Mordechai
“You study up on your backstory?” Jonathan asked me after calling me into his office.
“It was pretty thorough.”
“Should be. Got it off a real guy in Kansas. Don’t worry; he’s dead.”
I looked down at the papers in my hand, seeing that the man had been the same age as me. His description fit as well, making it all too easy to forge the rest of the paperwork I’d need. If someone looked into anything, I could just pull from his life. His very boring, Kansasy life.
“Quick question,” I said, holding up my new ID. “So Zoil was too conspicuous but the Mordechai bit was keepable.”
“That’s not a word, champ, but I thought you would appreciate having your own name. You have any idea how few Jews they got in Kansas? I busted my ass to get you that.”
I kept my expression blank, as if nothing he said bothered me. I’d heard worse. A hell of a lot worse. “Thank you.”
“Everything is in place. As long as you stick with your new history, anything they look for is there. Couldn’t manage the social media though, so you just don’t have any. Make up some shit about how it goes against your religion.”
“Okay.”
“You know what you’re going to do?”
“Drive down to the car wash on Oak, walk over to the car left for me two blocks over, show up at the Locke house, have my interview, and then get the job.”
With a grin, Jonathan said, “You got it, kiddo.” He leaned against the front of his desk. “You worried about anything?”
“No.”
He laughed. “Nah, you wouldn’t be. You got a thick skull. It would be hard to break it.”
Or, I knew what the fuck I was doing. One of those options. “This won’t be hard. I just have to look like the kind of person who can keep some spoiled brat safe.”
“It’s more than that. You need to get in there and get me information. Eleanor Locke is the sole heir to the entire estate and business. She’s bound to know something good. We’ll get something useful, then kill the girl and be done with it. Locke’s gonna be so fucked up that we’ll have the chance to take him out. For now, he’ll be in high alert. Anything fishy, and he might shoot you in the head on the spot. You’re disposable, Morty. He’ll kill you and find someone knew in a couple days at most. Remember that.”
I highly doubted I would be able to forget that. Literally any wrong move could have gotten me killed. If the girl I would have to be around all hours of the day caught me slipping even once, it would all be over. Then when would I find time to get a pet bird? I already had a name picked out.
“How long you think I’ll be there?” I asked.
“Could be weeks. Could be a couple months. I don’t know yet. I want to get something good before we go kill the girl. We could get in, do it, then leave, but I want this man destroyed. No chance of coming back. Short of setting the house on fire when they’re all sleeping, this seems like the best option.”
I looked down at the papers again, feeling the weight of exactly how much I had to remember at any given time. I didn’t think the girl would ask me too much about myself. In all likelihood, she would pretend I didn’t exist. I would be stuck sitting through lunch with her friends and maybe a trip somewhere. If I got really lucky, she would get wasted and I’d just have to carry her to her bed and pray she slept for a while. I could bring a sketch pad and draw the bird I would never get to own.
“You sure you got all that?” Jonathan said, tapping on the papers I held. “It sure is a whole lot.” He spoke slowly, as if that would make the gravity of this sink in more. “Can you handle it?”
“I can handle it,” I assured him. “You can quiz me.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-four.”
“Parents?”
“Dad left and Mom lives in Calabasas. I send her money every month. She doesn’t need it, but I want her to have it.”
“What street did you live on?”
“East Warren Avenue. There’s a little duck pond down the road and it freezes over in the winter.”
“Good. School?”
“Derby High School. It’s right next to a McDonalds. I would go there on Fridays to get an ice cream thing and wait out my mom’s boyfriend so he would be gone by the time I got home.”
I went on for another half hour before he trusted that I could get it all memorized. I’d been studying for the past two days and believed I would be fine. But I couldn’t really convince Jonathan that I could be trusted to do much more than use my hands to solve a problem.
Jonathan looked me in the eyes and put his hand on my shoulder, saying, “Do anything you have to do to convince this man to hire you. You understand me? Nothing is more important than this move. You do anything it takes.”
