“Yeah.” When I looked up at him, I noticed that he was smiling for the very first time since I had met him for lunch."Thanks, Williams," was the response he gave.My response was, "You're welcome," and I meant it. “So, um, what should I call you?”His forehead wrinkled up in concentration."Um, what do you want to call me?" "Whatever you want.""I don't know," I confessed to myself. "I have always referred to Lou as Dad. I really don't want to refer to anyone else by that name.""I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that, either," he said. "I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that."I remarked to him, "I've just been calling you Gardner in my head," and he laughed.He let out a laugh."Since I've been playing in the band, I can't say that anyone has really called me that, but if they did, I wouldn't mind.""Cool," I said. I extended my hand and we exchanged handshakes. "Gardner it is."Soon after that, I had pretty well had it with sitting in the fucking
"This is complete and utter hogwash!"When I was in that situation, I would have given almost anything to be able to get out of my chair and punch a hole in the wall that separated me from Justin's office in the rehabilitation center where we were both working. I did nothing but sit there with my hands clenched into fists and pressed on my eyes instead.My resentment for Lou, my father, surfaced from deep within me, as it had been doing so frequently in recent days, and poured out in the form of tears.It was the worst thing ever.I looked over at Justin, who was seated in the chair directly across from me. He had leaned back in the chair, which caused the front legs of the chair to raise up off the floor a little bit. When we chatted, he never had a notebook, a clipboard, or anything else with him, so I always wondered a little bit if he just recalled everything or if he wrote it down afterward. He never had anything with him when we talked.There were times when I, too, despised him
I responded with, "Bullshit," "I'm going to walk again—Danielle even predicted I would. Even though it will probably be another few weeks until I walk, I will walk. I won't be able to play again... at least not to the same level as before. I am aware of that. I have come to terms with it.""I know you say that," she remarked as she walked back over to the bed and clasped my hand in hers. "but I also know that it still has to get you down."I shrugged."Occasionally," I was honest enough to say. "However, I am also aware that despite what my father has always said, it is not the entirety of my existence. I really hope that I'll be able to...I don't know, at the very least I should run around and kick a ball again at some point in the future, but if I don't, I'll just have to learn to live with it. Perhaps I'll try my hand at coaching or something. You wouldn't be in my life if I weren't the way that I am. When compared to that, losing at soccer is a pretty fucking tiny setback.Sharon
Once more, he turned his eyes to look at me, and the space between his thick, dark brows was tightly knit together."I already missed so much of your life," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry." "I don't want to miss out on anything else."I was completely at a loss for words regarding my response. When I was trying to think of something that my dad, Lou, had ever done that was even remotely comparable to this, thoughts of him kept popping into my head. Despite the fact that he had repeatedly brought to my attention the extent of the things he had given up for me, nothing could even come close to competing with what he had done.I gave in and said, "That's not something you have to do."His response was, "I know I don't have to," and he was right. When he saw that I was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, he got up and walked around to that side. Before continuing, he sat down next to me and resumed his conversation. "Williams, I am interested in doing this. I long to be in physical
That evening, I sketched a drawing of Sharon's hand, depicting the ring that she was wearing on her ring finger. She admitted that the tears she shed were happy tears, but it was still enough to make her cry. I was the one who held her, and we both came to the conclusion that we would wait until after we had graduated before we actually did the deed.Words from Shakespeare that I had never pondered before found their way into my head: "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." [Shakespeare] "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." Simply having the awareness that it was present made a world of a difference to me.At this point, I am willing to hold off."Are you okay?""No," I answered. I laughed, but it sounded more apprehensive than happy and there wasn't much delight in the sound. "Is it absolutely necessary for me to be here?"Gardner nodded his head in agreement as he stated, "It's rather customary." They aren't just going to
EPILOGUE "Oh, come on! You can do it! You can do it!I did a half-jog down the side of the field while yelling at the seven first graders who were running up and down the pitch in a tiny clustered shape. It looked like the ball was the queen bee, and the kids were the worker bees. It made no difference which position they were meant to be in because in the end, they were all within three feet of each other."Spread yourselves out!""Stay on your side!" is a command.“Jonathan! You're on defense! Get back!"Jonathan Walsh did not stop chasing after the ball until he noticed his mother standing on the sidelines with his younger sister and a pouch of Capri Sun. Jonathan was surprised to see his mother in that position. He came to a stop directly in front of her."Do you have any juices available?"Maria greeted the youngster with the words, "Here you go, sweetie," as she passed the child a bag containing sugar water. While he was there, the opposing team went right past him and scored a
