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Chapter 16
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Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 17
Marie chided me that evening. My ribcage was covered in red, painful blisters where the boning had rubbed. “I believe you were correct, I owe you an apology,” I winced as she applied a stinging salve. Edmund had not requested my presence at dinner, he was eating in his study, consumed with estate matters.In agitation I dined alone in my bedroom, attempting to read some books whilst wrapped in my nightgown and silk robe. My yawns and cat-like languishing on the chaise-longue giving the impression I was ready for an early night. Yet I watched the gilded clock on the mantelpiece like a cat chasing a mouse. As each hour ached by, my mind grew more feverish.The idea that Fitz wanted to protect me, to not vanish from my life meant so much more than I had expected it to. Since my wedding three years ago I had only lost acquaintances, not gained. My sister Kitty who I had once been so close to was fast becoming a stranger. I need this season in London to rebuild these bridges in my life. M
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 18
He simply stared at me for a few seconds, his breathing as ragged as mine before clenching his jaw, “I suppose we had better summon him,” he sighed.“Wait, wait,” I whispered, placing my hands on his face and pulling him to me, our foreheads touching as I gazed into his eyes. “Thank you.”“You do not need to thank me,” he said dourly, as I felt a frown forming against my forehead. “I do, Fitz, you were right, it’s…theres…just please don’t leave me,” I breathed, knowing I must sound foolish. I cannot confess love, he is a man entitled to his own life and happiness. My love is no use to a single man who will shortly be paid a large sum of money. With an icy horror I wondered if this payment was to go towards his own future married life. My fear only multiplied as Fitz hauled himself from the bed. He watched my expression change as he quickly pulled up his breeches and lowered my nightgown. He returned to lay on the bed, on his side facing me. It almost made me weep with relief. “We ca
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 19
** FITZ POV **Sitting in his tobacco soaked study, clutching a glass of brandy is the absolute last place on earth I want to be. Huge bookshelves crammed with leather tomes, dark red velvet curtains and leather seats remind me of the gentleman’s clubs in London. I was not a member of any such establishment, though I was often required to haul my brother away from them in times gone by.The Duke of Tarrick repulses me in every way. He is dressed in such finery, surrounded by opulence and received the finest education and tutelage in the country. Yet, once amongst men he seems to regress. From a gentleman to a toad. His flimsy frail frame drowns in his tailored waistcoats and shirts. Weight is dropping from him, his hands shake and I hear when his back spasms the cries can be heard across the entirety of Tarrick Hall. His green eyes peering through his head of greying hair are the only thing stopping him looking like a withered rat in my eyes.“Thorough!” he chuckled to himself, “that
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 20
Two weeks of unrelenting agony passed since the night in the west wing. Inevitably I now find anxiety seizing me every morning, still waking to find my bedsheets spotless. Every day my emotions toward the glowing whiteness differ. Like a grand clock pendulum I swing between terror, relief and disappointment. I know Edmund is informed daily by the dutiful Marie. Unfortunately my new found knowledge of pleasure has proven a double edged sword. To be shown bliss in its purest form, only to then lock it away again left me adrift. I soon reverted to my sullen, languid attitude, knowing that Fitz was unobtainable. I even broke our agreement and searched for him in the stables, willing to take any interaction to feed my hunger. That was after merely two days apart so weak was my will. He was nowhere to be seen. Was I so forgettable? I began to fear Edmund had dismissed him. My panic rose to an unbearable peak until Jeremiah casually mentioned him after ten days. The elderly man had no
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 21
Amber careered wildly, I leaned forward, holding on to her neck to avoid the low branches. I should have been safe sitting astride but the side-saddle position failed me. I fell to the ground in a heap, crying out in shock as a bank of moss broke my fall. I lay like a broken doll, my blue silk dress quickly absorbing the moisture from the moss forming dark patches. Sat in a sodden bed of amber leaves I groaned, holding my head in my hands. I needed Amber back, I must pull myself together, ensure I have no injuries. Most fearful of all, how do I head back to Tarrick Hall in this state? I look like every pamphlet whore I have ever glanced at across his study desk. My dress is soiled, my sleeve ripped, my bosom only just held in after being vaulted through the air. My brown curls are wild and ragged. There is no other word for it, I look fallen. Wanton and sinful, my mothers favourite insults racing to the forefront of my mind. This was my punishment. This was God looking upon my impu
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 22
On hearing I had fallen from Amber the same day my courses arrived, Edmund hurled his plate and bowl from the dinner table. Dashing me with his food he hobbled away cursing. “You are banned from riding, do you hear! Foolish simpleton on a damned horse…you shall not mock me Vanessa!” There has been silence at every meal since, ignoring any of my polite enquiries as to his well being. I knew the past week had seen him suffering with the spasms again. He has even missed several meals, being so highly dosed on laudanum to ease the pain. It makes him sourer and unpredictable. However it was known across the prestigiously titled families we were participating in this year's Season. I assume in part to my mothers gossiping chatter and now only two months away. Edmund perhaps feels I am tricking him into the long winter stay, his hopes were to announce his heirs impending arrival. Little does he know Tarrick Hall is finally, after three years the only place I want to reside. London holds n