“I’ll do anything it takes.”
I left for the new car, making sure that no one followed me out of the house. I didn’t go to my apartment, though I thought I should have maybe grabbed something else personal to make me seem a little more human. Nothing from my real life. I decided that. It would all have to be a lie.
I still wanted my sketchbook.
I arrived at the Locke estate exactly on time, but it took twenty minutes to get through the gate. I had four guys on me, patting me down to make sure I didn’t carry anything inside. I’d left all weapons behind, bringing the new phone that Jonathan had gotten me. It had been loaded with fake pictures, games I didn’t play, and whatever else it took to look real if the Locke girl got bored and stole it off me.
I couldn’t spot a single camera outside of the estate, which made sense to me. Best not have footage of the sort of things that happened here. The house itself was almost too much to look at. There must have been more than ten bedrooms. I saw a pool outside, an orchard, cars in a lot, a fountain and garden, and a nice little hill that looked inviting to sit on. I couldn’t imagine living every day in that sort of decadence.
“This way,” a man directed me through the front door. I didn’t think to dress more casually, putting on one of my plain black suits. It seemed to match everyone else’s attire. I saw only men walking around, with not a single armed woman to be seen. Maybe they were on the other side of the house.
I followed four people into an office that smelled too much like bleach. Looking around, I could see a couple broken wood planks on the floor, a rolled up carpet in the corner, and a can of spray air freshener in the trash. The room felt like death, so all the cover ups didn’t do much.
The room didn’t have any windows, which didn’t surprise me. The door had four locks on it, I spotted the hidden gun under the desk, the knife taped behind a statue, and the trap door in the corner. The wood didn’t lay right, and I would have bet my life that he had an escape set up just in case. Finally, I saw three corgis laying in a pile together near Locke’s feet.
“Mordechai Clare,” his guard said, handing Simon Locke a file on me. The man took it, then shook my hand and told me to have a seat.
One guard remained in the corner, silently standing there as I sat down with Locke. The dogs didn’t even move until he tossed them each a treat from his desk.
“Your parents musta hated you,” Locke said. “Hell of a first name.”
“I’m named after my father, and his father before him,” I said.
The man nodded. “I can respect that. You and your father get along?”
Words about my real father bubbled to the surface, but I had a part to play. “I didn’t know him very well,” I said honestly. “He wasn’t around.”
Locke frowned. “Ah, I see. I don’t like when a man doesn’t take responsibility for his family. When you have a kid, you need to take care of them. Your feelings don’t matter anymore.”
“I agree, sir.”
He turned the top page of the stack of papers, letting his eyes skim it. “Says you’ve got six years of experience as a personal body guard to some internet guy. Tell me about that?”
“One of those people famous for vlogs where they don’t really do anything. I think the fact that he was from Kansas seemed to compel people. He mostly set stuff on fire to keep from getting bored, and I would guard him when he did tours and fan meet ups.”
Locke’s brow furrowed. “He didn’t do anything, but he had tours?”
“I know. It’s dumb to me too, but a paycheck is a paycheck.”
“And that paycheck means a lot to you?”
“Money is survival.”
“It is. You would be willing to put your life in danger for money? Because I’ll be honest with you, my family has a lot of targets on their back. Ellie is no internet star. She’s the only daughter to the most powerful family on the East Coast. It’s more than likely that you would have to hurt someone to keep her safe.”
I nodded. “I have no problem hurting someone. Especially if they’re endangering an innocent girl.”
“That’s what I like to hear. And I would pay you appropriately for the job I’m asking you to do. I’ve talked to four men so far, and it looked like you have the best qualifications. After that internet guy, I see that you had a year working for the Harding family over in California. I know they get messy. How messy did you have to get?”
I knew what he wanted to know, but I still dodged. “Very messy.”
Then he came out with it. “Have you ever killed someone?”
“Many someones.”
He turned another page. “How do you feel about twenty-four-hour surveillance? That means staying with Ellie, it means standing outside her bathroom door while she showers, it means testing her food to make sure it’s not poisoned. It means keeping her alive at any cost, and for I don’t know how long.”
