6. Unending Darkness

The thick black smoke formed the outline of a hand and started choking me. I tried to inhale air but the smoke didn't let me breathe in making me cough.

"Amy? Amy?" I heard a voice calling me out faintly from far away.

But all I could hear was the sound of the blaring horn too loud for me to hear anything else. I twisted and turned to hold my hands to my ears wishing that the horn would stop.

I felt someone holding my both hands tightly giving me the strength that I needed.

"Amy honey. Open your eyes"

"Kitty wake up. It's just a dream.  You are fine. I'm here"

I can hear the voices around me over and over again asking me to wake up. The piercing sound of the horn slowly faded and the voices too. And soon drifted off to unconscious.

I heard someone sobbing, calling my name. I remember that voice. I don't want Sophie to cry. I tried moving my body. To tell her I'm right here and I'm fine, not to cry for me. I tried to move my hand and grasp hers.

"Amy? Amy are you there?" I heard Sophie's panicked voice.

"Doctor, Nurse she moved her hand. Amy moved her hand, " I heard her shouting out frantically.

I opened my eyes with a lot of difficulties. Blinked them a few times to adjust to the bright lighting around me.

I looked at the white-coloured walls and then a few chairs against the wall. Machine beeping beside me and so many tubes and wires attached to my body.

A nurse came and asked me my name, and details. I saw Sophie sobbing in a corner, next to her stood Kristina with tears in her eyes. She looked worn out. I gave a small smile to them.

A doctor entered the room. He is in his 50's maybe.

"I'm your doctor Felix Nicholson. Can you tell me what is your name?" he asked me.

"Amelia," I replied the doc hoarsely.

"Can you remember, what happened?" He asked.

"I went to a charity ball with my parents, while returning, a truck crashed into our car, making it roll over"

I immediately remembered mom's face drenched in blood and Dad's panicked voice. An unknown fear gripped my heart.

"Where's Mama and Dad? Are they okay? I want to see them" my voice quivered while I focused my attention on Kristina instead of the doctor.

"Take it easy, You fractured your left hand and have a few broken ribs and you even hurt your head..you are unconscious for almost two weeks now," the doctor replied instead of Kristina.

She just looked at me with a painful face. The silent sobs from Sophie turned to painful whimpers.

Peter entered the room with Jason and Ryan. Ryan's lower lips quivered at my sight. Everyone looked awful except for the doctor who has a neutral face.

There is a gloomy tension in the room.

"What happened to Mama n Dad?" I asked this time a little more worried. I can't understand why no one is answering me.

Kristina walked to my side. "I'm sorry," she said, holding my hand, squeezing it and nodding her head in denial, this time tears raced down her hollow cheeks.

I pulled my hand from her hold. This can't be true. My parents are fine. They probably went home after staying all night by my side. Or they are hurt and are in the next room getting treated.

"What do you mean?" I cried out to her. My body turned cold. I can feel my hands trembling. My lips turned parched and dry. I understood what she said but I don't want to believe it.

"We are sorry for your loss." This time the doctor spoke breaking the silence with his flat voice.

"Your mother suffered a contusion to the brain and passed away before the paramedics could reach your car, your father has multiple fractures, and a punctured lung, after reaching the hospital his blood pressure was fluctuating, he got a heart attack while we are preparing for the surgery, we tried to save him but we couldn't... I'm sorry." Continued the doctor.

I felt numb. I know I have to cry. But I can't feel any emotion. I just stared at the doctor in the eye processing what he just told me. Soon I can feel my body twitching, pain in my arm. I want to shout and cry for my parents but I'm not able to utter a word. I'm not able to talk or make any sound. My vision turned hazy as my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head.

"She is getting a seizure. Get me Keppra" I heard the doctor shouting in the background. Soon I felt something prick my arm, and I drifted to unconsciousness.

As I opened my eyes, I saw Kristina sitting by my side. She immediately stood up asking me "Are you okay? honey"

My body felt calm, compared to the turmoil going in my mind. I felt nauseous because of the smell of the detergent and medicine the hospital offered

"Are you okay sweetie? Do you want to eat something? Let me call the doctor" saying she rushed outside without waiting for my response.

The doctor came inside "How are you feeling now?"

"Okay, I guess," I said.

"Don't stress yourself. Take a rest. You may get another seizure if you take too much stress." He ordered calmly.

Like it was possible. But still I nodded at him.

He left after checking my vitals.

"Do you want to eat anything? Jason is sitting outside in the waiting area. Let me ask him to get you some food." Kristina said to me.

"No, I'm fine." I pulled the thin cover around me and closed my eyes. All I could see was my parents. All the memories came back to me in a swift. Me ganging up with Dad to tease Mama.

Sitting on the kitchen counter and watching mama cook. Fishing trips with Dad. Despite the busy schedules how they are always there for me in all the PTI, competitions. How they used to steal kisses from each other. Their bickering, teasing each other. How they stayed with me the whole day leaving all their work when I'm sick.

"I want to see them, Kristina." My voice came out thick with emotion. I just want to see them, hold them for one last time.

"I'm so sorry honey, we had a funeral a week back. Doctors are not sure when you will wake up. I'm so sorry dear" she replied with tears.

I looked her in the eye. All I could think was I couldn't say goodbye for one last time. I could never see them again. I closed my eyes to see my parents happy face but all I could remember was my mother's bloodied face and my father's fear-stricken voice from the accident.

