Chapter 12

Mordechai

The sound of my keys clattering against the dish at the table inside my apartment seemed to rattle off the walls. Ellie flinched at it but kept walking. Her eyes found just about everything. As I locked all four locks on the door, she examined my living space with such rigor that it had me wishing I were anywhere else. With everything she stared at, I could picture her judging me. I shouldn’t have cared what she thought about how I lived or what I liked, but I found myself holding my breath.

“Can I shower?” Ellie asked, not even commenting on my home.

“This way,” I said, taking the bag from her shoulder and leading her into my bedroom. I had another shower, but this one worked better.

Again, I braced for her to say something. The exposed brick looked like it had seen better days. At least I’d changed the sheets on my king-sized bed. Not that I’d finished making it. The pillows laid on the floor from when I had kicked them off the last time I’d actually slept in bed. All my dirty clothes had been put in the hamper, but I left all of my art supplies on the desk. I had a half-finished sketch, some ink in a jar, references, and other miscellaneous items that I should have put away. My closet hung open, showing that I indeed had more than suits that I liked to wear. It was the walls that looked pathetic. Not a thing on them other than one picture of the ocean, taken by my mother before I could even remember it. With most of my time spent in the living room, that had been my priority in decorating.

Ellie walked into my bathroom without her bag, but the door closed before I could give it back to her. I should have thought of it already, but I’d been too focused on her eyes. On the bloodstains on her face. She would be looking at them as I stood there, seeing destruction speckled all over her skin.

The water started up a minute or so later, and I set my bag on the bed and hers by the door. I tossed my dirty clothes in the dry-cleaning pile and refilled the bag with more things for when this got called off. I hoped it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out if that man had a reason for finding her. Something in my gut told me it would be worse than I thought.

I heard cursing from the bathroom a few seconds before the door opened. Ellie poked her head out. “I broke something…”

Positive she didn’t, I went to walk into the bathroom and check. I found Ellie in nothing but a towel she desperately clutched to her body, barely keeping her covered. I didn’t give her more than a glance, headed to the shower.

“It’s cold,” she said. “I can take a cold shower if I need to, but I can’t get the thingy to move.”

“That’s because it’s a piece of shit,” I grunted, yanking the lever upward. A couple times and that loosened it. I set it on something warmer, testing the water and coming to terms with the fact that it had soaked me.

“Do you need food?” I asked.

“No.”

All right, so I’d make her some food.

I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I’d watched Ellie eat way too many times by then, but I didn’t know what to get for her. Also, I didn’t actually have any food. I could order her pizza, but not only would that mean inviting someone to my apartment, but I didn’t know if she would eat pizza.

I heard her crying through the door. Not like she had in her room, where it looked like her body would shatter apart. Where she had screamed, so helpless and weak that I thought it would wound me to hear it.

I had blood on my clothes. Ellie had blood on her clothes as well, which had us coming through the back entrance to get inside unseen. The suit had been ruined, like many, many other suits. It went in the trash while I picked out something else to wear. I went for another suit, pausing before I could grab it.

“Fuck,” I sighed, closing that half of the closet and going to the other one. I slid on a pair of black jeans and a light blue button up to go with it. I left the shoes off. Might as well go all in.

I went into the kitchen to see if I could scrape together something for Ellie to eat. Unless she wanted expired milk and half a bag of baby carrots, I needed something else.

It only occurred to me to check my phone when I heard Ellie’s beeping from the other room. I’d left my dummy phone in the bedroom, but my real one waited in a drawer in the living room. Looking over my shoulder to make sure Ellie hadn’t come out, I went to look at it.

I didn’t find a single message, which was what I’d expected. Jonathan wanted to make sure I couldn’t be traced back to him. The apartment had been scrubbed—not that it had ever been in my name to begin with—and my phone had been wiped as well. When it came time to take the next step, he would find another way to talk to me.

When the time came. We didn’t know how long that would be starting off, and I still had no idea. I also didn’t know what would happen to Ellie. I knew Jonathan had plans, but he hadn’t let me in on them. It would be… interesting, when it was time to finish with Ellie.

A door closed and I put the phone back before I could get caught. Ellie stood at the doorway to my bedroom when I turned around, leaning against it with fresh clothes on and damp hair. She’d abandoned the shoes too, throwing on a black dress that hung loosely to her thighs. She’d cleaned all the blood.

