6. Third wheel

We walked inside and picked our favorite table in the corner near the wall and close to the stage. Most tables were abandoned as people were already dancing and cheering. Oh, yes...it was a "Rock on" night! A boy band was entertaining a small crowd. People were so lost in the music and maybe already drunk, because no one cared if I had enough space to get to my chair.

I tried to sit, but the only place I could reach was in front of the table, and we were three. I turned around with a frown as Clarissa found a quick solution.

"Oh, it's okay. You can take that, we don't need a chair because we are going to be dancing." She grinned and grabbed Ethan's hand, taking him even closer to the stage, before he could protest.

I plopped down on the only place possible and raised my hand for the server. I needed a drink! Soon I was holding some fruit cocktail that I always avoided trying and given that I had enough light now, I could really see how handsome Ethan was. He was so tall and Clarissa looked strange as she danced around him. She didn't seem to care about the fact that she was looking even smaller next to him. She knew what she wanted and was doing what she could to have it. Unlike me for the past few months.

I raised my hand for a second drink - the same as the first. It turned out that it was very fresh, and I was starting to love it. Ethan's golden hair was just a little darker than Clarissa's, I stated when they started dancing closer as a slow song came on. It was a view that I decided to keep, so I picked my phone out and made a picture of them. His hands were wrapped around her waist as his chin was buried in her curly hair. They looked so good together. I guess Clarissa was about to have him as her boyfriend after all.

I wanted to be happy for her, but I just couldn't. I was in a dark place. It was different now that I knew how Michael's hands could burn my skin. It was impossible to be with another man...not like before. Michael wasn't that much of a secret desire anymore. He became more real and all others stopped existing for me. I wanted him, only him. But he did not want me. Or he did, but only for a brief moment, out of lust... not love. And here I was a third wheel, drinking alone... loving him. My boss, but not my Michael.

After a few more drinks I got up and started for the bathroom, when Clarissa came to the table.

"Wooo! This band... is awesome! Where... are you... going?" She said, trying to catch her breath.

"To pee." I simply said. "Where did Ethan go?"

"To the same... place." She leaned on the wall next to our table and brushed the sweat from her forehead.

"Okay, I will be back in a sec." I told her and started walking, feeling the result of the alcohol in every step.

Such a contrast! I was feeling so sad in a place where people were laughing and dancing. Maybe I should have fought more with my cousin to stay at home.

When I finally managed to get back to where I was moping for the last... I don't know how long, I was surprised to see who my crazy cousin was talking to at our table. It was the singer of that band. How does she do that? She was very charming and all, but how had he decided to come talk to her of all people around?

"Yeah, yeah... so true!" the guy said, looking at her with a smirk.

"Right? Let me buy you a drink. I haven't had so much fun in this bar for so long... and believe me... I am here a lot!" She told him, while leaning a bit to be more convincing like she is telling some big secret.

"Okay, if that's the case. Who am I to refuse my number one fan?" The band boy said and looked at me as I just went to lean on the wall next to Ethan. "Aaand who is that hot chick?!" His pretty blue eyes inspected me from head to toe.

He was handsome... in a rock star kind of way, but he was not Michael. I did not move or even smile at him as I would normally do but Clarissa interfered again. She did a lot of that tonight.

"This is my cousin, Alexandra. You can call her Alex, of course." She giggled and moved a step back, so she can stand next to Ethan, leaving me in front of the guy.

"Billy. Nice to meet ya!" He said and I wanted to run away. Instead, I shook his hand, so he could stop stretching it towards me. "Oh, you have such a soft skin! What do ya do? For a job, I mean."

His way of talking was annoying for me. Not that in the last year I did not drink with people who talked like that. I even slept with a few of them. I guess I was not in the mood. I should drink more or sleep. No, no sleeping. I can't risk dreaming of Michael again like every damn night. On the other side, why not? I could always have him with me in my dreams and if not while I sleep, then while I daydream.

"Alex?" I heard my cousin call out and I realized I was talking with this guy. He was asking me something, but I just did not care.

He was looking at me puzzled and then at Clarissa like she could tell what was wrong with me. I decided that I would not wait for her to save the day again.

"I need some fresh air. Excuse me." I said and moved past the guy in black leather clothes.

On my way outside I grabbed another drink for myself from the bar and as soon as I walked out the door, I felt the fresh and slightly cold air. The wind was playing with my hair while I tried to walk in a line to get to a bench near the bar. I was dizzy, but at least I didn't feel sick. I plopped there and tilted my head back, wondering if Michael was also thinking about what we almost did.