“I have nothing else to live for,” I admitted. “Wouldn’t be much of a loss if I died protecting her.”
“You seem apathetic. Why put yourself in danger for money? You could go work at the grocery store.”
“The grocery store wouldn’t pay for my drawing pens. Ten bucks a color.”
That made Locke laugh. Something about that made me uncomfortable. “I see. Well, your motivation isn’t as important as your willingness to do the job. I should probably tell you about my daughter so you can decide if you think you can handle it.”
It hardly mattered. “Sure.”
“She has this habit of sticking her nose into things that aren’t her business. I can’t blame her for her curious mind, but she’s stubborn as hell. The only person she listens to is her mother. That being said, you’ll be working for Ellie. That means you need to make her happy. You’re possibly going to be her guard, but it’s more than that. I don’t like it when my little girl is unhappy.”
I already wanted her dead. “Do you have anything specific in mind?”
“Just get her what she asks for. If she’s hungry, make sure she’s fed. If she wants to go somewhere, you take her. If she tells you to stand on the roof so she can watch you balance, you do it.”
I certainly, immediately, wanted her dead. “Anything she wants.”
“You ever use a gun?”
“Many, many times. I’m also trained with knives, and I took archery in school. Best in my class.”
Locke flipped through more of the papers, asking me little things about my past. I answered them in character, doing my best to sell the story. I studied every facial expression from Locke, trying to see if he could see through my lies. Every flinch, every eye twitch, it all had me positive I’d fucked up. Too stupid to keep up with some simple lies. If the only thing I was good for was being this, then what did it say about me that I might have failed so easy?
“You don’t have much going on, do you?” Locke asked me. “No wife, no pets, no nothing.”
“Nope. I work a lot. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for other things.”
“You gotta make time. I work seven days a week, sixteen hours at least. I don’t know where I would be without my girls.”
I made myself smile. “I have no desire for a family. With work like mine, it seems like a bad idea.”
“The worst idea. I never let that stop me before.”
I already knew the man was selfish, but nothing stated it clearer than that. “I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.”
“Eh, better for me then. I like you so far. What makes you want this job anyway?”
“Money,” I answered. If I had said anything else, he could have seen right through it. If I said that protecting a girl would be the right thing to do, maybe he would have seen me as more honorable, but I knew I couldn’t sell that. Saying I wanted to help his family would have been ass kissing, and I would have come off as eager, wanting a place within his ranks. Not unreasonable, but for another time. He might have questioned why I would want in when things were so especially messy.
“Money is a good motivator,” Locke agreed. “I think that would get you to do your job almost as good as anything. The other motivator, of course, would be a threat on your life.”
“What life?” I said before I could stop myself.
“That’s what I like to hear.”
Something icy settled in my chest.
Locke cleared his throat, standing up and whistling. The corgis all rose and approached him for attention. He walked them to the door, opened it, and let them out as he ordered someone to take them to eat. He came back in and nodded at the one other man in the room, who promptly left us. The door stayed open.
“I feel like you don’t know what you would be getting into with my kid,” Locke said. “Do you know anything about her?”
“I don’t pay much attention to the things that aren’t directly a part of my life.” Jonathan said I didn’t have enough room in my brain to keep up with it anyway. It must have been true, as I didn’t really keep up.
“On purpose?” Locke asked. “That make it easier?”
“Make what easier?”
“Everything.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. More importantly, I didn’t even know the answer. “Maybe.”
Locke stayed silent for a few seconds, then he looked to something in the hall that I couldn’t see. “I like you so far, Mort. Now, I like one of the other guys too. He couldn’t pass the very last test. None of them could. Let’s see if you do.”
With a nod from Locke, that guy walked back in with a man who had a bag over his head. The doors shut and the bag came off. Greg stood there, a gag in his mouth and his hands bound in front of him. I didn’t allow myself to react.
