4. Wanting answers

My alarm buzzed with the most annoying sound – my favorite song. I thought that it wouldn't be that bad to be woken up by something I loved. No luck there. It was irrelevant that I had a hard time falling asleep, I had to get up at 6 AM to prepare for work regardless. I still wanted to dream about him...again. I was tossing around in bed, unable to escape my dirty thoughts and I didn't know what time it was when I finally drifted away again.

I got up, went to the bathroom, tied my hair in a long dark brown ponytail, but did not curl it. In the mirror, my reflection was watching me with tired red eyes.

"Look at that, without a night out or any drinking at all..." I pointed to myself. I used a bit more makeup, hiding behind light brown shades, mascara, and black eyeliner. I didn't use lipstick, instead, I applied lip balm, which was why the girl staring back at me in the mirror seemed pale with much more makeup on her eyes as compared to her lips. It wasn't a bad look, just different.

I was no seamstress, but I did a good job fixing the tear on my uniform T-shirt. I washed it last night so it would be ready for today. It was a red wine color and with big white letters on the back saying "Shop with M". It was a small store in a small village so that was enough. The rest of my outfit was up to me and it was no problem for my boss if I wore sexy jean shorts and sneakers.

There was only one other person working there – Aunt Eva. She wasn't really my aunt, but it was what everyone called. She was nice and friendly, helped me a lot at the beginning, and never complained no matter how many questions I had. I liked working with her. No mean comments, no woman jealousy or intrigue. Simple and kind; like a family.

I put on my uniform and decided to wear tight black jeans. I was not in the mood to make my boss want me. I just wanted the day to be over so I could come back and curl into my bed, hoping to stay dream free.

Around lunchtime, I was stocking the beer in the fridge at the store. Michael was nowhere to be found all morning and it was a relief. Any encounter between us would have been awkward, even though I told him that I would act like "nothing happened".

"Aren't you going on a lunch break?" Aunt Eva asked me, putting a can of beans back after she cleaned the shelf. I was alone in the shop all morning until her shift started, daydreaming about Michael and ringing customers.

She was not the prettier woman, but her white smile made her very charming. Her 52nd birthday was last week, so she finally decided that she had collected enough gray hair to let Lucy – the local beauty salon owner, dye her hair. I was watching my colleague, thinking about how different she looked like a blonde, but it was nice.

"I am not very hungry, but I guess I should eat something," I told her, honestly.

I hunted for my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. No new messages. Clarissa must be still working or something because she did not write to me for lunch. Her family owned a small furniture store in the center of the town. My workplace was on the same street, so we often ate together.

"Go then!" Aunt Eva ordered, "I will cover the shop until you or Michael are back."

I grabbed an empty box and leave it at the back of the shelf. "Okay, see you soon." I smiled as I passed by her, "And Aunt Eva?"

"Yes, Alex?" She turned after me.

"You should experiment with your look more often. Your hair is pretty cool." I praised her, without looking back.

As I left the shop to go to the storage room I felt slightly afraid to see my boss. At the same time, my stomach fluttered at the thought that he might be near, with his warm breath for my skin to feel, with his big hands to hold me close to him. When I didn't see Michael anywhere, I went to get my purse and headed out to get some pizza from across the street.

Outside it was very sunny, hot even. I placed my hand above my eyes to try and see better around the street. Maybe Michael's car was parked somewhere, and he was just upstairs, avoiding me. His shop was in a two-floor house. Downstairs was the shop, storage rooms, and his office. Upstairs was where he lived so basically he was mostly at his workplace. It must have been nice to never be able to be late.

His car was nowhere in sight, I sighed; relived. Whatever state his mind was today, I would deal with it later. If I saw him at the end of the day that would be the best. If he was mad or upset to see me, I would have to endure it only for a while before my shift would end and I would go home. If miraculously, he thought about last night and decided it was a normal thing, then I would be the happiest. I would even stay and talk with him. I still had no idea why he was acting so weird. He saw it as something that might make me quit and was surprised when I told him I wanted him too.

When I thought about it over and over again – maybe I would like it better if he got home soon so that I could get the awkwardness over with. I needed answers and nothing bad really happened.

I ate my lunch under those cute umbrella tables, while my mind traveled back in time to last night. I was craving his touch and couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he hadn't stopped it. He seemed like a man of power. He wanted to lead me and was very teasing and gentle. I liked – no – I loved everything he was doing. I needed him to do so much more and to relax a bit. I decided that I would talk with him as soon as I saw him, even if in the end I lost my job.

I could be bold, right?

My eyes kept looking around, hoping that his car would show up. No such luck. After a little more than an hour, I went back to work, disappointed. Aunt Eva was ringing customers and reading some romantic novel while waiting for someone to show up. It was a small town so our work was not stressful at all. Michael didn't mind if I took extra time during lunch or if Aunt Eva was reading a book. After all we already did the needful, the shop was clean, stocked and one of us was ringing customers.

"Is Michael back?" I asked.

"Not yet, but he will be here in the evening for sure if you need him for something." Aunt Eva said, not moving her eyes from her book.

He was always here in the evenings to take over the shop if one of us needed to go somewhere at the end of the day. Actually, he was here most of the time, but I was wondering if he would return before my shift ended. I always worked the first shift on Friday because we - Clarissa and I used to go clubbing. Michael and Aunt Eva didn't mind. They knew I partied hard. I never seen Michael at a club and Aunt Eva was always with her daughter, helping with grandchildren every day after work.

An hour later I realized that he must be avoiding me. My shift had ended so I grabbed my purse, said goodbye to Aunt Eva, and headed outside. His blue Toyota was still not here. I still didn't have any answers.

Frustrated, I messaged Clarissa, "Where are you?" Such a lonely day, Michael was gone and Clarissa was not with me at lunch. I was so bored.

"I must do something at the store. See you later." She wrote back in response and then a second message came from her with a sad emoji.

Annoyed as hell, I decided to do a little shopping therapy before I went crazy. It was 5 PM when I got done with buying stuff that I didn't really need. After that, I walked home, placed my bags on the floor, kicked my shoes, and let my body fall on my face on the bed. I had no idea why I thought that buying stuff would make my ache for Michael any less painful.