V

***

INFINITY happily entered a compound. It's a little bit chaotic because of the horns of cars and people walking beside the vicinity. It was neighboring a lot of condominiums and a shopping mall. But the atmosphere is peaceful once you enter the compound. Thanks to a lot of trees surrounding the vicinity, it most blocked the noise and pollution.

The home for the elderly who have no other home.

It has been a long time since she last visited this place. Maybe two months. The reason is first, she was too busy at work. Second, as much as possible, she doesn't want to see people from her past.

Sadness was already consuming her every day, it was swallowing her whole. Maybe her heart can't take it anymore if there is someone or something that could remind her of her past.

This is the person she leaned on when he was alone. She became a wall to Infinity at times when she had no one to lean on. She never left her side, but fate did a little trick once again. That’s why she ended up in this situation.

She brought *(1)suman and *(2)ensaymada with a lot of cheese and salted egg. It was the favorite food of the person she would visit.

~~

The door of the room was open, she peeked through the open door and knocked to get her attention. When she saw Infinity, her face lit up. She held up the plastic with all the delicacies she bought. That made her smile even more.

"Come in!" She is smiling at Infinity from ear to ear. It was priceless.

“You shouldn't have bothered! This kiddo!”

Thank God she looks okay. Infinity told herself.

"This is nothing. Just a small gift because I am  sorry for not visiting you often.”  Her smile grew because of her answer to her.

"What are those?" She eyed the plastic she was holding. There is a hint of harshness in her voice but she can also hear the joy in it.

This is really how this lady behaves. She likes to pretend to be grumpy at times, but in reality, she is a friendly and loving person. Soft as a marshmallow. That's the reason why she loves her so much.

"Your favorites." She slowly took out the suman and ensaymada in the plastic bag. She removed the ensaymada’s cover and put it in her mouth.

"Come on, eat now. Ahhh.” Infinity even put the ensaymada near her mouth, so she could eat it.

"Why are you treating me like that? What am I? A baby" She asked grumpily. Infinity ignores her and continues to feed the lady.

"This is delicious. Go ahead. Ahhh." She stuck the ensaymada in her mouth more.

The old lady didn't stop her and immediately bit the ensaymada.

“It’s delicious, right?” She asks.

She didn't answer her, but she could see that the lady was holding back her smile.

"Eat all of it." She handed the ensaymada into her hands. Then she stood up from the seat to arrange the rest of the things she brought for her.

"Not much." She still lied to her even though her mouth was full of ensaymada.

"How's the story that you are writing?" She asked while still biting and chewing.

She tried to hide her shock. The old lady remembered the things they talked about from her last visit.

"I-It's fine." She answered this while sitting next to her again.

"Is the theme of what you're writing the same as before? You like to break hearts, huh?"

She handed her a glass of water because she had consumed an entire ensaymada.

"M-Maybe."

She suddenly hit the bed, which surprised Infinity.

"What an insolent child you are! If you are sad and angry at the world, don't empathize with your readers! Maybe they won't enjoy your stories anymore."

She tried to hold back her laughter.

This is just how old people are. This person is straightforward, she will tell you right away if she doesn't like you or if you did something wrong.

She still remembered their first meeting. She almost peed in her underwear because of fear. But after all the tests she gave her, she loved her like her child. And Infinity also thinks of her as her mother. It took a long time before she finally got her heart.

"*Nanay(3)." She even gave her a sweet smile. "Who told you that I was sad? I'm fine. I-I'm happy. And I'm not mad at the world anymore."

The old lady made a face, it was obvious that she didn’t believe what Infinity said.

"You think you can fool me? Hey Infinity! You're the only one convincing yourself that you are fine. I won't buy what you're saying." She even rolled her eyes heavenwards.

Infinity couldn't look at the old lady. She bowed her head and played with her fingers. The lady is right. She's not happy, and she's only convincing herself that she's fine.

But what else could she do? Even if she wanted to get up, she didn't know where to start. It is very hard. She gave everything to one person, she left nothing for herself. And the moment that person left her, she lost everything. She’s exhausted.

You know that feeling when you wake up every day to ask yourself how long you will take care of the pain?

She thinks and hopes that someday that day will come. But maybe not now. The old lady noticed her silence. She reached her hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Infinity, haven't you moved on yet?" The lady asks her.

Her eyes immediately blurred. Tears were formed. But she is trying her best to stop it from falling.

Infinity held the lady’s hand tighter. It seems that in that way she can help her rise from the pain caused by her past. Her eyes are full of tears, sobs are also coming out of her.

"N-Not yet. And to be honest, I don't know...I don't know when I will be able to move on." Infinity immediately buried her face in her lap and cried all the weight in her chest.

Everything is mixed up.

Events beyond her control haven't helped her yet. The old lady rubbed her head and back, like a mother's touch, it eased her emotions a little.

"It's hard. The pain is still there even though it's been a while." She continued to cry on her lap. After a few minutes, she calmed down.

A pair of warm hands lifted her face. Then she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I know it hurts. I know the wound in your heart has not yet healed. But Infinity, don't deny yourself to be happy. If you can't be free from the past, just choose to be happy."

Her tears and sobs began to fall again, so the old lady helped her once again to wipe her tears.

“Shhh...That's enough. Do not cry. It doesn't suit you. You are making too much of a face! You look ugly!” And then she laughed so loudly. Oh, how she misses that laugh!

Like a child, she wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"Excuse me, I don't have any ugly angle!" She defended herself, and then they both laughed at what she said.

"That's right, Infinity." She held both her arms. "Laugh. Be happy. Choose to be happy. I know it hurts. But that's alright. I know and I am sure, even Elroy will be sad knowing that you are dwelling too much on your past.” She said while messing her hair.

"T-Thank you."

The old lady kissed Infinity on the forehead. It's light, but the impact is heavy. Especially for someone like her who is orphaned and has no other relatives, a kiss from the person she considers her parent is true medicine for her wounded heart. She feels better.

"Come on! Open another ensaymada for me!" And now she once again comes back to her original self. She is demanding right now.

Infinity, while laughing, immediately obeyed her order. She opened another ensaymada and handed it to her.

She bit into the bread, and they were silent for a moment. She once again fixed the side table where the food she bought was located. It was the right decision to visit her right now. She is Infinity’s small source of light in her world of darkness.

NOTES:

(1) SUMAN -  This is a rice cake originating in the Philippines. It is made from glutinous rice cooked in coconut milk, often wrapped in banana leaves

(2) ENSAYMADA - A type of bread with sugar and cheese on top.

(3) NANAY - Noun. Means mother or an affectionate or honorific term for an older woman.