Did he know? Had Locke found out before I’d even showed up, planning this long, drawn out thing to make a point? Did the theatrics matter if Greg and I would both die anyway? Logic told me not to, but since when could I trust my own brain? I just sat back, staying calm. Greg wouldn’t look at me. He wouldn’t look at anything.
I stole one quick glance at the man, trying to see what he might have been thinking. He gave me nothing. I’d known him for about eight years or so; since he’d started working for Jonathan. He worked himself up from security guard to full blown surveillance for god knew how many operations Jonathan ran. He hadn’t paid me much mind, but he never hassled me like some of the others had.
“I need to know you’re willing to do what it takes to protect my daughter,” Locke said. “I also need to know if you’re capable.”
The guard freed Greg’s wrists but Greg didn’t move. I didn’t see a point in it when the guard had a gun on his hip.
Locke moved back behind his desk, then took a seat. “The way I see it, one of you could walk out of here. Winner takes all.”
I cocked my eyebrow. “Winner?”
“Prove you can protect my daughter against a man willing to give his life for something. Kill him, then you have the job.”
The guard moved back and Greg started to panic. He grabbed at a paperweight on the desk, clearly ready to defend his life. I couldn’t blame him.
I stood up, in no rush. When he came at me, I stepped out of the way and slid over to the statue. In about three seconds, I grabbed the knife taped to the back of it, stuck it in his throat, twisted, and he fell. He was dead fast, leaking all over the floor.
Do whatever it takes, I’d been told.
I used my sleeve to clean the blood off my face as Locke laughed, clapping his hands together once. “Well, look at that. You got yourself a job.”
I stared at the corpse on the ground, not even sure what number that made for me. I had one skill, so at least it impressed. Locke looked too pleased as I tossed his knife onto his desk, letting the blood splatter. Pleased, and for this.
I pulled a wet wipe from my pocket and ran it against my blood-stained fingers. “When do I start?”
EllieI pressed my hands together, touching the tips of my fingers to my chin as I inhaled deep. I knew I couldn’t really fight Daddy when he had made up his mind, but I also knew that he wanted to make me happy. If I said the right things, he would see things my way.“Not a chance,” I eventually said.He sighed at me. “Eleanor,” he said slowly. “My family is in danger. That means doing things that we might not like.”“Do you also have a shadow following you around all day every day? How am I supposed to live with no privacy? Girls need privacy, Daddy.”“Girls need to not get their throats slit and then become dismembered.”I felt myself go cold. “Please, Dad. Don’t do this to me. I’ll be good. I’ll stay inside.”“No, you won’t,” he laughed. “When have you ever stayed inside for longer than two days?”“I know I have.”“The flu doesn’t count. The discussion is over. Your new bodyguard is in the hallway and I want you to meet him. He’s very capable. Dandy likes him already.”I gasped. T
MordechaiI’d been warned that she liked to get up at dawn. It might have been my absolute hatred of the idea that had me desperate to believe otherwise, but I got up early anyway. I rose before the sun did, finding the girl still asleep in her bed and cuddled up with her dog. The dog faced the door, ready to tear apart any intruder that might have decided to come in. He didn’t budge when I got up, gathered some clothes, and went into the bathroom.I tried not to be completely put off by the size of the bathroom. I didn’t really have the time. After a quick perimeter check, I needed to shower as fast as I could manage so I could get back to babysitting duty. Surely, she could avoid getting murdered for ten minutes. If not, then I could probably jump out the window and make a break for it before anyone saw.After stripping myself of the shirt and boxers I’d slept in, I stepped into the shower. Water sprayed me from four different showerheads, which I didn’t know if I should love or hat
EllieDandelion decided that he would sleep in until the moment someone came to get him for breakfast. He bolted out the door, leaving me alone with my unwelcomed bodyguard. Every time I saw him already awake in the morning when I got out of bed, it made my skin crawl. He already had on a suit, standing by the door and staring into space. I liked it better when I woke up to him drawing.I ignored Mordechai when I went to go shower and get dressed. Funny, because even though I ignored him—I didn’t even look his way—his face burned in my mind. This man intruding on my space. Standing in my room. He wouldn’t look at me for even a second. I clenched my jaw so hard that it gave me a headache.I sat on my floor, a book in my hands as I tried very hard not to look up at Mordechai. If he didn’t want to give me attention, fine. He had a job to do. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want him here and he did nothing to try and make this less uncomfortable for us both. I would not throw my book at hi
