DALI-DALI akong tumakbo at pumasok sa kwarto ng ibang section. Hinihingal, natigil ako sa bukana ng pinto and there I saw Shanta's back. She was talking to a girl who was in front of her, but with a face I couldn't see. Nakadikit sa pader ang babae at tila may pinag-uusapan silang seryoso.
"Shanta," bano ko. Pagod na pagod akong lumapit sa kanya. "Come on. Let's go. We'll handle this on our own-"
"Ahh! I hate you!" Biglang napaatras si Shanta dahil sa malakas na sigaw, na natitiyak kong hindi sa kanya.
"Shanta!" Nataranta ako at sinubukang alalayan siya. But she just raised her hand at me, warning my naughty ass to not get involved. "Shanta, you need my help. So, please..."
Her hair was all over her face as
MABILIS LUMIPAS ang panahon. The other nights were seized by impenetrable darkness, but the following days freed from cloudless skies. Dalawang buwan nang nakaraan, nagkagulo at nagimbal ang buong eskwelahan noong matuklasan nila ang tungkol sa tunay na relasyon nina Shanta at Euart. That was their first hurdle as a couple. Tulad ng mga napapanood sa pelikula, these obstacles will test the strongness of their relationship. Lalo na sa kung gaano sila katapang na harapin ang mga unos na sumusubok o pumipigil sa kanilang pagmamahalan. Considering the false rumors they had been spreading about Shanta and the sad case where her mother was forbidding their relationship. Nalagpasan nila iyon nang magkasama. Hindi nagtagal at tinanggap na lang nila ang katotohanan
STREET LAMPS were lit, glowing like the sun at night. The front lights of the car showered the road with white reflecting fragments. Houses were even no ordinary here. They were built from bricks and there was no one-storey house, but all with higher elevation. Blue, green, and pink Christmas lights were also displayed in front of their lawns, which made the town one with the sky. Dala-dala ang bouquet of roses sa kanang kamay ko na binili ko sa isa sa mga flower shops at ang bughaw na trench coat sa kaliwa, nilandas ko ang hardin ng isang malaking bahay. I used the steel bar to knock on the door when I got there. Huminga ako nang malalim. Nakita ko ang usok na lumabas sa aking bibig dahil sa matinding lamig. I was standing on a porch while watching the first sno
“ANO 'YONG nakita ko?” Hindi ko pa rin maabsorba ang lahat ng nasaksihan ako. Pinakatitigan ko ang babaeng kaharap ko. “Kach, what the hell was that?!”"K-Kagan, I'm sorry.” Kinuha niya ang braso ko at mangiyak-iyak. “Believe me. I was going to tell this to you. Pero humahanap lang talaga ako ng tamang oras because I was too scared… and ashamed.”"Kung hindi ako lumipad rito, sa tingin mo, kailan ang tamang oras?” Ibinalik ko ang tanong. “Nakalimutan mo na ba ang mga habilin mo sa akin? You made a fool out of me dahil sa kakahintay ko sa 'yo-""Kagan, sasabihin ka naman ang lahat sa ‘yo!""You made me promise! And you promised, too!