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 23
Satisfied with Lady Cawley’s disgrace, Edmund continued my supposed birthday fun at the Tarrick Gallery. Though I had never known her socially the image of her stayed with me instead of the shop wares. Fitz followed behind, his eyes burning into the nape of my neck. Disguised as a birthday present this outing was Edmund's reminder to the good and great of the town that he was Duke of Tarrick. The richest landowner for fifty miles and nearly everyone's landlord. Wearing a charcoal grey suit with a pearl waistcoat, he looked distinguished, if frail. I was his trinket. The sapphire brooch drawing gasps from onlookers as I reluctantly modelled his wealth. “Happy birthday Vanessa!” Kitty cried, waiting for us outside the entrance. “Your Grace,” was my mothers cordial greeting, a cold kiss on the cheek my sole greeting. Edmund took my mothers arm to guide her around the new landscape collection, I held Kitty’s. “So, who is the new livery!” she whispered. “I have never seen such a man bef
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 24
When I woke the petals were clenched tightly in my hand. I had not shut my heavy velvet curtains after Fitz’s late night scramble to my window meaning I woke with the hazy autumn dawn. Before Marie could enter I quickly pressed the petals back into the leaves of my book. To leave such affectionate tokens lying about would be foolish, no matter how kind she seemed of late. Everything seemed brighter, more optimistic. The fallen leaves of yesterday which reminded me of mud and decay now seemed like a golden carpet, a pure feast for the eyes. Because he loves me. "Did you both sleep well?" I enquired at breakfast lightly noticing the dark circles under Kitty's eyes. I was dressed in a pale lilac cotton gown, simpler than yesterday, tied with a deep purple ribbon under my bosom. "I never sleep well away from home," she muttered sulkily, earning a brisk reprimand from my mother. "Tsk Kitty you must get accustomed to such grand suites and bedrooms!" Edmund's eyes were a similarly d
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Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 60
The honeymoon period only extended, month after month. Summer ebbed leading to autumnal nights. The darkness outside and roaring fire saw many a night spent on the large sofa close together. I would lay with my head on his lap reading as he did the same. Without judgement or expectations of others we were able to find our own ebb and flow. We did not live in constant contact. I adored my riding, Fitz loved to fix and engineer solutions to anything. He was quite the hero in the local town. He was seen as the local engineer rather than the landlord and out-of-towner. We purposely did not communicate with the outside world. I knew Marie would be anxious for a letter but it was too great a risk. Someone like Henley, still working for Edmund could chance to manipulate Marie into giving information. It was better to vanish entirely. Fitz had not heard from his brother since returning northwards to claim me, however they had agreed between them for him to visit at Christmas. They did not
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 59
The next month was utterly blissful. We soon fell into a happy routine. I shrieked with joy when Fitz showed me the manor had a stable attached. A young local lad named Jacob, only twelve, was in charge of looking after our horses. We had one each and a tiny fell pony for Eleanor when she grew older.My mare was similar to Amber and very sweet in temperament. I called her Felicity and soon adopted a habit of taking myself for long windswept rides. After feeding Eleanor in the morning the summer meadows beckoned me forth. I would leave father and daughter content in the gardens, and examining flowers. Fitz talked to her as if she was a small adult, explaining in great, exaggerated detail the differences between tulips and posies. She babbled back, as though fully understanding as I arrived back red-faced and delighted with the world.The riding and continued feeding somehow aided my recovery from childbirth. The strength required by my body to trot and gallop across the winding meadow
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 58
I gasped and my head tilted upwards. He lavished kisses upon my bare skin, all whilst his single finger gently, sweetly probed me. As he released a torrent of wetness he let his own deep groan of desire. His finger circling my most sensitive little mound, sent urgent jolts of pleasure throughout my body.“Fitz, I have missed you, I have missed us,” I murmured, gripping his hair and breathing into his chest. “If this hurts you must say and I shall stop,” he rasped as his finger slid inside my most private place. It did not hurt much, only different. It still felt like the most natural, perfect sensation on earth. Shuddering in his grasp he gently caressed me into a quivering high. Drawing me out like teasing wool, his touch and swirling, circular motion had me whimpering into his body. My fingers clutched at his buttons, trying to open his shirt so that I could kiss and adore his bare flesh. His constant touch and affection left me gasping for breath, relentless pleasure searching eve
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 57
