Chapter 5

To my surprise the room is warm, lit by a roaring fire and surprisingly inviting. Edmund must have arranged this, to make the experience less miserably cold. The first thing my vision landed on was the huge bed. Unwrinkled, perfectly starched white sheets beaming at me.

The images of lewd women, eyes rolling, breasts exposed rose up in my memory. Was this to be my fate tonight? 

“Good evening Your Graces,” and I realised Fitz was standing behind us, leaning against the wall. He had his sleeves rolled up, his white work shirt unbuttoned by one to reveal a hint of light brown chest hair on his broad chest.

He had one foot up, resting on the wall. So impossibly casual I wanted to throttle him. Had he no idea how much torment I had been through to even be standing here tonight?

“When you have completed breeding, knock on the door twice. I shall then come through and inspect. I won’t be fooled Fitz.”

“I assure you, I have absolutely no intentions of fooling you, Your Grace,” Fitz replied, his eyes fixed steadily on me, no hint of a smile. His jaw was clenched, his eyes swallowing any strength I thought might have to resist this situation. He pushed himself from the wall and walked towards us.

“I say we make this situation no more awkward than it needs to be. I shall knock for you presently if we are all in agreement,” my heart skipping a beat as his eyes flitted to me once more.

“Of course. She remains dressed. She is for breeding, not a whore. Just hitch her dress as much as is necessary,” Edmund said as he walked away, not even looking my way. He treated our horses with more consideration. As the door shut I was alone with Fitz.

He took a smaller, slower step towards me, his thick boots making a heavy sound on the floorboards. Edmunds parting words made me colour with shame. “Just hitch her dress,” the sheer callousness of him. 

Turning away from Fitz I walked towards the fire and studied its flames. My heart leapt and danced in tune with the crackling embers, my body, full of strangely curling longing and heat that I had never known before now. My body was awakening but I hated myself for it. 

“I shall be using two voices tonight,” a hushed whisper breathed into my ear before placing a finger on my lips from out of nowhere. My lips moved to speak but instead brushed his solid, warm finger, rendering me silent. Between my legs there was a burning so intense it made me clench my thighs together as I made myself slowly turn to look at him.

His was as serious as the grave. No jokes or witticisms, as his green eyes continued to absorb me. “May I call you Vanessa?” he whispered. I nodded, his finger remaining on my lips, a pleasant, strangely rough sensation.

“I need two voices because Edmund expects me to be rough, brutish with you. I intend to treat you as respectfully as possible. I need you to lie on the bed over there if you please.”

With that his finger lowered from my lips and he placed his hand in mine before barking out, “on the bed then come on!” and I realised his game. Should Edmund be listening, that version of Fitz is what he wanted for me. Instead, like a waltz he gracefully guided me over to the sheets. Noticing my hands shaking he untied my robe slowly, parting it to reveal my white cotton nightgown.

I climbed onto the bed, remembering my honeymoon. How Edmund had instructed me to lay.

“Vanessa, please open your legs so that I may sit between them,” he whispered softly before raising his hand and exclaiming, “good lord woman I said open your legs!” giving me a wink.

I had to smother a giggle with my hand as I shuffled my legs apart. Somehow Fitz was making this easier, less terrifying. He leaned over and breathed into my ear. It was hot and ticklish and without even thinking I squirmed, my legs brushing his as he sat between them, the mattress sinking under his huge weight.

“Vanessa, I am going to pleasure myself. When I produce my seed I will need you to lift your dress. You can then insert the seed inside yourself. I am not taking your honour tonight, but I am giving you the chance to have a child.”

“Fitz,” I gasped, “Edmund intends to check me…”

“I know, the result is the same. My seed will be in and on your sex, it just won’t happen via me violating you,” he hissed, “I am not a scoundrel, I promise,” then he lifted his head up and our eyes met. I wanted to say something, anything to confirm I no longer thought of him in that way but I was sunk.

He was so close, his body smelt so richly masculine, the hay from the stable travelling with him. Kneeling between my legs on the bed he rose, lifting his face away from mine to a sitting positioner where he removed his braces.

Under the flickering light of the fire I watched as he lowered his pants. Then he shuffled and his undergarments moved. In his hand he grasped his length. Just as I had seen in the pamphlets and drawings his was a rock hard shaft of flesh. It’s head shone with moisture as he started to pump it up and down. 

I watched in fascination, aware that his eyes were looking up and down my body. I realised I wished I wasn’t clothed. Without thinking I began to lift my white cotton nightgown. First over my shins, my knees. I slowed as the material skirted up my thighs. Fitz grunted loudly, for Edmund or for real I could not tell.

