I required something plausible and quick to come up with. I reapplied my poker face and gave a dismissive shrug. As soon as I stated, "I think I can talk her into anal," I felt a knot form in my gut. In the very back of my throat, I could detect the taste of bile. "She indicated that she could." He narrowed his eyes as he continued to stare at me, and then he glanced at me. I did not move, and I did not take my eyes off of him at any point. I just kept staring directly into his eyes and making an effort to slow down my breathing as much as I could. The skin around the corners of his eyes scrunched up, and just as I thought I was going to burst, he flung his head back and laughed. I thought I was going to pass out. "I can hear it now!" he exclaimed as he laughed once again. "I can hear it now!" "Hey, Sheriff! I've heard that your daughter is a real pain in the rear end!" He shut the refrigerator without taking anything out of it, and as he moved out of the kitchen into the living room
It disturbed me a great deal that Sharon ceased making an effort to get in touch with me. It was foolish on my part because I was the one who had been the one to bring all of this trouble for her. I would occasionally check on her, and whenever I did, I would be able to feel her hand in my hair and the warmth of her body near to me while we slept together.I longed to see her.Horribly.Championships at the national level.As we headed onto the field to face this squad from Minnesota, I was in the zone and not really thinking about much of anything else. The climate in southern California in January is just the right balance of warm and cool, so the temperature was ideal for the game. In addition, there was a pleasant breeze, which made for a pleasant experience; yet, I was trying to find out how to make up for punting.After the band finished playing the national anthem, the announcer began introducing each of the players in the game. Again, until I heard a certain name, I wasn't rea
She yelled out "Williams, please...," but I continued walking while attempting to prevent myself from collapsing due to the pain in my abdomen.If she had never come into contact with me, she would be in a much better position today. I had brought the vileness of my mere presence into her life, and it had ruined it. It was wrong of me to come here with the intention of hurting her or anyone else.It was supposed to be me who was killed in that vehicle accident all those years ago.If things were different, the world would be a better place.I had no choice but to agree with Shakespeare and compare my life to the one led by the lead role in The Scottish Play: "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." After a while, I just couldn't fathom a justification for doing it.No longer did it matter to me.I ran.The early morning sheet of ice along the highways made it hard for me to run on the pavement even with my running shoes, so I stuck to the dead, brown gras
My limbs felt as though they were trying to get through some thick, viscous substance despite the fact that I had no strength with which to push it aside while I was swimming in the darkness. I was unable to even open my eyes. Although I could hear someone talking, I couldn't identify who it was or understand what they were saying. In my head, these were just random pieces of sentences that didn't make any sense.A really dangerous situation... many fractures...renal failure…I was experiencing jolts of pain all over my body at the same time. Absolutely nothing made any sense at all.…injuries including lacerations, a broken left scapula, and damage to the spinal cordWhere exactly did Ruth go? Was she okay? She stated that she was...I must not have been dreaming, must I?…Surgical procedure planned...It will be necessary to remove his spleen...Was my mother in the room?…Head trauma…induce coma… best opportunity…I had no idea what was going on, so I just let myself fall into the gl
"Stop that," he commanded with his jaws clamped tightly together. You're going to get through this challenge, even though it might take a little bit of time. You're going to compete at the highest level."Even trying to listen to what he had to say was impossible for me. The difficulty of trying to move my leg, or even just twitch my toe, caused my head to start pounding, and I couldn't help but laugh. My breathing came in shallow spurts, and the monitor began to act erratically. My eyesight began to blur, and as my head began to spin, I attempted to grab onto the railing of the bed; however, my arm just flopped to one side.“Dad!”He cried, "Stop it, Williams!" at Williams. I felt his hands on my shoulders, and then I noticed another set of hands—the nurse's—holding one of my arms. Both of these sets of hands were on me at the same time. "You are going to make it so that you hurt yourself!" The nurse advised Williams to "relax" before continuing. "Should I sedate him?" you ask."No,
He was very angry with the doctors for a while. After they had left, he became hostile toward me. She clenched my hand even more tightly than before. "By that time, you ought to have been awake from the coma. They stopped giving you the medication that kept you drugged, so you ought to have come back to consciousness at this point, but you hadn't. I lost my temper when he continued to lay the blame on me.After a moment of silence, she spoke again. I had the distinct impression that she was filled with dread.When I finally spoke to her, I asked her, "What did you say?" That perhaps you would recover from your injuries more quickly if he stopped hitting you all the time. In any case, anything similar to that""Holy shit," I muttered under my breath. I had to force down a large amount of oxygen while simultaneously wishing I could run my hand over my hair.She responded by saying, "Yeah, he kicked me out then." "I was told by hospital security that I was not permitted to visit you aga