MordechaiIn only a few days, I had noticed a great many things about Ellie Locke. First off, the drinking. Second, how carefully she stepped. Third, how she touched things. With nothing to do but be with this girl, I could do nothing but notice things. She flipped the switch in every single room she entered that didn’t have her father or mother in it. Three times, every single time. She carefully chose where she stepped on the patterns on the ground, unless she had shoes on. When she read, she would turn the page, then rub either side of each of her fingers against her thumb, every single time. Her nose also twitched when she got irritated. Finally, and my very favorite thing, she’d get pissed off when she thought I ignored her. By necessity, every moment of my life had become dedicated to her. To think that a single second went by where I didn’t pay attention made me laugh. I had fun with it. Her saying something that she thought would upset me, me pretending to ignore her, and then
EllieI grabbed at Mordechai without looking, taking him by the forearm. His thick, strong forearm. He then pulled away from me, only to put that arm around my body and hold me against him. Even one armed, I knew he could kick ass.“No need to get defensive,” Fred told me, lifting a hand. “I’m not here to fight.”“It would end embarrassingly for you if you were,” Mordechai said. “I would hate to kill you in public. What would they say about your family if I did?”The man chuckled.“I appreciate your enthusiasm,” the man said. “I’d like to speak with Eleanor for a bit if you don’t mind.”Before Mordechai could answer for me, I took a seat. He hurried to sit next to me, and I became deeply aware of the gun he had at his side and his willingness to use it. This would be the real test for him, waiting and deciding what to do. What would be the smartest thing and least dangerous.“You’ve been meeting with my kid,” Fred said. “Tell me why a girl who has never so much as spoken to a single m
MordechaiShe’d taken care of her end of the deal in a matter of two minutes on the phone. We’d gone to her bedroom, she made a single call, and that had been it. Her father supposedly wouldn’t find out, but I personally couldn’t see him being that unaware of what happened in his own house. Then again, the fact that I stood there sort of proved that wrong.I ended up having to watch Ellie organize her book collection of over seven hundred. The idea of that made my head hurt, but she could only look at it with love and affection. She would pick one up, flip through it, and then decide if it went back on the shelf or in a box to be given away. All the books had been organized by color, which also made my head hurt. This organization went on for hours, making me sure she’d started with the purpose of annoying me. But I showed her nothing. In fact, I went as far as to look as unbothered as I could. I bent down to pet the dog when he abandoned her for me. I loved the glare Ellie shot my wa
EllieMy books just laid there, on the floor, not in any order. I had shelves without organization, leaving gaps where I should have figured something else out. I didn’t want to tell Mom we couldn’t leave because I had to sort out my crazy person brain, so I’d walked away. I left, with my mind focused on the fact that my books could have been tipping over. If they tipped over, then it could have caused a massive crash. The weight would press down and everything could come falling over. My things would break, damaging the floor. Then people would come in and have to fix it, being in my space, getting their scent on things, looking around. They would be there, and I would have to watch them. What if they moved something else? What if something got broken so bad that I would have to move rooms while it got fixed? I grew up in that room. I couldn’t just live in another fucking room. I would wake up and it wouldn’t be the same, if I could even get to sleep. If I left that room, then I woul