“Well, look at you,” she said as she sauntered on into my living room. “You got all dressed down for me.”

I turned my back to her, trying to sound flat. “Why the hell would you think I did it for you? It’s three in the afternoon and I don’t want to put on another suit.”

A chair scraped against the kitchen floor and I heard wood creak as she took a seat. I had nothing to do, turned to the counter, so I pretended to clean up crumbs.

“I’m finished being upset for the day,” Ellie said. “I’ve decided. I want something new.”

I grunted, really focusing on those imaginary crumbs.

“I’m switching to annoyed. With you.”

“With me?” I asked. “I invite you into my home and that’s what you say?”

“Remember when you laid on my car?”

“Remember when I was trying to keep you alive and you fought me?”

She cleared her throat; her nails tapping on the table. She kept on tapping until I turned around. Too late, I figured out it had been a power move. At least she didn’t look smug.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be annoyed with you. I have a challenge to issue you, if you want my forgiveness. I think the cost should be your humiliation.”

“Ya know, I could probably lock you in the closet and keep you there for a few days. As long as I feed you, I’m still doing my job.”

Her eyes narrowed at me before she clicked her tongue. “You don’t have to try and give me reasons to be annoyed with you. I already am.”

“Thank god for that.”

Her hands laid flat on the table. “Now, onto your humiliation. We’re going to the store.”

I was about to tell her no, but we didn’t have any food. “Why?”

“Because you’re gonna go through the check out alone, buying nothing but lube, a teddy bear, and extra small condoms.”

“Jokes on you. I already have extra small condoms.”

She stared at me. “No, you don’t.”

“Go check my nightstand.”

Her eyes narrowed again, holding for a bit before she rose up. She walked to my room, looking over her shoulder at me every three seconds. I sat back, waiting for her. She bent over, opening the drawer and sifting through it.

“There are no condoms in here,” she said.

I cocked my head, still watching her. “Huh?”

She looked over at me, making me blink. “No condoms.”

“Yeah, well, obviously.”

She huffed, turning back to the drawer. “Goddammit, Mordechai, this is a mess. There is no order here!”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine! Now I have to fix it.”

“I thought we were going to the store.”

“After!”

I sat on my bed, getting my shoes on while she threw away trash, organized remotes, and glowered at me for not having an efficient system to my own home. When did I agree to go to the store?

Standing there in the store, I regretted every choice I’d ever made. Ellie stood beside me. When I glanced down at her, she had a smile on her face. Unburdened. Calm. Maybe I didn’t regret all of my choices.

“We need food,” I said.

“No. We need extra small condoms, remember? Mom wants us to fuck. Do it for her. Fuck me.”

Never mind about not regretting things. “You aren’t funny.”

“I am deeply funny. Sorry you’re too much of a grump to agree. Tell ya what. You go get our condoms, then we can get food.”

“You know they don’t measure condoms like that, right? They put it nicer than extra small.”

“Good for all the penis owners then.”

“It’s not all that bad, your order for me. Just looks like it’s for a date night.”

“Good point. Add a hammer. Ya know, in case the date goes bad.”

“That’s awful.”

 “Go do your job.”

I could have, but… “We should make this interesting.”

“How does it get more interesting than my bodyguard fucking me in the missionary position under the blankets with the lights turned off?”

I shut my eyes for one long moment. “I mean, we can play a game of chicken. See who quits first.”

“Do you think I have shame?”

“You think I do?”

And then a war began. I started, putting a massive teddy bear, a bottle of strawberry flavored lube, and a box of the smallest sized condoms on the belt. The cashier did her very best to not react, but I could see it. I smiled at her, handing over cash before I got my receipt. With my teddy bear in tow, I headed over to Ellie, who watched me from the vending machines.

“Wow,” she said. “Okay.”

“Your turn.”

“Fine.”

“Go through with a pint of ice cream and a single cucumber.”

She blushed. “That’s dumb.”

“Is that a no?”

She stepped to me, her stare hard. “Watch me.”

As if I could do anything else.

Ten minutes later and we had a cart full of shit we didn’t need. For my next round, she had me go through with a thing of baby food, a baby doll, and a bottle of wine. Hers was eight different kinds of birthday cards to a father, a tool set, a book about war, a very nice watch, and a mug that said, ‘world’s best daddy’. After that, I went up with a vanilla candle and a copy of something with a very shirtless man on the cover. Weak pick, I thought. Then Ellie went up with a single steak knife. Only the knife.

