Chapter 1: Four years later

Hayden-

It has been four years since I received the most devastating news of my life. Four years of living with the most profound regret of my life. In less than a month, I would graduate from college, and I was already dreading the day.

I was tempted not to graduate at all. Knowing my family died at the same time I was on stage receiving my high school diploma, I didn’t feel like I deserved to graduate. If it weren’t for my best friend, Lillian Conner, whom I call Lily, I would have considered ending my life on the day that I was supposed to graduate.

It would be a bittersweet way to die. I had gone as far as writing a suicide note, but Lily had found it and convinced me not to. I met Lily on my first day of freshman year, and we have been friends and roommates ever since. At first, I hadn’t wanted to be her friend, but she pestered me endlessly until I gave in.

Her life was almost as tragic as mine. When she was a senior in high school, her family had been killed in a car accident. I haven’t told her my story, and she never pushed me to tell her. To this day, I haven’t accepted the death of my family.

A few days after I found out about my mother, my stepfather’s death was confirmed. Dominic’s body couldn’t be identified, but the watch on the third body’s wrist had been the same one Dominic wore. Even if they couldn’t recognize his body, I knew in my heart he was gone.

If he wasn’t dead, I believe he would have let me know. Since I hadn’t heard anything from him in four years, I could only assume that the third body was Dominic’s. Some days, I didn’t think he was dead, as I occasionally felt his presence. I eventually assumed that it was because I was in constant denial about their death, which was causing me to think he wasn’t dead.

 Lily was my saving grace because every day, she would find something that would allow me to feel slightly human. Tonight was one of those nights. She had arranged for me to go on a blind date. I refused at first until she mentioned the date would take place at a bar.

I had no interest in dating anyone, but the thought of drinking was appealing. Since I didn’t have any more classes to attend, I had nothing better to do with my time. For the past week, I have been hiding in the dorm room, so a night out might help.

Unlike most students preparing to graduate, I didn’t apply for an internship. I was receiving a bachelor's degree in graphic design, literature, and creative writing. I have been writing since I was a kid but have never published anything.

My dream was to work in publishing as an editor and cover designer, and I also wanted to write my own stories. Due to the workload of majoring in three different areas, I had little time to join an internship program. Now, I wish I had something to occupy my time.

“Why aren’t you ready?” Lily stormed into the dorm room, carrying a bag in each hand.

“I got distracted,” I admitted as I sat up on the bean bag chair I had been lounging in.

“With what?” She quirked her brows, as she usually did when I didn’t give her a direct answer.

She didn’t pressure me to tell her what was happening in my head, but I sensed she wanted me to open up willingly. Since I still couldn’t tell her what was going on, I got up from the bean bag chair and moved to the table in the center of the room. Lily sat the bags on the table and then started digging through them.

“What did you get?” I asked, ignoring her question.

“Since I figured you would be in one of your moods, I decided to pick up a cute outfit for tonight.” Lily’s demeanor changed dramatically, and she smiled broadly as she pulled out a beautiful white dress.

“I have plenty of dresses.” I groaned but took the dress from her anyway.

“I wouldn’t call them dresses.” Lily rolled her eyes as she dug into the other bag and pulled out a box. You might as well wear a sack if you consider them dresses.”

Holding up the dress she brought, I started to see her point. Compared to my dresses, this dress was on a completely different level. Everything I owned was purchased from a thrift store. Technically, I had money, but I refused to spend it.

The money I had was from what my mother had left me. While I thought the dresses, I owned were cute, they were low quality. This dress looked more like a dress that a runway model would wear. The only thing I didn’t care for was that it was a little revealing.

While in college, I received the nickname Prudence due to my refusal to show little to no skin and my lack of risk-taking. I never liked the name, but I didn't let it get to me either. Tonight, I felt like I needed to step out of my comfort zone.

“I also bought you a pair of shoes to go with the dress,” Lily said, opening the box.

Inside the box was a pair of elegant, glossy white heels. It has been a long time since I wore heels, but at least they were only about two inches. Draping the dress over my arm, I grabbed the shoes and went into the shared bathroom.

When I put on the dress, I tugged at the dress. It was a little tight for my liking, but not overly so. It did accentuate my curves, but that wasn’t what bothered me. The dress covered my cleavage, but it only covered one shoulder.

It was a long sleeve dress, except the sleeve was slit from the shoulder to the wrist. At least the dress length was appropriate, as it cascaded down my body in a classic A-line. It hugged my hips, with the skirt whimsically flowing down to the middle of my calves.

I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for a bar scene, but Lily mentioned that the bar was for higher-class patrons. I knew that if I continued to dissect the dress, I would talk myself out of it, so I focused on applying a light layer of makeup. After that, I styled my shoulder-length blonde hair into loose curls.

Once I was done, I put on the heels and tested them by walking from one end of the bathroom to the other. When I didn’t stumble, I left the bathroom. Lily’s jaw dropped when I stepped out.

“If I had known you had a body like that, I would have convinced you to change your style a long time ago.” Lilly said in awe.

“I should change.” I suddenly felt embarrassed.

“Don’t you dare!” She screeched as she rushed toward me and dragged me away from the bathroom. “Besides, it is too late now.”

She grabbed a small white purse from the table and shoved it into my hands. “You can borrow my purse tonight. I already put your phone and wallet inside.”

I was unable to protest as she practically shoved me out of the room and down the hall. When we were outside, I regretted agreeing to go on a blind date. Stepping to the side, I tried to circle around her, but she reacted quickly.

She spun me around, stopping me from going back into the dorm building. A man dressed in black slacks and a white formal shirt came up the stairs, holding a single white rose. He was handsome, but I didn’t feel any connection to him.

From what Lily told me, his name was Tristan Lywood. I knew he was my date since Lily had shown me a picture of him. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes, which made me think of Dominic. My stomach twisted at the thought of him. He wasn’t built the same way as Dominic, but he wasn’t bad either.

“You look stunning.” Tristan smiled as he handed me the rose.

“Thank you.” I mumbled while I accepted the rose.

“You two have fun!” Lily gently shoved me toward him, causing me to stumble.

Tristan reacted quickly and wrapped his arms around my waist to prevent me from falling. I didn’t feel anything in his arms, which further proved I wasn’t attracted to him. Pulling away from him, I avoided eye contact and looked over to see Lily had retreated.

“Are you ready?” I asked as the desire to drink increased.

“More than ready!” Tristan’s eagerness made me feel a little guilty.

Letting Tristan lead me to his car, I kept my eyes drawn to the ground. After he opened the passenger door, I climbed in and mumbled a thank you. When he got in the car, I glanced over and saw his eyes lit up when he smiled.

Taking a deep breath, I decided I would try to give him a chance. I didn’t know if I would like him more than a friend, but maybe I would obtain a new friend when the night was over. Settling against the seat, I reached over my shoulder to pull the seat belt around me.