RED CARD"Hia, Williams!"I tried to wipe the sweat from my eyes with the back of my glove while ignoring Braden Long's grating voice coming from behind the goal, but I suppose all I really managed to do was rub muck over my face. Ignoring Long's voice, I tried to ignore the fact that it was coming from behind the goal. By moving the ball to the right and then to the left with the toe of my cleat, I was able to keep it within my reach and maintain my control. The striker for the other team ran up to me in an effort to exert a little bit of pressure on me. Before stooping down and picking up the ball off the ground, I waited until the very last second that was still available.I had a minute and six seconds.I started my ascent to the pinnacle of the box by tossing the ball into the air, and as I ran, I grabbed it a little more tightly. I was able to see the central defender, Maxwell Wood, heading to the left side of the pitch. As he did so, he drew one of their midfielders with him, w
As my teammates entered the room, I began to stretch, and I could hear a few of them mumbling, but it wasn't very loud. Not while I'm around, not anyway. I found out relatively quickly that the game concluded in a tie score of two-two and that Maxwell played goalie for the final three and a half minutes of the contest. I proceeded to stretch out with my eyes closed while leaning back against my locker and supporting my weight on it."Phanuel, what the heck is wrong with you?”I blinked, and when I did, I found myself staring at the new youngster. Um... I have no idea what his name was. Ethan, maybe? Even though he didn't get any playing time today, he was a freshman player who somehow made it onto the varsity team. I had the impression that he was not originally from the region and that he had recently relocated to this location from...Who could possibly care?"Excuse me?" As I glanced at him, I cocked my head to the side and wondered how foolish he could possibly be."Just because
EPILOGUE "Oh, come on! You can do it! You can do it!I did a half-jog down the side of the field while yelling at the seven first graders who were running up and down the pitch in a tiny clustered shape. It looked like the ball was the queen bee, and the kids were the worker bees. It made no difference which position they were meant to be in because in the end, they were all within three feet of each other."Spread yourselves out!""Stay on your side!" is a command.“Jonathan! You're on defense! Get back!"Jonathan Walsh did not stop chasing after the ball until he noticed his mother standing on the sidelines with his younger sister and a pouch of Capri Sun. Jonathan was surprised to see his mother in that position. He came to a stop directly in front of her."Do you have any juices available?"Maria greeted the youngster with the words, "Here you go, sweetie," as she passed the child a bag containing sugar water. While he was there, the opposing team went right past him and scored a
That evening, I sketched a drawing of Sharon's hand, depicting the ring that she was wearing on her ring finger. She admitted that the tears she shed were happy tears, but it was still enough to make her cry. I was the one who held her, and we both came to the conclusion that we would wait until after we had graduated before we actually did the deed.Words from Shakespeare that I had never pondered before found their way into my head: "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." [Shakespeare] "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." Simply having the awareness that it was present made a world of a difference to me.At this point, I am willing to hold off."Are you okay?""No," I answered. I laughed, but it sounded more apprehensive than happy and there wasn't much delight in the sound. "Is it absolutely necessary for me to be here?"Gardner nodded his head in agreement as he stated, "It's rather customary." They aren't just going to
Once more, he turned his eyes to look at me, and the space between his thick, dark brows was tightly knit together."I already missed so much of your life," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry." "I don't want to miss out on anything else."I was completely at a loss for words regarding my response. When I was trying to think of something that my dad, Lou, had ever done that was even remotely comparable to this, thoughts of him kept popping into my head. Despite the fact that he had repeatedly brought to my attention the extent of the things he had given up for me, nothing could even come close to competing with what he had done.I gave in and said, "That's not something you have to do."His response was, "I know I don't have to," and he was right. When he saw that I was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, he got up and walked around to that side. Before continuing, he sat down next to me and resumed his conversation. "Williams, I am interested in doing this. I long to be in physical
