Money.It was all for money. Every few seconds from the moment I left, to greeting Marie early in the morning the moment he shattered my faith repeated itself. It is what made me request Marie lace my corset so vigorously this morning. To keep me from falling apart I need holding together via other means.The more I thought about it the angrier I became. However it does not remove the fact that Edmund will destroy my reputation if I do not produce an heir.I breakfasted with Edmund, my tiredness causing my usual quiet reserve to fail. As he crunched his toast, slurped his tea and ignored me I surveyed our opulent scene. How much money did Fitz need?.The silverware, porcelain and other delicacies in this dining room alone were worth hundreds of pounds. A doctor, such as Doctor Farrers with his private clients could expect two hundred pounds a year, a stablehand perhaps twenty. What was Fitz’s price for this deal?"Something fascinating about the fruit bowl today?" Edmund quipped, smi
I felt itchy, unclean and desperate to scream. I turned to face Doctor Farrers, fighting my constricted throat to form a protest. Suddenly a flurry of pebbles rattled sharply against the window. We both leapt up as Fitz struggled to control the two horses, purposely forcing a gap between myself and the hideous doctor.“Excuse me Doctor, I trust I can check what on earth is occurring outside?”“Of course Your Grace,” he stammered, hurriedly packing his items away as Fitz continued to stare into the room. His hands were gripping the reins tightly, his jaw clenched. Doctor Farrers scuttled about with his briefcase, “no problems that I can detect Your Grace, a clean bill of health.”With a curt nod I swept out of the room, my heeled shoes clipping along the stone-flagged hallway. I inhaled deep, calming lungfuls of air as I made a show of heading outside. Doctor Farrers could possibly watching to see how I handled the situation.“What is happening here!” I declared loudly as Fitz kept his
Marie chided me that evening. My ribcage was covered in red, painful blisters where the boning had rubbed. “I believe you were correct, I owe you an apology,” I winced as she applied a stinging salve. Edmund had not requested my presence at dinner, he was eating in his study, consumed with estate matters.In agitation I dined alone in my bedroom, attempting to read some books whilst wrapped in my nightgown and silk robe. My yawns and cat-like languishing on the chaise-longue giving the impression I was ready for an early night. Yet I watched the gilded clock on the mantelpiece like a cat chasing a mouse. As each hour ached by, my mind grew more feverish.The idea that Fitz wanted to protect me, to not vanish from my life meant so much more than I had expected it to. Since my wedding three years ago I had only lost acquaintances, not gained. My sister Kitty who I had once been so close to was fast becoming a stranger. I need this season in London to rebuild these bridges in my life. M
He simply stared at me for a few seconds, his breathing as ragged as mine before clenching his jaw, “I suppose we had better summon him,” he sighed.“Wait, wait,” I whispered, placing my hands on his face and pulling him to me, our foreheads touching as I gazed into his eyes. “Thank you.”“You do not need to thank me,” he said dourly, as I felt a frown forming against my forehead. “I do, Fitz, you were right, it’s…theres…just please don’t leave me,” I breathed, knowing I must sound foolish. I cannot confess love, he is a man entitled to his own life and happiness. My love is no use to a single man who will shortly be paid a large sum of money. With an icy horror I wondered if this payment was to go towards his own future married life. My fear only multiplied as Fitz hauled himself from the bed. He watched my expression change as he quickly pulled up his breeches and lowered my nightgown. He returned to lay on the bed, on his side facing me. It almost made me weep with relief. “We ca
** FITZ POV **Sitting in his tobacco soaked study, clutching a glass of brandy is the absolute last place on earth I want to be. Huge bookshelves crammed with leather tomes, dark red velvet curtains and leather seats remind me of the gentleman’s clubs in London. I was not a member of any such establishment, though I was often required to haul my brother away from them in times gone by.The Duke of Tarrick repulses me in every way. He is dressed in such finery, surrounded by opulence and received the finest education and tutelage in the country. Yet, once amongst men he seems to regress. From a gentleman to a toad. His flimsy frail frame drowns in his tailored waistcoats and shirts. Weight is dropping from him, his hands shake and I hear when his back spasms the cries can be heard across the entirety of Tarrick Hall. His green eyes peering through his head of greying hair are the only thing stopping him looking like a withered rat in my eyes.“Thorough!” he chuckled to himself, “that
Two weeks of unrelenting agony passed since the night in the west wing. Inevitably I now find anxiety seizing me every morning, still waking to find my bedsheets spotless. Every day my emotions toward the glowing whiteness differ. Like a grand clock pendulum I swing between terror, relief and disappointment. I know Edmund is informed daily by the dutiful Marie. Unfortunately my new found knowledge of pleasure has proven a double edged sword. To be shown bliss in its purest form, only to then lock it away again left me adrift. I soon reverted to my sullen, languid attitude, knowing that Fitz was unobtainable. I even broke our agreement and searched for him in the stables, willing to take any interaction to feed my hunger. That was after merely two days apart so weak was my will. He was nowhere to be seen. Was I so forgettable? I began to fear Edmund had dismissed him. My panic rose to an unbearable peak until Jeremiah casually mentioned him after ten days. The elderly man had no
Amber careered wildly, I leaned forward, holding on to her neck to avoid the low branches. I should have been safe sitting astride but the side-saddle position failed me. I fell to the ground in a heap, crying out in shock as a bank of moss broke my fall. I lay like a broken doll, my blue silk dress quickly absorbing the moisture from the moss forming dark patches. Sat in a sodden bed of amber leaves I groaned, holding my head in my hands. I needed Amber back, I must pull myself together, ensure I have no injuries. Most fearful of all, how do I head back to Tarrick Hall in this state? I look like every pamphlet whore I have ever glanced at across his study desk. My dress is soiled, my sleeve ripped, my bosom only just held in after being vaulted through the air. My brown curls are wild and ragged. There is no other word for it, I look fallen. Wanton and sinful, my mothers favourite insults racing to the forefront of my mind. This was my punishment. This was God looking upon my impu
On hearing I had fallen from Amber the same day my courses arrived, Edmund hurled his plate and bowl from the dinner table. Dashing me with his food he hobbled away cursing. “You are banned from riding, do you hear! Foolish simpleton on a damned horse…you shall not mock me Vanessa!” There has been silence at every meal since, ignoring any of my polite enquiries as to his well being. I knew the past week had seen him suffering with the spasms again. He has even missed several meals, being so highly dosed on laudanum to ease the pain. It makes him sourer and unpredictable. However it was known across the prestigiously titled families we were participating in this year's Season. I assume in part to my mothers gossiping chatter and now only two months away. Edmund perhaps feels I am tricking him into the long winter stay, his hopes were to announce his heirs impending arrival. Little does he know Tarrick Hall is finally, after three years the only place I want to reside. London holds n