Serena - Looking Out

Standing by the window, I take in the city below me, my city. People think men rule, that men are the only ones to strike fear through people. They always underestimate me. I laugh to myself at the thought. I was brought up to rule, to take over. While my father wanted a son, everything was left to me, and I have done nothing but prove to him that a woman can rule and ensure everything goes well.

My head falls forward, and this world isn't what it was before. My father retired, and things changed, but not as much as in the last few months with him gone entirely. Death took him, and for some reason, when people hear of his death, they fight me. They think I will crack and become weak; instead, I stood taller, stronger and fought back just as hard, if not harder.

Yet, I can't stop the feeling of hate. I hate myself for how I am and for the things I have done. This world is a man's world, or at least a woman without remorse because every time I cause blood to drop, it burns me inside. I hate myself. I have no choice, though. If I don't fight them, if I don't punish their behaviour, they will take over the city, my dad's city. My. City!

"Miss." 

I spin around, hearing the voice. "Yes?" I look at Dwayne as he smiles at me. 

He steps farther into the room. "Mr Lewis is refusing to answer."

I sigh. I thought I could go a day without the hassle, clearly not. "Mr Lewis, who is he?" I can't remember, how can I? There are too many people in this city for me to remember everyone, what they owe and how they act.

"He owns a small garage, biker guy. He has missed three payments." Dwayne explains, stepping closer to me. His eyes looking across my body, I swear these guys are sickening. Every time and the amount of times I have had to show my power by breaking fingers is stupid. They need to keep their eyes off me.

"Bring him in. Find him and bring him in." I haven't met Mr Lewis, and while I am a fool to think it, maybe he doesn't realise I took over from my father? That the debt is still there to be paid?

"If he refuses?" Dwayne asks. 

I roll my eyes. Is he that stupid? "He doesn't get to refuse. It isn't a question, Dwayne, and he comes with you. No arguments." Moving, I sit at the desk. I watch as he leaves, my eyes glancing at George and Sam. "You two leave me for a bit. Stand outside, and I don't care. Just leave the room and close the blinds on your way out." I watch as they nod and close the blinds before leaving. 

I hate having guards. I know I need them. If I die, no one is left to take over, and everyone will be fighting to be that top person. The police will start to gain back control, and then everything will change. No one thinks of that, though. They see it as once I am gone, they can rule, but to rule, they need my estate, to own this city. Without that, they are nothing, and the police will throw them away. Without the immunity I give them, they would be locked up. 

My head falls back as I just relax in the perfect silence of the office. I am preparing myself for what is to come. The moment when I have to stand up to this Mr Lewis and force him to realise that while I am a woman, I am not a fool and won't be taken for granted. Force may be needed, and I need to be prepared because that is something I hate. If they see that weakness in my eyes when I try to torture someone or hurt them, they won't see me as their leader anymore.

No, I will be nothing more than a woman, like my mother was. No respect, not real respect. She only got the respect because of my father, because of who he was. Without him, she had no respect. I have earnt it myself. I have saved people from debt and given them a lifeline which is still debt but helps them keep their homes or business. I have ensured people get the message when they do the wrong thing. I take the money from businesses every month, and you could say I am The Sheriff of Nottingham, like from Robin Hood. I take from all the businesses just as my father did, for them having immunity and the life of living in this town. 

I'm not that bad, though. I don't go to the old man's house and take his pension, and I don't go knocking on that mum's door who has pennies and take her money, purely business. Whether they are legal or illegal, everyone pays me for having a business in my city. Moreso if it is illegal and they need immunity. I got respect by doing things my father's way, but that immunity I offer runs out when someone forgets to pay, stands up against me, or does something stupid. I remove that immunity, the police take them, and I take their businesses.

I didn't want this life, but when my father kept saying how I could never do this because I am a woman, I swore I would. Just to prove him wrong, only I signed up for a life sentence. A life sentence I have no way out of until I have children and they grow, hopefully, a boy, because while I can do everything, and I am. I agree. No woman should do this. It is brutal, and all I can think of every time I wipe another person from this planet is that they have just left behind their children, wife, parents. I caused it, and I could show mercy but showing mercy is showing weakness.