Fitz, my perfect, deviously charming, amazing Fitz was as good as his word. After the revelatory breakfast, supplied with fresh horses we managed to travel another forty miles before changing horses once again. On the Liverpool road we stopped at an inn. Anyone who might notice us and fancy making a penny on our names in the papers would surely report we were headed for the docks. Perhaps fleeing to the Americas for a new start. However our rumbling carriage eventually headed down south, towards the Welsh border. The further we travelled the more remote and beautiful the landscape became. Rolling green hills and pastures greeted us, plentiful villages with children running freely. Exhaustion was soon catching upon us. We took it in turns to sleep and hold Eleanor as the carriage rattled and bounced its way along the road. Despite the uncomfortable journey we teased and laughed with each other. Everything felt lighter, the further away from Tarrick Hall the greater my joy.It was so
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 56
*** FITZ POV***I allowed myself a minute to revel in her arrival before necessity made us flee..“You came,” I whispered again, nuzzling my lips against her bare neck. She let out a little moan of pleasure as I gently stroked her arms and waist. Little Eleanor was between us as I struggled to contain my utter joy. I wanted to press her to me and back in her.“We must go, I shall tell you everything on the way,” and just as I began to pull away, she grabbed me once more. “Fitz, I love you,” she murmured, “I should have done this the moment I realised I loved you.” Vanessa’s lips sought mine with a hunger I had sorely missed. My body surged with desire, there was nothing I wanted more than to show her my adoration had not ebbed in the slightest.Almost a year parted but my love had only expanded.Finally she released me, her hands gripping onto my black greatcoat, her face flushed with passion. Even in the near darkness her blue eyes sparkled and left me short of breath. “Come, we must
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 55
Although mid-July the wind whipped viciously outside. As I strode along the huge corridors towards his suite I could still see the trees swaying from the windows. The driveway torchilights were slowly flickering, by the time midnight approached only a few would be left to guide my way.I felt my heart seize as I approached Edmund’s doorway. So many times I had imagined this scenario. Sometimes Fitz was there holding my hand, promising to keep me safe. Other times I had imagined leaving without a single trace. After our honeymoon and realisation I was a prisoner within this grey stone tomb I had fantasised about fleeing in the night almost daily.Tonight it is finally time to discard my chrysalis. The gowns and fripperies that made me a Duchess are not my true colours. They are the trappings of a prisoner, albeit shinier and more ornate. The plain navy gown and cornflower blue day dress I wear are my true wings. These naturally fitting, comfortable garments will suit my life as I navig
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 54
Waking with a start I worry everything was a dream. Eleanor was immediately upon me, mewling and fussing for another feed. Yet Fitz had vanished. My wounded lion, who made no fuss of his injuries despite clearly being in considerable pain. Drowsily I rang the bell hanging from its red velvet rope as Marie appeared.“You are well Your Grace?” as she quickly helped hold Eleanor for me whilst I unfastened my gown. “Marie, you helped…” failing to utter his name. I had never discussed my true feelings for him with anyone. It was too terrifying to make someone aware of the glass, fragile core of my heart.“I did. Only once I must add,” she replied, smiling down at the gurgling baby in her arms. “I gave him the money from your bureau.”Of course. He had been robbed. He has nothing and my soul aches at remembering his wounded face. He had done his best to wipe the blood away but he could not hide the bruising under his eyes. He confessed he has not made his fortune, as if that would deter me
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 53
*** Fitz POV ***Standing there waiting whilst Marie informed her was the greatest test of self-restraint I have ever faced. Knowing that behind that thick swaddling of damask fabric lay my newborn child and the brightest light of my life. I had almost forgotten the battered state of my body, the fact that twenty hours ago my nose had been broken and my ribs crushed under the boot of a thug. Nothing mattered now. As Marie offered to watch the door, it enabled me to finally break through the barrier. I heard her soft gasp at seeing my fingers threading through the material. By the time I ducked my head and body inside the curtain I was certain I could faint on sight. For there she lay, a glittering angel under candlelight. Her long brown curls were piled up high. A few chestnut tendrils snaked their way down her perfect, elegant neck. A white nightgown, buttoned high up to her neck gave her an angelic appearance. Her blue eyes were tired but they still had that captivating sparkle.
Her Honour for an Heir Chapter 52
Marie was by my side from the moment the hot fluid first appeared between my legs. She burst into the room before my second scream of panic, suggesting she had been incredibly close to the doorway the entire time. Edmund said nothing further, merely scowling as Marie suggested the staff send for Doctor Mathers.“Your Grace I am here, do not fret,” she soothed, grasping my hand to her chest as I surveyed the damp bedding in panic. We must move you, you will be quite safe, come along. I have a room prepared.”Walking quickly, aware that at every step more liquid was seeping from between my legs we headed into a guest room across the hallway. There were dozens of towels, linens and a hot tin bath waiting. Marie rang a bell three times sharply, within a minute half a dozen servant girls appeared.“Just as we have prepared ladies, I want this tub full and hot, I want the fire lighting and you are to fetch Doctor Mathers in here the instant he arrives.”They curtsied as I found myself reduce