NILAGOK KO ang alak at pinagmasdan ang buwan sa kalangitan. It was a cold night filled with wailings, instead of jingling carols. The coldness of Christmas embraced my chilly heart. Tila tumigil ito sa pagtibok at ayaw nang magmahal pa ulit. Pinapatay ako ng mga alaala kanina. I shouldn’t have flown all the way here. What I saw murdered me. It killed my soul. Pero, makakaya ko pa bang maghintay nang apat na taon kung hindi ako lumipad rito? Certainly, this was one of the most hurtful blessings in disguise. Natupad ang layunin ko, at iyon ang malaman at matuklasan ang katotohanan. Ngunit nasaktan ako nang lubos dahil umasa ako sa pag-ibig na hindi naman mapapasakin. &nbs
IN THAT WHOLE Christmas Break, happiness seemed to slip off my hands. Tila ayaw nitong mapanghawakan ko.Isang minuto, pakiramdam ko ay parang lumulutang ako sa ulap, nagpapasalamat na may natitira pang mga taong nagmamalasakit sa akin.Pero sa susunod na oras, mawawala na. Ewan ko sa sarili ko. Gratitude has left me. Binabalot na ulit ako ng matinding kalungkutan.After I left London, I thought I would also leave the sad and painful memories of having been rejected and fooled by someone who was with me all my life. Kaya pala sa pagdating ko sa Pilipinas, dala-dala ko pa rin iyong bigat at sakit na idinulot ni Kachina.Nakakapanlumo na parang bibigay ang katawan ko. A boulder of pain has knocked my face
IT WAS six days ago when we welcomed the new year. The classes resumed at bumalik na rin sa normal ang lahat.However, it was only my heart that was still not okay. Hindi pa ito normal. Durog pa ang puso ko. Tila mga piraso ito ng bubog na mahirap buoin. Malapit na maging pino ang mga bubog tulad ng buhangin. Pero dahil sa payo ng mga kaibigan ko, it was gradually going back to its original piece. Mabagal man ang proseso, ang mahalaga ay bumabalik ito sa dati. Mas nagiging malakas ang aking puso. Mas nagkakaroon ito ng bakod para hindi na muling mabasag ng magtatangkang humawak nito.Nagsimula na ang ikalawang semestre at kaklase ko pa rin sina Jirario, Clavis, at syempre, si Shanta. Every time, they would do their best to cheer me up. Magpapatawa sila kahit na mukha
I FIXED my position and put a bookmark on a page where I left of. Itinulak ko ang puting libro kay Shanta at ang tingin niya ay bumaba roon."Here…" I said like we were having a secret transaction in a small area in an antique library.She looked at me curiously. "Oh, tapos? Bakit 'yan? Anong gagawin ko rito?" tanong niya na tumutunog na parang mas naiirita.I shrugged my shoulders off. "Finish it for me," I said, grinning a bit.Her mouth fell open. "Ha? Haha! Gago. Pinagsasabi mo? Ba't ako tatapos niyan?""Of course. Para malaman mo na ang laman diyan sa libro at kung bakit espesyal ito para sa akin. Plus... parang gusto naman. You had
WE LEFT the library together. Para hindi na siya mabigatan, ako na ang nag prisinta na magbitbit ng kanyang mga libro. Surely, I was carrying an elephant while I was walking. Muntik na akong mapa subsob sa lupa kung hindi ko pa nagawang kontrolin ang paglakad ko. What's irking was… Hindi rin naman tumangging i-pabuhat ni Shanta ang mga 'yon dahil tuwang-tuwa pa siyang nakikita akong nahihirapan. Dagdag pa niya ay mukha raw akong alipin na pinagsisilbihan siya! "Wow. Ang kawawa ko naman sa 'yo," bulong ko. Prumeno ako sa paglalakad at sumibangot. Naglalakad siya sa harap ko. Pero natitiyak kong narinig niya 'yon dahil kaunting tum
BADTRIP. Nababadtrip ako kay Avancea. Bakit hindi na lang siya lumayas sa mamanahin kong mansyon? Bakit kailangan pa niyang makipag siksikan sa pamilya namin? Bakit napaka s****p niya simula bata pa kami? Our family would have been better, stronger, if she and her leech mother Amadena hadn’t appeared in our life. Pero may magagawa ba ako sa desisyon ng Papa ko? Meron. But, bullshit, not on this matter. He won’t let me, her genius daughter, dictate his heart. Not even Kuya Dallas who’s vocally against it but is silent when the two leeches are present. Wala rin naman kaming maaasahan kay Mama kasi iniwan niya kami kay Papa at sumama sa lalaki niya. To make matters worse, nagkaroon pa sila ng anak. But all of my mother’s desires faded when she lost everything she fought for. One, her partner who I never met. Second, her son, my step brother. And third, kami ng orihinal na pamilya niya. But serious matters aside, bwisit na bwisit na ako kay Avancea. Sinumbong niya ako tungkol sa pambubu
