Despite the fact that my throat was constricted, I was still able to swallow. Despite the fact that I didn't want to think about it because I didn't want to relive the memories, I wanted her to be aware of it all the same. I was clueless as to the motivation for my want for her to be aware of it; all I knew was that I did.I said it with my jaws clenched together and pointed to a tree that she had run into. I refrained from looking in her direction and instead kept my attention fixed on the water as I listened to it flow over the rocks. I didn't even bother to acknowledge that she was there. It was painfully difficult to make the effort to keep the scenes out of my conscious mind while my head was really pounding, and I was doing my best to block them out. The pain in my brain was excruciating.After sensing a chilly brush on my arm, which caused me to look in that direction, I looked down to see Sharon's fingers stroking slowly up and down my forearm. After that, I peered in that dir
"Are you going to put that tiny cherry in your mouth?" As we were leaving the supper, Dad questioned us about it."Fuck yeah," I said without thinking about it."Damn," Dad laughed, "that would seriously piss off her father." "That would seriously piss off her father.""Heh," I said with a small smile, and I licked the inside of my lips with my tongue. "Yeah, I'd say that it would." Dad's advice: "Well, get her worked up so that she'll do your biology work," You need to maintain your attention on the task at hand, but it's okay if you tease her a little bit as long as it doesn't get in the way. Murphy was bragging about how intelligent she was, so if you play your cards properly, maybe she'll be able to help you with the rest of your schoolwork as well.I responded with, "Yeah, that sounds like a good plan." As my thoughts went through the events of the time I had spent with her, I nodded my head in agreement.Seeing her standing there in the hoodie, just beyond my target.The comfor
She gave me an odd look as she glanced at me for a moment before turning her head away again.She muttered, "Well, I hope I didn't miss too much," as she picked up her pace and continued walking. "Catch you in the biology class!""Oh yeah!" I yelled out as I picked up the pace in my pursuit to get there before she did. "What the hell was with the blow off that took place last Friday? Do we go with this endeavor, or do we not?"She came to a stop and gave me a sideways glance.She advised, "Don't feel as if you have to put yourself out," and I couldn't agree more. "We can meet in the library after school if that is convenient for you.""I am participating in weightlifting.""How much longer is that?""Only a quarter of an hour.""You can count on me to be there.""Promise?" I asked.“Promise.” She flashed a grin.“Okay.” I smiled back at her as she turned the corner into the hallway. I yelled out, "See you later!" in anticipation.She gave a wave and continued on her way.The pace of i
"Look, Phanuel," she began to him with venom in her voice, "I know how the whole jock thing works. You are the most valuable member of the team, yet even if you don't do much, the grade you receive reflects that. I got it. You don't need to put on any sort of front with me. I am well aware that you have no intention of actually contributing anything to this endeavor, therefore there is no reason for you to even bother pretending to be here. I assure you that I will write your name at the very top of the article.“Hey!” I extended my hand and grasped her arm, but I let go of her right once when she hissed angrily at me. "I am able to complete my own work!""Oh, well, whatever!" She distanced herself from the situation and rolled her eyes. "Despite the fact that you are consistently tardy to class, Mr. Bucher has said nothing to you about it. You don't take notes, and you don't even carry a pencil—you fucking slacker!It took me a few seconds to get over the fact that she used the word
After pulling into the parking lot, I got out of the car with a tiny hand shovel and the potted mums that I had just bought. I made my way through the forest and around a few significant stone structures as I proceeded. I walked to the left of a small mausoleum that was located in the middle of the cemetery. There were several graves in that area. There was a large marble stone in the shape of a rectangle and it had a mauve tint along the path's edge.Francis PhanuelDedicated Mother and Adored SpouseAfter getting down on my knees in the wet grass, I used the miniature shovel to make a hole in the dirt that was large enough for the mums, then I removed the flowers from the plastic container they were in and planted them in the ground close to the gravestone. I took a slow, deep breath as I leaned back on my knees and ran my hands through my hair at the same time. After making a slight adjustment, I altered my position and squatted down next to her gravestone. After that, I drew my kn
I caught a glimpse of one of the rooms and immediately recognized it as Sharon's. The tiny desk and chair just beneath the window let me identify it. A CRT monitor was perched atop an outdated desktop PC. There was a full-sized bed with a Brown comforter over it, a dresser with a light, a nightstand with an MP3 player, and a stack of dystopian-themed books on the opposite side of the window, where I couldn't see them from the outside.“Williams?”As my heart continued to race, I resisted the need to respond. My elbow was caressed by her hand as I felt her approach beside me.Sharon ran her fingers down my arm, "Geez, Williams—you're absolutely freezing," she remarked. You have ice-cold skin.She gave me a thorough once-over while lowering her voice.She grabbed my hand and led me to the edge of her bed, calling out, "Come here." She pushed me forward by pulling back the comforter and the sheet that was covering it. She then put her palm on my shoulder blade. "Get in."I questioned, "I