MordechaiThe sound of my keys clattering against the dish at the table inside my apartment seemed to rattle off the walls. Ellie flinched at it but kept walking. Her eyes found just about everything. As I locked all four locks on the door, she examined my living space with such rigor that it had me wishing I were anywhere else. With everything she stared at, I could picture her judging me. I shouldn’t have cared what she thought about how I lived or what I liked, but I found myself holding my breath.“Can I shower?” Ellie asked, not even commenting on my home.“This way,” I said, taking the bag from her shoulder and leading her into my bedroom. I had another shower, but this one worked better.Again, I braced for her to say something. The exposed brick looked like it had seen better days. At least I’d changed the sheets on my king-sized bed. Not that I’d finished making it. The pillows laid on the floor from when I had kicked them off the last time I’d actually slept in bed. All my d
Mordechai“It’s fucking c-c-c-cold! No one said it would be this cold!” I hissed, teeth chattering as I wrapped Ellie in another sweater. “Why are we outside? We should do this inside. We have fire there. We have warmth.” Ellie rolled her eyes, perfectly happy to sit on our porch with blankets and sweaters and several pairs of socks. “We just have to do the first present, then we can go in. Come on, sunset is pretty.” I sat down in my chair and tried to warm myself up. The wind against the ocean didn’t help, as it blew misty air against us. When it did, Ellie would close her eyes and inhale that smell of the sea. Of the stone on the mountains and the moss that grew on it. It was very, very beautiful, but cold on a Christmas Eve night. “You have to go first,” I said, picking up the present I had under the small tree Ellie had put on the porch. I needed two hands to lift it up. We’d saved the good stuff for the morning.“Dandelion should go first,” Ellie insisted, plucking a squeak t
EllieIt hadn’t been much of a goodbye. We couldn’t be seen by anyone but my mother and father, who drove us to a private plane hangar. We didn’t meet the pilot, we didn’t have anyone to help us. We were given a ton of cash to get us from the airport to the new house, the dog, a bag each, and we were told everything would be waiting for us at the house. I had a map, notes, and not much else. My mother hugged me for ten minutes, not saying a word. She promised to write and maybe come visit some time. That could take years and we all knew it. I could be a mother. I could be a much older woman. I could never see them again. “Thank you,” I had said to my father in those final moments. He looked at me, this man, this monster, and he put his hand against my cheek. “I don’t want you to think I’m evil, Ellie. I love you and your mother more than anything else in this world. Even myself.” My eyes burned, “I believe you,” I’d said, honest in that moment. I could change my mind later. In a d
MordechaiEllie wouldn’t stop picking at her nails. She sat on the edge of her tub, bloodstained and shaking like she had been for over an hour. Her mother desperately tried to get that blood out of her hair. Our clothes had been taken and replaced, and I hadn’t asked what would be done with them. The house had been empty when we returned to the Locke estate. Only Alex, Locke, Ellie and I walked through the doors, and Mrs. Locke waited for us in Ellie’s room. “I told you I would make it right,” Locke said to his daughter, watching her distant eyes. “Everything is going to be okay. It’s always okay for us.” I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d seen. I’d been in the middle of some brawls in my time, but not an outright slaughter. It had only been the man named Alex. Locke had walked backwards, pushing through the door to hide in the hallway while his man did everything. I didn’t even have time to fire off a shot before I pulled Ellie to the floor. Alex kicked Jonathan under the chin
EllieI held the phone in my hand, standing in the darkness of my bathroom as if that silence would somehow lead me to an answer. I found none. I had my father waiting for me and no idea what he would do. The fact that he let me leave to pee almost felt like a shock. He would start to wonder where I was soon enough. It felt like I stood at the edge of a cliff as a pack of wolves advanced on me. Either I could let them tear me to pieces, or I could leap to the rocks below. I lost either way, but at least with the rocks, it felt like my choice. But I didn’t want to fucking die. I didn’t want to lose. I wanted my happy ending with Mordechai, and I wanted it not to feel like too much to ask for. When I stepped out, three of my dad’s men stood there waiting for me. Alex waited front and center, staring at me like he thought I would run. That alone made me want to do it. Surely something better could have been waiting for me outside of this house. “Elle,” he said, gesturing back the way
