Chapter:-10

"Braze?" Brandon snaps me back to reality and I realise I've been silent for a long time. I'm about to answer all of his questions when he beats me to it like always. "Are you tired? I suppose we have been sitting here for long. Let's go" Brandon goes up and I start to collect my things.

Then I look up and I see him talking to the male barista who is smiling at him with a blush clear on his face. Brandon turns around and discreetly winks at me to come. I head over there.

"...suppose you're tired," Brandon tells the barista. Oh, no same pickup line?! "But well you should be," Brandon says while smirking seductively. " Because you've been running through my mind all day." He says and winks again. The barista blushes harder and Brandon still smirking exits the store.

God he really is a player and that pick up line sucked more than the other one. I smile at the barista who looks like he doesn't know what to do and head out after Brandon.

When I exit the store I see Brandon standing next to Kan with the entire group already there.

Oh, I didn't realise how long we were here.

Ash was talking excitedly with the group about the movie and everybody pretends to listen except for Alexander that looks at Ash amusingly. I seriously like those two together. Ash then turns around and sees me.

"Omg Braze you should have been there!!!! There was this guy a-and h-he just...!" he starts while gesturing wildly with his hands. I don't get a thing he's saying. Then when he starts describing really big things he uses Alexander huge hands instead, his own hands apparently not being enough to describe the action and the entire group starts smiling widely. Alexander just stands there with a super poker face and it's so hilarious we all start to laugh. What makes it even funnier is that Ash thinks we're laughing at what he's explaining and now and then he puts in an "I know right!?" or " I know it's hilarious". We laugh even harder. I don't think I've laughed so much as I've laughed today and I feel guilty about it because I shouldn't. I know people tell you to move on and it will get better if you do that but the thing is you can only move on if everything is finished and this is so not finished. This is as unfinished as it can get and it will always stay like that so how do people expect me to move on?

"Braze?" I hear Brandon voice and lookup. "Are you okay?" Everybody stares at Brandon with shock.

"Y-yeah" I answer shyly.

Then our two groups separate and I'm alone with Ash, Clare and Sammy heading home.

A blackbird comes flying down towards us and I duck reflexively. It circles around behind me and then flies towards the sky again. There is only one bird and only one. No more. I smile sadly and the others seem to notice that.

"Braze?" I peak up at Ash.

"Listen, man, if there is anything bothering you or making you uncomfortable you can tell us," Ash says.

" You know that we'll always be here for you right? Even if just met a couple of days ago I have a feeling we'll stick together for a really long time" Clare fills in.

"Whatever it is, you can talk about it with us and don't try to deny that there's nothing bothering you because there is. I noticed it the first time I talked to you but we won't pressure you to say anything you don't want to say. But we're your friends so don't lie to us and say that everything is okay. I just wanted to say that." Sammy says with a serious voice while looking straight ahead towards the road.

I'm stunned. I've never met such accepting people before. Except for once. They know that something is wrong and they're not pushing me instead they're just letting me know that they'll always be here for me. But if they find out what's really going on will they still be here for me?

But for now, they are and I say the only thing that can describe what I'm feeling.

"Thank you"

After that, it was silent and then we all head in different directions except for Ash and Clare who lives in the same area.

When I get home I find my parents sitting on the couch while watching TV and Jace on a chair texting. Alex is in the kitchen looking for something interesting in the fridge.

"There's food in the fridge," Dad says emotionally without looking away from the screen.

"No, thank you" I mumble as I start to head over to my room but not before I hear dad say one final thing.

"Fine, you can stay in your room decaying for all I care! You do deserve it after all. Useless kid"

Nobody protests.

When I'm in my room I fall on top of my bed tears starting to emerge in my eyes. Then someone knocks on my door and Jace walks in. This is a surprise and I quickly blink away the tears.

"Hey, brother," Jace says his voice serious.

I don't answer.

"Braze remember the times I was always by your side no matter what? I never left you and always defended you even if you were the one who was wrong. Always."

Is still don't answer but I can feel the panic rising.

"Braze answer me damn it!"

I stay quiet. Like always. Like I did that night. I didn't say anything.

He strides forward and puts one arm on each side of my shoulders and starts to shake me.

"That's it Braze! Tell me what happened that night now!"

Nothing comes out of me and he shakes me harder and puts his face close to mine.

"Braze talk!" Then." DID YOU DO IT!?" he screams the last sentence and tears starts to roll down my cheeks. He lets go of me and exits my room slamming the door leaving me there crying and I don't stop crying until I eventually fall asleep.