“I’m making you use the Daddy mug,” she told me as she put her new things in our cart. “When do we give up on this?”

We’d been at it for an hour and a half at that point, and Ellie had giggled enough that I thought she had a real chance of avoiding nightmares later on.

“You seem to be shameless,” I said. “So, we can end any time.”

“I’m shameless? What about you?”

“Fearless, Ellie. I have to be able to handle anything with a job like mine.”

She glared at me, picking things out of the cart and putting them in the donation bin by the door. “How does one even get into the business of bodyguarding? Especially for a family like mine.”

“I’m sure your father told you I used to guard an internet personality.”

“Yeah, but there’s a big difference between that and guarding someone who walks out of a store and has to watch someone blow their brains out. Don’t play dumb. We both know the sorts of things that happen around me. You don’t just fall into this.”

“No, you don’t.” But I left it at that. Ellie let it go, pushing the now emptier cart forward. She hopped up onto the lower bar, riding it down the way.

I let her pick the food, taking mental notes of what she liked. Why I did that, I couldn’t say. I’d only have to fee her for a day or two, and this grown woman would be perfectly capable of feeding herself.

“Do we end this with a final, couples edition of Let’s Traumatize the Cashier?” Ellie asked, picking up a bag of corks and holding a waxing kit in her other hand.

“They don’t get paid enough for this.”

“Yeah, you might have a point. What do you want for dinner?”

“Why? Are you cooking?”

She blushed a bright, vibrant red before she whipped around and started pushing the cart. “Oh, they have cookies.”

Naturally, I had questions.

I hurried to catch up with her as she loaded cookies into the cart. When she tried to push it forward, I put my hand on the edge to stop it. She lifted an eyebrow, pushing harder. The cart didn’t budge.

I’d never heard a voice so flat as when Ellie said, “Oh god, please don’t turn me on, here, in this grocery store. I would hate to have to jump you in the ice cream section.”

“That would be very cold.”

“Why should that stop us?”

I let go of the cart. “You really shouldn’t be making those kinds of jokes after the confirmation that your mother was actually trying to get me to sleep with you.”

Ellie snickered, turning the cart around to head back to the front to check out. She rode the cart all the way to the car before coming to a less than graceful stop where she almost ate shit on the pavement. I caught her around the middle, holding her up before she could lose teeth.

Setting her on her feet, I said, “Maybe go sit in the car.”

She had started walking before she stopped, turning and looking at the trunk as I loaded it. “Do you want help?”

I smiled to myself at the effort of even asking. That she thought of it at all surprised me. “I got it.”

She ignored me, bending over to put bags in the trunk. It seemed like a point of pride, so I let it go. After we loaded everything, she got into the car and let me put the cart away. She had a candy bar when I got in again.

Ellie made it a game to see how many bags she could get on her arms before she died. She topped it off with a giant teddy bear over her face as she grunted her way to the elevator and whimpered the whole way up. I would have been more than happy to help, but she growled at me when I reached for the bags. At some point, she stopped using words with me.

Everything got put on the table before she went into my room to change into her pajamas. I had everything put away fast enough that when Ellie came stumbling out of my bedroom in a sweater and shorts, she didn’t have anything to do.

“Hey,” she slurred. “I was gonna help.”

 “Are you wasted right now?”

“Not at all,” she said, shuffling over to the counter where I had the many, many snacks she’d bought. She’d had cash out before I could even grab my wallet.

I snagged her around the waist, yanking her to me while she squeaked. I bent down to her, sniffing.

“Oh, are you trying to seduce me?” she giggled.

“You smell like wine and whiskey. How the hell did you sneak that without me noticing?”

She patted my chest, then put both hands on my shoulders. “I am a woman of many talents. God, and you are tall. Can I lick you a little?”

I brought her over to the couch when she wobbled, dumping her on the cushions. She made an oof sound, trying to sit up and calling me rude over and over again.

What else did I miss?

“I needed it,” she complained. “I need it every time.”

Did she?

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to bring out blankets for her to sleep with on the couch. The narrow, not meant for sleeping couch. I already knew what I would do, but I still managed to be annoyed and convince myself I wouldn’t do it for a half hour.

Giving up, I went to the couch and scooped Ellie up into my arms. She didn’t make a sound, dead to the world. I dumped her on my bed, wishing to god that I hadn’t cared so much about… any of this.