MordechaiI thought if I sat there long enough, surely my insides would begin to implode. I would get a kind, merciful death that would free me. But every time I thought I would finally die, I would open my eyes again and see the desk, the guards, the way I had no choices. I could live if I wanted. Jonathan would have chosen that. Kill the girl and back to business as usual. I had decided long ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. If this man truly understood that, he would end my life. “I think the wisest thing we can do is get her here,” Jonathan said to me. “and handle everything somewhere safe.” “I can go get her,” I said automatically. If I could only get out of the room, then I could find Ellie and warn her. Better yet, I could grab her and run. How far would we have gotten? I would put her safety above all else, but if we could be together at the end of this… I needed that. I needed her. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without her. How would I fade back to n
EllieI kept my eyes on the driver the whole time, half thinking the guy would try to kill me. I’d seen him before though. One of my dad’s guys, so he probably didn’t have plans to swerve into a tree and take us both out. I almost wanted him to. At least I could rest that way. The drive felt longer than normal, though I knew we went down the same path as Mordechai brought me a few times before. I stared at the empty seat next to me, wishing so badly he sat there. I pictured him taking my hand so I would know everything would be fine. A day would come where things didn’t hurt like this. It might have been some wishful thinking. Gravel crunched under the tires, alerting me that my time had run out. I should have texted Mordechai so he could say something to me that would relax my heart. I knew those words didn’t really exist though. I needed to make myself calm down. My dad just wanted to see me. Trying to look at his face might have been though. Trying to deal with the fact that I ha
MordechaiIt felt like sitting at the bottom of a mountain and waiting for the lava to come cover me. I could see the blazing red pouring down the side, inching closer and closer to me with every passing moment. It would come burn me any moment, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t run. Maybe I should have. Where would I go if I ran? I couldn’t picture a place that would appeal to me. It all looked dull in my head, as it always did. Nothing had that spark that people got. That little bump in their heartbeat at the idea of escaping somewhere better. Nothing could compare to this apartment, because I woke up with Ellie beside me in the mornings. I’d known this whole time it wouldn’t last. But you couldn’t survive lava when it found you at the bottom of the mountain. I couldn’t sit on the couch and wait for Ellie to come back. It would have sent me running for that lava just to get it over with. Instead, I kept myself busy with making the bed, cleaning the counters, and making everything neat
EllieI hoped to god standing my ground and not looking weak did it for him. I didn’t feel very strong, no matter what I said. My bones itched for me to grab that wine glass and down the whole thing in one go, but I resisted. I needed my wits about me for this, and I knew it would only taste like failure. I heard my father in my head, telling me to drink. I saw him pouring me wine with dinner when the conversation would get to be a little too much for him. I saw the look in his eyes when he figured out I’d started drinking without him, and how he pretended not to notice how often I smelled like alcohol. “Are you planning on telling your father we met today?” Urie asked me. He set his glass of wine down and I tried not to stare at it. “Should I?” I asked. “That’s up to you. I’m sure you know our relationship is a little contentious at best. He might be angry to find out that we shared a meal together.” Ah. I needed to turn up the dad hate. “I think he would be very, very upset. Whi
Mordechai“It’s pretty fuckin’ stupid how much my thighs hurt,” Ellie complained. She wiggled around on the bed, grabbing her leg and pulling it up to stretch. “Do you have to be so big?” “No, I can try and little up for you if you want. No problem.” She stuck her tongue out at me, then winced when she switched legs. I told her we could try out other positions. No skin off my nose. She’d insisted she liked it on top of me, making it pointless to try other things. I did not agree. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done it three times in a day,” I commented, adding a line to the sketch I had in front of me. Ellie stopped to glower at me like I’d suggested we eat a live kitten. “You take that back right now. I may be in absolute agony, but I have no regrets. Every part of me hurts, but that’s just proof I got rocked and I can live with it.” “I feel bad. Where’s the proof I got rocked too?” She smirked. “You have a post got-some glow about you. I mean, I assume. You look happier than usual,