Ten years old me is laying down on the grass looking up at the sky.

"Bree!"

"Ew don't call me that," I say but still, I smile.

" Admit it you love it when I call you that don't you Bree?" He says with a baby voice.

"Stop it" I laugh.

"That and Braze. You love it." I smile "Omg look up!" He shouts and points at two birds flying together.

"It's two birds? So?" I ask not getting it.

"But look! There is an entire flock of birds flying everywhere but those two are flying together never leaving each other's sides!" He exclaims amazed.

He's right. The two birds have totally abandoned the others and are just sticking to themselves.

"That's you and me. The bird to the left is me and the one to the right is you because it's black like your hair. That's us up there. We will always fly together Bree and even if people try to separate us we will never abandon each other. We are forever. Me and you Bree" He says and smiles at me.

I look up at the two birds and I smile.

"Always and forever," I say.

"No, not forever Braze"

I glance at him surprised and to my horror, I see his face filled with blood. There is blood coming out of his eyes and mouth and...everywhere.

"Why Bree? We were supposed to fly together." He cries as his clothes get soaked with blood. I want to crawl over to him and do something but I'm completely paralysed. I start to cry begging him not to go but all I get from him is:

"Why!? You don't deserve forever!"

I wake up and I sit straight up in bed tears soaking my face. I'm super sweaty and I open a window. Of all the dreams this was definitely the worst one and I can feel a panic attack starting to come up. Maybe I had this dream because I'm being reminded of what I've done. Being reminded that I shouldn't be happy the way I was yesterday.

I need to shoot. I need to shoot some arrows right now or I don't know what I'll do.

I tiptoe down to our basement with my breathing increasing every second that goes and starts to search until I finally find them and I run out of the house holding a bow and some arrows. I don't care if someone hears me or sees me they wouldn't care anyway. I stand in front of a tree in our backyard. I swallowed trying to calm my breathing and start to aim. And I never miss even if my head feels like it's pounding like crazy. I aim and I hit over and over again until my hands start to hurt but I don't care.

My panic attack long went I just stand there and shoot not caring if anyone looks out the window and sees me in the dark crying and shooting. My family already thinks I'm mentally insane and the only reason they haven't made me go see someone is that it would bring shame to the family.

When I finish it's already dawn and I walk back panting to the house finally calm and start to get ready for school. I walk past my parents and siblings who just stare at me and I go straight to my room to take a shower.

School isn't that bad. Surprisingly, when I always walk by Brandon he always shoots me a smile in my direction making me involuntarily blush and return the smile. The first time he does it I'm not sure it's meant for me and I look around behind me causing him to laugh silently. All lot of people stare. Then I start to get used to the unexpected smiles, I mean he did help me through a panic attack and we spent 2 hours in Starbucks talking about each other. It's normal that he'll greet me in the hallway right?

Unfortunately, I'm not in a good mood today after tonight and I'm barely even present when Clare, Sammy and Ash are talking in the cafeteria but they don't say anything. I drown myself in music and try not to think about that person but I just can't and I start to feel so cramped in the cafeteria. I take a deep breath and tell the group I need to go to the restroom for the sixth time today. I have this pit in my stomach that won't go away no matter what I do. Am I being punished for allowing myself to let go yesterday?

I get up and walk down the hallway where I see Group S and when they see me they all smile (except for Alexander and Kan that is) and I force a smile on my face but all I want is to get out of here as fast as I can. Then I spot (Aldertree I think?) staring at me with hatred together with the guy that's sitting next to him during Hodge's classes. I think his name is Mel? I quickly look away and finally reach the restroom.

I get in and thank god no one is here.

I spoke too soon because next thing I know I'm being shoved against the wall my breath knocked out of my skinny body. The person who did it is strong and I look up and I'm suddenly facing to face with Aldertree that's looking down at me with pure murder in his eyes. My heart starts beating faster and I hear the door open and Mel walks in.

I slowly stand up and I take one look at them and I know what's coming. Mel starts to raise his fist at me but the restroom door opens and I thank god for that.

Again, I spoke too soon because out of those doors the evil queen emerges with a wicked smile. I start to feel sick at the bare sight of her.

"Hello, sweetheart long time no see."

If I thought that the sight of her is enough to make me sick I don't even know how to describe what her voice does to me. I take one step back involuntarily. Jia smirks and gives the boys one look.

"Get him"