The major thing that kept running through my head was something that I had only recently become aware of the night before.Normally, I am able to fall asleep almost immediately because I am either too exhausted or too sedated to think about much of anything, but yesterday night was different. Even though I was exhausted, I was unable to fall asleep immediately away. My stomach was in knots, and I felt as though I should be waiting for something, but I had no idea what it was.Then it dawned on me.I was aware of what was lacking.What I had been anticipating all along.I was counting down the hours until the day would end so that I could replay all of the events in my head and store them away for future reference. I was waiting for my overactive mind to relive the events of the day, beginning with the morning and going all the way through the night.But it didn't happen.I attempted to recall what had been there before as I glanced up at the new flowers that Sharon had brought into th
I refused to look at any of the three individuals who had been helping me out in various ways ever since I woke up. As I rolled myself toward the door, I remained obstinately unblinking. Because it wouldn't help, and because I didn't want to deal with it anyhow, I didn't do it. I was able to get to the car that belonged to my father without too much trouble, but once I got there, I was stumped as to what I should do.This was not a skill that I had previously honed.As a result of my father's complaining, I was eventually able to maneuver myself so that I was standing close to the passenger seat and then I flopped into the car. Before getting into the driver's seat, Dad seized the wheelchair and gave it a brisk push in the direction of the doors leading into the rehabilitation center.I was curious and inquired, "How will I get into the house?"He informed me, "I already got another chair for you," and I believed him."However, the stairs..."Dad said something to himself beneath his
EPILOGUE "Oh, come on! You can do it! You can do it!I did a half-jog down the side of the field while yelling at the seven first graders who were running up and down the pitch in a tiny clustered shape. It looked like the ball was the queen bee, and the kids were the worker bees. It made no difference which position they were meant to be in because in the end, they were all within three feet of each other."Spread yourselves out!""Stay on your side!" is a command.“Jonathan! You're on defense! Get back!"Jonathan Walsh did not stop chasing after the ball until he noticed his mother standing on the sidelines with his younger sister and a pouch of Capri Sun. Jonathan was surprised to see his mother in that position. He came to a stop directly in front of her."Do you have any juices available?"Maria greeted the youngster with the words, "Here you go, sweetie," as she passed the child a bag containing sugar water. While he was there, the opposing team went right past him and scored a
That evening, I sketched a drawing of Sharon's hand, depicting the ring that she was wearing on her ring finger. She admitted that the tears she shed were happy tears, but it was still enough to make her cry. I was the one who held her, and we both came to the conclusion that we would wait until after we had graduated before we actually did the deed.Words from Shakespeare that I had never pondered before found their way into my head: "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." [Shakespeare] "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." Simply having the awareness that it was present made a world of a difference to me.At this point, I am willing to hold off."Are you okay?""No," I answered. I laughed, but it sounded more apprehensive than happy and there wasn't much delight in the sound. "Is it absolutely necessary for me to be here?"Gardner nodded his head in agreement as he stated, "It's rather customary." They aren't just going to
Once more, he turned his eyes to look at me, and the space between his thick, dark brows was tightly knit together."I already missed so much of your life," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry." "I don't want to miss out on anything else."I was completely at a loss for words regarding my response. When I was trying to think of something that my dad, Lou, had ever done that was even remotely comparable to this, thoughts of him kept popping into my head. Despite the fact that he had repeatedly brought to my attention the extent of the things he had given up for me, nothing could even come close to competing with what he had done.I gave in and said, "That's not something you have to do."His response was, "I know I don't have to," and he was right. When he saw that I was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, he got up and walked around to that side. Before continuing, he sat down next to me and resumed his conversation. "Williams, I am interested in doing this. I long to be in physical