WHAT’S THAT?” I asked Shanta the moment she entered our bedroom with a book in her hand. Nilapitan ko siya at hinawakan ang bewang niya saka hinalikan siya sa balikat. “Saan pumunta ang Baby Love ko? Hmm?” “Hulaan mo…” biro niya saka kumapit sa bewang ko bago nangunang naglakad. I grinned, then walked with her with my right arm clinging onto her shoulder. Sinilip ko ang librong hinahawakan niya at naintriga ako. “You don’t recognize this, do you?” tanong niya. “Where did you find that?” Shanta looked up at me. “It doesn’t matter. I found it and I fixed everything back.” Binalik niya ang tingin sa libro… o ang manuskritong sinulat ko… at naupo sa dulo ng kama. I also sat beside her with my eyes pinned on her glowing face. “I have been curious about this lately, alam mo ba ‘yon…” kwento niya at sinimulang buklatin ang libro. “Punit-punit ‘to noong nahanap ko kaya nagpabili ako kay Benida ng scotch tape. She helped me put back every page.” Then, she looked at me teasingly. “Ako p
I SMILED at the guests who greeted me and Shanta as we walked on the red carpeted aisle. Hindi ganoon karami ang mga bisita. Nabibilang lang sa mga daliri ang mga tao sa mesa. I recognized almost all of them. Masaya ako at dinaluhan nila kami para sa gabing ito.Shanta and the Six Packs, which included me, sat down at a very special seat near the mini stage. Pabilog ang mesa at pitong upuan ang naroon para sa isa sa amin. Naunang umupo ang mga kaibigan ko. Lachlan and Katlego sat beside each other. Ganoon din si Euart at Jirario. Clavis, however, chose to sit next to her cousin. Samantala ako, pinagitnaan nina Shanta at Jirario. I pulled my Baby’s golden chair before she took her seat. “Musta ka na?” tanong ko kay Jira nang hayaan ko si Shanta na kausapin ang pinsan niya. I smiled at my cousin when I looked at him. It’s been a long time and we have been very busy with our own lives, so it’s nice if we catch up. “Kumusta ka naman at ng inaanak ko? Damn… I can’t believe you’re a family
ISANG BUWAN na ang nakalipas at unti-unti nang humuhupa ang kaguluhan sa Manila. Tito Kadam is already jailed in the New Bilibid Prison while his case is set for an appeal by his lawyers. While Coolidge Mental Care remained a crime scene, the patients were transferred to a safer and better facility. They will be sent back once the investigation is done and once the mental care has found its new owner. Sa ngayon, we’re trying to fix all the casualties, lalo na sa pagpapagamot ng mga pasyente. After all, Shanta and I both experienced a life inside the mental hospital. Nais naming tumulong. “Sir, Ma’am, nandyan na po ang mga bisita,” pagpapaalam ng kasambahay noong pumasok ito sa kwarto ko. “Susunod na kami. Thank you,” I said. And after telling me some more notice, the househelp left the room. Naiwan kami ni Shanta sa harap ng salamin habang inaayos niya ang necktie ko. Two days ago, we left Bohol for our business here in the Metro. Naisip naming ligtas nang tumira sa bahay ko… na
I DON’T KNOW when was the last time that I was energized to wake up. I remembered waking up with a huge weight in my head and I felt so exhausted at the start of the day, that ending it would mean fatigue for a week. But while my eyes remain closed, my mind is already awake. And I could feel Shanta’s small body still embracing me. Napangiti ako. Dahil diyan, bahagyang isinubsob ko ang aking ilong sa buhok niya. Walang pagbabago. Her hair’s scent is still the same lavender with fresh milk. I sniffed like drugs and kissed her forehead and tightened my embrace because I am never gonna lose her again. This moment could’ve happened two years ago if the incident didn’t happen. We could’ve been living on one roof with our two kids that are one-year-old apart, and we’re still making the third one. But even though we’re two years late, this… the night that I woke up beside her is what matters most. This will keep me from waking up and start my day blissfully. Aaraw-arawin ko ito, and the d
