I am adopted

Fallon POV

The days go by quickly and slowly at the same time. I feel as if I am floating. Every day I move slowly, and time moves fast. I cannot stop thinking of them and why they are gone. Nothing in life seems fair right now. Everything is in a daze.

The funeral, my extended family, and then time alone all seem to run together. My bitch aunt and her daughters try to bully me about every part of the funeral. Lucky for me, my father left detailed instructions about their last wishes. She had no say over anything I did for my family.

Tad was the hard part for me. He was only and had15 no last wishes. So I followed my parent's wishes for him too. All three were given a small service and then cremated. My Aunt let it be known to everyone that she should have my mother's ashes. I am not separating my family. I want to keep their ashes together and with me.

"You are a selfish little bitch. I want my sister with me," My Aunt yells at me.

My Aunt repeatedly caused a scene. She wanted everyone to know that I was selfish. How can I be selfish for wanting to keep my family with me and together? Her daughters went out of their way to cry loudly and try to bring attention to themselves. My Aunt and her daughters always hated my father and my brother. Why my mother tried to keep a relationship with them is beyond my comprehension. I do know. My mother valued family.

It got so bad that the funeral director had to remove my Aunt and her daughters. I never said anything to her. I remained calm and stood vigil. I would not embarrass my family. I let my Aunt make a fool of herself. In the end, no one spoke out against anything I did or my decisions for my family.

My Aunt Tricia thought with my mother and father gone, she would inherit everything, but everything went to me. Since I am turning 18 in a few weeks, there is no need for her to be my trustee. I can handle everything myself, per my father's lawyer. That really made her mad. I am sure she would love to get her hands on my family's money, cars, and the house. She would probably lock me in the basement or ship me off somewhere if I was younger.

My father's brother, Uncle Jamie and his wife Tabby, sat in the back of the church. I did not understand why. After the service, he found me, hugged me and told me he was sorry. There was still no explanation why he stayed away from the family. Uncle Jamie and my brother were so close. It doesn't make sense, but we each grieve in our own way. Maybe he needed to be alone. I can certainly understand that.

Bruce never left my side. He held my hand and directed me throughout the service. I don't know what I would've done without him. Even now, I still don't know how I called out to him. It's like he knows what I need before I know. Intuition? Maybe? It's not the first time in my life that I have called out to someone or sent them a message. My entire life can be summed up as odd. I can be summed up as odd too.

After the funeral, I returned home. Bruce is still by my side, not leaving me. Bruce refuses to allow me to be alone, especially today. For one, he is afraid my bitch of an Aunt and her bullying daughters might try to come for me when no one is around. I don't think my Aunt has the balls to come after me without a crowd to feel sorry for her.

"You need to eat something," Bruce says. I shake my head and look around at the stillness of the house.

"It is too quiet," I whisper.

"A lot of people brought food. You should try to eat," Bruce insists. I cannot think of anything that I want to eat. All I want is to hear my rowdy family's loud talking and laughing. I want to hear my brother talking over my father and my mother laughing at something Tad did. I want to hear them! I look into the kitchen but they are not there. They are gone. I will never hear them again.

I grab the remote and turn the satellite radio on; maybe some noise will make me feel more at ease. No! Nothing will make me feel normal. Normal is not even in my vocabulary.

Bruce brings me a cup of hot tea. I know he is only trying to help. He is helping. He doesn't have to try. He always knows what I need before I do. I take the hot tea from him and sip it. Bruce sits with me.

"I have to go through my dad's papers. If I can, I want to get all of this over with and move forward. This hurts too much. Is that selfish?" I ask him.

Bruce leans back on the sofa. I have to go back to school and work soon. I need to settle everything. There is so much to do. Will I remain here? Can I stay here is the more appropriate question? I am not sure if I can be here without my family. My mind races with thoughts of everything I need to do and how I will accomplish it. I want to scream!

"Fallon, calm yourself. Breathe in and out. I will help you go through everything until you are finished. I will not leave you to do this alone. You are not alone," Bruce says.

"I know," I say. I sip my tea until it is gone. Silence, except for the radio, is deafening. I never thought I would hate the silence in this house, but right now, I hate it.

Bruce stands up from the sofa and reaches for my hand. "Come on. Let's get started in your dad's office. We can work on it for a while and then you have to eat," Bruce says.

"Okay," I agree. I set the teacup down on the coffee table but quickly pick it up. Mom would freak out if I left a ring on her table, but she isn't here to fuss about it. I put the teacup back on the table and looked at it for a moment. Bruce grabs it and takes it to the kitchen. He knew what I was thinking.

"No rings on the table kids," Bruce says in a womanly voice. That is what she would say, no rings on the table kids.

Bruce and I go into my dad's office. His office is right off of the living room. I look around at the office that once was loud with dad's music as he worked. He has always worked from home.

As a child, I loved coming into his office to annoy him. He never rushed me out. He always allowed me to sit and play in his office while he worked when I was young. As I got older, I would bring my laptop into his office and do school work, and later on, I would work on my research papers for Dr. Braum. Now, it is dead silent in here.

"Where do you want to start?" Bruce asks me.

I look around. "I need the house papers, car titles, business papers, and stuff like that. I will have to decide what to do with their things. How can I decide that?" I say, questioning my judgments about their belonging. How do you decide what to do with someone's car, clothes, and things when they are gone?

"You don't have to decide everything right now," Bruce says.

I shake my head. "I know, but the house and bank must be taken care of now. I have to let dad's clients know that he has passed and close his business," I say.

I sit down at my dad's desk. Bruce opens the filing cabinet. He takes out some papers and begins placing anything that looks important or that he thinks I might need to look at on the desk. I open the desk drawers and start to sort through things. I don't want to do this, but I must get it done. I have to be strong for my family.

Hours seem to pass as we sort through my dad's papers. Thank goodness my father kept his things in order. Bruce and I managed to get the house papers, bank statements, and business papers together. Then we found pictures from when I was little and Tad when he was born.

Dozens of pictures of my mother pregnant with Tad, but nothing of her pregnant with me. More pictures of Tad as an infant, but all of my pictures start at around a year old. Where are my pictures? I begin to think. I have never seen a picture of me as an infant. Everything starts on my first birthday. I find this odd.

"Maybe I was a hideous baby and they didn't take pictures of me," I say.

Bruce laughs but then stops. "I think I know why and it is not because you were ugly," Bruce says. He hands me a stack of documents buried in the filing cabinet.

I begin to flip through the papers. One by one, each piece of paper broke my heart more and more. "I am adopted," I whisper.