I responded with, "Bullshit," "I'm going to walk again—Danielle even predicted I would. Even though it will probably be another few weeks until I walk, I will walk. I won't be able to play again... at least not to the same level as before. I am aware of that. I have come to terms with it.""I know you say that," she remarked as she walked back over to the bed and clasped my hand in hers. "but I also know that it still has to get you down."I shrugged."Occasionally," I was honest enough to say. "However, I am also aware that despite what my father has always said, it is not the entirety of my existence. I really hope that I'll be able to...I don't know, at the very least I should run around and kick a ball again at some point in the future, but if I don't, I'll just have to learn to live with it. Perhaps I'll try my hand at coaching or something. You wouldn't be in my life if I weren't the way that I am. When compared to that, losing at soccer is a pretty fucking tiny setback.Sharon
"This is complete and utter hogwash!"When I was in that situation, I would have given almost anything to be able to get out of my chair and punch a hole in the wall that separated me from Justin's office in the rehabilitation center where we were both working. I did nothing but sit there with my hands clenched into fists and pressed on my eyes instead.My resentment for Lou, my father, surfaced from deep within me, as it had been doing so frequently in recent days, and poured out in the form of tears.It was the worst thing ever.I looked over at Justin, who was seated in the chair directly across from me. He had leaned back in the chair, which caused the front legs of the chair to raise up off the floor a little bit. When we chatted, he never had a notebook, a clipboard, or anything else with him, so I always wondered a little bit if he just recalled everything or if he wrote it down afterward. He never had anything with him when we talked.There were times when I, too, despised him
“Yeah.” When I looked up at him, I noticed that he was smiling for the very first time since I had met him for lunch."Thanks, Williams," was the response he gave.My response was, "You're welcome," and I meant it. “So, um, what should I call you?”His forehead wrinkled up in concentration."Um, what do you want to call me?" "Whatever you want.""I don't know," I confessed to myself. "I have always referred to Lou as Dad. I really don't want to refer to anyone else by that name.""I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that, either," he said. "I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that."I remarked to him, "I've just been calling you Gardner in my head," and he laughed.He let out a laugh."Since I've been playing in the band, I can't say that anyone has really called me that, but if they did, I wouldn't mind.""Cool," I said. I extended my hand and we exchanged handshakes. "Gardner it is."Soon after that, I had pretty well had it with sitting in the fucking
I did nothing but sit there as a busboy cleaned up the shattered glass and a server attempted to remove all of the water that had accumulated on the table. I didn't know what to make of the situation, and it made me anxious. The toes on my right foot continued to twitch, as they had previously done on occasion. Danielle explained to me that it was only a habitual response. In spite of the fact that she claimed it to be a positive omen, the event drove me completely insane. It was impossible for me to make it stop.My…father…Dad…Williams…I was at a loss as to how to properly address him or even think about him. Within my head, I had recently begun referring to him as Gardner. That appeared to be working about as well as anything else could have. Gardner was also just sitting there, but he had his hands balled up into fists, and he had hardly no food left on his sandwich. He was completely silent up until the moment the server walked away.“How?” When he spoke, though, it was in a raspy
"No," he responded. "I don't believe that to be the case, at least. She stated that it was imperative that she do it once more. I simply could not...fuck...I had such a hard time recalling her name that it was embarrassing! However, there she was, insisting that I was the only one for her, and...and...shit!I was startled when he slapped his hand down on the table with such force. He leaned in close to himself and rubbed the backs of his hands in front of his eyes."You have my utmost respect. She shared with me how much she admired my work and that she had seen each and every one of my Hamlet performances when I was playing the title role. Even though she thought the band's music was terrible, all she cared about was seeing me. I was completely at a loss for what to do. She had traveled all the way from the western shore just to discover that she had no method of getting home. I invited her to remain with me, but she was only here for a few weeks. I should have known things wouldn't
"You want me to come in?" I asked. When Sharon inquired. "I can just wait in the lobby or something," she said. "I have no problem with that.""It shouldn't take long," I remarked to myself. I think it would be easier for me if you could simply, I don't know...hang out here for a while? I could give you a call if it appears that the process is going to take longer than expected.As she examined me, Sharon's eyes become somewhat constricted at one point."All right," she murmured in response. "You can find me in the car.""Thanks," I said. I made an effort to grin at her, but I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it. I had to roll quite a distance away from the entrance on one side in order to access the wheelchair ramp, and then I had to push myself quite hard in order to make the angle. I had not yet gotten acclimated to climbing steep slopes, therefore doing so was not simple for me. When I arrived to the door, there was one of those buttons that you could push to make the door