I responded with, "Bullshit," "I'm going to walk again—Danielle even predicted I would. Even though it will probably be another few weeks until I walk, I will walk. I won't be able to play again... at least not to the same level as before. I am aware of that. I have come to terms with it.""I know you say that," she remarked as she walked back over to the bed and clasped my hand in hers. "but I also know that it still has to get you down."I shrugged."Occasionally," I was honest enough to say. "However, I am also aware that despite what my father has always said, it is not the entirety of my existence. I really hope that I'll be able to...I don't know, at the very least I should run around and kick a ball again at some point in the future, but if I don't, I'll just have to learn to live with it. Perhaps I'll try my hand at coaching or something. You wouldn't be in my life if I weren't the way that I am. When compared to that, losing at soccer is a pretty fucking tiny setback.Sharon
"This is complete and utter hogwash!"When I was in that situation, I would have given almost anything to be able to get out of my chair and punch a hole in the wall that separated me from Justin's office in the rehabilitation center where we were both working. I did nothing but sit there with my hands clenched into fists and pressed on my eyes instead.My resentment for Lou, my father, surfaced from deep within me, as it had been doing so frequently in recent days, and poured out in the form of tears.It was the worst thing ever.I looked over at Justin, who was seated in the chair directly across from me. He had leaned back in the chair, which caused the front legs of the chair to raise up off the floor a little bit. When we chatted, he never had a notebook, a clipboard, or anything else with him, so I always wondered a little bit if he just recalled everything or if he wrote it down afterward. He never had anything with him when we talked.There were times when I, too, despised him
“Yeah.” When I looked up at him, I noticed that he was smiling for the very first time since I had met him for lunch."Thanks, Williams," was the response he gave.My response was, "You're welcome," and I meant it. “So, um, what should I call you?”His forehead wrinkled up in concentration."Um, what do you want to call me?" "Whatever you want.""I don't know," I confessed to myself. "I have always referred to Lou as Dad. I really don't want to refer to anyone else by that name.""I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that, either," he said. "I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that."I remarked to him, "I've just been calling you Gardner in my head," and he laughed.He let out a laugh."Since I've been playing in the band, I can't say that anyone has really called me that, but if they did, I wouldn't mind.""Cool," I said. I extended my hand and we exchanged handshakes. "Gardner it is."Soon after that, I had pretty well had it with sitting in the fucking
I did nothing but sit there as a busboy cleaned up the shattered glass and a server attempted to remove all of the water that had accumulated on the table. I didn't know what to make of the situation, and it made me anxious. The toes on my right foot continued to twitch, as they had previously done on occasion. Danielle explained to me that it was only a habitual response. In spite of the fact that she claimed it to be a positive omen, the event drove me completely insane. It was impossible for me to make it stop.My…father…Dad…Williams…I was at a loss as to how to properly address him or even think about him. Within my head, I had recently begun referring to him as Gardner. That appeared to be working about as well as anything else could have. Gardner was also just sitting there, but he had his hands balled up into fists, and he had hardly no food left on his sandwich. He was completely silent up until the moment the server walked away.“How?” When he spoke, though, it was in a raspy
"No," he responded. "I don't believe that to be the case, at least. She stated that it was imperative that she do it once more. I simply could not...fuck...I had such a hard time recalling her name that it was embarrassing! However, there she was, insisting that I was the only one for her, and...and...shit!I was startled when he slapped his hand down on the table with such force. He leaned in close to himself and rubbed the backs of his hands in front of his eyes."You have my utmost respect. She shared with me how much she admired my work and that she had seen each and every one of my Hamlet performances when I was playing the title role. Even though she thought the band's music was terrible, all she cared about was seeing me. I was completely at a loss for what to do. She had traveled all the way from the western shore just to discover that she had no method of getting home. I invited her to remain with me, but she was only here for a few weeks. I should have known things wouldn't
"You want me to come in?" I asked. When Sharon inquired. "I can just wait in the lobby or something," she said. "I have no problem with that.""It shouldn't take long," I remarked to myself. I think it would be easier for me if you could simply, I don't know...hang out here for a while? I could give you a call if it appears that the process is going to take longer than expected.As she examined me, Sharon's eyes become somewhat constricted at one point."All right," she murmured in response. "You can find me in the car.""Thanks," I said. I made an effort to grin at her, but I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it. I had to roll quite a distance away from the entrance on one side in order to access the wheelchair ramp, and then I had to push myself quite hard in order to make the angle. I had not yet gotten acclimated to climbing steep slopes, therefore doing so was not simple for me. When I arrived to the door, there was one of those buttons that you could push to make the door