She said, "I made Mexican," and as she did so, I noticed that her cheeks were beginning to turn a shade of pink, and she was biting down on her lip once more. "Do you like enchiladas?"I tried to contain my laughter by laughing through my nose, but it just wasn't working out very well."Yeah," I answered, "I do.""Rice and beans with a Mexican twist?"“Definitely.” My stomach growled in approval as a response to the overall concept, as though the world required a concluding punctuation mark. Even more astonishing than the fact that I regained my appetite on this day was the discovery that I also felt an odd sense of calm while I was in her company.My mind was filled with the words of William Shakespeare: "Her voice was ever soft, gentle, and low, an excellent thing in woman." Sharon was successful in bringing a sense of peace to my thoughts in some way.How on earth did she manage that?Damn.Sharon had some culinary skills.Perhaps it was because I hadn't had anything that was truly
As my hand traveled up her back, past the top of her shirt, and down to the middle of her back, I became acutely aware that she did not have a bra on. This was the first realization I had had all night. When girls went to bed, did they typically put them on? They almost certainly did. It did not appear as though they would be comfortable in any other situation.I made a conscious effort not to dwell on the fact that her body was mashed up against mine and that I was quite certain that her nipples were resting on my chest. If I gave that any thought...well, let's just say that I didn't want to test my luck. Not right now.At the very least, Sheriff Brown was anticipated to be at his residence today.I hated the words as soon as they left my mouth, "I should probably go," but I uttered them anyhow. "I'm not sure that I want your dad to walk in here at this particular moment," I said.I observed as Sharon's normally rosy cheeks suddenly turned bright red.She chimed in with a "No, probab
EPILOGUE "Oh, come on! You can do it! You can do it!I did a half-jog down the side of the field while yelling at the seven first graders who were running up and down the pitch in a tiny clustered shape. It looked like the ball was the queen bee, and the kids were the worker bees. It made no difference which position they were meant to be in because in the end, they were all within three feet of each other."Spread yourselves out!""Stay on your side!" is a command.“Jonathan! You're on defense! Get back!"Jonathan Walsh did not stop chasing after the ball until he noticed his mother standing on the sidelines with his younger sister and a pouch of Capri Sun. Jonathan was surprised to see his mother in that position. He came to a stop directly in front of her."Do you have any juices available?"Maria greeted the youngster with the words, "Here you go, sweetie," as she passed the child a bag containing sugar water. While he was there, the opposing team went right past him and scored a
That evening, I sketched a drawing of Sharon's hand, depicting the ring that she was wearing on her ring finger. She admitted that the tears she shed were happy tears, but it was still enough to make her cry. I was the one who held her, and we both came to the conclusion that we would wait until after we had graduated before we actually did the deed.Words from Shakespeare that I had never pondered before found their way into my head: "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." [Shakespeare] "When this ring parts from this finger, then parts life from hence." Simply having the awareness that it was present made a world of a difference to me.At this point, I am willing to hold off."Are you okay?""No," I answered. I laughed, but it sounded more apprehensive than happy and there wasn't much delight in the sound. "Is it absolutely necessary for me to be here?"Gardner nodded his head in agreement as he stated, "It's rather customary." They aren't just going to
Once more, he turned his eyes to look at me, and the space between his thick, dark brows was tightly knit together."I already missed so much of your life," he whispered to her. "I'm sorry." "I don't want to miss out on anything else."I was completely at a loss for words regarding my response. When I was trying to think of something that my dad, Lou, had ever done that was even remotely comparable to this, thoughts of him kept popping into my head. Despite the fact that he had repeatedly brought to my attention the extent of the things he had given up for me, nothing could even come close to competing with what he had done.I gave in and said, "That's not something you have to do."His response was, "I know I don't have to," and he was right. When he saw that I was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, he got up and walked around to that side. Before continuing, he sat down next to me and resumed his conversation. "Williams, I am interested in doing this. I long to be in physical
