him, dabbing my mouth with a hankie as I passed the empty bottle to his stretched hand. 

“I am sorry…” I offered, referring to my grand entrance. “ I was overwhelmed. “ 

Alexander gave me a kind smile, “was it a panic attack?”

I just nodded because words seemed to have fled my mind. 

“ How long?" He asked, taking a seat next to me. He surprised me by clasping my chin and tilting my head to ensure a direct gaze between us. “ I want to help you, Christian. I promise.” The sincerity in his tone put me at ease. 

“ I usually have it under control, but occasionally I am unable to reign it in.”  I lowered my gaze.  

“Christian, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Alexander assured, reading the dejected look I was sprouting.  "Why we're you overwhelmed?” He asked, 

“ I can't mess this up, but I am afraid I will because I am useless like my father said" I trailed my stare on the floor not daring to look up, in case I accidentally meet his eye. 

“Look at me, Chris!” it was a soft command that couldn't be ignored. What shocked me further was his use of my pet name. I complied nervously by tilting my head to the side and holding his gaze.  His warm brown eyes held so much tenderness when he spoke. 

“You are the only person who can define your value, Christian. Never forget that.” His tone was firm as he enunciated each word slowly, his gaze on me steady.  “… Your father is an asshole and from experience, the only way to hurt them back is by being stronger than they expected. And for you to do that, you require help first. A therapist will do you good. " He finished calmly.

“ That's not necessary sir, I promise I am good. “ It was hard enough to open up to him, a shrink is out of the question. 

“ It is necessary for your own good.  And this is not up for negotiation, as your boss, I require you to do your best, and you can't offer that until you take control of your life. So, I am booking you with a therapist soonest. Understood?"

“Y-e…. Yes, yes sir” I stammered stupidly.  Just great!

He went ahead and explained to me all that is required of me and discussed my salary, which was a sizable package. I pointed it out, and apparently, that was not up for negotiations either. 

After he was done, he called in a lady named Amy who works in the Hr. She is supposed to orient me and get my contract ready for signing. Thereafter, I am supposed to find my way back to the twentieth floor, where I will start familiarizing myself with the job.