His other hand was on his thigh gripping it tightly. My hand glanced at it as I continued to drag my nightgown ever higher. Exhaling, I pulled it high enough to expose my sex. Between my legs, where the heat pooled and longing burned with an insatiable desire I could not understand as I watched this giant of a man grow redder and more flushed.

“Vanessa,” he whispered, “you don’t have to,” as I finally got the courage to speak. “I want to. I’m not a china doll.” His eyes looked down and focused on my bare flesh. The more he twisted and jerked his solid length the more I wanted to touch it myself. The way his arm lifted his shirt as he worked himself up and down I could see muscles, more hair. I could only see the hints  of what lay beneath as my knees drew upwards, the bare skin of my thighs rubbing against his pants.

“Jesus Christ!” he bellowed and cried out. His other hand quickly wrapped around his length as he closed his eyes and buckled. He had a sheen of sweat across his proud brow that I longed to wipe away. As he breathed deeply I felt fear seeping back in. Without his green eyes reassuring me I suddenly felt insecure. I had been hypnotised, watching him pleasure himself, now it was my part of the act.

“Again!” he thundered loudly and thumped the bed with his fist beside me as he dropped his voice to a whisper. “Vanessa, it may seem unpleasant but I need you to take this,” opening his hand to show me a gloopy mess, “and push it inside yourself, Where your urine comes from, that is the path to the womb, where pregnancy can be created.”

I reached out to touch it. My hands were still shaking, “are you afraid of me?” he asked, his face creased, no hint of a smile. He was all seriousness and mere inches away from my face. His lips were close enough to catch the tiny movements as I tried to steady my shaking hands.

“No…no but I want you, you to do it. So it looks right,” I whispered back, though only a half truth. Yes it would look right, but also, I would feel a man's hand on my body for the first time.

“You are sure,” his voice a hiss as his eyes roamed my face, searching me for a reason.

“Please Fitz,” I whispered, pushing his hand slowly away, down towards where the material of my nightgown ended. “Vanessa,” he said softly, the crooning reassurance of his voice making my fear melt.

Then he touched me. A rough finger slowly felt between my folds, pushing a hot wet substance against me. I closed my eyes and gasped. Then the finger slid deep  inside, the full length of his finger. It slowly left and returned. I cried out in surprise, a little muffled gasp of joy as the overwhelming sadness of what I had never known I had missed was revealed to me.

This was pleasure. These feelings were why the women in the pamphlets were contorted and had their eyes rolling. Being made to feel as though you could be made of ice and fire at the same time. I felt him start to pleasure himself again. He didn’t remove his finger from my sex, continuing to plunge inside, softly unravelling me. 

I found my hips rising to meet him and when he proceeded to add a second finger I found myself placing my hand on his thigh, gripping his solid flesh like an anchor. His leg was as solid as I imagined. 

His fingers left my body after a few minutes, followed by the same shuddering release. This time I did not wait for him to ask, I pushed his hand, towards my open legs, where I wanted him. He was unlocking secrets within me. The more his finger gently probed the more my hips rose to meet him. 

“We must end, you are done,” he murmured, before shouting, “There we are. Now lie back while I fetch His Grace,”

“Did I do something wrong?” I whispered, panicking that my writhing, breathy actions had been all wrong, unnatural perhaps. His green eyes blazed at me, as he jumped off the bed and redressed himself his jaw was clenched. “Are you angry at me?” I whispered incredulously as he tucked his shirt back in and flicked his braces back into position.

As I lay on the bed, I remembered to shuffle my nightgown back down to my knees and re-tie my robe. “You…I cannot!” he grunted with a huff before stomping towards the door and banging twice as instructed.

When Edmund arrived he gave a curt bow and took his leave to stand outside.

Compared to the gentle, surreal hypnotism of Fitz’s eyes, Edmund approaching me reminded me of the sharks we had observed in an aquarium. Cold, hungry eyes seeking out food at every opportunity.

“Back in here, I don’t want a servant seeing!” Edmund barked, only adding to my embarrassment. Without a word he lifted up my white nightgown, roughly parted my legs and murmured, “good, she is seeded. But no blood Fitz? She is a virgin to be sure?”

“As you can imagine Your Grace I did not go too hard on her, being her first time. To go too hard would prevent any success on the other nights you intend for this to occur.”

My eyes were locked on Fitz, laid down, feeling ridiculous on the bed as I scurried to pull my nightgown back down. “Lie down!” Edmund barked like a dog. “You’ll sleep in here tonight. This is to help with the breeding. Doctor Farrers recommended long periods of rest afterwards, hence the time of night. You can sleep here, and if Mr Fitz here has done his job, come the end of the week I shall have my heir conceived.”

As Edmund left he took Fitz with him. What they might have spoken about on the dark walk along the corridors I have no idea but I climbed into bed and closed my eyes, remembering the way he looked at me, for the briefest moment as we connected.