"Tomorrow, you are getting discharged. The doctor said there is no brain damage and your recovery will be fast if you are at home instead of hospital. We are taking you home. You are going to stay with us." I looked at Kristina, her face pale without makeup and dark circles underneath her eyes.

The word home brought tears to my eyes. I began to sob silently closing my eyes. Tears escaped my eyes to the pillow.

"Never feel that you are alone Amy. You know it was, is, and always will be your home. If you want to talk you know I'm always there for you." she told me wiping my tears and squeezing my hand.

"I know" I nodded at her with my blurry vision.

********

That night, Peter asked Kristina to go back home and rest and he volunteered to stay at the hospital with me, given how tired Kristina looked.

I stayed in bed with my eyes closed and maybe they thought I was sleeping.

"Dad you need to go to the office. I will stay with Amy. If I need any help I will ask the nurse." Jason said.

"No, it's only for one night. I will stay with her. I can't leave her and go home." Kristina replied.

For a second, I felt thankful to God for giving these people in my life who just loved me unconditionally.

"Mom look at yourself, you need to take some rest so that you can care for Amy from tomorrow. We need to get her things back from her place too." Jason replied.

I opened my eyes and Kristina noticed it. She immediately came by my side and asked me, Are you going to be fine with Jason here tonight. If not just say the word and I'm staying over."

"It's okay. I'm fine. Please go home and rest" I replied to her.

After helping me with my dinner. Kristina and Peter placed kisses on my forehead, wished me goodnight and left.

"Do you need anything?" Jason asked me with his voice laced with concern.

"No, I just want to sleep. Can you lower my bed"

He helped me and placed the thin covers on me and went back to the brown leather couch given for the visitor to sleep.

After twisting and turning around midnight. I fell asleep.

All I could see was broken glass pieces and blood everywhere. Im trapped in a car in my seatbelt. I tried removing it but it was jammed. The more I wriggled the more glass pieces cut into me making my blood ooze out.

Thick black fog descended on the car. All I could hear was my parent's frantic shouts of help. I wanted to get free from this car and help them.

A truck made its way in full speed towards me with a loud piercing horn. The voices of my parents asking for help grew clearer and so did my frantic need to get out of the car.

"Kitty kitty.." A voice dwindled.

"Shh, kitty. It's okay. I am with you now. You are fine." A voice spoke in my ear and hands wrapped around me pulling me for a hug.

"Open your eyes. Wake up. It's just a dream. You are fine now" he continued.

I slowly opened my eyes. Im curled up in a fetal position as Jason wrapped his hands around me. I took sight of my surroundings. I'm still at the hospital and there is no sight of my parents.

I laid there in his embrace hiding my face in his chest and my whole body trembled but trying not to touch my bandaged hand. His arms tightened around me whispering 'it's okay' over and over again.

"Why did they leave me? Why am I not dead? I hate being alive." I told him with the emptiness in my heart.

"Don't you dare so? We are just barely holding it in and if we lost you too. Im not sure we can do that." He replied angrily.

"I miss them so much," I told him

"Me too. I miss them too," he replied.

I just laid there in his arms and fell back to sleep as his hands raked through my hairs.

                            ******

After reaching Brown's Residence I noticed that Ryan and Sophie decorated the place with balloons and a welcome home banner.

I smiled at them. They took a lot of effort to cheer me. I came to know that they visited me daily in the hospital after school even though I'm unconscious.

I walked into the room and lied on the bed. Ryan and Sophie knocked on the door and entered.

"I'm so glad that you are back. Do you need anything?" Ryan asked me sitting on the bed cross-legged.

"No"

"How is your hand? Is it still hurting?" Sophie asked me.

"No, but I want to be alone for a while"

Nodding their heads and giving me a hug they went out of the room. I don't feel like talking with anyone.

I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes. After a while, Kristina came to my room with Martha.

"Whatever you might need Amy, just ask me or Martha. You know this is your home too."

Martha is a loving lady in her 50s. I know her since childhood. She always loved feeding Ryan and me her delicious desserts.

I nodded at her.

"You have to talk Amy, you have to share what you are feeling with people around you, you can talk with me, Ryan or Sophie or anyone else you are comfortable with. Please dear, I can't see you like this drifting away from us." Kristina said with tears that are threatening to fall down her eyes.

But she gave up looking at my blank face and left the room.

Martha came with my dinner and medicines. But I'm not in a mood to have food. She forcefully fed me some food and after making sure that I took my medicines. She left the room.

Around midnight, not able to sleep and feeling suffocated in my room. I decided to go out into the garden for some fresh air. I sat on a bench lost in my thoughts and without knowing I dozed off to sleep.

I woke up in the morning to see that I'm in my bed tucked under the comforter. I don't remember walking back to bed. I brushed the thoughts aside.

A week passed by, I just want to stay alone. Kristina and Martha force me to have some food and take my medicines. The cast on my left hand is still present but the bandage around my head is removed.

I'm not going to school. Ryan and Sophie tried to cheer me but all their efforts went to down the drain. I don't feel like laughing or enjoying my life anymore. I'm having this guilty feeling inside me, I feel like I abandoned my parents and stayed alive.

There was always this void in me. I'm not able to think straight or respond to other people. I felt sucked into a never-ending darkness. I don't want to talk with anyone. Living day to day has become a hideous task for me.