THE NEXT DAY, Shanta and I traveled back to Panglao Island, Bohol to stay in her mansion for the meantime while things subside. Hindi sana doon. It could have been my house, but almost everyone knows about it, so definitely, the place is not safe for us. We decided to take a break after the national newscast reported across the country. It was stressful and… chaotic. Ilang media na rin ang sumubok na kuhanan kami ng panayam, but Shanta, although ready to speak up, is not allowed to give herself another stress. I didn’t permit it because she needed rest after trespassing in Kachina's house. Makita-kita ko pang may benda siya sa noo kaya mas lalong hindi ako pumayag. She got it from her cousin who broke a vase on her head. And even though I wanted to make that woman pay, I didn’t want reporters to exploit my Baby’s condition and people to make a feast out of it. Kahit na kami ang nasa tama at ang biktima, hindi ko ginawa. The right people would see it, especially the court. And I wou
I GRINNED AT my reflection in the mirror surface. Our plan is working and just a little more time, this chaos they started would end. I then reached for the clean towel beside my laundry, then wiped my face. This is the only place where I can be myself besides being in Shanta’s arms. No nurse to watch over my every move. No Kachina to observe me and ask leading questions. Just me and myself, staring at each other. After I wiped my face, I spent my fifteen minutes taking a bath. Hindi man ako komportable sa klase ng banyo na meron sila dito, sinubukan kong hindi madiri. Well, I have lived an ordinary life before with a small toilet and a hand pump. I’d be immune to this, I guess. Pero sana… sana hindi magtagal ang pamamalagi ko dito. I can’t take the owner of this place. Pagkatapos kong maligo, I changed into a more comfy clothing. I didn’t wear my usual asylum gown. I don’t need it anyway because I am done with my mission. This is the day I am finally leaving this hell. Besides, nas
KAGE, DELIKADO ‘yang plano mo…” pagtutol ni Shanta. Nakaupo siya sa kabisera ng lamesa ng kanyang opisina sa mansion. “I’m not liking it. Masyadong mapanganib at… nagmumukha tayong mas masama kaysa sa kanila. Ayaw ko ng ganoon. We’re stooping down to their level… and as you said, violence should never be a choice. So, this one… It’s a no for me.” I bit my lower lip because she has a point. Well, it’s obvious that my ultimate plan is too risky… and brutal. Katabi ni Shanta si Benida, na nakaupo sa kanyang kanan. They were both looking at me with a hint of hesitation in their faces. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng pagkapahiya. Shanta is right. We’re no different from the people who attempted to kill us. Tulad ni Tito Kadam, I am resorting to violence to get what I want. But this is the only way we could penetrate the Coolidge Mental Care. Kung totoo man, naroon ang mga karagdagang ebidensya para magiit ang tatay ni Kachina. Dahil hindi lang niya kami tinangkang patayin, he was even the ma
Kagan’s POV AYAN, KAGAN…” The psychiatric nurse said in utter softness after I obediently drank the medicine she prepared for me. “You are doing well these days and Doc Kachina must be so proud of you. Let’s just wait for her, okay? It’s past ten and she’s not yet here. But don’t worry. Papasok iyon.” I nodded and grinned just a little bit to make her believe Kachina is my calming pill, even when I don’t care whether she comes to work today or not. I then looked away and stared at the barred window the mental care had just built for me. Kung alam lang ng nars, I lost interest in her doctor the night she’s involved in ruining my life. Makalipas ng ilang sandali, narinig ko ang nars sa gilid ko, nagpapaalam para sa susunod na pasyente niya. I didn’t respond or what, then the door creaked open. Mabilis akong tumingin sa kanya, at nang makitang hindi siya nakalingon, I swiftly barfed the medicine I didn’t swallow and the bitter thing fell on my palm. I clenched my fist as soon as I fel