I responded with, "Bullshit," "I'm going to walk again—Danielle even predicted I would. Even though it will probably be another few weeks until I walk, I will walk. I won't be able to play again... at least not to the same level as before. I am aware of that. I have come to terms with it.""I know you say that," she remarked as she walked back over to the bed and clasped my hand in hers. "but I also know that it still has to get you down."I shrugged."Occasionally," I was honest enough to say. "However, I am also aware that despite what my father has always said, it is not the entirety of my existence. I really hope that I'll be able to...I don't know, at the very least I should run around and kick a ball again at some point in the future, but if I don't, I'll just have to learn to live with it. Perhaps I'll try my hand at coaching or something. You wouldn't be in my life if I weren't the way that I am. When compared to that, losing at soccer is a pretty fucking tiny setback.Sharon
"This is complete and utter hogwash!"When I was in that situation, I would have given almost anything to be able to get out of my chair and punch a hole in the wall that separated me from Justin's office in the rehabilitation center where we were both working. I did nothing but sit there with my hands clenched into fists and pressed on my eyes instead.My resentment for Lou, my father, surfaced from deep within me, as it had been doing so frequently in recent days, and poured out in the form of tears.It was the worst thing ever.I looked over at Justin, who was seated in the chair directly across from me. He had leaned back in the chair, which caused the front legs of the chair to raise up off the floor a little bit. When we chatted, he never had a notebook, a clipboard, or anything else with him, so I always wondered a little bit if he just recalled everything or if he wrote it down afterward. He never had anything with him when we talked.There were times when I, too, despised him
“Yeah.” When I looked up at him, I noticed that he was smiling for the very first time since I had met him for lunch."Thanks, Williams," was the response he gave.My response was, "You're welcome," and I meant it. “So, um, what should I call you?”His forehead wrinkled up in concentration."Um, what do you want to call me?" "Whatever you want.""I don't know," I confessed to myself. "I have always referred to Lou as Dad. I really don't want to refer to anyone else by that name.""I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that, either," he said. "I'm not so sure I'd be completely comfortable with that."I remarked to him, "I've just been calling you Gardner in my head," and he laughed.He let out a laugh."Since I've been playing in the band, I can't say that anyone has really called me that, but if they did, I wouldn't mind.""Cool," I said. I extended my hand and we exchanged handshakes. "Gardner it is."Soon after that, I had pretty well had it with sitting in the fucking
I did nothing but sit there as a busboy cleaned up the shattered glass and a server attempted to remove all of the water that had accumulated on the table. I didn't know what to make of the situation, and it made me anxious. The toes on my right foot continued to twitch, as they had previously done on occasion. Danielle explained to me that it was only a habitual response. In spite of the fact that she claimed it to be a positive omen, the event drove me completely insane. It was impossible for me to make it stop.My…father…Dad…Williams…I was at a loss as to how to properly address him or even think about him. Within my head, I had recently begun referring to him as Gardner. That appeared to be working about as well as anything else could have. Gardner was also just sitting there, but he had his hands balled up into fists, and he had hardly no food left on his sandwich. He was completely silent up until the moment the server walked away.“How?” When he spoke, though, it was in a raspy
"No," he responded. "I don't believe that to be the case, at least. She stated that it was imperative that she do it once more. I simply could not...fuck...I had such a hard time recalling her name that it was embarrassing! However, there she was, insisting that I was the only one for her, and...and...shit!I was startled when he slapped his hand down on the table with such force. He leaned in close to himself and rubbed the backs of his hands in front of his eyes."You have my utmost respect. She shared with me how much she admired my work and that she had seen each and every one of my Hamlet performances when I was playing the title role. Even though she thought the band's music was terrible, all she cared about was seeing me. I was completely at a loss for what to do. She had traveled all the way from the western shore just to discover that she had no method of getting home. I invited her to remain with me, but she was only here for a few weeks. I should have known things wouldn't
"You want me to come in?" I asked. When Sharon inquired. "I can just wait in the lobby or something," she said. "I have no problem with that.""It shouldn't take long," I remarked to myself. I think it would be easier for me if you could simply, I don't know...hang out here for a while? I could give you a call if it appears that the process is going to take longer than expected.As she examined me, Sharon's eyes become somewhat constricted at one point."All right," she murmured in response. "You can find me in the car.""Thanks," I said. I made an effort to grin at her, but I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it. I had to roll quite a distance away from the entrance on one side in order to access the wheelchair ramp, and then I had to push myself quite hard in order to make the angle. I had not yet gotten acclimated to climbing steep slopes, therefore doing so was not simple for me. When I arrived to the door, there was one of those buttons that you could push to make the door